The Power of Trust

He delighteth not in the strength of the horse: He taketh not pleasure in the legs of man. The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy. -Psalm 147:10-11

Trust is Our Strength

God never meant for us to live by the power of our own strength. Trying to live by our own power is the expression of a lack of faith in Him. He calls us to trust fully in His strength and power because we know that He is full of love, mercy, and righteousness. Scripture is filled with this message of God’s strengthening grace.

It took me awhile to understand that God wasn’t impressed by my natural talents, abilities, or endurance. While the world prizes this, especially in famous people, God doesn’t take delight in it. Rather, God takes delight in those who are captivated in His beauty, goodness, mercy, ability, power, and love. In essence, God is pleased with those who place their trust in Him and not in themselves apart from Him.

The miracle of the Gospel and the revelation of the power of God’s kingdom by His Spirit through His Son’s sacrifice is revealed by trust. When we leave the realm of self-trust to God trust, the supernatural power of God is activated and miracles, signs and wonders follow. Think of all the miracles of old: the parting of the red sea, the slaying of Goliath, the walls of Jericho crumbling None of these wonders happened by the strength and power of man (their legs), it happened by the power of God through those who allowed Him to be their strength. To those who trusted in His mercy. May we “fear” (worship and honor) Him enough to let Him be God in our lives and follow His plans.

Prayer

Father God, I come before You in Jesus name and I acknowledge You as my power, my strength, my God, and the source of my life. Father, I pray that You will lead me to levels of deeper trust in your mercy and your goodness to care for me. By faith, I allow You to be my strength. I humble myself before You in childlike trust because You are a loving Father. Cause me to hope in your mercy in a way that displays the power of your Gospel and honors Jesus Christ. Holy Spirit, flow through my life and fill me with peace and the knowledge of God’s will for my life. In Jesus name, amen.

Beautiful Character

The Lord is [rigidly] righteous in all His ways and gracious and merciful in all His works. -Psalm 145: 17

Beautiful Character

David understood the character of God and his intimate knowledge of God helped him to trust the Lord in the worst of circumstances. This personal knowledge of the One who is trustworthy also helped David accomplish great feats, walk in integrity, make wise decisions, and establish a kingdom full of righteousness, peace, prosperity, and worship. David operated as a brave king and he was frequently filled by the Holy Spirit to even slip into priestly roles in leading worship, prophesying, and drawing hearts to the Lord.

I still remember the day I first began to understand Psalm 145:17. The term “the Lord” represents a ruler. Jesus is the King of kings and the Lord of lords. His position requires respect, honor, and willing servitude. David goes on to say that our great Lord is “rigidly righteous in all His ways.” This means that the Lord is always right. Everything thing he does is purely good, like crystal. All his judgements are perfect. Nothing he decides is wrong. Whether we know it or not, we crave a leader like this. Because his ways are true and just, we can trust him to always do what is right. He is holy.

Later, David says that our Lord is “gracious and merciful in all his works.” We are the work of his hands according to Isaiah 64:8. While God is perfect and holy, he extends grace and mercy in all that he does. This means that his holiness (rigid righteousness) has a core of love. He pours out grace. He is merciful in his dealings with you.

It is a great and beautiful mystery to have a God who is rigid in righteousness and yet gracious and merciful toward the work of his hands. God is the perfect Father. He is full of love and compassion toward you as his child, and all his decisions regarding your life can be trusted because all his decisions are right. You can trust him to lead and guide your life. He wants only good things for you! Another analogy that might be helpful is to imagine the holiness of God as the sun. While the sun is so bright we cannot touch it or look upon it without special glasses that shield our eyes, the light and warmth that pours from the sun gives light and life to everything on earth. This is an example of how beautiful God’s holiness and love are combined.

Prayer

Father God, I pray that you would open the eyes of my heart to see your righteousness as truly beautiful. I pray that you will help me trust that you only emit true goodness, mercy, grace, and righteousness in all your works. Help me to understand that I am the work of your hands and that you are my good Father. Lord, help me to know you deeply in a way that transforms my life and our relationship. May others bask in the light and warmth of your righteousness and grace that fill my life. In Jesus name, amen.


If you enjoyed this short devotional, you would likely find refreshment in my devotional book, Visions of Celestial Love (An Invitation into Healing Intimacy).

“Come, all you are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat wha tis good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” – Isaiah 55:1-2 NIV

Are you ready to taste of the sweet delicacies of God in a deeply reviving and personal way? For those who want to drink, for those who want to eat and be refreshed and renewed, Visions of Celestial Love is a feast between you and the King of Heaven, who loves you more than anyone else. He invites you to dine on wholesome, good, savory food and delicious, zesty, fruitful drink. He awaits you with a sparkle in His eye. He is ready for your company. He delights to have you as a guest.

“Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” – Song of Songs 5:1 NIV

“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel

Intimacy: A Tribute to My Husband

“The joy and beauty of marriage are divinely designed. Nothing in human imagination could have created such an intimate, wonderful relational unmasking of self. There is a sweet security and a vulnerable nakedness that is wholesome and liberating.”


Stephen,

You are one of the biggest blessings God has ever given me. Thank you for loving me past the fear. Thank you for loving me first. I can truly say I am in covenant with you because you loved me first… I can only say that with one other Person…Jesus Christ. He loved me past my greatest fears and did everything to mend the breach between myself and Father’s love.

Every now and again I get asked this question (from mostly younger women), “when did you know you were in love with Stephen?” The truth is I don’t know…I can’t name a day or time. It was truly as if my heart for him was like a large thanksgiving cooking pot of cold water… and someone put my heart on the stove on low heat. Funny thing about cooking that way is the part of the pot closets to the fire is the deepest water. It’s not heat from the top down but the down up. It was a deeply spiritual and soulful heating/stirring of love…one that has enriched my life in every way. 

I’ve learned something about cooking and that’s if you patiently blend totally different spices together on low for a long time, they merge into something savory. This is like God’s command for two to become one. Two souls in the furnace of God’s heart blending together. I often wondered what scripture meant when it said Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. In my youthful (unmarried) thinking I supposed it was only physical. It wasn’t until Sunday night when I looked into your eyes that I truly experienced the blessedness of that verse. Your eyes weren’t shuttered in any way. They were open pools of blue that I had dived in many times. They were open flames of a heart that was swung wide for me (as if your soul was a living room with a rocking chair built for me). They were unconditional love that I had now received as a resting place…that I now considered home. And I was unashamed to look back and to take in your affections. Not in kisses and passion…but in soul connection. 

There once would have been a day where I would have glanced away in fear. Fear and love are two powerful forces that cannot coexist, but perfect love always casts out fear. I once heard the word intimacy described as, “into me, you see.” I’ve looked into many eyes…parents, siblings…other brothers and sisters in Christ…but no set of eyes ever felt so transparent and so one with my own soul like yours did a few nights ago. I’ve never been one with anyone except Jesus (and I’ve seen His eyes before in visions. And in those pictures, I’ve found myself looking away for how consuming, captivating, intense and fiery His heart showed through His eyes…like a light I couldn’t behold for fear of going blind). 

