~Written in 2010 when I was single and (impatiently) waiting on God for a spouse. This encouraging testimony is included in my book, Visions of Celestial Love (A Rediscovery of God’s Grace and Love).
My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you, how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you! –Galatians 4:19-20
Dear God I love this. I love how Paul considered the church of Galatians to be his child. He loved them affectionally and passionately. In pain did he carry and bear them in his heart. So deep was his love for them that he wrote a whole book of the Bible inspired by them. With every word he wrote and with every prayer he earnestly knocked on your heavenly door to share his zealous love for your children God. Such a righteous God-fearing leader did you bless them with and have blessed me with.
I cannot help but think of my own pastor when I read these two verses. He’s always glad to see me when I walk through the church doors. On several occasions he’s come up to me and said, “You’re such a good girl. God has a great plan for your life,” and “I appreciate your faithfulness it really touched my heart,” and “You’ve got a sweet heart there are many people who love you at this church.”
I’m reminded of that Halloween night God where I decided for “once” I was going to disobey you. I was angry with you God. I cannot deny it. Forgive me. I was making decisions from a wounded aching heart. I had asked you for something, something my heart so desired for. Many times I had asked you to bring him to me Lord. To bring me my godly husband. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and every guy that I was ever interested in, I turned down for his lack of commitment to You. Little was I thinking of my commitment to Christ, and that before any man He is my lover, my husband. The night I had cried on the couch when you told to me “wait.” Wait was not what I wanted to hear. Too many nights of tears and too many comments from others such as “you’re such a goody goody,” from secular friends finally created a hole in the strong wall of my faithfulness.
My sisters were going to a staff party and to their surprise I asked to join them. We went to my sister’s friends house. I found a comfortable seat in the backyard and sat quietly. I felt uneasy and out of place. As the night progressed a drunk guy went around offering people drinks. Never would I have gotten up and fetched a drink for myself…my spirit wouldn’t allow it. This merry guy high in spirits with short wavy dark hair approached me and held out a glass of some alcoholic drink. Immediately my eldest sister protested “Not her! She’s misses innocent.” Inside the Holy Spirit told me “no” but I was tired of listening to Him. My hand flinched as my body and spirit waged war against one another. Within seconds Omar, my sister’s Jewish and Egyptian friend whom I was attracted to, ran directly in front of me and held out his hands in a way that reminded me of Christ on the cross. “Not this one dude. She’s too young.” The drunken guy insisted but Omar didn’t budge “Not this one.” he said again. Finally after a few moments of debating the drunken guy gave in. As soon as he left Omar walked away too.
I pondered what happened in my heart and later I wrote about it. You kept me pure God by using Omar, an unbeliever, to protect me. I never was attracted to the drink but I was attracted to Omar and in the end you refused me both. The drink left in the drunken guys arms and Omar left with his own two feet. I remember telling this event to Pastor one night excluding my feelings for Omar and just like Paul he was perplexed about me. “Young lady don’t you ever go to a party like that again.” He said firmly. I told him “I won’t.” “Thank God that young man was there to stop you.” I nodded my head. Pastor then told me that sometimes when a good shepherd saw that one of his sheep was straying on dangerous ground the shepherd would take his staff and break one of the sheep’s legs and then carry the animal back to safety on his shoulders. “You see the sheep can only see so far. It would have never known if maybe a pack of wolves was there on the other side of the hill.” I wondered why he told me this.
He looked at me with serious blue eyes “If I ever see you straying on dangerous ground…I’m not lying, I would break your leg. Better your leg get broken than for you to be in the company of wolves.” Some would find my Pastor’s words threatening or inappropriate but I found them sweet. I thank God that I have a spiritual father who is zealous to have “Christ formed in me.”
To check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love, click here. May your soul be blessed by the reality of God’s love for you!
“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel