Category: Romantic Rendezvous for the Soiul

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Intimacy: A Tribute to My Husband

“The joy and beauty of marriage are divinely designed. Nothing in human imagination could have created such an intimate, wonderful relational unmasking of self. There is a sweet security and a vulnerable nakedness that is wholesome and liberating.”

Stephen,

You are one of the biggest blessings God has ever given me. Thank you for loving me past the fear. Thank you for loving me first. I can truly say I am in covenant with you because you loved me first… I can only say that with one other Person…Jesus Christ. He loved me past my greatest fears and did everything to mend the breach between myself and Father’s love.

Every now and again I get asked this question (from mostly younger women), “when did you know you were in love with Stephen?” The truth is I don’t know…I can’t name a day or time. It was truly as if my heart for him was like a large thanksgiving cooking pot of cold water… and someone put my heart on the stove on low heat. Funny thing about cooking that way is the part of the pot closets to the fire is the deepest water. It’s not heat from the top down but the down up. It was a deeply spiritual and soulful heating/stirring of love…one that has enriched my life in every way. 

I’ve learned something about cooking and that’s if you patiently blend totally different spices together on low for a long time, they merge into something savory. This is like God’s command for two to become one. Two souls in the furnace of God’s heart blending together. I often wondered what scripture meant when it said Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. In my youthful (unmarried) thinking I supposed it was only physical. It wasn’t until Sunday night when I looked into your eyes that I truly experienced the blessedness of that verse. Your eyes weren’t shuttered in any way. They were open pools of blue that I had dived in many times. They were open flames of a heart that was swung wide for me (as if your soul was a living room with a rocking chair built for me). They were unconditional love that I had now received as a resting place…that I now considered home. And I was unashamed to look back and to take in your affections. Not in kisses and passion…but in soul connection. 

There once would have been a day where I would have glanced away in fear. Fear and love are two powerful forces that cannot coexist, but perfect love always casts out fear. I once heard the word intimacy described as, “into me, you see.” I’ve looked into many eyes…parents, siblings…other brothers and sisters in Christ…but no set of eyes ever felt so transparent and so one with my own soul like yours did a few nights ago. I’ve never been one with anyone except Jesus (and I’ve seen His eyes before in visions. And in those pictures, I’ve found myself looking away for how consuming, captivating, intense and fiery His heart showed through His eyes…like a light I couldn’t behold for fear of going blind). 

Our marriage is a growing picture of Christ & the Church…something I prayed for many years ago. A sonnet written in a lush garden and golden palace like Songs of Solomon. A spiritual connection like Jesus and the Holy Spirit (who is the Helper like a wife is to be a helpmeet to her husband. God is still teaching me about that one). I’ll never forget the morning God showed me that scripture in a new light. The one in psalms 133:2 where it says, “how wonderful it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. It is like oil dripping down the beard of Aaron the high priest.” It describes this oil running down his garments. The one thing about oil is that once it’s on your skin or clothes it absorbs into you and the fabric…scenting everything with itself. He revealed to me that Christ is our High Priest now/forever and that oil always represented the Holy Spirit/anointing/strength. Jesus was anointed with the Holy Spirit… and every believer who has the Holy Spirit (which is everyone who accepts Jesus) is marked/sealed according to Ephesians 1:13 as belonging to God/Christ.  And we are to be one with Him like a husband and wife are to be one. The Holy Spirit has probably been my #1 advocate in training me how to be one with you.

 I’ll never forget the 1st year of our marriage whenever the enemy would tempt me to even think the slightest negative thought about you The Holy Spirit would ask me, “why are you thinking this against yourself?” I would reply, “I’m not being tempted to think this about myself but about my husband.” And He would always remind me, “but you and him are one.” This happened several times until I realized in God’s eyes, we really are united as one. Our unity has become a foundational stone in the building of all that I am… and all I will be. My connection with you is second only to Christ and I know this blessing of marriage as God designed it to be as the greatest experience of heaven on earth, I’ve had…except in my own quarters when I’m alone with Christ…my heavenly Bridegroom. 

There are no words that I can pen that could describe our unity by God. No signature could define this elation, bliss, and merriment of being naked and unashamed. It’s as if we are taken back to the garden of Eden (our daughter’s name now) to experience what Adam and Eve had before the fall. Life as God meant it… unified to Him and each other.

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Magazine Feature!

God has been doing so many amazing things!

I feel so incredibly blessed and honored to have been a part of this amazing book project spearheaded by Dr. Sherley.

My chapter, Created in Heaven Born on Earth, is the 1st chapter in the book. It is about the dignity and worth God places on every human being and how we have inherited value because we were created by God Himself, even if we weren’t planned by our parents. I pray this book brings great healing and ministers to the hearts and souls of every reader.

Recently, I was featured in an article on Making Headline News about my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To read the article, click here!

Also, recently, I was added to an international catalog for my life coaching services. I am a certified life breakthrough coach and before 2024, I will be certified in New Testament Leadership. I offer coaching services with prayer counseling to my clients. If you have a God-sized-dream, feel stuck in life, would like a comforting source of cheering you on, a listening ear and a Jesus-loving encourager, I would love to partner with you- as your coach. Email me for more information: nourishmentthroughwords@gmail.com

At the beginning of 2023, with the encouragement of my pastors, I wrote down a list of things I was believing for the year 2023. I prayed about this list as I thoughtfully wrote each one down on a special card. So far, 5 out of 7 have come true.

I believe God loves to make His children’s dreams come true. He places desires and dreams in our hearts, and He does it so we can follow Him, full of trust, into a satisfying life where we feel fulfilled and pour out His goodness to the world around us. I want to encourage you to never let go of the dreams in your heart! The world needs you to fulfill the calling on your life. And nothing will ever make you happier than living a life of closeness with God while seeing your prayers answered and the power of Jesus in your world.

And then God answered: “Write this.
    Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
    so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
    pointing to what’s coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
    And it doesn’t lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
    It’s on its way. It will come right on time.

-Habakkuk 2:3 MSG

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Jesus Weeps with You Healing Through Loss

.-This snippet is from the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. In this chapter, I lovingly engage the narrative behind the “sovereignty of God” teaching that once crippled my faith by incriminating the goodness of God when it came to healing. I hope this snippet helps build your faith, comforts the hurting places in your heart and helps you trust in your heavenly Father’s heart toward you. Jesus came to heal, and it is God’s will that we have abundant life.

Chapter 8: The Accuser

..Jesus smiled with pleasure at my decision to trust his word. He explained, “My love, the adversary has no grounds to accuse you before our Father, because my blood has purified the heavenly holy of holies. I forever sit as your High Priest in heaven. Your right standing with our Father is as secure as mine as long as you never reject me.

“Wow,” I breathed, feeling as if I were inhaling air fragrant with grace.

“As well, Father is not displeased with you. He is not angry with you in the slightest. He has promised never to be incensed against you. He has promised never to rebuke you.[i] This is the Gospel of Peace Isaiah prophesied about. Our Father delights in you and he rejoices over you. You are his well-beloved child.”

I smiled without knowing, “amen” I whispered, feeling at a loss of anything more to say. All I wanted to do was continue to listen to Jesus and be healed by his words.

“Even though the Accuser cannot slander you before our Father, he can still whisper lies to you about Him. He has falsely accused the Father to you for months now. He’s used almost every hardship that you’ve experienced as an opportunity to blaspheme God in your ears. The incorrect way that you see the Father now has not just been a result of your own conclusions.”

***

Without warning, my emotions were thrust back to eight months prior when one of my dearest childhood friends, Cassie, passed away forty-eight hours after a terrible car accident. I had rushed to the ECU to see her, praying hard the whole way in the car. I remember struggling to see through my tears as I drove and cried out for God to heal her.

I was let into the hospital room with her family and together we prayed, hugged, sobbed, and anxiously waited, hoping she would wake up. When the heart monitor flat lined, I felt like my own heart had stopped. We all watched with held breath as more doctors rushed in after a small emergency alarm rang. They tried and failed to revive her. When the head doctor finally dropped the defibrillator and turned toward us with sad eyes, I broke down. A flood of wails erupted in the room as Cassie’s family cried loudly.