Our marriage is a growing picture of Christ & the Church…something I prayed for many years ago. A sonnet written in a lush garden and golden palace like Songs of Solomon. A spiritual connection like Jesus and the Holy Spirit (who is the Helper like a wife is to be a helpmeet to her husband. God is still teaching me about that one). I’ll never forget the morning God showed me that scripture in a new light. The one in psalms 133:2 where it says, “how wonderful it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. It is like oil dripping down the beard of Aaron the high priest.” It describes this oil running down his garments. The one thing about oil is that once it’s on your skin or clothes it absorbs into you and the fabric…scenting everything with itself. He revealed to me that Christ is our High Priest now/forever and that oil always represented the Holy Spirit/anointing/strength. Jesus was anointed with the Holy Spirit… and every believer who has the Holy Spirit (which is everyone who accepts Jesus) is marked/sealed according to Ephesians 1:13 as belonging to God/Christ.  And we are to be one with Him like a husband and wife are to be one. The Holy Spirit has probably been my #1 advocate in training me how to be one with you.

 I’ll never forget the 1st year of our marriage whenever the enemy would tempt me to even think the slightest negative thought about you The Holy Spirit would ask me, “why are you thinking this against yourself?” I would reply, “I’m not being tempted to think this about myself but about my husband.” And He would always remind me, “but you and him are one.” This happened several times until I realized in God’s eyes, we really are united as one. Our unity has become a foundational stone in the building of all that I am… and all I will be. My connection with you is second only to Christ and I know this blessing of marriage as God designed it to be as the greatest experience of heaven on earth, I’ve had…except in my own quarters when I’m alone with Christ…my heavenly Bridegroom. 

There are no words that I can pen that could describe our unity by God. No signature could define this elation, bliss, and merriment of being naked and unashamed. It’s as if we are taken back to the garden of Eden (our daughter’s name now) to experience what Adam and Eve had before the fall. Life as God meant it… unified to Him and each other.

Upcoming Book, His Liberating Flame

A first glance into my next book project😍!!!

Expected release date: Fall 2024.


I have really stretched my ability as a writer and expanded my mold as a creator with this project. There are so many things to say about this project but so far three of my favorite quotes are:

“…Pity without action is useless. Pity with action is compassion.”

“This isn’t about what you’ve done but what’s been done for you and it’s not about who you are but who lives inside of you.”

“…there’s a great difference between lust and love. The Bible tells you to flee from youthful lusts but not to flee from love. If you really love someone, you will want to protect them. You wouldn’t want to do anything selfish to dishonor them or tempt them to break God’s law.”

Synopsis:

She grew up in church and has never been in a relationship, he’s a prestigious male model with a scarlet past in search of redemption…

Noble has been anything but what his name implies. As a popular male model since adolescence who’s dated his fair share of influential women, he’s spent a decade living a financially lucrative, infamously party lifestyle, full of international and local gigs. But the glamor of stardom has tarnished, and the taste of self-indulgence has soured in his stomach. The drugs, fame and sound of raving fans heralding his name cannot appease the growing emptiness gnawing at his soul.

On the brink of imploding, he seeks a respite from his cunning agent and his intoxicating, actress girlfriend. Noble takes a spontaneous trip to his conservative, small hometown where he’s left behind an estranged relationship with his parents. There, on a cold, snowy night he encounters a captivating light in a modest barista, Trisha, who breathes hope into his soul and helps him unravel the gilded cords that once ensnared him tightly.

Their fateful rendezvous is the catalyst that ushers him on a redemptive path. But Noble’s dark past pursues him ardently, and his former addictions begin to weaken his will.

Will the celestial light he experienced be able to withstand the encroaching darkness that threatens to engulf him? 


A Sneak Peek into the Pages:

~Enjoy this snippet from, His Liberating Flame. Book 1: Escaping the Past.

Prologue

            Cold sweat broke out on Noble’s skin and nausea churned his insides until he felt sick enough to vomit. He sat up in bed, a long groan carried through his exhale. The fine silk sheets slowly fell from his bare, muscular torso and gathered around his washboard abs. Moonlight streamed in from his master bedroom Tuscan mansion windows, which were as tall as doors, illuminating the room. The creamy white light bounced off mahogany and oakwood furniture with brass knobs. The stained-glass painting depicting the starry sky over a rolling ocean seemed to glow with glimmers of cyan and cobalt blue. The pearly walls were like desert sand, picking up and reflecting the silvery light spilling in.

Beside him in his king-sized bed was his tempestuous girlfriend, Alyssa. She was an up-and-coming actress. Her luxurious strawberry blonde hair was spread across the fluffy pillows, and she slept deeply. Not wishing to wake her, he attempted to carefully cross his legs over the side until his feet touched the carpet. He was a little unsteady in his motions.

What time is it? He wondered, and examined the immaculate room, forgetting where he was for a moment. Out the window, the familiar hills glowing with the emanating lights of other mansions brought recognition.

Just then, it dawned on him where he was.

Home.

A sudden swell of pain erupted in his stomach, and he convulsed. He slid a shaky hand through his enviable summer brown hair, digging his fingers unnaturally hard against his scalp. He grunted and swore.

 Alyssa made a soft stirring noise, and Noble looked over his shoulder at her. She blinked and her green eyes were shrouded with the glaze of narcotics. She reached for him, lightly brushing her fingers against his side before shutting her eyes again, seemingly satisfied once she touched his skin. She looked as if she were in a state of oblivion, but even then, he noted she was still clingy.

  He wondered if she thought her sudden, yet expected reappearance in his life would amend their last breakup. He hoped not.

  A sickening feeling ascended and then ebbed in his stomach again like the rhythmic movements of lapping waves against a shore. He clutched his stomach responsively.

 What had she given me to take the night before?

He couldn’t remember. His mind revibrated with rapid thoughts like a hollow ball ping ponging, causing vibrational pain near his temples. He had been stoned out of his mind the night before. Whatever concoction Alyssa had mustered was “new” and supposed to help ease his tension.

It did much more than promised. It had knocked him out cold!

One minute they were deliriously wrapped up in each other’s arms on his bed, and the next minute, he had been sucked into the twilight zone.

It was as if she could always tell when he was in a weakened state to make her reappearance in his life after a split. As he fought another oncoming wave of nausea, he couldn’t help but wonder if Alyssa’s addiction would one day become dangerously fatal.

He had lost a coworker, Nick, earlier in the year due to an overdose on sedatives. Nick had drowned in his Nordica sauna tub. He was only twenty-two. Attending his funeral was a sobering affair. After the funeral, Noble spoke with Alyssa about seeking help for her addiction. He was worried for her physical safety and mental sanity, but she saw his suggestion as an condescending accusation. She never sought aid.

She had BPD, borderline personality disorder, with an acute fear of abandonment. She took sedatives to ease her anxiety and depression and to suppress her toxic viper side. He had no idea how troublesome their relationship would be.

The first time they met was during a raving party that his agent had finagled him into. It was mainly for rich musicians and actors, but he was invited. The place was popping with security, flashing cameras and hype music. Men and women smoked tobacco, and sigs, giving off aromatic nicotine.

Noble saw Alyssa from across the smokey room. The multi-colored strobe lights from the ceiling flashed on her smooth, creamy skin and fringe dress with rose gold tassels. Her seductive beauty immediately attracted him. They gravitated toward one another. Later, that night, they snuck out for drinks, dodging some paparazzi that were circling the estate where the party was being held. They visited a club where rich, young influencers like them hung out to have a good time. It was there that Noble saw her fun-loving, flirtatious, and confident side. He was drawn in by her charisma like a magnet, not realizing she was like the moon; one side was bright, while the other was completely black.

