~A short story about forgiveness, written from the perspective of an unfaithful, ambitious husband
“Sharon,” I mumbled as I slipped in and out of
consciousness.
“Rose,” I heard a sweet voice reply. My eyes slurred beneath my eyelids. Rose of Sharon, I thought wistfully, remembering Song of Solomon. It was her intimate name…the name I had called her when we consummated our marriage. The smell of vaporous pear butter soothed my senses. My body was sweaty and achy. Pain licked up my back as I tried to shift.
“Shhh, rest now,” the soft voice
said. My eyes were crusted close.
“I want to see,” I groaned,
pleading inside for sight. I heard shuffling in the room and a shaft of light
moved—curtains were being drawn back.
“I know,” Sharon replied, tears
coating her voice, “I’ve prayed for you to see
for years now.” Her uttered words were like a palpable force leaving me
wondering how deeply I had hurt her.
A tea kettle whistled and for a moment I could sense her peaceful presence no more. Water was being poured. Moaning weakly, I felt for her with my hands, craving the comfort of her touch. She drew by my side and took hold of my hand. Her supple fingers were smooth like running cream. She lightly caressed my fingertips before she intertwined her hand in mine. She sat beside me and plush lips moist with tears met my perspiring forehead.
“You’ve been in the dark too long,”
she whispered.
She released my hand, dipped hers
in a bowl of oiled water and gently rubbed her thumbs across my eyes. I
breathed deeply as the scent of frankincense and myrrh created an aromatic fog
around my face.
“It’s anointing oil,” Sharon
soothed.
My eyes fluttered open and the golden sunlight pouring in from the window almost blinded me. Translucent curtains waved as a fresh breeze seeped in from the cracked windowsill.
My eyes squinted as Sharon dipped a floral towel in the steaming water. It was the same towel she had worked on for weeks. I had called it a “rag” in the past—considering it drab and ugly. Only now could I see the delicate detail she had put in it. Bright red apples danced like rubies across the cloth.
Sharon smiled tenderly at me as she carefully wiped the sweat from my brow and dabbed my neck and chest with the towel. I relaxed as she worked, feeling a healing presence gently warm my body through her fingertips. For a moment, the sunlight formed a halo behind her silhouette.
Why was she doing this?
I had walked out on her and fully intended to take all of our marital assets, given time. If it hadn’t been for that potentially fatal car accident last week, that temporarily had me bedridden, I would have done so by now. I knew how to swindle the system well—banking, no greed, had taught me that. Greed for wealth had made me a cunning swindler…a breaker of her heart.
The words she had oft spoken to me
came back, “Love is patient…it keeps no record of wrongs…God’s love in us
does not fail.”
I peered at her. Her eyes were like the richest cinnamon glinting with flecks of amber. Her glossy raspberry lips and cheeks were awash with tears. I could see the trail of them on her chin and neck. She moved to massage my scalp when I caught her wrist. A small gasp escaped her lips and she stared at me.
I’m sorry. The words burned to escape my throat.
I only looked back at her. My jaw clenched and my eyes twitched.
Why couldn’t I say it?
What held me back?
Her beatific eyes rained rivers of love on me and something in my heart broke free like water crashing against a dam.
“Why?!” I wept brokenly, surprised
to find myself crying.
“Because God’s love never fails.”
My eyes widened as the empyrean light behind her became a Man. Like a balmy song, a cherubic voice spoke in the air, “I’ve prayed for you to see for years now.”
“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Founder of Servant King Apparel, Active U.S Navy
~A short allegoric story charting my journey back to grace. Like Jesus told parables to make heaven’s kingdom more relatable to his culture, I like to use short “fictional” stories to roadmap inner realities of my relationship with Jesus. I pray the Holy Spirit uses this story to minister healing grace to a deep place in your soul. Taken from my book Visions of Celestial Love
Shianne was having a hard time falling asleep. Gentle snow
sprinkled down outside like the dust of white gold. She shivered underneath her
fuzzy blue covers not from lack of physical warmth, but because of the cold
memories that enveloped her dreams…her thoughts, her every moment.
She listened to the symphony of snores that came from the other children. All lay peacefully in pools of silky sheets and puffy quilts. She cuddled her knees and her subconscious pushed through, revisiting scenes of the abuses she’d suffered.
Suddenly she wasn’t in the safety
of Jesus’s home; she was in the sweat shop scrabbling to mix mud together for
bricks. Her tormenting taskmasters wore the guise of foster parents. There was
the mistress, the headmistress and her fake father. Each exemplified cruelty in
their own unique way. The head mistress was never pleased with what she did.
She’d yell at her, look disdainfully upon her and reminded her that she wasn’t
good enough. She acted as condemnation.