In that moment of hopelessness and heartbreak, I remembered hearing an evil being whispering in my mind. It told me that God wanted my friend to die and that’s why my prayers hadn’t been answered. It told me, God needed another, “flower in his garden in heaven,” so he took her. It told me that perhaps if I was a better Christian, God would have reconsidered and healed Cassie. A chilly sensation had run through my heart that day. The words of the enemy successfully broke a tender place in my soul and formed a bleeding rift in the area of my trust in God’s goodness.

***

The memory opened up my hidden wound afresh and I bowed my head as heavy sorrow weighed on me.

Jesus read my thoughts and asked, “do you think it was God’s will that Cassie died by a drunk driver?”

I shut my eyes tightly as the fresh inner wound of Cassie’s tragic death opened. Fast tears formed before slipping down my cheeks, “I don’t know,” I said brokenly even though I knew I believed it had been God’s will.

“It wasn’t,” Jesus said, his eyes flooding with pained compassion.

“But how can that be? I thought God’s will was always done?” I said with a small frown of confusion.

“Sadly, not always. The Word of God says, God wills that none should perish but that all should come to repentance.[ii] Tragically, people perish every day even though God paid the ultimate price for everyone to be saved. When my disciples asked me to teach them how to pray, I told them to pray for God’s kingdom to come and for his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.[iii] The fact that I told them to pray for God’s will to be done on earth implies that his will is not always done.”

Jesus continued, “My dear if our Father’s will was always done, earth would look just like Eden, and everyone would have a life-giving relationship with God. My earthly ministry alleviated human suffering by destroying the works of the devil through preaching the truth of the Gospel to the poor, through healing the sick, binding up the broken hearted, casting out devils, raising the dead, and ministering to the needs of people.[iv] God’s will came to earth from heaven in every miracle his Holy Spirit performed through me. For the Spirit of the Lord was upon me to do all those things.[v] With every blind eye opened, with every hungry belly filled, with every crippled man leaping for joy, with every truth spoken, and every disease healed, people saw God and often praised him afterward. I only did what I saw my Father doing.[vi]

“This is beautiful news,” I said as a cleansing flow of cool tears spilled from my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. Jesus smiled tenderly at me and softly held my chin with his thumb and pointer finger. For a moment, he watched my tears fall as if they were precious gemstones. I remembered the scripture that said God collected the tears of his children in a bottle and that he recorded each one in his book.[vii]

After a few seconds of only our eyes speaking, he gently released his hand from my chin and continued sharing the good news. “My ministry on earth is the clearest picture mankind has of the heart of God. His heart is good. He does not delight in human suffering. I always obeyed his command to love and to declare truth. If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.[viii] I and my Father are one.[ix] And no one who denies me truly knows God for I was with God in the beginning.[x] I am Truth, I am the Word made flesh.[xi] My dear, God is love.[xii] He so loved the world that he sent me.[xiii] All true goodness originates with him.”

His healing words broke through a dam of religious lies and self-protection in my heart releasing a fresh pool of tears. My eyes welled before the assembling tears began dripping down my chin and wetting my sleeves.

Moved by great love, Jesus gently wiped them away even as his eyes misted with deep consoling compassion. He inched his face closer to mine until all I could see was his radiant face. His visage was pouring with beautiful love. “Noelani, God wanted to heal Cassie and comfort you and her family, like I did at Lazarus’s tomb when I came as the resurrection and raised him from the dead.[xiv] God wept with you as I wept with Mary and Martha. He felt your pain, as well as his own.”

I shut my eyes to flush them of the tears that began blinding my vision. When I began to turn to look away, Jesus softly cupped my face still and I allowed my face to rest in his hands. As I did, I felt peace behind the surface of his fingertips. Jesus tenderly stroked my eyelids with his thumbs and to my surprise, I didn’t flinch away. Normally, I had a natural reaction to protect my eyes from anything that would touch them because of how sensitive and crucial they were to body and well-being. But when Jesus touched my eyelids, I felt no need to self-protect. This soothing motion of his thumbs melted me. It was like he was blessing me with clearer spiritual vision. He spoke again and I felt his balmy breath on my nose. His words washed over me like a warm mineral pool.

“Healing is my Father’s will for his kids, it is part of the atonement. Healing is the children’s bread.”[xv]

I felt a stony weight lift from my chest and my breathing became more relaxed as the truth came in. A place in my mind felt disencumbered.

Jesus released his hands from my face, and I looked upon him like someone who woke up to see sunshine for the first time after hibernating through the winter.

For the first time in a year, I felt a sense of peace come into the pained place that ached for Cassie’s presence. I smiled without effort at Jesus.

-To delve more deeply, check out the unrevised version of Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, by clicking here.

“Ashley depicts such a level of intimacy with Jesus so poignantly that I believe it will arouse others’ hearts with passion to pursue a new depth and commitment in their relationship with Him. I pray with all my heart that through her insights seamlessly woven into the stories, the church (men and women) would recognize their one true identity as brides and not servants. The author helps us learn to allow ourselves be loved and healed and no longer driven to meet unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. I believe that Ashley’s book will facilitate cultivating a fulfilling relationship with Jesus and abandoning religion once and for all! Ashley gives hope to those of us who feel or have felt they have sunk too low in their depravity. She demonstrates and enables us to believe that, no matter how vile our pasts, we can be washed white as snow by the blood of the Lamb and made beautiful new creations. She conveys with a refreshing rawness that nothing is beyond His power and (most reassuringly) His desire to redeem and restore. She illustrates the amazing grace of God with its power to enable us to live holy lives by His spirit and not the letter of the law and religion.
Possibly the most pertinent lesson that Ashley wisely shares in some of her stories is the most painful yet wonderful journey we go through if we choose to face the surrender of our lives and desires to God. Through her writing she gently urges us to come to this place of trust with the Father who loves us beyond our comprehension. The stories are heartwarmingly honest. Ashley has a beautiful gift of using descriptive language which instantly creates pictures in your minds as she relates her stories and makes them so real and alive.
May it lead you into your own passionate journey deeper into the heart of Jesus and to experience wonderful encounters with Him, our eternally faithful and true love.” ~Celina Haywood, Licensed Minister, Former Missionary to Thailand, Beautiful Encourager 💗

Scripture references from this snippet:

[i] Isaiah 54:9

[ii] 2 Peter 3:9

[iii] Matthew 6:10

[iv] Acts 10:38

[v] Luke 4:18

[vi] John 5:19

[vii] Psalm 56:8

[viii] John 14:9

[ix] John 10:30

[x] 1 John 2:23, John 1:2

[xi] John 1:14, John 14:6

[xii] 1 John 4:8

[xiii] John 3:16

[xiv] John 11:25

[xv] Matthew 15:22-28, John 6:32-35

-For an amazing Biblical teaching on the Sovereignty of God by Andrew Wommack, click here.

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Falling in Love with Jesus

Have you ever thought about this, the Bible begins with a marriage relationship in a beautiful garden between Adam and Eve, and it ends with a divine marriage feast in Heaven between Christ and the church?

This is a glimmering preview into a new book idea I’ve had in my heart for several years now. This book is about preparing the hearts of God’s people for the Marriage Supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7). It is a prayerful and worshipful journey of mine to create words that make others thirsty for Jesus and to fall in love with Him. I often pray that the Holy Spirit would use me to woo the Bride of Christ back to Jesus. Just as the Spirit of God helped John the Baptist turn the hearts of the children back to their fathers, may He rise up within my heart to help the Bride of Christ return to her First Love. May you be blessed by this sneak peek:

-This book is artistically based off the Biblical writings of: Songs of Songs, Isaiah 54, Esther, Eden, Ezekiel 16, and finally the Marriage between Jesus and the Church in Revelation.

Eden scene:

“How come the King makes it so I am always attended?” I asked my attending angel.

“Because you are his royal wife.”

“We are not married yet.”