They danced and quickly became physical. Within a week their relationship “accidentally” hit the press thanks to some informed paparazzi. Noble never intended to go far with her, but fans from both sides became obsessed with their romance and eventually through social media, their followers started calling them “Nolyssa.”

In his opinion it was a dumb name, but it spread like wildfire and proved to be profitable as their social circles widened. Sales interest perked up and agencies from both sides of their spheres became interested in making collaborations.

Noble and Alyssa were sitting on one of his many leather couches in his third living room, when they talked about how to maximize their growing popularity while they could. She was wearing one of his shirts which was obviously too big for her, and her long, slender legs rested over the arm of the chesterfield as her head lay in his lap. She was excited to come out as a couple and said they were “official,” not just because of the media, but because she was now in his clothes and in his house. He stroked her glossy hair and they kissed passionately with anticipation building between them.

For a few months they lived it up, going to every party, making social appearances, being interviewed in gossip-riddled tabloids, and even doing some television commercials together. Alyssa was invited to join some of the female models who were paired with him for a runway, and she soaked it up, enjoying the wardrobe changes, the constant flashing lights, and the googling eyes of onlookers. It was fun. It was wild. It was hot. They were both on fire, but it was becoming painfully obvious to Noble they would burn each other to the ground if they stayed together.

Their disagreements started off innocent and small enough, like most couples, but then he realized Alyssa was obsessive and tried to control things she had no business with. During their social exposure, she would occasionally interrupt him while he was speaking on camera to answer a question that was directed at him. She began imputing her opinion on his wardrobe, especially when they went to gatherings as a couple—she wanted them to match or for him to wear a specific outfit. She began critiquing his diet, although hers was erratic and included much intermittent fasting and downloads of drugs that helped her to curb her appetite and keep her slender figure.

What was worse was that she was quickly becoming like invasive moss over his life, spreading her opinions like moss gives out spores. She would stay at his place for days before going home. She began rearranging the furniture to please her tastes. They had never agreed to live together, so Noble wasn’t sure why she thought this was acceptable. Eventually, she even began giving suggestions on what contracts and offers he should enter into as if she were his wife.

He hated feeling controlled—his agent had enough control of his life, and he certainly didn’t want it from his girlfriend. It was a sore spot for him since adolescence and the source of uncharacteristic rage. It began with his father, whom he hadn’t spoken to in years. He accused Alyssa of being controlling and she accused him of being proud.

Their third month together was rocky. They broke up and got back together again at least a dozen times. Although they were terrible for each other, Alyssa always became desperate when Noble brought out obvious discrepancies in their relationship and asked for distance.

After separating, she would approach him first or he would go to her, and they would inevitably get high or drunk before becoming physical. Usually within a week, the eventual arguing would start. Their arguments would turn aggressive, and she began throwing things at him. After breaking enough of his nice furnishings, he would split up with her and then a few days would go by before they were back at it again. It was a vicious cycle.

Noble pressed his fists against his temple and tried to shake off the dense fog that clouded his thoughts.

What could have happened that was so bad that he would let Alyssa intoxicate him?

Finally, after several minutes he recalled coming home under a lot of stress from his shrewd modeling agent who had booked him out for the next month. The agenda was filled with five or more jobs a day, from sunrise to sunset with no weekends off. The schedule he gave was so overwhelmingly busy that Noble felt it was closer to slave labor.

The minute Noble walked into his office after reviewing his schedule, Anthony slickly rose from his lacquered redwood table and offered him a glass of scotch. With a smooth tongue that might as well have been forked like a serpent, he went on to tell Noble in a fatherly tone how amazing this opportunity was for him.

A trace of a knowing smug lifted the corner of his thin lips. He always wore that meniscal smile. Noble had come to know this was his speechless way of telling him that he was really in charge of his life, and he had no real ultimate say in matters—regardless of how advantageous he painted his decisions.  His olive tanned skin, and black pepper hair with salty grays at the temples gave him a sophisticated, wolverine appearance.

They had gotten into a huge quarrel full of explicit cussing and until Noble finally stormed out of the room breathing threats that he wouldn’t put up with Anthony for much longer. Noble could still hear Anthony’s last parting words, “you’ll wake up and thank me for everything you’ve become one day.”

Noble gritted his teeth thinking of all the international traveling that would become his life for the next four weeks.

How did Anthony expect him to work multiple shows a day for weeks, with no breaks? All the international travel, time changes, jet leg and his long overdue, unspent vacation hours wasn’t adding up to equal to a pleasant trip. He imagined all the alcohol he would surely gulp down and the pills he would pop just to keep from imploding within himself or passing out.

Noble raked his hand through his summer brown hair and swore again under his breath.

He couldn’t do this anymore.

He wouldn’t do this anymore!

Unbeknownst to Anthony, he hated what he had become.

He dreaded the ceaseless crowds full of screaming women that pierced his eardrums until he felt like sirens were going off in his brain. He was gorged on self-indulgence, materialism, and fame. It had rotted in his gut. He loathed the pretension that his life as a wealthy top model with a gorgeous actress girlfriend was a golden pedestal to be praised; when inside of him there slowly formed an insatiable hunger like a black hole longing for something he couldn’t place; something that was existentially good and filling, but out of this world as far as he was concerned.

He thought this life of stardom and copious sell-pleasing would fulfill him. It was what he had passionately wanted. For several years it had been, but now it was rapidly losing its appeal. 

But what else was there?

This was the life he had broken with his past for. He had given up everything he’d known for this.

He stood, feeling wobbly at first and made his way to the bathroom just in time for the drugs he had swallowed to come out in violent gag motions. After it was over, the acidic taste of bile burned in the back of his throat. Sickened and feeling emptied, he slumped by the commode, and he didn’t rise until he felt strong enough.

Here he was, the fantasy of thousands of women and the state’s upcoming “most sexy man alive,” slumping by a commode after an ugly vomit.

He gave a self-deprecating chuckle.

If only my fans could see me now.

A wry smile twisted his desired lips.

Eventually, he moseyed his way into the master kitchen, passing three of his redwood butler pantries and the opal, and lapis lazuli stone tiled bar counters, that he had meticulously searched for and eventually hired a special designer for. The counters always reminded him of the starry constellations or reflective sunlight on the Pacific Ocean. Few people understood his inspiration for this particular design, even as they gaped at it in admiration. Unfortunately, his counters were full of Alyssa’s things so he could barely see royal blue colors mingled with the flecks of white rainbow colors that shimmered in the opal. 

He grabbed a glass of mineral water from his stainless-steel refrigerator and downed it. He turned on his coffee maker and stood by his tall glass paneled windows facing east to catch the sunrise, they were twelve feet high and easily showed him the heavens as well as the earth below.

A rubicund dipping canyon was before him, but above him was the night sky. He looked up, hoping to see starlight and a strange longing from his childhood rapped at his conscience.

The snowy mountains.  

Wildlife under the aurora lights.

A deep sadness that had been building in him for nearly eighteen months surfaced again. He missed the way things were before his fame. He could barely see any stars due to the smog in Lost Angels and the eyesore city lights that seemed to never go out. He sighed and made some salted coffee. Suddenly cold, he turned on the heated flooring and slumped on one of his many white, faux leather couches.