Her fake father would approve of
her, but only when she served him without fault. He loved her performance, not
her heart—and that perhaps was the most damaging. He acted as law without mercy.
The other mistress would execute
judgment on her whenever the head mistress and her fake father were displeased.
She acted as the tormentor.
Shianne could remember cold beatings
in the night of winter. She remembered the small rations of food they gave her.
She remembered the bruises she bore, still unhealed. Her life was a cycle of
hopeless misery and endless work until a kind Man with deeply warm eyes came
upon her and paid for her. He’d caught sight of her on the street, knee deep in
snow and shivering. He’d brought her a warm bowl of soup and warm water.
“Here,” He said softly, His breath
was the tenderness of a thousand hearths. He placed the bowl in her hands and
untied His long scarf before draping it over her shivering shoulders. “Would
you like to come home with Me, My child?”
Slipping into a state of
unconsciousness, Shianne nodded her head before the gentle Man cupped her in His
arms and tugged His arms around her. Her head lay peacefully on His shoulder
and He whispered, “I’ll take care of you from now on. You’re Mine now. You’re
home.”
When she awoke, Shianne was in a
big four-story house filled with kids. They were all taken off the streets. Was
this an orphanage?
Jesus greeted her and kissed her on
the forehead. “Good morning, princess. Welcome to the House of Grace. This is
your home from now on.”
Grace? She wondered. Every day the
kids played freely in grace, they took piano lessons by the grand fireplace, read
books in the library hall, went to class, were fed delicious meals, and had
their cuddles with Jesus in the morning and before bed. Angels would attend the
children; they worked for Jesus. Everything in the grace house was perfect. It
seemed too good to be true.
One night when Shianne was
trembling in bed from another nightmare, Jesus scooted behind her in bed and
wrapped His arms around her chest. In the safety of His arms Shianne began to
cry audibly. He formed His body around her little one and the warmth from His
heart entered into her soul.
“I love you, I love you, I love
you,” He kept repeating.
Whenever she was behaved badly at
the school, had troubles, didn’t understand a question, or had an issue, Jesus
always said the same thing, “I love you…I love you…I love you.”
She wondered at Him all the time.
He was always so gracious, so kind, so sweet, so loving, so beautiful. He never
gave her what she deserved. Everything was a gift.
And the house she lived in—this Grace
House—seemed to accommodate everything she desired. It was almost as if the
house was alive. The carpet was softer than fur, the walls were perfectly
painted, and sometimes, when Shianne squinted, it almost looked like it was
made out of moving lights, so still yet so fast that it appeared solid. Jesus
told her that the Holy Spirit was the life force of the house. He was in the
air, the walls, the floor—everywhere.
The food was perfect, and her body
that had once been limp and sickly was now full and warm. Her apple cheeks
flushed with color and her hair, once thin, was now as thick as straw. She
hardly recognized herself.
Outside the drifting snow had
stilled, leaving the city glowing with a blanket of snow. Shianne’s eyes
blinked as she tried to organize her thoughts. Finally she slipped out of bed.
The carpet glowed blue wherever she stepped. It was like star dust, a perfect
opal.
Not wanting to wake up the other
kids, who slept peacefully, she softly rebuked, “No, not now!” The carpet
instinctively stopped. “Thank you,” she whispered and felt the soft furs of the
carpet tickle her bare feet as a way of saying “you’re welcome.”
Whereas once she would have been
afraid, Shianne smiled and headed out the door. Nimbly closing the door behind
her Shianne, wandered the halls. Everything in the house was still, yet living.
It was almost surreal. Each room held a different fragrance of love for her
young heart.
She could always tell when she was getting closer to Jesus. Her heart would begin glowing with warmth and then burning like she was in a hot spring of the soul. The scents of love in the house would increase…the walls would light up in polychromatic show and angelic voices would sing in jubilant and melodious tune, like an invisible choir. As if…all creation sang whenever He was around. A tangible peace would coat her like a mist; it was a feeling sweeter than honey.
Her heart wanted Jesus as she thought about Him, and she breathed into the air, “I want You.” “I want You more.” Shianne gasped and stopped. She felt her chest, patted different areas. It was almost like an audible voice spoke from her heart. It wasn’t her voice, but the voice that was gentler than a thousand hearths. “Jesus?” She wondered out loud. “I’m always with you loved one. Yet I wait for you to come to Me.” Still a little bit stunned Shianne voiced,“I want to see You tonight.” “I’m waiting in the library.” The voice sounded happy, pleased that she was opening up her heart, learning to trust in His love.
Quickening her step Shianne headed
to the library, but as she got closer she slowed down. Old memories of her days
of living in the House of Law tried to surface, fear knocked to be welcomed in
again. It tried to separate her from trusting Jesus, from drawing near to Him
in a heart relaxed with love.