“In your carnal mind time still exists.” He said without condemnation or rudeness, “You forget that the Word says the Lamb was slain before the foundation of the world.  Before Adam sinned in this Paradise, Christ had already become the sin offering.” (Revelation 13:8)

I (Ariel, name meaning, Jerusalem) remembered that God symbolically showed Adam and Eve the promise of his eternal redemption through Christ when He slaid an animal to cover them with its skin. He covered their shame. He paid for their sin. He kept them warm…all with that one act to show them divine grace, mercy and sacrificial love. But it came at an ugly cost…the cost of innocent blood. (Genesis 3:21)

“It doesn’t seem like death could have ever happened in such a beautiful place as this…” I whispered thoughtfully.

The garden was vibrant with flowers and fruit and vegetables bright like polychromatic gems. Sparkling mist rose from the foundations of Eden like clouds of cream. The etherealness of it reminded me of the slow dancing clouds that descend like steaming, gauzy sheets of vapor over the amazon rainforests.

The rivers of Eden could be heard everywhere. The sound of moving water pleasantly rushed around my ears as if I were canoeing on streams with the clearest crystal waters fresher than artic rivers. One river had flecks of gold chaffing so plentiful that the gold clustered smoothly on river stones and when aureate sunlight graced the waters it gleamed so brilliantly it was like light on mirrors, refracting the brightest yellow.

I knelt by this heavenly river, feeling the soft, moist turf cushioning my knees. As I cupped this water in my hand, fine gold settled to the bottom of my palms like light glitter floating in water and it covered my skin completely like a layer of metallic lotion after the water had dripped from my hands. (Genesis 2:10-14)

All of the animals glowed like moonlight. They seemed to be infused with an otherworldly presence…as if divinity had been sewed into the delicate weaving ladder of their DNA. They were full of life. Holy life. They were full of peace. They never harmed one another. They lived in harmony with the earth and all of creation around them. Even through them, I saw Him. (Romans 8:20-23, Isaiah 11:6-9)

He was inescapable…

Even when He went off to judge, to reign, to deliver, to conquer and to rule as the mighty King of kings, and Lord of lords …He was always still with me. (Matthew 28:20, 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20)

In my own heart, I tasted the fragrance of his pure presence. His loving faithfulness was transcendent. Not even death could overpower or diminish it. (2 Corinthians 2:15)

It was like I was in a dream. Or a dream of a dream. But at the same time, no fantasy or dream, could come close to matching the beauty of Paradise. Undefiled, unadulterated…Eden. The highest hopes of man paled in comparison to the dreams of God.

In some ways, I felt like Esther, living within the gilded fortress and walls of the king’s magnificent palace, and his subsequent beautiful mansions speckling around his main palace. Within this main gate was his royal court made of pearl floors almost as clear as glass with thick curvy pillars crested and belted with rose gold that flamed into an amber color when torchlight came near.

All of this was encircled with water and delightful gardens rich with life, fruit, exotic animals, jewels, and every good delight known to man. Between two of these gardens was the king’s lush vineyard where grapes more aromatic than flowers grew in iridescent rows of emerald leafy vines….

The [Holy] Spirit and the bride (the church, believers) say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take and drink the water of life without cost. -Revelation 22:17 AMP

For previous books on the amazing love of Jesus, check out, Visions of Celestial Love and Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. 

"Ashley Thompson’s book, Visions of Celestial Love is just that, a visionary work of epic proportions. It is glimpses into a loving and remarkable relationship with the creator of the universe. You are invited to Dive into stories of love and compassion, healing and provision, loss and recovery, profound grace and faith. Ashley draws us in with her descriptive prose and unique style of writing. There are so many stories to relate to in this book and I’m sure you will find your own story among the many that are told here. So, find your favorite spot, your favorite beverage, and curl up with “Visions of Celestial Love”!" -Amazon Reviewer
"Romantic Rendezvous is a beautiful invitation into intimacy with Jesus! Ashley has done a masterful job of creating stories that depict the heart of the Father. I have truly been blessed by this book! As I read each story, I felt the closeness of Jesus and had continual reminders of how deep the Fathers love is for me. From the very first chapter, I felt the flame of my heart be rekindled with God's goodness and love. This book is a must read!" -Amazon Reviewer

Worship Him

He’s so beautiful, isn’t He? Look at Him, the desire of the nations. The world trembles for his presence again. (I don’t own any rights to this beautiful music or video):

Beauty – Bethel Music – YouTube

xoxo

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Trisha and Noble: A Story of Purity in Romance (Part 4)

She grew up in church and has never been in a relationship, he’s a prestigious male model with a scarlet past on a search for redemption…

~This is a snippet of part 4 to my short story series on Trisha and Noble (A godly romance for teens and young adults). To read part one, Salvation at Snow Café, click here or to purchase part one and two, in my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, click here.

Every day for two weeks my cell phone rang almost constantly, and my emails filled with messages from people who sought to pull me back to my past. I knew I needed to cut my contract with Anthony if I truly wanted to be free from these incessant invitations, but I was hesitant.

Old temptations and new temptations presented themselves daily. Even in church, I found myself being watched by young women who were modest enough to never solicitate me but found it difficult to ignore my presence in the room. Susan, a young woman I met during my time in the gym, was particularly bold in her flirtations with me. She was a shapely blonde with icy blue eyes like my own and lips the color of pink roses. I did my best to ignore her and predict the times she wouldn’t be in the gym so I could avoid her.

At least four times a week, I paid a visit to my parents. Daily I spoke with pastor Thomas. We just finished reading the book of 1st Corinthians together. I found chapter 7 particulalry interesting and pastor Thomas lingered longer on this chapter with me. He read with conviction as we sat over strong coffee and a delicious breakfast his wife Meg had prepared.

“…because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband…the husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs…”

I took a bite of seasoned poached eggs and crispy bacon. I was surprised to find such detailed instructions about sex in the Bible. I observed pastor Thomas as he read and was happily surprised when I saw he had not a hint of an embarrassed blush or hesitancy. He read comfortably.

“…do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control…”

My interest peaked and I interrupted his reading, “Can I ask you an honest question?”

He lifted his eyes from the Bible and replied, “of course. Ask me anything you’d like.”

I half-smiled, “is it common for Christians to abstain from sex with their spouses because of prayer?”

He shrugged, “some people do.”

My smile slowly dwindled as I voiced my next question, “As the prayer pastor, do you fast from sex very often and how does your wife feel about that?”

Pastor Thomas didn’t blink or flinch in reaction, “she and I always agree before we fast. Sometimes the church holds a congregrational fast where everyone fasts. It doesn’t have to be from sex. Sometimes people fast certain foods or drinks. Sometimes people fast from social media or doing certain activities. My wife and I chose when to fast from sex and instead of using the time we would normally have dates with or sex with…we pray together. So instead of becoming physically one we become one spiritually as we agree in prayer together…”

Meg, who was standing in the kitchen came with a fresh pot of coffee and creamer to refill our mugs. She was plain but pretty. Her pale straw blonde hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, and she had sea green eyes. Her face had a few fine lines from her seasoned years and when she smiled, crows’ feet wrinkles edged her eyes drawing further attention to the aquamarine gleaming color around her irises. “It might be hard to believe,” she began as she refilled our coffee, “but spending time together in prayer with my husband is emotionally and spiritually fulfilling for us. We recenter ourselves, we often have great conversations that help us come into agreement mentally and I like it just as much as having sex…if not more.”

Pastor Thomas winked, “I like it almost as much but not quite.”

I chortled at his confession before thanking Meg for sharing.

Pastor Thomas continued with the chapter. The portion about Paul’s instructions to the singles in the city of Corinth also caught my attention. I was a little perturbed when Paul advised the singles to stay single so that they could be fully devoted to God and not worry about the crisis facing the church during his day. Pastor Thomas explained some things about the terrible persecution Christians faced during those days and it made sense to me afterward why Paul would give such advice.

“…if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust…if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin…”  

I chewed my food and thought about the last things pastor Thomas read.

“Do you have any questions?” he asked, seeing I was deep in thought.

I took a swig of water to wash down my food, “it seems like Paul encouraged married life for those who can’t control their bodily desires.”