He couldn’t go through with this. Not this time. He couldn’t imagine doing a month’s worth of international runways, gigs, and parties in Europe. After 8 years of living at a rat race pace with Anthony at the wheel, and no vacation, he felt on the edge of a mental breakdown.

The stardom and licentious living that he once craved so mightily, that he tore away from his parents, now left him wanting.

Hours later, Alyssa arose and took a hot shower. She appeared slightly out of sorts, despite her perfect makeup and bold red lipstick. She was dressed in a nice sequin nude dress with tall Louboutin heels and a long animal fur coat. Diamond teardrop earrings hung from her ears. She went about collecting her things.

“Do you have everything?” Noble asked from the couch as she stilled.

“Yes darling,” she said with a sing-song rhythm. She eyed him with her seafoam green eyes before checking her phone. She had a photoshoot to do this morning, thanks to his connections, and she didn’t want to run late.

“Break a leg,” he said standing from his leather couch.

She blew him a kiss from across the room, her rubicund lipstick, staining her milky palm, “after you.”

He felt no comfort or warmth from her actions. Strangely, he felt numbed by her presence as if she were a block of ice, within his chest, slowing down his blood circulation.

She strapped her Hermes purse across her shoulder and said she would see him tonight. He wondered what made her think she could make plans to be at his house without any consent from him. He knew her sweetness would turn into venom, as it usually did when she was not high or under the influence of some substance. He didn’t want to handle that tonight.

“Babe… I would like to be alone tonight.” Noble stated.

There was a slight pause as she gawked at him. Within a flash she thrust a glass of expensive Lafite Rothschild. It flew in his direction, and he narrowly dodged it in time. As the glass broke, deep maroon liquid splashed everywhere like blood.

She went feral and her cold green eyes glinted with anger.

“You promised me! You promised me you wouldn’t shut me out!” She yelled, her temper rising despite the sedatives that were losing their potency. She kept increasing her measures as her body numbed to the effects.

Noble stared at the scattered glass across his floor and frowned.

Yes, he had promised her that when he was buzzed out of his mind and was in such a stupor, they could do nothing more than laugh nonsensically and speak out of their rear ends. Any words of faithfulness he had “promised” her last night were worth nothing. But he didn’t want to outright remind her of their oblivious state nor the worthlessness of his promise. He had to be more tactful than that with her.

“That’s not what I’m doing.” he said, trying to sound calm, knowing things would rapidly escalate if he lost his cool.

“Yes, it is!” she said undeterred.

“No, it isn’t.” he finally dragged his eyes away from his stained carpet, wondering how soon he should call up a maid and meet Alyssa’s gaze.

She crumbled the second their eyes met.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a breathy voice. She came at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and jumbling out words that made no sense. Her words began to slur and the anxiety she gave off was almost palpable. He felt repelled being near her. He lifted his hands to her elbows to gently pull her away but the minute he did, she clutched him tighter.

“You can’t shut me out! I need you!”

“I think you need a psychiatrist, and a doctor,” he said, smelling the drugs in her breath, despite her heady floral perfume.

 He untangled her arms from him and put firm hands on her shoulder, both to keep her away and to reason with her, “calm down before you do something you regret…again.”

 He led her in a breathing exercise they had practiced before. She resisted at first but then began to follow along.  She went still and for a brief second, he thought he had successfully calmed her down and prevented another maddening episode.

But then she narrowed her eyes to him and started talking. She started saying how much she needed him and then the accusations of how he failed her as a lover began. Before long they were arguing. Noble had enough of their verbal spars and told her they were over for good this time. She screamed and cussed at him before spontaneously breaking out in tears.

What’s wrong with her?

What did she take?

This was a little extreme, even for her.

“You never loved me,” she spat in self-pity.

“Come on Alyssa,” Noble sighed without compassion, “love was never a part of the equation, and you knew that walking in.”

He didn’t like her playing the innocent victim because she was far from it. Although a female, she was just as much of a perpetrator as he was.

Her mood shifted back to anger.

“You used me!” she charged, “You just wanted more fame and used his popularity as an actress to grow your own!”

Noble crossed his arms, not denying her accusation but not totally agreeing with it either.

“We used each other,” he stated matter-of-factly, “you wanted in on the modeling world and so dating me opened more opportunities for you. I wanted more commercial exposure and so dating you expanded this for me.”

They both knew she had been in partnership with Anthony in exposing them as a couple in the first few days of their relationship. She knew full well that he wasn’t ready, but she had done it in a grasping way to prolong her relationship with him—a fear instinct from her rejection issues. Anthony had done it for monetary reasons.

She clamped her lips shut, even though her eyes sparkled with rage, she couldn’t deflect the truth.

“I’ve given you more than you’ve ever given me,” she retorted, “you’ve made a killing on the TV ads I helped open up for you.”

“You can thank my shrewd agent for that.” he said, knowing the underlying reason why Anthony had moved boundaries to get him into parties with young, influential women for years. Even though it felt like an excuse to bring Anthony into the conversation, and he hated that, it was factual.

Every hookup equaled more media exposure for Noble, and thus lined both his and Anthony’s pocket. According to Anthony everyone won with more media attention. His idea of a bonus was, Noble got pleasure out of it, the women would get fleeting happiness out of it, and he would get richer through it. Win-win according to him. Noble had to admit Anthony’s tactics, while lacking moral purity, did get results.

Once Noble ditched his original hope of becoming a teenage sports model and acquired Anthony as an agent, he used this and many other apathetic maneuvers to increase Noble’s popularity.

“Life is about climbing the ladder of success, even if the ladder is made of human heads.” Anthony would say with a dour laugh.

Noble now had a mansion with four garages, three luxury vehicles, an inordinately large fan base for a model, a private guard and driver and more money than he knew what to do with.

For all appearances, Anthony had been right about climbing the ladder.

But all that fame had slowly eaten away at Noble’s soul, his once conservative-based sense of ethics had all but evaporated, his sense of autonomy had diminished, and he was addicted like many others in his world—a rich slave to his own passions.

“You’re a low-down rotten playboy!” Alyssa spat.

“If I’m a playboy, then you can hop away, little bunny.” Noble said coldly, dismissing her with his hand. He was more than ready for her to leave his place and his life.  

Alyssa swore and began ranting again. Noble thought the nightmare would never end but then her phone vibrated alerting her that she was running late.

She threw many insults his way and, in his anger, he threw a few back at her before she left.  

It didn’t take him long after that to realize he needed to get away. He called the usual cleaning service to tidy up his place while he packed his belongings. He quickly had his guard, Alonzo, change the locks so Alyssa couldn’t get in. He was a burly man with broad shoulders, a tall frame and warm brown skin the color of hazelnut. He was also the most efficient security guard Noble had in all his years of modeling, and he seemed to be good at everything he was instructed to do. 

Noble met him outside, before the tall metal gate hidden by thick green bushes. Under his stately, stone white trellis with climbing blossoming vines leading into the winding path toward his mansion, they conversed.

“Nobody is allowed on his property while I’m away. If anyone comes to the gate, tell them I’m not taking any visitors and to leave a message with you if it’s important enough.” Noble stated.

Alonzo nodded, shades covering his brown eyes. The morning sunshine bounced off his shiny bald head.

“Will you need an escort or guard sir?” he asked respectfully.