It growled and sneered, “He’s just like me…just like the law without the spirit of mercy. Do you really think you can trust Him? That He’s safe? That He’ll protect you…love you unconditionally? He’s disappointed in you. You have to work to please Him. Go back.”
Just when her heart began to give
into panic, the scent of pumpkin bread spiced with nutmeg almost overwhelmed
her. The walls began to glow a translucent desert pink, honey-bee yellow,
sparkling lavender, and emerald green. The songs of angels filled the halls
like the wafts of air licked with the wine of an endless floral field. She felt
warm gentle waters inside her chest. Her eyes lit up as she saw the door to the
library. A joy unspeakable welled inside her soul as she thought about seeing
Jesus. Her steps quickened again.
Shianne arrived at the door and
peeked inside. The fireplace was burning inside; gentle crackling and popping
noises sounded. The pearl carpet glowed with hues of yellow from the flames.
Wooden book shelves tall as the ceiling were filled with books. Little desks
circled a big desk, where the Teacher taught. Paintings lined the walls,
pictures of heaven made with vibrant oil paint. Teddy bears, along with other
stuffed animals, decorated the circle carpet. Palm branches stood on the sides
of the hearth and vines climbed the walls with pink flowers. Shianne’s heart
began to burn when she saw Jesus. He was sitting and reading a book. He looked
so peaceful, so restful. He was the very image of love to her.
He leaned His head on an arm and
had one leg folded over the other in a chair. His elbow rested on his leg. He
wore a white-collar shirt with a maple brown sweater vest. He also had black
dress pants. His shoes were kicked off but He kept His socks on. He was nothing
grand to look at…but there was a river, a presence on the inside of Him that
flowed out, encompassing Him in beauty that was alive. He was Man, but also
Spirit. The Spirit inside of Him, His true self, flowed through the pores of
the skin He wore in unstoppable kindness, compassion, love, mercy, healing and
wisdom. Jesus seemed to sense her and smiled with His eyes as He looked up.
He put down the book on the floor
by His chair. His eyes were like cinnamon gleaming with flecks of amber. The
firelight illuminated His frame. Love poured from His frame.
“Hello, my little love,” He said,
all the joy of heaven flowing from His lips and visage.
He smiled brightly and opened up
His arms. Shianne found herself running into those arms and being swept up into
His lap. He ducked His head down and nuzzled her shoulder with His chin. Cheek
brushed against cheek and Shianne felt the Holy Spirit in wave after wave of
peace and tender love wash over her.
The air became colorful and the
sound of music from angelic voices erupted.
“They’re singing over You,” Shianne
said.
“No, my little darling, I’m singing
over you,” Jesus whispered.
Shianne’s eyes widened. Jesus
explained still holding her close, “This is My love song to you. You make My
heart sing. I made creation and you are made in my image. I love you, and
creation responds to My love for you. Our bond makes the earth and heavens
sing.”
The words sunk in the bedrock of
Shianne’s heart. She felt them go deep into the soil of her being. Seeds of
life that Jesus’s love would nurture. He held unto her for a long time, and
kissed her forehead a few times.
“You’re a good little girl,” He
said before leaning back. His arms relaxed their hold on her, without letting
go. His hands were tied and laid on her legs.
“You’re perfect and holy in My
eyes. You are a reflection of all My affections; nothing can separate you from My
love.”
Shianne’s young eyes welled with
tears at His tender words. She wanted to believe Him…but she couldn’t reconcile
the voices of law she sometimes heard and His abundant healing grace. She bit
and chewed on her bottom lip, licking it a few times. Jesus felt her small body
begin to squirm in His arms, He assured her by gently rubbing her back. After
twittling with her fingers for a few seconds Shianne mustered up her strength,
“But what about the voices?”
Jesus leaned in closely until her
back pressed into His chest. He spoke softly, “Those are nightmares beloved,
dreams, shadows, only memories. They aren’t real. I have defeated them
outwardly. Now only the echoes of their memory remain in your head. Let My
loving truth drown them out.”
“They feel real,” she murmured
tears welling up.
“He will never hurt you or have you
again as long as you remain in this Grace House. The only real reason why it
feels real is because he’s affected your emotions. But it’s not real. The
longer you stay here the more your mind will be refreshed by the knowledge of My
grace and truth. As this happens your emotions will continually be healed until
the river of life that’s in you floods you and touches the world around you.
Once you’ve grown fully in grace, you’ll be an adult. It is good for the heart
to be established by grace.”
Shianne relaxed in Jesus’s arms and
smiled, “All I have to do is stay here?”
He nodded with an equally tender
smiled, “Yes, and continue to eat and drink of My goodness and loving-kindness.