Pastor Thomas nodded, “your assessment is generally correct. But I want to add an important note that there’s a great difference between lust and love. The Bible tells you to flee from youthful lusts but not to flee from love. If you really love someone, you will want to protect them, you wouldn’t want to do anything selfish to dishonor them or tempt them to break God’s law.”

I glanced out the window, thinking of how God had enabled me by his grace and Spirit to keep myself from falling sexually. However, I wasn’t sure how long it would last. I was a little worried about being able to keep this new rule.

“How did you keep yourself from sex before marriage?” I asked.

“It wasn’t always easy,” pastor Thomas began. He ate a bite of food before continuing, “thankfully I had a great church community, my parents were strong Christians, and we openly discussed these things. I gave myself boundaries to keep myself from situations where I knew I would be tempted.”

“Care to give an example?”

“Sure. For example, I never rode in a car with the opposite sex. On missions’ trips, I always stayed in separate housing for men only. I had a great group of guy friends, and we kept each other accountable. I did many things to prevent myself from falling this way. Elders in the church surrounded me…”

I interjected, “Most people don’t follow such puritanic rules like that pastor. And even if they did, even fewer have the support system that you did.” I gave a wry half-smile. I was doubtful his method of abstinence was realistic.

Pastor Thomas spoke up, “most people aren’t following Jesus like a real disciple. They have yet to decide to take up their cross, deny themselves and follow him as Lord. Most people accept him as Savior and leave the lordship aspect behind because it’s so contrarian and opposite of our democratic system and culture. They don’t understand what it’s like to serve a king so willingly and completely,” he took a generous drink of coffee and set down his large mug. I felt a sense of conviction rise from within me at his words.

His face took on a more somber tone, “unfortunately, your last statement is true. I wish more Christians had the support system the Bible talks about. Jesus taught and did life with his disciples. They had close and frequent fellowship.”

“So that’s why you’re so involved with all the young adults at church?”

Pastor Thomas nodded again, “yes. At least the ones who profess they want to seriously follow Jesus.”

We ate some bites of food before he spoke again, “to finish answering your original question of how I avoided sex before marriage. The most important thing I did was develop my own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I fell in love with God and grew in prayer, grace and wisdom.”

His statements struck me, “how do you fall in love with God?”

He smiled, “you spend time with him. You communicate with him and learn how to hear his communication.”

“That sounds like something Trisha told me.”

We finished our breakfast and discussed another time to meet up for Bible reading. It had been a fourteen-day journey. And every Bible study, Thomas would ask me if I was ready to choose Jesus above my attraction to my past and the trappings of it. Every time I responded without complete surety. I wanted Jesus. I wanted to grow in Him. I also hated some of his rules and the restrictions I had recently discovered in the Bible.

Yet, I was attracted to him. I was attracted to him as eyes naturally gravitate toward light. I had grown close to Thomas, and I admired him more than I admired any male figure I had ever known. In all our meetings, Thomas treated me with a distinction I couldn’t put my finger on. He wasn’t quite a father figure, but neither was our relationship like peers or friends. He wasn’t totally like a mentor, but I always learned something when we were together. He was straight shooter with me but somehow always kind.

I wanted what Thomas had: integrity, holiness, joy, peace, clear conviction, a clean conscious, a noble soul, and a deep connection with God as I had never known. But I also wanted to appease my flesh. I wanted to control my money. I wanted to travel where I wanted when I wanted. I still wanted to be free to live my life on my own terms. And I also wanted Trisha and was mad that God had placed such a hard line in her life regarding relationships. For several nights, I dreamed of her warm cinnamon eyes and a dull ache always accompanied. I felt hungry for more in our relationship.

-To explore the beginning of Trisha and Noble’s romance, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. You can also find snippets of their story in my blog page by looking up their names in the search bar.

“This was the most captivating, read I had in a while. It warmed my heart, made me feel loved, and gave me a desire to want a more intimate relationship.”- Starlyn, Amazon Reviewer

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Royal Righteousness to Replace Shame

This testimony is shared in the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To read the original version, click here.

But YOU will be called the priests of the LORD; they will speak of you as ministers of our God; you will feed on the wealth of nations, and you will boast in their riches. In place of your shame, you will have a double portion; in place of disgrace, they will rejoice over their share. So they will possess double in their land, and eternal joy will be theirs. -Isaiah 61:6-7 (emphasis mine)

I have found that shame was the number one tool the devil used to keep me in bondage throughout my early Christian walk. During one of my first visits to Charis Bible College, the Father gave me a vision of myself. One of the worship leaders began keying what sounded like a spontaneous worship song on the stage piano. She created melodic and beautiful music on the keys.

Within seconds I saw a vision of myself kneeling on a still, watery floor. The water was so calm it appeared like glass. I was robed in a dark shirt and pants. Jesus began walking toward me to embrace me. Instead of receiving his love, I turned my face away and held out my hands as if pushing the air to discourage him from seeing me.

“No, no!” I cried. “Stay away from me.”

 I closed my eyes tightly until he “left.” I didn’t think of myself as worthy enough to look at him. Being a gentleman, he walked away (although he never truly left). When I opened my eyes again and didn’t see him. I began to feel lonely and I regretted pushing him away.

Before I could cry because of my poor decision, my black clothes began to transform into a beautiful pink dress with twinkling lights that moved. After I saw that I was more prettily donned, I felt worthier and my heart began to desire to see Jesus.

As if the water below me heard the silent language of my heart, it began to rise in large drops. It was like reverse rain. Large drops of water solidified and formed a spiral staircase that had the appearance of precious stone. The stairway led up to the heavens, beyond the starry dome ceiling. As I gazed up, I saw billions upon billions of stars. They twinkled and shimmered like silver, blue, green, gold and purple glitter refracting light. Star dust painted the sky like aurora lights and cosmic clouds.

Unconsciously, I knew the stairway would lead me to God. It was like Jacob’s ladder in a way. I began to ascend the stairs but before I could reach the top, Jesus reappeared. This time, I didn’t turn him away, because he had dealt with my shame by clothing me in a gown of royal righteousness.

I also believe he appeared before I could reach the top because he wanted to show me that I didn’t have to labor for intimacy. He didn’t want me to. He wanted to show me that he was always wanting connection with me.

And that he was the only way to the Father, who lived up the stairs…

In the same way, I pray Jesus shows you a picture of yourself clothed with royal righteousness. You are a child of God. Thus, you are royalty. You don’t ever have to earn your way to God because Jesus paid the ultimate price for the veil to be torn that separated you from God. The work is already finished. You are perfectly loved by God. Your body has been made into the temple of the Holy Spirit. Christ, the Lord lives in your heart by faith. All your sins have been washed away. You have no stains. You are a new creation in Christ and you have been given a righteous nature.

“Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.” -Colossians 1:22

Reflection Questions:

  1. Are you dealing with any level of shame in your life? If yes, why?
  2. Are you currently struggling with faith righteousness? In what ways have you personally allowed Jesus to show you that you are the righteousness of God through him (not by your works but his finished work)? “For it is by graceyou have been saved,through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works,so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8–9 NIV) “This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile.” (Romans 3:22 NIV) Look up 2 Corinthians 5:21.
  3. Would you describe yourself as more God-reliant or self-reliant?

“This book is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. It invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Amazon Reviewer

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Deep Worship

“For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.” -Isaiah 54:5

This allegorical love sonnet of worship/adoration, may be uncomfortable for some as it messes with limiting beliefs about nearness in relationship with Jesus. I wrote this poem, when I was unmarried and living out my single years in purity, faith and growing connection with Jesus. This sonnet is a shadow of the mystery Paul wrote about when he symbolically described the relationship between husband and wife with the relationship between Christ and the church. During my single years, Jesus showed me what it was like to be naked and unashamed and to enter into the “dark” holy of holies (in the deepest part of the temple) where no outside light was able to pierce through the thick veil. Only the light from the ark of the covenant (which represented his presence) illuminated the private chambers where man could touch God and God could touch man. In my imagination, the sound of the wings of the seraphim flying is terrifying wind music to my ears as they circle the glorious throne where the worthy One sits as King of kings and Lord of lords (Isaiah 6:3). Jesus is coming back for a bride without spot or wrinkle. (Ephesians 5:27) He is thrilled and excited to see his bride at the altar of Revelation, clothed in holiness with fiery singlehearted devotion for Him.