Noble still felt it odd that Alonzo insisted on calling him “sir” when he was more than twice his age—but he allowed his guard this awkward liberty.

Alonzo knew it was unusual for Noble to go anywhere without someone to assist him and he stared thinkingly at him.

“No,” Noble said and gave him a brief pat on the shoulder. Although they barely spoke outside of work-related topics, Noble liked Alonzo.

“Have a good, safe trip sir.” Alonzo spoke, accepting his wishes although he disagreed with them.

Noble nodded, and with bags in hand, he departed.

At first, he didn’t know where he would go, but a faint thought came to his mind. It was light and sweet, like whipped cream on his tongue.

Go home.

He hadn’t been to Pine Castles in ten years on purpose. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing in that small, snowy mountain town that he cared for, except for his parents. He debated the idea before deciding he had nothing to lose. Perhaps three days in the high, clear altitude would clear his brain and give him a sense of peace from the chaos?

He was eight hours from his designation and determined to go for it. His raven black Mercedes was self-driving. His voice activated the AI in his car, and it pulled up the GPS system. Within seconds, the fastest coordination route showed on the screen.

The next five hours of quiet helped clear his head. Long hours of silence weren’t something he was used to, and he enjoyed it very much. For a while, he enjoyed watching the landscape slowly transform from palm branches, illustrious tall buildings, skyscrapers, and mansions into wild, majestic mountains. For miles he took sentimental pleasure in the rural spaces full of natural rocky mountain junipers, fringed sage, Oregon grape holly, prickly pear and one of his favorites growing up for its striking color, redtwig dogwood.

He stopped for a late lunch since he had missed breakfast and shortly thereafter, he dozed off as his car cruised easily up a mountain pass. Coming around the bend, a spacious valley opened, blanketed in pristine white snow. By the time he opened his eyes again, two more hours had gone by. He smiled, knowing he needed rest, and he was grateful for the quiet time he had to catch up on sleep. He saw fresh snow falling from contrasting clouds rippling with the setting rays of the sun and the dark space above. The snow fell like shimmering white gold and was powdery light. A soft smile played on his lips as he looked around. Pleasant memories of himself as a young child playing in snow colored his imagination.

Everything seemed to finally be okay until his addiction to alcohol began filling him with unease. His body began reacting as his mind became obsessed with the thought of having a few drinks. He hadn’t thought to pack any drinks when he planned this spontaneous trip. He searched for the nearest pub but stopped himself.   

No! Noble thought, I will not get wasted on my first night back home!

Angry with himself he flung his phone into the passenger’s seat, but the urging only increased. His dark obsession for drugs arose under the current of his desire for alcohol.

He didn’t want to lose control of his ability to think clearly. Not after what happened with Alyssa. He thought of something else he could do to give himself some sort of appeasement. The only other thing he naturally turned to was women. For years, whenever he felt restless, he would turn to substances or the warmth of a beautiful woman in an attempt to fill his emptiness.

He smiled thinking about having a light-hearted fling with someone new for the next few days while he was on vacation. He could go to a club and easily pick up a quick date. He frowned unexpectedly as he thought of the type of women that would be in a nightclub. He didn’t want another Alyssa in his life, or anyone remotely close to his many ex-girlfriends. No. he wanted someone else. Someone different. Someone sane. And someone…good. 

It had been a long time since he went out with an ordinary, decent woman. For a second, he couldn’t think of a common meeting place for such women, and he gave a self-self-deprecatory chuckle.

“Where the hell should I go?” he wondered out loud.

He stared up at the car ceiling, temporarily frustrated. Wrinkles formed on his forehead as he frowned, thinking hard. It took many minutes before the idea of going to a café came to mind. He searched for nearby cafes, and a few options appeared. Sliding his thumb across the screen, he noticed a new one that didn’t exist before he left home.

Snow Café.

“Something different,” he voiced lowly and took the wheel heading in the direction of Snow Café.

About 15 minutes later he arrived in town at a modest diner. It was aglow with warm light radiating from the windows against the cold dark night. Piles of snow had recently been shoveled and were pushed on one side of the parking lot. The air felt clean and crisp but devoid of the high oxygen saturation that he was used to living at sea level.  Being back in Pine Castles felt surreal. A powerful sensation started low, as if there were an invisible current under his feet, and it began to swell in minute levels. The feeling was so palpable, Noble wondered if it were a last-minute effect of the drugs being cleansed from his nervous system.

Noble locked his car and went inside. Men and women in huge coats, snow boots, scarfs, and other winter apparel, sat around at tables eating, chatting, and drinking hot drinks from decorative mugs. The café was quaint, and well-lit with ceiling lights. No one was in line, so he walked up to the counter and ordered a drink from an older man, Greg, with Santa Clause worthy white hair. He gave Noble a polite smile and poured him a glass of iced water before going to make his hot coco himself. Noble didn’t want anything caffeinated as he planned on getting good sleep tonight. A homemade hot chocolate recipe was the only thing he could quickly think of.

“Take a seat wherever you’d like, sunny,” Greg said after handing Noble his order.

“Thank you.” Noble replied and decided on a table beside the wall of square windows. He sat down and began scanning the room for his next potential fling and then he saw her…


~To read another vivid snippet, click here.

~For a romance novel on divine love, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul.

“Ashley has a very talented gift of weaving words together that display tenderness, compassion and purity. Each story reveals the heart of Jesus towards His children. As you read each one you can see past the characters and feel the depth of Jesus’ heart, as well as the longing for a deeper relationship with Jesus inside yours.” -Amazon review

The Counsel of God

Seeing the hand of God in our lives is one of the greatest joys we can experience as his beloved children.

I’m delighted to share a recent post with you about a series of events where God was clearly in the details. His counsel and wisdom are timeless and watching his plans unfold is like an endless Christmas morning.

I pray you are blessed and encouraged, and I would love to hear about your God-adventures in the comments below!


God is absolutely AMAZING!!!!!! 🥳😍

I’m over elated to work with an anti-trafficking organization established to assist sex trafficking survivors find healing in a Christ-centered, restoration home and to educate the Monterey Bay community about human trafficking! 🕊✨

Years ago, I opened my heart to being used by God to help those who have been through the horrors of trafficking. I still remember praying to him and saying that I was willing to help the suffering if he helped me and protected my daughters. ❤️

In November, I felt like God encouraged me to sign up to sell my books at a community Harvest Festival for MBCC. I obeyed, and my booth was right next to the Board President for this amazing ministry. She asked me what I was selling, and I shared with her about my books and how God healed my heart from deep rejection. I shared with her how I had saw a vision of Heaven in the best-selling book, His Beauty for My Ashes. 🌈

She listened in a way that was so unassuming, peaceful and attentive. I asked her about her booth, and she shared about the antitrafficking ministry. My heart immediately quickened with compassion, and I noticed that the Executive Director shared a part of my name…and she had written a book. The titles between our books were notable. 📚

Later, I perused the website and saw that their partner was “Eden’s Glory.” The name Eden holds such profound spiritual and personal meaning to me (it’s also my firstborn’s name). I filled out their online application for volunteers/staff and waited weeks. No response…⏰⏳

But God was working behind the scenes. ☺️

Near the end of December, I received an email from the Executive Director saying she was so sorry for missing my application (it never happens) and that she would love to have me come in for the trauma awareness training. Now, at this time, I was just finishing up my New Testament Leadership certification which included several counseling classes and i had specifically prayed to God to be able to put my knowledge of healing into practical use (no coincidence). I responded that I would be delighted to come in after my Christmas vacation. 🎁🌲

Little did I know that an event happened which connected me with the Director of Housing. I had no idea she worked there, but she had been moved by the wonderful things God was doing in my life and had been on my website. She told me in December before I went on vacation that she was praying for me. When the Executive Director saw my application and presented it to the Director of Housing who had already been talking to her about me. 🤩

Before I stepped into the job interview, they had decided to hire me!!! 🥳

So many other details aren’t mentioned here, and I am in awe at just how beautifully God is in the details! He is such a personal Father. Living life being led by him is such an adventure! 👑🥰👑🤍!