That’s all you have to do. Enjoy Me, enjoy your brothers and sisters. Be filled
with love and love will fill your character. Your soul will be transformed by My
grace and truth. Shianne, everything is provided for you here. In Me, in My grace
you have everything. Stay here and abide in Me and you will not only be free
physically, but you will experience my salvation in your soul and walk in the
fullness of the freedom that I have already given you. My Shianne, I love you
more than you understand right now and I will never stop loving you, dear one.”
Feeling the assurance of His love
Shianne leaned her lips into His cheek and gave Jesus a short kiss. Jesus’s
eyes welled with tears of happiness and He cupped her face and kissed her on
the forehead. As she studied His face Shianne realized that her one little kiss
filled Him with such joy; she could see the gleam of it in His eyes. His love
was so pure and gentle and true and protective. She’d never known what it was
like to have a Big Brother, but He was the perfect One.
“Now, little lass, are you ready
for bed again?” Jesus asked her.
She nodded her head and wrapped her
arms around His neck as He rose. He began to walk down the hall and Shianne
could still hear the angels’ music. She couldn’t see them, but their whimsical
lullaby spoke to her of love everlasting and grace never ending. Jesus’s arms
spoke to her of safety and trust. Soon her open eyes began to flutter, until
she closed them and began to drift to sleep. She felt Jesus place her in bed
and then tuck her in.
He put His hands on her chest and
prayed, “Father, thank You that You have given me this little one. And what You
give me will never be lost. I pray for her heart. That it would continue to
grow in grace and be enlightened by Your love for her and who she truly is—a
princess destined to be a queen, the one that You love, the apple of Your eye
and Your precious creation. I speak peace to her.”
For a moment Shianne felt like she was floating on a cloud somewhere where the sun never set, in a land where the streets shone like gold. She glimpsed Heaven and felt the pleasure of her heavenly Father for her. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before.
“Come, all you are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat wha tis good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” – Isaiah 55:1-2 NIV
Are you ready to taste of the sweet delicacies of God in a deeply reviving and personal way? For those who want to drink, for those who want to eat and be refreshed and renewed, Visions of Celestial Love is a feast between you and the King of Heaven, who loves you more than anyone else. He invites you to dine on wholesome, good, savory food and delicious, zesty, fruitful drink. He awaits you with a sparkle in His eye. He is ready for your company. He delights to have you as a guest.
“Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” – Song of Songs 5:1 NIV
“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
~To purchase a copy of my book, click here. May you be greatly blessed and encouraged!
Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace and not by foods of no value to those devoted to them. -Hebrews 13:9 BSB
A bright sunny grassland stretches forth, with a merry sky and vibrant flowers. Jesus, You are sitting on a turf covered rock and I am sitting by Your feet, looking up with wonder at Your words. As You speak, Your words show up as changing colorful lights in the spiritual realm. They move like clouds thick with water. Like formless sparkling clouds radiating glimmering golden dust, they flow to me, forming a marble cup as beautiful as amber alabaster stone, yet softer than rose petals in April’s light rain.
Continue speaking dear Jesus, my heart begs. I reach for the cup and it drifts into my hands. Tell me of true love, I ask inside. Your words are never-endingly beautiful. As You continue, Your words become life-giving liquid in my cup: words that are spiritually healing and heart-strengthening. I gladly lift my cup to my lips and drink in the truth. Just one cup full of Your love lasts a lifetime.
Jesus’s words become sweet fruit
and warm bread that I eat until I am filled, cleansed, and healed spiritually,
mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Satisfied, content, and unashamed,
I freely lay my hands on His leg like a daughter would her father. I rest my
chin on my hands and smile at Him, looking up with peaceful hazel eyes. Jesus
rubs my back in circular motions. His hand feels like hot spa water on my back.
Like spa rocks, His touch relaxes my muscles and removes all pain.
“Beloved and child,” He calls me.
“Darling and beautiful.”
My heart melts with His endearing words. The wind picks up and blows on the fabric of His long lengthy robe. I am lost in His clothing as it blows over my face, like a child through her mother’s clothesline on a breezy day. Covered in the dust of my Rabbi, I am found in His pure love.
“A delightful book that reflects the praises from a heart that desires to abide closely with our Heavenly Father. Written in a style that summons us to experience a journey of deeper intimacy with a loving God. Ashley covers the foundation of the Christian faith that brings encouragement and assurance of God’s promises when faced with life’s challenges. Embracing our uniqueness and the safety of transparency before our Maker who cares about the most intricate details of our life. Yes, an invitation indeed from the One and only who can fill what are heart’s ache for.” — Jocelyn Reyna, Entrepreneur
For we who have believed (adhered to and trusted in and relied on God) do enter that rest in accordance with His declaration that those [who did not believe] should not enter when He said, As I swore in My wrath, They shall not enter My rest; and this He said although [His] works had been completed and prepared [and waiting for all who would believe] from the foundation of the world. —Hebrews 4:3 AMPC
Pause, and think calmly about those words.