He Took Me Away

He took me away.

And I drank from the deep waters.

My heart’s desires equate to him. Every longing that pulses through my blood cries for him.

My heart is a bottomless well, a creation that was made for the rivers of life to flow through by his Holy Spirit.

He took me away.

And I worshipped!

I worshiped in his deep Presence!

Clouds of dark purple and blue surrounded me. I was in a place in his Spirit. And He was alive! He was in the air. He was within the floor, He was in the landscape.

My entire soul attached herself to him and I gave him everything. All of me was attached to him, and strings from Heaven bound my soul to his heart, and I drank from the deep waters. I gave him everything fiercely and with holy devotion.

I married this Man, this God of all gods, this King of all kings, the ruler of all the universes, the Maker of the heavens and earth.

The place where I walked dripped water as I took my first few steps. I reached out and felt the fog, and crystal clear water gushed out, flowing down and then disappearing into the bioluminescent mist.

White banners, like glinting snow were put in my hands and I flowed with them like liquid. I waved, spun, jumped, jerked, fell prostrate, rose up again, and became entranced by his Presence.

The energy from his throne was incredible, overwhelming, and heavy with holiness and power. I felt like a battery being overcharged, being shocked by waves of electric spiritual energy.

My body could do nothing but submit and move to flow of the bioelectric-spiritual signals in his Presence. My soul could do nothing but weep and rejoice at the same time. My spirit came alive, and she returned his love song.

He pulled me with his music. He called to me in his fierce and holy love. He whispered my name in longing affection. And He declared, breaking every idol, breaking all claims anyone had over me (including mother, father, and friend), “I Am her God!”

I exploded, and my flags were turned into swords that I wielded like an expert swordsman. They gleamed like silver in firelight and the sheen of them, like ember flames, were seen in the smoke of his Shekinah cloud where I praised, and gloried in his presence.

The swords became an extension of my arms, an instrument of worship. For love is as strong as death, this jealousy as consuming as the grave (Song of Songs 8:6) . And love is both tenderness and toughness. Love is both supple and hard. Love is both embracing and ferocious.

Love is a Lion, love is a Lamb.

I pictured Jesus/Yeshua. He took me to the mountaintops. I held his hand, completely romanced by his great love. I joined myself with him. And his blood became my own. His heartbeat became the rhythm in my body. His breath became my oxygen and wind.

Once atop the mountain, He showed me a beautiful part of his kingdom. Waterfalls poured forth water so clear, they burned with the gold of the sunset, and became light.

Rainforests sent forth sweet incense as dewy fog into the sky that glittered with billions upon billions of stars. Space dust colored the sky, painting it with hues of royalty and mystery. Flaming stars with streaks behind them moved like sea creatures. The sky was alive, the cosmos were living, and I could see them more clearly than I ever have. Yet, at the same time the sun shone, streaking part of the horizon with aureate light, like spilled golden paint.

Animals moved upon the land, from the great elephant to the small perched bird. Everything was alive! A river flowed through the land, a great heartbeat was in the soil echoing into the heart of eternity, kissing the air with love worship. Creation groaned no more but sang the song it had waited centuries to sing! (Romans 8:22)

Then I tasted in my understanding a piece of John the Baptist’s joy. He, who was friend to the Bridegroom, rejoiced in the Bridegroom’s joy at the sight of his Beloved (John 3:29). I felt in my heart this was the celebratory song of creation.

Yeshua extended his hand showing me this. As fascinating and breathtaking as it was, my eyes fell and stayed upon his scared wrists. Wrists that bled holy, princely, royal blood for me. These were the scars that healed me, yet my heart was torn from seeing them, from knowing He suffered great pain, and cried anguished tears from his pain.

He saw me. Eyes that knew everything about me, my every thought and attitude both past, present, and future saw me.

He pulled me to Himself. His arms wrapped around me and I pressed my head against his chest. I was so close, but it wasn’t enough, it didn’t satisfy.

“Let me enter You,” I silently pleaded. “Let me into your heart. I want to taste from the deep, deep water. The water without price. Simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing. I want to eat of the bread, and bind myself to You forever (Isaiah 55:1-2). I want to become yours forever. And I want to be connected to your church, Your bride forever. Connect my soul with Your Spirit. For You said in your Word, ‘unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood you have no life in you.” (John 6:54)

He let me in and I sunk into his eternal heart. I dissolved into his being, and it was there that I worshiped.

Above me I caught a glimpse of the living creatures, covering their eyes and feet, and flying at the same time as they cried, “Holy, holy, holy.” (Revelation 4:8)

Worthy are You King! Worthy are You to be praised! There is no other like You! No one worthy of worship!

I want to live in Your romance. I was made for no other atmosphere, made to enjoy sweet intimacy with my King in the bedchamber of worship.

I feel the woman’s heart when she says, “Take me away with You—let us hurry! Let the King take me into His chambers! We rejoice and delight in you; we will savor your loving more than wine. How right they are to adore You!” (Song of Songs 1:4 NIV).

Her desire is my own. Rightly do I love You!

He took me away with him. I took from the well of His Spirit and prayed, “Let this water cause everything in me to long for and desire You.”

When I dipped my cupped hands in the diamond water and drank, a deep place in me desired to go down into the well. To find the beginning of this great love, to partake of the first note in the eternal love song. I dove in, knowing there was no end.

There are no words to describe the thirst.

This is what man was made for.

This is the reason a man should leave his father and mother and be joined together with his wife…and the two shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

This is worship.

Union with I Am.

Marriage, in all its beauty, is only a foreshadow of how He created us to know (be in relationship) Him.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about Christ and the church. – the apostle Paul in his Ephesian epistle 5:31-32 (emphasis mine)

For more exploration of the Bridegroom love of Jesus, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul by clicking here.

“As I read, I quickly became enthralled with this book, so beautifully written in the language of love. Each of these short stories so accurately reflects the romantic and wooing heart of the Bridegroom which draws you to Himself into a deeper place of love and intimacy. If you have not yet experienced romantic intimacy with God, I’m confident that this book will set you on course. It’s bound to warm your soul and whet your desire for your own heart-to-heart conversations and experiences with God. The author creatively ministers to the soul, bringing truth to light in the most tangible ways; you will feel that God is speaking directly to you, and He most certainly is! Some stories caused me to be drawn away into remembrance of my own experiences and conversations with God that have freed my soul; others caused me to reevaluate my heart’s commitment to my first Husband and cry out for forgiveness; and yet others simply took me on a delightful and exciting adventure of what the beginning of a holy, unadulterated love looks like – so refreshing to the soul! I commend the author for using her creative gifting to share personal reflections and heart intimacies which I know could only come from the deep well of Father’s heart. I highly recommend this book as a must read!” -Marina Garcia

For a breathtaking worship song on intimacy with Christ, listen below (I don’t own any rights to this beautiful, holy song):

Copyright 2011 Catherine Mullins Music

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Love is the Greatest

~I wrote this scene in the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, to honor the woman who has loved me like a spiritual mother. She is a living display of God’s unconditional love and grace in the lives of others. And I truly believe the words that I wrote in this scene were inspired and reflect a small sample of God’s love and delight in her. Enjoy!

Chapter 12

“For who is greater? He who is reclining (at meat), or he who is ministering? Is it not he who is reclining (at meat)? And I — I am in your midst as he who is ministering.” —Luke 22:27 YLT

Angel began saying grace. “Heavenly Father, thank you for this meal that we are about to receive. We pray that it will bring nourishment to our bodies. God, we ask that as we eat and converse that our speech will be pleasing to you. Let it be like Christ is in the midst of us, edifying us all with his presence, truth, and love. We love you Father, and we thank you for all of our blessings. I ask that you especially bless this young man who came so quickly to our aid this morning and offered to fix our pipes for free. Multiply the goodness that he has shown us back to him a hundred-fold. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

“Amen,” Jesus said, and I echoed the same.

