Month: November 2020

~This preview is taken from my upcoming Christian fiction book, At the Time for Love, a book based off Ezekiel 16:6-14. This novella is meant to introduce young women to the intimate love of Jesus while transparently discussing the topic of: romantic relationships, the often tumultuous and confusing emotions of teenage girls (as well as their blossoming longing for mature love), sex, and above all, the tender Bridegroom love of Jesus. When I was 16 years old, Jesus came after my heart and I wrote my first romantic story, I Do, about being his bride while listening to the song Hero by Enrique Iglesias. Because of his pure love, I walked through my young adult life whole and avoided much heartbreak and compromise. Later, I married the man of my dreams (my 1st boyfriend). My passion is to bring purity and sexual healing back to this generation. I pray Jesus uses this book to save young women in the same way He saved me. This book is meant for girls ages 12-18.

This scene opens up with the main characters tiredly making their way back home at dawn after a long day of harvesting. Enjoy!

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“I think you’ve gained a few pounds,” Kendell said after a few minutes and fake grunted as he readjusted me.

“You just can’t say anything nice, can you?” I said and gently slapped him across the back of his head.

“Ouch,” he laughed teasingly.

“You’re carrying a sack of potatoes around your chest Kendell, not just Autumn,” David said in my defense.

“And you’ve been working all day,” James added.

“And Autumn gained weight,” Kendell mocked, “probably from working at Mills around all that good food.”

“You’re such a jerk!” I scolded.

“I’m carrying you, aren’t I?” Kendell stated, “last time I checked, jerks didn’t do that.”

“I’ll gladly walk,” I fumed and began to untie my legs. Kendell held me fast, “I was just kidding. No need to get all hurt.”

I tried again and he leaned forward, “Oh stop being such a big baby. It’s not like we don’t spar with our words all the time!”

“But you’ve never called me fat.” I fumed.

“I didn’t call you fat. I simply said you gained weight…and I was just joking.”

“You’re quiet the prince charming.” James commented toward Kendell.

“I know, won’t he make some woman happy one day?” David quipped sarcastically.

“Pssshhh. And you guys are ladies’ men, are you? Last time I checked no woman was drooling over either of you,” Kendell grinned before proudly adding, “now I’m a different story entirely.”

“Sure, you can get a woman easily but keeping her is totally different. She’d use up less than half a brain stem before leaving your over-cocky backside.”

Kendell frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked James.

“Your complements are cheap,” David said seeking to explain.

“Your flattery is empty,” James continued before grinning, “if you even have flattery.”

Kendell threw his head back in fake amusement, “isn’t flattery the only thing a man has?”

James and David passed each other a knowing look.

“No way dude.” James said almost admonishingly.

“It’s about heart,” David continued, “looks will only get you so far. Eventually any decent woman would leave a man without heart. And it’s the decent ones that you want.”

“And last time I checked prince charming wasn’t running after a million different women. He had his eyes set on one…and he pursued her with all his strength. We could learn a lesson or two from that alone.” James preached.

“Women want a great lover, not a great flatter-er.” David said.

Thomas and Ginger had slightly wandered off, and he was spinning her around in whimsical circles. She stretched her arms out like wings. Her gaily laughter floated in the air like translucent rainbow bubbles,”wwwhhhhheeeeeeeeee!”

I was beginning to feel awkward to be in the midst of such a conversation amongst the guys. Yet, in some way I liked being there. It gave me an inside scoop on all of them and I felt like a fly on the wall. I wanted to be invisible and I quelled my breaths unconsciously.

“Since you guys know so much about women how come both of you are single?” Kendell inquired.

I waited for their answer as well.

“Because I choose to be.” David answered.

“Loser.” Kendell coughed.

“What’s wrong with that?” James asked.

“Oh, come on! You can’t tell me you’ve never wanted a girlfriend? David, seriously, you’ve never had a girlfriend in your life and you’re in your twenties. Is that even possible?”

“Clearly.” David answered.

“Is it healthy?!” Kendell asked quite ardently.