Something about this scripture
jumped out at me, and I have not myself to thank, nor my own intelligence, but
the Holy Spirit. He’s the Life in the Word. The One who makes it living and
active. Without Him, reading God’s Word is like reading another book—and there
is hardly anything sadder than that. Do you see the word “works” in here?
Whose work, is it? It’s God’s.
Our only job, the one that we’ve
always had, even in the old covenant, is to believe.
The same is true today, underneath
the righteousness, blood, grace, and work of Christ.
Believing secures our rest. The
rest God ordained for us to have before the foundations of the world. The rest
of relationship.
Let’s continue reading about rest
in Hebrews:
Again He sets a definite day, [a new] Today, [and
gives another opportunity of securing that rest] saying through David after so
long a time in the words already quoted, Today if you would hear His voice and
when you hear it, do not harden your hearts. [This mention of a rest was not a
reference to their entering into Canaan.] For if Joshua had given them rest, He
[God] would not speak afterward about another day.
—Hebrews 4:7–8 AMPC
Think again for a moment. Before
you read on, ask the Holy Spirit to help you grasp what this means.
I believe that entering God’s rest
was more important than receiving the promised land. I believe it was more
important than the Israelites entering into Canaan or even crossing over the
Jordan to obtain the promise of land.
God was more interested in His
people having relationship with Him. God’s always been more about the internal
soul and the spiritual than He is about physical possessions.
Once again, ask the Holy Spirit to
reveal to you the meaning of these scriptures; He might give you more
information, more insight than He’s given me here.
Perhaps the purpose of them
entering the land was for them to enter into rest. The only way to that was
belief. Trusting faith. A heart that knows God, knows He’s good, and knows His
nature. A heart that knows His thoughts toward us, and more specifically you.
He’s a giver. Always has been,
always will be. His nature does not change. He’s the same yesterday, today, and
forevermore.
So then, there is still awaiting a full and complete
Sabbath-rest reserved for the [true] people of God; For he who has once entered
[God’s] rest also has eased from [the weariness and pain] of human labors, just
as God rested from those labors peculiarly His own.
—Hebrews 4:9–10 AMPC
There is such beautiful promise in
here.
Aren’t you tired of working? Of
striving?
There is a sanctified striving that
should exist in every believer of Jesus Christ, but it is often perverted.
We’re not striving to be accepted
by God, or acceptable to Him. Our works, our striving will never get us that.
Our striving should be out of rest, in a place of absolute peace. Done from
joy, and with joy. Done out of love, in love, and through love. This cannot be
done without belief. Our works shouldn’t even really feel like work.
Wanting to know our Jesus, wanting
to be like Him, should be a part of our nature, as getting food or water to
drink is when we’re hungry or thirsty. It should be a daily activity. It should
be a mental domain, an internal setting.
When I asked if you were tired of
working, I was talking about the working you see being done every day.
I mean look around you. Look at
your loved ones. Look at the strangers on the street. The college students. The
moms, the dads of our society just trying to pay the bills, fix ourselves and
squeeze whatever joy we can out of life as if we’ve got a dried lemon in our
hands that we keep trying to wring out.
I bet you hear the words “busy,”
or/and, “tired,” come out their mouths when you ask them how they’re doing.
If they don’t say it, you can see
it, or at least detect it. Can you detect it in yourself? It doesn’t belong
there if you can.
Once again, our only work is to
believe. Believe God can change us, believe God loves us as we are, and believe
we don’t even have to perfect our faith. That is Jesus’s job. He is after all called
“the pioneer and perfecter of faith”
(Hebrews 12:2 NIV, italics added).
The Amplified Bible even goes as far
as to describe Jesus’s perfecting of us—calling Him our faith’s finisher. The
word says He brings it to “maturity and perfection” (Hebrews 6:1 AMP, italics
added).
There is no room for guilt, shame,
or condemnation in rest. Let me tell you something about guilt, shame, and
condemnation (I’ve just struggled with it this morning, and the Holy Spirit
lifted it off of me), it only comes out of an attitude, a heart, of works. It
only comes when our own efforts fail, or are frustrated. It all comes out of
our works.
God called us to work, not to
works.
There is a natural work in the
human life. There’s cooking, cleaning, etc., that needs to be done. If you’re
on the prayer team at church, or have a God-ordained “job,” then yes,
physically you are working. But there should never be a lack of peace inside.
When there is, you have started works within.
God’s “jobs” for us are always a
delight, and always for our good, and the good of the body. And God is always
about balance, not burning yourself out, and not being sluggish or slothful
either. Furthermore, I want to point out that “feeling” guilt or shame or
condemnation is evil. I’m not calling you evil. I imagine that you’re in Jesus
Christ, especially if you’re reading this, thus you are imputed with His
righteousness.