I am soooooo honored to be a part of the healing journey in the lives of survivors. I am SOOOO excited for the ways I know God will bring comfort, peace and freedom in their lives and I am beyond blessed to be used by him to serve these precious women! 😇💖


For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

-Psalm 139:13-16

My True Home

"You stir us to take pleasure in praising you, because you have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you" -St. Augustine

Take me to a place where I can watch the rain fall on the ocean and still be warm.

Take me to a place where waterfalls refract light and create prismatic rainbows too numerous to count.

Take me to a place, where the breath of God is the rolling fog that forms translucent, moving mountains over great bodies of water.

How I long to be in your presence.

Your presence is the atmosphere of heaven.

You create a fire with flames that warm, heal, and feed me.

You are the dearest treasure to my heart.

You are my morning cry.

You are the great joy of my day.

You are my night longing.

You have given me angels bread to eat.

You have sung me to sleep with the lullabies of heaven, with the melodic music of stringed instruments unheard of by human ears.

You have caused me to taste the divine and nothing on earth has satisfied me since.

You have shown me what true life means.

You are the definition of abundance.

You are more beautiful than the golden rays of the sun coming after a long night.

You are more breathtaking than billions of stars glowing in the constellations.

You are more precious than glinting diamonds.

You are the Creator of everything beautiful and good.

And I am in love with you.

Take me to that place where I long to abide.

To that alcove in your heart.

To that safe place where I can sit in the living room of your thoughts.

Before the fire of your pure compassion.

In the rocking chair of your arms.

Under the chromatic rainbow of your tears.

In the effervescent hot spring of your laughter.

In the galaxy of your eyes.

You are my true home.

And I am only at home in you.


Whom have I in heaven but you?
    I desire you more than anything on earth.
 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
    but God remains the strength of my heart;
    he is mine forever.

-Psalm 73:25-26


For similar devotionals like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love (An Invitation into Healing Intimacy with God).

"Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love." — Jeremy Minard,

Joyful Sparks of Christmas Praise

From my heart to yours, Merry Christmas. 🕯

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. -John 3:16-17 NKJV

“It is nearly impossible to believe God shrinking down to the size of a zygote, implanted in the soft lining of a woman’s womb. God growing fingers and toes. God kicking and hiccupping in utero. God inching down the birth canal and entering this world covered in blood, perhaps into the steady, waiting arms of a midwife. God crying out in hunger. God reaching for his mother’s breasts. God totally relaxed, eyes closed, his chubby little arms raised over his head in a posture of complete trust. God resting in his mother’s lap…” -Rachel Held Evans

Over 2,000 years ago, He came meekly perfuming wells of mercy as our representative, the Son of Man, our Passover (sacrificial) Lamb, the One who died in our place, the One who came to serve, seek and save the lost. He is the One who came to heal the broken-hearted and the sick, the One who came to be touched with the feelings of our troubles and humanness and offer the deepest empathy and compassion 💖:

🎁👑🤍 When God gives a gift…the blessings never end…they go into eternity 💛🥳🙌🏽❤! The gift of Jesus is grandeur than the expanse of the cosmos. His life is more costly than all the jewels and treasures in the world 🌎💎.

I will praise God forever for the gift of Jesus and the peace-giving gift of forgiveness and reconciliation He purchased for us all🕊👑!

I thank God for the gift of relationship with Jesus that brings endless abundance and life 🌱🪴🌳💐🌸!

God becoming human just amazes me time and time again.



I very often read and see things related to Jesus that cause my heart to leap forth in adoration, worship and excitement. Sometimes I feel like a child for how pure and sporadic my soul can leap into praise like someone lighting a match. Praise comes sparking out of me like fireworks crackling through a starry night. I react to the goodness of God with as much (if not more) glee and bliss as someone who has seen the most beautiful, wonderful thing. If you’ve ever been taken aback in awe and wonder at a sight, like a coming gasp at seeing the greatness of the Grand Canyon, then you understand my reactionary worship-born spirit.

“The first time He came, there was no room for Him. The next time He comes the whole world won’t be able to contain His glory.” -John MacArthur

Over two years ago, my heart sang when I saw this post quoting John MacArthur (the picture above)! I could feel first love fire 🔥 inside of me breaking forth in spontaneous worship 🙌🏽🕊💥👑🥰!

The words below began to gush forth from within me in reactionary praise:

“Oh, how I love Him and delight to worship Him.

I excitedly look forward to the day of His return and to worship before Him as never before where my body will never tire to pour out adoration, and praise, and tears of joy and gratitude and passion for this One great, glorious Man who is Truth, Light, Salvation, Love, and everything good we were created for. We came forth from Him. In Him God has rebirthed us and every leader comes from Him. Our only Life. Our High Priest. In Him, through Him, by Him, for Him!!

Hallelujah to the Son of David! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. Faithful and True is His name. Hosanna in the highest heaven 💛👑💥☀️🤗😍!

I look forward to that day when His glory rises over the darkness like the sun’s stunningly, blinding rays pierces the irises of dimmed eyes. May glimmering rays of His glory be seen like shafts of lightning and flickers of candlelight in the hearts of born-again men/women on earth 🌎…those who have surrendered to His amazing love and Lordship and worship Him in Spirit and in Truth ❤🙌🏽.

Oh, for the glory of His name! There is no One so beautiful and magnificent or good than Him ✨!”


Below is one of my favorite Christmas songs. It beautifully captures the finer details of the incarnation of Christ and how natural, yet supernatural His appearing was. How closely He relates to us:

Lyrics:

It’s still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven’s love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah, son of God, servant King
Here with us, You’re here with us

It’s still a mystery to me
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel’s symphony
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven’s love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah, son of God, servant King
Here with us, You’re here with us

You’re here with us

Jesus, the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven’s love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah, son of God, servant King
Here with us

Oh, hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven’s love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah, son of God, servant King
Here with us, You’re here with us
You’re here with us

Songwriters: Joy Elizabeth Williams, Jason Ingram, Ben Glover. For non-commercial use only. (I own no rights to the music or lyrics of this amazing song)

Always remember that He is with you, no matter how you’re feeling or where you are. He is with you, and He loves you. Because you have Him, you have hope.

Have a blessed Merry Christmas 🕊❤🙏🏽✨👑

xoxo


If you enjoy reading devotionals full of worship, praise, and modern psalms, you will most likely love my book, Visions of Celestial Love (An Invitation into Healing Intimacy):

“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel

Holy Fire, Holy Surrender

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died for them and was raised again.… -2 Corinthians 5:14-15

The Bible describes the eyes of Jesus like flames of fire (Revelation 19:12).

In the Old Testament, the most Holy Place was reached only after walking past the flames of sacrifice on the brazen altar. (Exodus 27)

Something had to die so something could live.

A lamb for a man.

Jesus came as the sacrificial Lamb and as the last Adam. (John 1:29, 1 Corinthians 15:45)

In my life God has presented me with the fire of his love and the purifying water of his Word.

He consumes my life with eternity.

Unconditional love is a resurrection.

Because when unconditional love is fully received it brings death to self.

God’s love is not without sacrifice.

If Jesus died, then all die. (2 Corinthians 5:14)

There is a mystery of the gospel spelled out in Romans.

It is a beautiful union with Christ.

Paul describes this as a mental, emotional, bodily and spiritual surrender through affiliation with Christ. (Romans 6)

Hallelujah!

Oh, how sweet!

How victorious!

How gloriously freeing is this death described in scripture!

I die with Him, so I live with Him!

Death to self is nothing to be feared…rather, it’s an invitation to an intimate relationship that is bound together by the greatest power!

We become inseparable!

I become just like Him! (Romans 8:29)

“If you love Me, you will obey Me.” (John 14:15)

A life laid down is only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit.

It can only be birthed by a love that’s worth it!

To walk on water is no greater miracle than to defy the selfish nature, we were all born with.

To habitually deny self is no less miraculous than to be above sickness, disease, the devil and demons.

Oh, to be above…

To be seated with Him in heavenly places above all principality and power. (Ephesians 1: 21-23)

He was so humble as a Man that He followed God in obedience even to death on the cross.

There is no resurrection without the cross.

Then Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. -Matthew 16:24

It’s not an invitation to despair, but to a hope that goes behind the torn veil.

Nothing says I love you, like giving up your whole life.

Marriage is such a small shadow compared to this commitment.

This covenant.

This incredible union.

I live to praise You forever!

To worship You!

To glorify You!

I adore You, Jesus.

It’s easy to surrender.

You make it easy with your love!

A man hasn’t lived until he’s found something he’s willing to die for.

I choose to die to my own human power.

For your supernatural power.

Your divine power that heals the lepers, casts out devils, raises the dead and cures the sick.

I no longer see us as two, but one.

Jesus, you said, “The Father and I are one.” (John 10:30)

Jesus, you prayed that we would be one. (John 17:21)

Paul said, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ Who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20)

I am what I am by the grace of God. (1 Corinthians 15:10)

This is powerful grace.

This is the triumphant love that split hell open and bankrupted it of victory. This is the violent love that caused the grave to tremble and break.

This is the love that smashed the serpents’ skull (the oppressor of mankind).

This is the love that gave everything for YOU.

He spared no expense to save you.

His love compelled him to die even for his enemies to make them his sons.

To give them an everlasting inheritance.

This love that pounds and beats like a lover over his beloved.

This is the love that lives and breathes in my heart.

I hear Him call me daily to oneness.

I hear his sweet song that beckons me to lay down my plans for the glorious life He has prepared for me.

Surrender is harder than sacrifice.

That’s why it’s greater than sacrifice.

“Sacrifice and offerings, You have not desired but a body You have prepared for Me! I say here I Am, it is written about Me in the volume of the Book. I desire to do your will, my God; your law is written within my heart.” (Psalm 40:6-8)

May we know as Paul knew, as the early church knew and as Jesus knew, the glory of living a life fully and completely surrendered to God! May we allow the flame of love that burn in Jesus’s eyes to consume us so that we may truly live heavenly lives!

Inspirational Scriptures:

“For whoever wishes to save his life [in this world] will [eventually] lose it [through death], but whoever loses his life [in this world] for My sake will find it [that is, life with Me for all eternity].” -Matthew 16:25 AMP

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.… -John 12:24-25


For similar allegoric devotionals, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love.

“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia. 

Magazine Feature!

God has been doing so many amazing things!

I feel so incredibly blessed and honored to have been a part of this amazing book project spearheaded by Dr. Sherley.

My chapter, Created in Heaven Born on Earth, is the 1st chapter in the book. It is about the dignity and worth God places on every human being and how we have inherited value because we were created by God Himself, even if we weren’t planned by our parents. I pray this book brings great healing and ministers to the hearts and souls of every reader.

Recently, I was featured in an article on Making Headline News about my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To read the article, click here!

Also, recently, I was added to an international catalog for my life coaching services. I am a certified life breakthrough coach and before 2024, I will be certified in New Testament Leadership. I offer coaching services with prayer counseling to my clients. If you have a God-sized-dream, feel stuck in life, would like a comforting source of cheering you on, a listening ear and a Jesus-loving encourager, I would love to partner with you- as your coach. Email me for more information: nourishmentthroughwords@gmail.com



At the beginning of 2023, with the encouragement of my pastors, I wrote down a list of things I was believing for the year 2023. I prayed about this list as I thoughtfully wrote each one down on a special card. So far, 5 out of 7 have come true.

I believe God loves to make His children’s dreams come true. He places desires and dreams in our hearts, and He does it so we can follow Him, full of trust, into a satisfying life where we feel fulfilled and pour out His goodness to the world around us. I want to encourage you to never let go of the dreams in your heart! The world needs you to fulfill the calling on your life. And nothing will ever make you happier than living a life of closeness with God while seeing your prayers answered and the power of Jesus in your world.

And then God answered: “Write this.
    Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
    so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
    pointing to what’s coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
    And it doesn’t lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
    It’s on its way. It will come right on time
.

-Habakkuk 2:3 MSG

Jesus Weeps with You Healing Through Loss

.-This snippet is from the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. In this chapter, I lovingly engage the narrative behind the “sovereignty of God” teaching that once crippled my faith by incriminating the goodness of God when it came to healing. I hope this snippet helps build your faith, comforts the hurting places in your heart and helps you trust in your heavenly Father’s heart toward you. Jesus came to heal, and it is God’s will that we have abundant life.


Chapter 8: The Accuser

..Jesus smiled with pleasure at my decision to trust his word. He explained, “My love, the adversary has no grounds to accuse you before our Father, because my blood has purified the heavenly holy of holies. I forever sit as your High Priest in heaven. Your right standing with our Father is as secure as mine as long as you never reject me.

“Wow,” I breathed, feeling as if I were inhaling air fragrant with grace.

“As well, Father is not displeased with you. He is not angry with you in the slightest. He has promised never to be incensed against you. He has promised never to rebuke you.[i] This is the Gospel of Peace Isaiah prophesied about. Our Father delights in you and he rejoices over you. You are his well-beloved child.”

I smiled without knowing, “amen” I whispered, feeling at a loss of anything more to say. All I wanted to do was continue to listen to Jesus and be healed by his words.

“Even though the Accuser cannot slander you before our Father, he can still whisper lies to you about Him. He has falsely accused the Father to you for months now. He’s used almost every hardship that you’ve experienced as an opportunity to blaspheme God in your ears. The incorrect way that you see the Father now has not just been a result of your own conclusions.”

***

Without warning, my emotions were thrust back to eight months prior when one of my dearest childhood friends, Cassie, passed away forty-eight hours after a terrible car accident. I had rushed to the ECU to see her, praying hard the whole way in the car. I remember struggling to see through my tears as I drove and cried out for God to heal her.