Angel lifted a spoonful of fish to her mouth.

I broke off a piece of bread and nibbled on it.

“You remember Daniel?” Jesus asked Angel.

“Daniel…the prophet?” Angel asked slowly between bites.

“Yes, him.”

“I remember certain things about him, yes,” she chuckled nervously. “This isn’t a Bible quiz or anything like that is it?”

“Oh no. No quiz.”

Angel swallowed. “Okay, good. What about Daniel?”

“He was called greatly beloved of God by the angel who was carrying a message for him.”[i]

Angel nodded and took up another bite of fish. Her facial expression lifted with pleasure as the taste of fish touched her palate.

“You were right,” she said and sucked wet fish sauce off her fingers. “The sumac adds something special to the boiled fish. It’s perfect.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Jesus said, and then cleared his throat before continuing on. “The angel told him that God heard him the first time he asked for the message, even though it was delayed in coming.”

Once again, Angel nodded.

“Angel,” Jesus said, turning toward her intently, “your prayers are so valued by our Father that even before you ask, he answers them. He anticipates the desires of your heart and he moves to act on your behalf.”

Angel stopped chewing and her eyes locked on Jesus’ face.

Jesus didn’t delay but continued unabashed, “Your heart is the home of his Son. You are his temple, his daughter. When you ask for something, you have the power to persuade his heart, simply because of his great love for you and because your desires are pure. You have served him well by washing the feet of his children. As I said earlier, you are pretty famous in the Father’s house.”

Angel stiffened and I couldn’t read her face because her back was turned to me. Before long, I noticed the quivering of her shoulders, and soon I heard a soft cry. Her glasses fogged up and she removed them from the bridge of her nose, which was lightly speckled with cinnamon brown freckles. She shakily wiped at her lenses with the edge of her robe.

“I would ask you how you know these things. Are you a prophet?”

“No,” Jesus said with an endearing smile on his face. “You know that’s not true. You knew who I was when you let me in your house. Don’t give in to the doubts that block out your child-like faith.”

Angel’s hands stilled. She let her glasses lay in her lap before wiping away the tears gathering in her chestnut brown eyes.

“You know me really well,” Jesus said, and took hold of one of her hands. Their bronze complexions almost matched, except her skin was more darkly hued. He folded his hand over hers and stroked the surface of her hand with his thumb. Angel covered her mouth with her free hand to stifle her cries.

I was beginning to think Jesus had this effect on everyone.

After several minutes of trying to compose herself, Angel managed a low mutter. “Lord?” She looked him up and down before her eyes shifted over his face. “Is it really you?”

“Yes,” Jesus said, his smile bright. “Earlier, you prayed that I would be in your midst…I Am.”[ii]

Angel took his hand up and kissed his fingers reverently before pushing her chair back. It made a scraping noise. She moved to bow at his feet. Surprisingly he let her and with one hand he made a smooth stroke of her hair. She pressed her forehead to the cold sand-tan tile and her hot tears fell.

Jesus’ visage shone down upon her and then he looked upon me, “She is one of those who wears an invisible crown on her head. For when I was hungry she fed me, when I was thirsty she gave me something to drink, when I was a stranger she invited me in, when I needed clothes she clothed me, when I was sick she looked after me, and when I was in prison she visited me.[iii] She did all of this by loving on others in my name and trusting me to be her strength.”  

Angel’s clothing altered and I saw that she was in a pure white dress fit for a queenly bride. The multiple skirts of her gown had whimsical layers. Each layer had a unique glory of its own—almost as if they represented different seasons in her walk with Jesus. I tried to count the airy folds, but they were too many. Tiny flakes of melted white gold glimmered in her gown. A sash, the gossamer color of golden beryl, was draped across her right shoulder and curved left to her waist. It was beatific.

An equal colorful crown rested on her nutmeg brown hair. She had a single gold chain tied around her neck, which hung like a huge tear drop. Inside the tear drop was a sapphire blue gem, the reflective color of the heavens.

From within her belly, I saw what appeared like rivers of water coursing in circles. It was living water with life in itself. It was building in speed and mass. Prompted and inspired by the Holy Spirit within her, Angel began to sing in tongues—it was the most beautiful song. I felt goosebumps break out on my legs and arms as I realized that she was worshipping in Spirit and in truth. As her heavenly language poured forth from her lips, the blue gemstone necklace began to radiate and I saw the rivers of Spirit water begin to flow from her body.

After clasping Jesus’ ankles and kissing his feet, she bent her head back to look up at him.

He cupped her face and kissed her forehead, “Arise, my beloved, my dove, my fair one.”[iv] He released her face, took hold of her by the elbows, and helped her to her feet. She retrieved her specks from the chair and sat down.

When she moved to brush off an airy piece of chair fabric lint from her glasses, I noticed she was blind to the spiritual frock she was clothed in. I wondered why it was masked from her vision, but seen by me?

I wanted her to know how spotlessly adorned she really was, but when I caught sight of Jesus I knew that my questions could wait.

“I’ve sat at this kitchen table with you many times, Angel, and I’ve enjoyed every second that you’ve sought my face. Not one minute has ever gone to waste or been unnoticed.”

“I always knew you were with me, even if I couldn’t sense it.”

Or see it, I thought.

“Truly, you have given my heart much pleasure and you’ve ministered to me many times through your surrender and purity.”

The chai began to boil and then foam in the pot on the stove. Tiny milky bronze bubbles started to rise, permeating the air with sweet and spicy aroma. I stood and hastily made my way to the stove to turn off the burner before the tea boiled over.

I retrieved two café au lait mugs made of smooth green ceramic before pouring Angel and Jesus a cup.

My hands began trembling as I made my way back to the table. I set their tea down beside them, grateful that I hadn’t spilled it.

There was a holy weight in the air. My knees felt a little heavy as I went back in the heart of the kitchen to get myself a cup.

Angel was beaming and she couldn’t even see it.

I managed to pour myself some of the fragrant tea without spilling. When I neared my chair, I almost buckled into it. I let my head rest in my hand and chose to enjoy the presence of the Holy Spirit, who was filling the room.

It felt like a river was lapping at my feet, but when I glanced down, all I saw was the tile flooring.

My thoughts drifted like autumn leaves to the scriptures in First Kings that spoke of the dedication of the temple. I remembered that the cloud of God’s presence filled the chambers, so the priests couldn’t even stand to minister, for the glory of the Lord diffused the very air.[v]

Indeed, Angel was truly a priest unto God, living out a seemingly plain life that was drenched with charitable deeds. She was known by her goodness and generosity to many.

“Do you smell that? The smoke?” Jesus asked her.

Angel glanced up, as did I, to find that we were all inside a cloud. She took a long inhale and slowly released air.

She nodded, clearly liking the aroma.

“It’s all your good deeds. These have risen to the Father as a holy, sweet incense. It is more pleasing to him than you understand.” Jesus’ warm eyes glimmered. “Angel, you have tapped into a tender part of our Father’s heart. You have discovered that love is the most excellent way.[vi]

“Indeed, while some have sought the miraculous and searched for signs, you have sought the most valuable thing—the love of God. And in doing so, you have really sought God, for he is love.[vii] Truly, where miracles and wonders cannot change the hearts of men, take Israel in the desert for example, consistent godly love can.

“Love never fails. It has the power to do what miracles cannot. It transforms the heart. It opens up the hearts of men to see me and my Father as we are. Therefore, it softens and enriches the soils of people’s hearts to receive grace and truth by faith…and thus live. Your love has opened the hearts of many to receive the seed of my Word.

“Love is the purest catalyst for miracles and the reason behind every miracle I ever performed. Your lifestyle of good deeds points back to the Father’s heart and many cannot deny he exists, because of your example.

“And while miracles are important, and many of my brothers have disregarded the precious gift of healing that I died for, you have found the way that fulfills all the law and the prophets.

“What you have done in Noelani’s life and the life of many of my people will never go unrewarded. You have surely been a priest by serving my people and reflecting me to them.”

Overcome now, Angel buried her face in her hands. She sobbed and laughed simultaneously.

[i] Daniel 10:11

[ii] John 18:6

[iii] Matthew 25:35-36

[iv] Song of Solomon 2:10

[v] 1 Kings 8:10–12

[vi] 1 Corinthians 12:27-13:1-13

[vii] 1 John 4:7

To check out the original version of, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, click here.

“This book is filled with amazing love stories. These stories bring hope to the deepest part of your heart and soul. The writer keeps you engaged so much that it’s as if you are there experiencing the emotions and feelings of the characters. Your heart will race. Your heart will flutter. You’ll feel the presence of the king. You’ll find yourself falling more and more in love with Jesus as you realize and experience the unending love he has for you.

If you’re struggling with your relationship with Jesus, this book is for you.

If you are grounded and solid in your relation with Jesus, this book is for you.

If you want to know him … it’s for you. If you are seeking love ….start here.” –Pastor Irene Torres, Marriage and Family pastor at Our Father’s House church. Irene carries a powerful testimony of family restoration and transformation. Her passion is to help families build strong and healthy relationships that prosper in unity. Irene carries a gifting to help others see God’s glory inside themselves so they too can rise up and live to bring God glory. Irene has a Bachelors in Christian Leadership and a Masters in Governmental Development.

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Valentine: His Healing for the Hurting Heart

-This snippet is taken from the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul.

The rich truth in Jesus’s words began settling over me like a weighty revelation. For a moment, I stared at a stately marble pillar decorated with a large ruby. Flames from nearby heat lamps danced on the glassy surface of the ruby like burning carmine and gold stars.   

Jesus grabbed one of my hands with one of his, before completely covering it with his other hand. The feeling of his large palm over my skin was comforting. I studied the terrain of his swarthy skin with my sensors and experienced the paradox of toughness and gentleness in his touch. His palm carried the callouses of carpentry as well as the softness of a Healer.

Temporarily putting my question aside, Jesus stated soothingly, “The fertile soil of your heart has already been made wet with my presence. Your heart is a garden that only needs to receive the healing words that I speak.”

“Healing,” I whispered, mostly to myself as a broken place in my heart called out. I winced in pain and patted my heart with my free hand as if to comfort the splintered place.

Jesus continued with a compassionate look in his eyes, “You cannot ignore nor belittle the damage that’s been done to your heart through lies and wounding experiences. Nor should you berate your heart by condemning it for hurting. Your heart is my treasure.”

“But the hurt is still there.”

“I know my dear, that’s why I’ve come. My compassions are kindled together for you.”

I didn’t fully believe his words, so I unconsciously began to turn away from his gaze. I felt sorry for giving him a cold shoulder. I willed myself to face him again but some sinister lie in my mind fought against it. Outside of myself, the same unwelcome presence that had followed me for months hovered near, feeding this lie.

“I am not what religion has taught you. I do not look upon a wounded person in a ditch and sneer at them with consternation and ask, ‘Where is your faith?’ I do not jeer at the bruised. I will not break a bruised reed, nor will I snuff out a smoldering wick.[i] I am not cold nor indifferent. Don’t put any pressure on your heart that I don’t place there.”

I faced him now, “It’s so hard for me to not pressure myself, because I genuinely want to be perfect for you. I want to be everything that you deserve and a daughter who always pleases her heavenly Father.”

“You are already pleasing to me. You don’t have to deserve me or any part of your heavenly inheritance in me. Father has already qualified you to share in this blessing along with all the saints.[ii] All you must do is repent by believing you already are all these things in me. You’ve been re-created in me and born of our Father’s Spirit. You have been given freedom. You just haven’t accepted it yet.”

“It’s that kind of faith that seems so impossible for me to reach. Because I feel I must somehow earn it in order to be it.”

“Do you remember when I told you on our drive to the lake that faith works by love?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“A lack of faith in Father is simply a result of lovelessness. You don’t believe how much he loves you. Neither do you fully believe my finished work in making you holy before our Father.”

“After all you’ve done, both tonight and over two thousand years ago, it’s amazing to me, in the worst possible way, that I still don’t believe the way you love me. I must need a lot more healing than I realized.”

“Yes, you do. But that’s why I came to you tonight. It’s also why I came for you over two thousand years ago. Your need does not intimidate me like it does you. It excites me because my supply is far greater than any need you have, and I look forward to fulfilling it. I’m looking forward to your future with much anticipation.”

“That makes one of us,” I said heavily before explaining myself. “I haven’t looked forward to the future much this year.”

“I know,” Jesus said compassionately. “I am excited for the continual healing that is coming your way.” He smiled with a look of great hope in his eyes.

“I thought I needed faith first in order for you to heal me?” I voiced, feeling like I kept ping-ponging the same question using different verbiage.

“You’ve been given a measure of faith according to my word.”

“Wait, I don’t have enough faith to be your bride and fully surrender to the Truth, yet I have enough faith for you to heal my heart?”

“If your heart is healed you will accept my proposal and surrender. Faith for healing is the starting place for you. A whole heart is capable of living fearlessly. Let me heal you by your continually feeding on my truth and abiding in my presence. My love will go into every cracked place and bind together the broken places. Think of my love as curative sap entering into the aching and burned places to restore and piece together. This ministry of healing is just as important as physical healing. As Isaiah wrote, the Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to bind up the broken hearted.[iii] So, let me love you for as long as it takes. I plan on loving you for eternity. Why should you lack patience with yourself about your faith when I don’t?”

My lips slowly smeared into a smile like butter on hot bread.

“I shouldn’t,” I said, feeling a small bit of relief.

Jesus smiled as well and lifted his hand to caress my cheek, “That’s right, beloved. Besides, I am the author and completer of your faith.[iv] You need only to spend time with me and continually receive my word for your faith to be energized. Guilt and condemnation diminish faith, whereas love quickens it.”[v]

Discussion Questions for Chapter 7:

What moved you most in this chapter? Why? Have you ever felt the need to compare yourself with others—what they are able to offer Jesus (the analogy of crowns in this chapter) only to discover that all Jesus really wants is more of you? True treasures are only offered through his grace.

Who or what are you trusting in the most right now? (“The only perfection required is trust and willingness. Who and what you trust will always be who you follow. In essence, your god…and you will always find your safety in it.”)

In what ways has your faith been quickened and energized by the love of God? In what ways has your faith been diminished through condemnation? Ask God to show you more of his love in a way that quickens your faith.

If Jesus personally proposed to you, would you say yes? Would you be willing to throw off your old identity and truly live from his perspective of you?

Scripture Meditation: “For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6 NASB)

Scripture Endnotes:

[i] Isaiah 42:3

[ii] Colossians 1:12

[iii] Isaiah 61:1

[iv] Hebrews 12:2

[v] Galatians 5:6

This snippet was adapted from the unrevised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To dive deeper into its intimate pages, click here.

“This book is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. It invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Amazon Reviewer

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Coffee House Ministry

~This snippet is taken from my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul:

“What makes your beloved better than any other?
What is it about him…?” – Jerusalem Maiden, Brides-to-Be

—Song of Songs 5:9b TPT

Vaporous spicy aromas licked the air with heat. Warm ginger mingled with clove. Pine kissed ground coffee scents. Chai danced with vanilla. And nutmeg blended with buttery pear creating a bath of incense. A group of teenagers sat on a plush, ruby red sofa drinking piquant drinks from decorative mugs. They shared headphones and watched videos on their laptops, which were resting on their legs. An old couple sharing a booth, sat across from one another talking. The wife reached a pale, trembling hand over her husband’s tan, leathery one. His opaque eyes misted as he looked upon her, and I felt his ripe love for her like hot honey in my chest. Some young adults were seated around a wooden oval table doing homework. I guessed they were all a part of a study group. Still there were others scattered about. I passed by a small girl with pigtails happily eating a lemon tart dessert.

When Jesus walked in, I expected him to stand on a table and evangelize. Instead, he walked right up to the counter to greet a comely barista. Her thick, brown hair was weaved in the back and hung like glossy rope with tawny blonde highlights. She had clear green eyes like olive oil and lips the color of crushed raspberries.

“Good evening, sir. How may I help you?” she asked perfunctorily.

She looked frazzled and her day must have been long, for although she looked at Jesus, she didn’t see him. He was just another customer. It was almost as if her pretty eyes were shuttered by the repetitive routine of work. She glanced at me and asked the same question before her eyes fell to the cash register, ready to proceed with her normal protocol.

I ordered an apple spice tea with sweet buttercream drizzle. “Good choice,” she said without feeling.

Jesus remained silent for a few seconds. His eyes scanned her as she stared at the cash register waiting for him to order next. She glanced up at him when he said nothing.

“What would you recommend, Diane?” he asked, with deeply compassionate eyes and a warm smile. I knew he asked that question only to rouse her.

Her eyes quickened slightly, and her shoulders perked up. “That depends. How are you feeling?”

Jesus answered with a bright smile, “I’m feeling like I could use something with a kick of zest in it.”

The corners of Diane’s lips slightly lifted at his charming and welcoming visage. “We have pineapple tea with ginger root. That usually provides a nice kick.”

“That sounds good, but I’d like to hear other options.”

Diane began to read off to Jesus a list of other teas and coffees that were energy boosters. She went through the entire list before he asked, “Which ones are your favorites? For those nights where you need a booster?”

Diane chortled softly. “It would be the spiked cider or the whiskey Irish creamed coffee,” she said with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. “But if you’re looking for a nonalcoholic solution, I’d recommend the hot chocolate supreme. It has a few shots of caffeine.”

By this time my tea was finished, and I picked up my order before finding a nearby table. I knew Jesus was ministering to Diane.

“What if I didn’t want anything with alcohol or caffeine in it?” Jesus asked, his demeanor still warm.

“Then the pineapple ginger is your best bet, but you can choose from these other teas,” she said fingering a few, her eyes fixed on the list. “Like I said it really just depends on how you feel.”

“How do you feel?” Jesus asked her.

His question surprised her, and I noted a flicker of shock cross her face before she masked it with her customary employee visage.

“I feel like I could use a booster myself,” she said politely.

“I know a booster that you can’t get in a tea or a coffee or anything material but it always works. And I’d like to give it to you if you’re willing.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “It always works?”

Jesus gave a gentle laugh. “It hasn’t failed yet. Millions of people who’ve had this would tell you so, from centuries ago to modern day, from all around the world to right in this city.”

“How much is it?”

“It’s completely free.”

Diane’s eyebrows creased slightly, and she tilted her head trying to discern Jesus. Nothing but waves of love came off him. She glimpsed around. Everyone had been served, and her fellow co-worker had gone into the kitchen.

“What is it?” she asked, partly suspicious.

“Not what, but who.”

Misunderstanding his intent, Diane stated, “I have a boyfriend.”

Jesus nodded. “I know you do, and I’m not coming onto you if that’s what you’re thinking…at least not in that way.”

Diane pressed her lips together. “Then…?”

“It’s Jesus.”

Diane rolled her eyes. “Please, sir, I’ve had enough of religious jargon. And I’m too old to believe or be humored by fairy tales.”

“I would disagree,” Jesus said kindly.

“What would you like to drink?” Diane asked, cutting him off.

“Humor me for a moment, Diane.”

Diane gave an audible sigh and then shrugged. She stared him up and down again before her demeanor softened. “Okay,” she said cautiously.

“I don’t doubt that you’ve had enough of religious jargon. I’ve had enough of it myself. But I do question whether or not you’re being truthful about fairy tales.”

Diane arched an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms.

Jesus continued, “Think of it. Most movies are composed of fairy tales, even the action ones. There’s some level of magic in them—of superhuman strength, of beauty, of endurance, of ideal romance, of triumph and adventure beyond common life. Most songs consist of a yearning for superhuman love. Many best-selling books are littered with these noble ideas that are often fleeting in human experience, yet they are an ever-constant source of ache and desire in the human heart.”

Diane’s lips untightened and her arms slowly uncrossed.

Jesus expounded, “If those aren’t fairy tales, then I don’t know what is. Every human heart longs to experience something more than the dreariness of life. That’s why people stuff themselves with fancies, be it food, relationships, temporary thrills like theme parks, drugs, movies, vacations, promotions, possessions, whatever it be. The soul of man knows there’s something more that it was created for, and so most people numb this yearning by stuffing it with entertainment. The only problem is,” he paused, and his eyes deepened; “Is that they’re trying to fill an eternal ache with temporary things. Worldly things can never mask heavenly desire. Many have tried, and all of them have failed. Do you not find yourself entertained by these things, Diane?”

When Diane didn’t answer, Jesus replied, “I know you do.” His tone was thick with bowls of compassion that rose like sweet fragrance.

“Well, religious people entertain themselves with rules and criticizing others. At least ‘secular’ people seek happiness over hate,” Diane retorted. Although her facial expression was defiant, her voice was strained, and I caught a glimpse of sorrow in her eyes before she drew it back.

Jesus reached out to Diane with such compassion that I felt a lump rise to my throat.

“Religious people do. You’re right. And I’m sorry for everyone that has hurt you. Truly, I am. Many people are so busy making religion their god that they don’t allow God in their religion. Turns out religion is much more easily manageable than God. Those people you speak of are afraid. They may not even know it, but they are. Pride is a form of fear. They seek control, perfection, a way to escape chaos. They are desperate to measure up for fear of rejection, failure, exposure, whatever the fear is. They have so many layers of behavior modifications and thought processes piled on top of their fear that they can’t even detect it. They look to somehow redeem themselves. But there is only one Redeemer. There is only one love that casts out all fear and those who have that are not religious. That’s what I want to offer you tonight.”

Jesus paused and stared deeply into her eyes. “Diane, the happiness that people seek is Jesus. Eternal happiness can be found in nothing else.”

Diane’s eyes watered and she closed them. Her breath shook a little as she tried to compose herself, “You speak as if you know him. No Christian has ever spoken to me like that.”

Jesus reached out and gently touched her arm. She collapsed into tears at his warm touch, and I knew she was feeling his love for the first time. It was as if the pores of her skin opened up to his liquid love. Diane covered her face with her hands and tried hard not to weep so loudly.

Customers noticed and passed curious glances. Some seemed concerned that whoever was touching her had somehow hurt her, but their thoughts quickly turned when he lifted his hand and caressed the side of her face. Diane grabbed and then pressed his hand against her cheek with hers. Her teeth clenched as she sobbed.

“Do you feel that?” Jesus asked, his voice rough with emotion.

“It’s like fire in my heart,” she sobbed, choking on tears. Her skin became damp with sweat from crying so hard and from the heat of his love. Her smooth skin reddened until her nose was like plumb sauce. Her tears, snot, and saliva got on Jesus’ hand, but it didn’t bother him. He was smiling. He was happy and content…

~To read the full story, click here.

For centuries, the female heart has burned with desire for the lasting pleasure of unchanging love. In the course of time, civilizations have risen and fallen, yet the longing for tangible intimacy has never faded. Millions of lyrics have been written to the passionate tune of this fluid yearning.

Unfortunately, few people find the lasting love they’ve longed for, even as children. Life, education, and societal pressures transform what was once a tangible hope into a mythical fairy tale. Industries have reaped unlimited monetary gain from the erosion of this hope. Billions of girls grow up to become women who have long since tossed their dreams of true love in the trash bin of cynicism. Countless others have buried their ache of unmet desire under the disappointment of failed relationships and hopelessness.

Despite most women’s best attempts, this starved craving remains alive, like a stimulating aroma. This ethereal hope goes back to the first relationship, in a place of being so “seen” and “lovingly known” that “she” was naked and unashamed.

This novella was not written to add salt to the gaping wound of unsatisfied need. It was written to satisfy the need completely. Let Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul introduce you to a lasting relationship with Transcendent Love, where reality becomes sweeter than your dreams.

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