I’m calling the act of holding onto
(not letting go of) guilt, shame, and condemnation evil. The act is evil—a sin.
And the Word of God declares it so. It is either done in an act of unbelief, or
pride disguised as holiness. Listen to this,
Let us all come forward and draw near with true
(honest and sincere) hearts in unqualified assurance and absolute conviction
engendered by faith (by that leaning of the entire human personality on God in
absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness), having our
hearts sprinkled and purified from a guilty (evil) conscience and our bodies
cleansed with pure water.
— Hebrews 10:22 AMPC
Do you know why guilt is evil?
Because it doubts the power of the blood of Jesus to free us from sin. It
doubts the overwhelming strength of the mercies and grace of God. It
disbelieves His very love.
This is so powerful. This is a
reverential truth that will set you free if you believe. The Holy Spirit
convicts us, He never condemns us. And God doesn’t condemn man. God condemns
man’s sin.
Those who choose to attach
themselves to sin, instead of God, through Christ Jesus, have chosen to attach
themselves to the thing that God condemns.
God’s heart is good. Jesus has paid
the price of sin, and the weight and power of it.
I like what Joyce Meyer says. She
says that she believes the power and the weight of sin is guilt, shame, and condemnation.
Hear the words of the Lord through
His faithful apostle,
Whereas this One [Christ], after He had offered a
single sacrifice for our sins [that shall avail] for all time, sat down at the
right hand of God. For by a single offering He has forever completely cleansed
and perfected those who are consecrated and made holy.
— Hebrews 10:12 AMPC
Jesus has done it.
I also want to point out to you the
word “made.” The Holy Spirit just pointed this out to me (how I love His
company and Presence). We can try to make ourselves holy, or we can be made holy.
We are made holy by grace through
faith. We are saved by grace through faith. The key word here is grace. Not
even faith is the key word. I’ll tell you why: Faith is graced to us.
Isn’t it God who appoints to us the
measure of faith (Romans 12:3)? And remember that everything God gives us is a
gift (James 1:17 AMPC). Gifts come free.
Isn’t it God who called us through
His Holy Spirit to come to Him to receive His grace that we may be saved (see
John 6:44)?
If we truly know that we are
forgiven completely, accepted fully, and made perfect by Jesus, then we will
have peace. And we’ll have something to get excited and stirred up for.
Entering God’s rest is not without the exertion, or perhaps better stated, the exercising of belief. The growing of belief only comes by grace.
Let us therefore be zealous and exert ourselves and
strive diligently to enter that rest [of God, to know and experience it for
ourselves], that no one may fall or perish by the same kind of unbelief and
disobedience [into which those in the wilderness fell].
— Hebrews 4:11 AMPC
Once again, the Holy Spirit opened
my eyes to something here. If we are trying to do God’s job in us or outside of
us by working, our faith will wither away and, as this verse implies, it will
“perish by…unbelief.”
Ultimately, working to “help God
out” is an act of unbelief and it shows a lack of confidence in Him. The more
we practice working, the more we feed unbelief. The more we stray from God. The
more hopeless we become that He will ever come through for us.
God works through faith. Indeed, if
we are working, thus acting out of unbelief and disobedience to His command to
believe, then the power and glory of God that we so desperately want to see in
our lives will never manifest. Or it is highly unlikely that it will manifest.
I say that because Saul didn’t
believe on Christ Jesus, but Jesus still met him on His way to Damascus. After
that encounter, I say, He fully believed on Jesus, or strived after it
ardently.
Many Christians who strive, seem to
strive not to believe. Or at least they feed their unbelief by rehearsing their
doubts, either verbally to others or mentally to themselves. Instead of
striving to not believe, strive and fight to believe. Fight the good fight of
faith (1 Timothy 6:12 NASB). Lastly, I want to quote a wonderful passage from a
book that I’ve found very helpful on my faith journey. In The Book of Healing, John Reynolds writes:
They came
to Jesus and said, “What must we do that we might work the works of God?” Jesus
said to them, “This is the work of God that you might believe on Him Who He has
sent.” They didn’t ask Him what to do to get saved, they asked about doing the
works of God. Jesus said, “Believe on Me.”
Jesus has done all that is necessary for us to receive from God.
“Father, I have finished the works you gavest me to do.” How many of us are
trying to “work the works of God?” Jesus overcame every temptation. “He was
tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin, let us therefore come boldly
before the throne of grace that we [may] receive mercy and find grace to help.”
The throne of what? The throne of GRACE. Stop trying to “work the works.” Stop
trying to “work” for your healing, your present. Stop confessing the Scriptures
with the attitude of trying to “make” something happen. “For it is the Fathers
GOOD pleasure” to give it to you! The price has been paid by Jesus. Go and
freely receive from Him based upon His grace.
Yes, it is important to know and quote the scriptures but don’t do it from the “I’m going to make this happen” attitude but rather from a heart attitude of “Father, I thank you for what Jesus did for me at Calvary when he bore my sickness and carried my pain. Father, I ask you to heal my body based on your grace and I thank you for it now in Jesus’s name.” Then just give thanks that your prayers have been heard and answered and act your faith.[
Our fight in life is simply this:
to believe on the One God has sent. And belief, faith itself, grows best in
rest.
[i] John Reynolds, The Book of Healing: How to Receive Healing
from the Lord Jesus Christ (John Reynold Ministries, 2012), 44. Scripture
references from John 6:28–29; Luke 12:32, version unknown. PDF available at
http://www.thehealingministry.com/.
Jesus, You are the Light of my life. Your irresistible and undeniable love pulls on me like a current. Your rafters of love wash over my heart. Pouring over in gentle ripples, Your love cleanses every aching wound in my heart and dismounts every erected wall that keeps You out. I am lost in Your stream, in Your river of love, and tears glide down my cheeks like rain drops from the Heavens. They are my own…and then they become Yours.
Such intimacy I’ve never known.
Such tender love I can taste on my tongue. My entire soul absorbs your balmy,
fragrant love. Inside, I taste You everywhere. You are my only strength.
I look up at the stars—they look like millions of glitter flakes tossed in the sky. Entranced, I gaze up at them from the bioluminescent river of Your love that glows blue, and I melt in Your love. You’ve shown me where I am. I am under the stars of Your beauty in a radiant moving pool of healing.
Your sky is breathtaking, Lord.Dust and translucent gas from the cosmos create a light work of brilliant beauty. Your stream is calm, yet these waters are living. They float me along and there are flecks of silver, gold, blue and lavender gems in them—moving, living light. I am cradled by living light in living water. Trees, shrubs, and blossoming vegetation bend over me in the river.
Everything is so calm here and You say, “Let My beauty heal you. Let the facet of My love that you are seeing ravish your heart. Be still, and let Me love you. I want to love you to tears.I want your heart to cry those tears you so need to get out…not in light of your pain but in light of My love that is so much stronger than your pain, and overcomes and heals your pain.”
My eyes well at Your words and the healing beauty of what my eyes are beholding. Aromatic wafts of the spices of Your love lift from the pool that laps at my body and soul. You ravish me with the way You love me. You love me so tenderly, so slowly, so completely. Your love is more patient with healing my inflicted wounds than my own heart is.
~This sample poem was taken from my recently published book Visions of Celestial Love. You can purchase a copy by clicking here.
There are tabernacles and pillars. Ivory polished white with no walls, open to the air where water from Heaven flows through like crystal glass. These waters are air and water all in one. They reflect light like diamonds. They radiate crystal. Transcendent beauty.
Daddy, You transform me with Your beauty. Thank You for sharing the goodness of Your heart with me.
I see these pillars from ballroom floors, all white like pearls of melting snow in the sun. These tabernacles stand atop one large waterfall with many rifts. The air is spicy with the fragrance of something heavenly, like all my favorite aromas mixed in at once, yet distinct. It tickles my nose and awakens my senses softly, like the taste of whipped cream lingering after a cool glass of water.
There is such peace here, such celestial bliss, such tender tickling, such laughter and mirth of soul. These waters glide like skies of opal blue, as they touch the glassy floors they turn into air but still have the fluid body of water. Then as they leave the ballroom they become water again before pouring down the waterfall caressing rock and air. Cascading down and then crashing, the vapor of clouds arises forming poufy mountains in the skies.
Here You have taken me within my soul to show me Your great goodness and beauty. Here You have shown me…to bless me with sweet love.
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, Ministry Volunteer, True-Heart friend of author
You can watch a video promo of this book by clicking here
I want to speak to you personally
about being uniquely you; about loving and savoring yourself. That may sound
conceited to some ears, but there’s nothing wrong with loving and enjoying
yourself.
In fact, it is holy. Jesus loves
and savors you. You are pleasing to Him. You are so very precious in His
sight…inside and outside. He loves you. He created you. He fashioned and
formed you uniquely in your mother’s womb, and He carefully and skillfully
(probably with a huge smile on His face and excitement in His heart) wove a
life for you full of grace and hope using the golden thread of Heaven, and the
very pleasure of His heart.
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future.”
You are so
priceless and precious to Him. There are things—gifts and talents that He’s put
in you that nobody else has. Yes, if you’re a painter you will meet other
painters, but the version of the talent of painting that you have is unique to
you, and it is God-breathed.