I was let into the hospital room with her family and together we prayed, hugged, sobbed, and anxiously waited, hoping she would wake up. When the heart monitor flat lined, I felt like my own heart had stopped. We all watched with held breath as more doctors rushed in after a small emergency alarm rang. They tried and failed to revive her. When the head doctor finally dropped the defibrillator and turned toward us with sad eyes, I broke down. A flood of wails erupted in the room as Cassie’s family cried loudly.

In that moment of hopelessness and heartbreak, I remembered hearing an evil being whispering in my mind. It told me that God wanted my friend to die and that’s why my prayers hadn’t been answered. It told me, God needed another, “flower in his garden in heaven,” so he took her. It told me that perhaps if I was a better Christian, God would have reconsidered and healed Cassie. A chilly sensation had run through my heart that day. The words of the enemy successfully broke a tender place in my soul and formed a bleeding rift in the area of my trust in God’s goodness.

***

The memory opened up my hidden wound afresh and I bowed my head as heavy sorrow weighed on me.

Jesus read my thoughts and asked, “do you think it was God’s will that Cassie died by a drunk driver?”

I shut my eyes tightly as the fresh inner wound of Cassie’s tragic death opened. Fast tears formed before slipping down my cheeks, “I don’t know,” I said brokenly even though I knew I believed it had been God’s will.

“It wasn’t,” Jesus said, his eyes flooding with pained compassion.

“But how can that be? I thought God’s will was always done?” I said with a small frown of confusion.

“Sadly, not always. The Word of God says, God wills that none should perish but that all should come to repentance.[ii] Tragically, people perish every day even though God paid the ultimate price for everyone to be saved. When my disciples asked me to teach them how to pray, I told them to pray for God’s kingdom to come and for his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.[iii] The fact that I told them to pray for God’s will to be done on earth implies that his will is not always done.”

Jesus continued, “My dear if our Father’s will was always done, earth would look just like Eden, and everyone would have a life-giving relationship with God. My earthly ministry alleviated human suffering by destroying the works of the devil through preaching the truth of the Gospel to the poor, through healing the sick, binding up the broken hearted, casting out devils, raising the dead, and ministering to the needs of people.[iv] God’s will came to earth from heaven in every miracle his Holy Spirit performed through me. For the Spirit of the Lord was upon me to do all those things.[v] With every blind eye opened, with every hungry belly filled, with every crippled man leaping for joy, with every truth spoken, and every disease healed, people saw God and often praised him afterward. I only did what I saw my Father doing.[vi]

“This is beautiful news,” I said as a cleansing flow of cool tears spilled from my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. Jesus smiled tenderly at me and softly held my chin with his thumb and pointer finger. For a moment, he watched my tears fall as if they were precious gemstones. I remembered the scripture that said God collected the tears of his children in a bottle and that he recorded each one in his book.[vii]

After a few seconds of only our eyes speaking, he gently released his hand from my chin and continued sharing the good news. “My ministry on earth is the clearest picture mankind has of the heart of God. His heart is good. He does not delight in human suffering. I always obeyed his command to love and to declare truth. If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.[viii] I and my Father are one.[ix] And no one who denies me truly knows God for I was with God in the beginning.[x] I am Truth, I am the Word made flesh.[xi] My dear, God is love.[xii] He so loved the world that he sent me.[xiii] All true goodness originates with him.”

His healing words broke through a dam of religious lies and self-protection in my heart releasing a fresh pool of tears. My eyes welled before the assembling tears began dripping down my chin and wetting my sleeves.

Moved by great love, Jesus gently wiped them away even as his eyes misted with deep consoling compassion. He inched his face closer to mine until all I could see was his radiant face. His visage was pouring with beautiful love. “Noelani, God wanted to heal Cassie and comfort you and her family, like I did at Lazarus’s tomb when I came as the resurrection and raised him from the dead.[xiv] God wept with you as I wept with Mary and Martha. He felt your pain, as well as his own.”

I shut my eyes to flush them of the tears that began blinding my vision. When I began to turn to look away, Jesus softly cupped my face still and I allowed my face to rest in his hands. As I did, I felt peace behind the surface of his fingertips. Jesus tenderly stroked my eyelids with his thumbs and to my surprise, I didn’t flinch away. Normally, I had a natural reaction to protect my eyes from anything that would touch them because of how sensitive and crucial they were to body and well-being. But when Jesus touched my eyelids, I felt no need to self-protect. This soothing motion of his thumbs melted me. It was like he was blessing me with clearer spiritual vision. He spoke again and I felt his balmy breath on my nose. His words washed over me like a warm mineral pool.

“Healing is my Father’s will for his kids, it is part of the atonement. Healing is the children’s bread.”[xv]

I felt a stony weight lift from my chest and my breathing became more relaxed as the truth came in. A place in my mind felt disencumbered.

Jesus released his hands from my face, and I looked upon him like someone who woke up to see sunshine for the first time after hibernating through the winter.

For the first time in a year, I felt a sense of peace come into the pained place that ached for Cassie’s presence. I smiled without effort at Jesus.


-To delve more deeply, check out the unrevised version of Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, by clicking here.

“Ashley depicts such a level of intimacy with Jesus so poignantly that I believe it will arouse others’ hearts with passion to pursue a new depth and commitment in their relationship with Him. I pray with all my heart that through her insights seamlessly woven into the stories, the church (men and women) would recognize their one true identity as brides and not servants. The author helps us learn to allow ourselves be loved and healed and no longer driven to meet unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. I believe that Ashley’s book will facilitate cultivating a fulfilling relationship with Jesus and abandoning religion once and for all! Ashley gives hope to those of us who feel or have felt they have sunk too low in their depravity. She demonstrates and enables us to believe that, no matter how vile our pasts, we can be washed white as snow by the blood of the Lamb and made beautiful new creations. She conveys with a refreshing rawness that nothing is beyond His power and (most reassuringly) His desire to redeem and restore. She illustrates the amazing grace of God with its power to enable us to live holy lives by His spirit and not the letter of the law and religion.
Possibly the most pertinent lesson that Ashley wisely shares in some of her stories is the most painful yet wonderful journey we go through if we choose to face the surrender of our lives and desires to God. Through her writing she gently urges us to come to this place of trust with the Father who loves us beyond our comprehension. The stories are heartwarmingly honest. Ashley has a beautiful gift of using descriptive language which instantly creates pictures in your minds as she relates her stories and makes them so real and alive.
May it lead you into your own passionate journey deeper into the heart of Jesus and to experience wonderful encounters with Him, our eternally faithful and true love.”
 ~Celina Haywood, Licensed Minister, Former Missionary to Thailand, Beautiful Encourager 💗

Scripture references from this snippet:

[i] Isaiah 54:9

[ii] 2 Peter 3:9

[iii] Matthew 6:10

[iv] Acts 10:38

[v] Luke 4:18

[vi] John 5:19

[vii] Psalm 56:8

[viii] John 14:9

[ix] John 10:30

[x] 1 John 2:23, John 1:2

[xi] John 1:14, John 14:6

[xii] 1 John 4:8

[xiii] John 3:16

[xiv] John 11:25

[xv] Matthew 15:22-28, John 6:32-35


-For an amazing Biblical teaching on the Sovereignty of God by Andrew Wommack, click here.