I’ve had the bittersweet pleasure of meeting a lot of people in life who are insecure in some way, shape, or form. There’s an “epidemic of insecurity in our society” as Joyce Meyer likes to say. It’s insecurity with a root of fear that sprouts all kinds of ugly branches, like comparison, which leads to jealousy and hatred. This fear comes from not knowing yourself in Abba Father. It comes from a lack of receiving His healing love, for perfect love casts out all fear.
We need to understand and value
ourselves, to take the time to connect with our souls and truly see with all
our heart the beauty of our spirit and outward design.
There’s a beauty, a radiance within
you that is entirely unique to you. This radiance, beauty, and strength is the
way God portrays Himself through your soul. You are a one-time masterpiece, and
your reaction to His love cannot be copied by anyone else. You are unique, and
He wants to love you uniquely. He wants to hold you uniquely. He wants to
encourage you uniquely. He wants to have a relationship with you uniquely.
In the same way that no two fingerprints are the same, nobody is like you in all the earth. Listen to the wise words of John Mason in his book title: You Were Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy. You are the “lily among thorns,” and the “apple tree among the trees of the wood.” God sees you as the “chief among ten thousand!” Indeed, in His eyes you are entirely perfect for Him.
May you see yourself through His washing, through His cleansing eyes of love, through His ecstatic delight. He calls you mighty, He calls you strong, He calls you tender, He calls you lovely. You are called loved. Please friend, whatever you do, don’t wrongfully compare yourself with others, or even with yourself, for the Bible calls this foolish.
Go to Abba, and ask Him what He thinks of you, and then open the Word and let Him minister to your deepest needs.
~This sample devotional was taken from my book Visions of Celestial Love. You can purchase a physical or ebook copy by clicking here.
So surrounded by the doubts of tomorrow that arise from
my lack of faith?
So numbed by the mirror?
Sweet Jesus, You see my heart and You claim it as your
own; yet You never force me to rest in Your arms, or hear You sing to my heart
a song that brightens my face and lightens my soul like a feather in the gentle
strength of Your summer wind.
Here You are.
I feel You tell me,
“It’s okay to cry. Let go of your pride, for your
humble tears are beautiful. Now then, I can wash your garments clean.”
I’ll never understand how You can delight in me.
Yet may Your obvious love for me melt away the enemies
and the world’s ice of lies that grip my parched heart.
Oh God, I desire to be raised by You!
See, I want to be swept away in the torrent breeze of
Your Holy Spirit to a righteous land where I can live with You.
Please visit me again like You used to, for I am shaken
with fear in this body.
Oh, please take control of me and sweep over me like a
wave of warm water spiced with lavender oil that I might be overwhelmed by the
aroma of Your holy love for me.
I desire to be wrapped in Your arms and soaked in Your
soul.
May the current of Your love loosen and, alas, open my
grip on my dreams and desires until I am so close to You that the very breath I
breathe has been mixed with Your exhales.
Bind me to Yourself in holy matrimony and claim all of my heart, for it is Yours alone to own now and forevermore.
“Come, all you are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” – Isaiah 55:1-2 NIV
Are you ready to taste of the sweet delicacies of God in a deeply reviving and personal way? For those who want to drink, for those who want to eat and be refreshed and renewed, Visions of Celestial Love is a feast between you and the King of Heaven, who loves you more than anyone else. He invites you to dine on wholesome, good, savory food and delicious, zesty, fruitful drink. He awaits you with a sparkle in His eye. He is ready for your company. He delights to have you as a guest.
“Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” – Song of Songs 5:1 NIV
“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
Let my soul expand in worship to the One who is more beautiful than a thousand waterfalls, each flowing with liquid clearer than crystal and more bright than opal blue.
They form mountains in the clouds and their rivers of spirit-water create the vastness of the skies.
Let the aromatic rains of worship fall and cover the earth! Let my heart drink in His lovely image.
He is more powerful than the gravitational pull of a thousand planets.
He is more majestic than the mightiest mountain, more breathtaking than all of the canopies of trees in the amazon forest.
He is grander than the vastness of outer space.
Nothing can be compared to His beauty.
Infinity cannot describe His wonder.
To find Him is to find life.
To seek Him is the highest joy.
To love Him is to have tasted His love.
To be filled with His love is to be in a union higher than Heaven.
He created you to be filled with His goodness, with His life.
This is who you are; this is who He made you to be.
There is no fight for it, no struggle; He longs to fill empty places; it is His duty, His high delight, His supreme pleasure…to heal…to fill…to love.
And His love is like a magnet that cannot be pulled away from you, for you were created for it and you cannot uncreate yourself.
His love created you, therefore you were designed to be one with His love.
~Let My Soul Expand in Worship is a small poetic sample from my book Visions of Celestial Love. To purchase a physical or ebook copy of Visions of Celestial Love, click here.
The heading photo of my daughter and i was taken by Ruthy Esquivel Photography