“It’s much healthier than sleeping around with a whole bunch of women and having shallow relationships,” James spoke, “that stuff tends to damage peoples’ souls.”

“Amen,” David said echoing his approval before glancing at Kendell, “you have a false sense of romance. If dad would have let you have your way you probably would have dated half the women in this town.”

“And they would have each obliged me happily.”

James shook his head, “that’s not what it’s about bro.”

“I’m not saying I would have literally dated so many. But to be this age and having dated none? It’s ridiculous. David, doesn’t that bother you?”

“Not when you know what you want.”

“How could you know what you want and never have experienced?”

“When you’ve studied. And then you finally see the one.”

“How do you know she’s the one when you see her?” Kendell asked before jesting, “does a big flashing arrow point to her?”

“You get a check in your spirit.”

Kendell rolled his eyes, “Okay David, better question. Have you found the one?”

 David’s answer surprised all of us, besides James it seemed, “maybe.”

My eyes shot open.

“What? You have a girlfriend?!” Kendell asked now excited.

“No,” David said quickly, “but…never mind.”

“No, you have to talk now!” Kendell said matching his stride to David’s.

David remained quiet and Kendell harassed him for information.

“Forget it. It’s none of your business.” David said hushing him.

“Weren’t you the one just preaching to me about relationships? Now you don’t want to share? Spill the beans buddy, I’m finally interested.”

When David didn’t speak, I voiced, “mama mentioned that you liked someone.”

David eyes widened and flashed, yet he remained cool, “did she?”

“Who is it Autumn?” Kendell probed nudging my leg.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, “she wouldn’t tell me.”

The conversation remained on David for a while until Kendell got absolutely fed up of running into dead ends with our eldest brother who insisted on shielding information.

Done with David, Kendell interrogated James, “what about you?”

“What about me?” James asked feigning ignorance.

“Oh, don’t play stupid. How’s your non-existent love life?” he smirked.

James took no offense and smiled, “wonderful.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a non-believer. Being single in this season with Jesus has been one of the most peaceful times of my entire life.”

“What kind of mistakes?” Kendell asked completely ignoring the fact that James said he was at peace.

“Pre-marital sex,” James said with no difference of tone. His brute honesty caught Kendell off guard. My heart sank even though he had already told me about his former life before. The hurtful information came to me anew, before a purifying forgiveness that wasn’t my own, washed my emotions clean.

“You’ve had sex before?” Kendell asked completely taken aback.

“It’s not uncommon in the rest of the world outside Pomeberry,” James said, “this Amish community is an anomaly.”

“Well yeah, I know. But…I could never have imagined you doing stuff like that.”

“Jesus changes people,” James said with a grin.

“How was it?” Kendell asked startling me.

David glanced at me and felt my embarrassment. “Perhaps these things shouldn’t be discussed with our little 16-year-old sister around.” David said looking dead on at Kendell.

Kendell remained quiet for a while as he shifted his gaze between James and David. “She can… cover her ears?” Kendell said in a suggesting tone.

“Maybe he needs to hear it bro,” James said looking at David before he glanced at me, “…I won’t say anything inappropriate… if it’s okay with you?”

I nodded my head and tried to seem cool even as my emotions ran wild within. I turned my face away from him.

When David slightly nodded his approval, James answered, “It was shallow and completely unsatisfying. Sin will only give you pleasure for a moment. After the pleasure’s gone you’re left feeling just as empty as you were before…if not more.”

“Then why is sex so strong an influence?” Kendell questioned.

“I can tell you this, outside of marriage it’s nothing more than a drug to the body and a sword to the heart,” James paused and then his tone shifted to reverence, “but inside of marriage sex is a beautiful expression of covenant love. It’s wholly satisfying, connecting, and life giving. It’s even holy before God because He created it to be a bonding experience between a husband and his wife… and to procreate life. Tell me something…don’t you want to make love to the woman you know chose you over all the other men on earth and is committed to loving you for the rest of her life? Think about it. Making love to someone who will stay with you forever, who will be there when you wake up in the morning and who you’re deeply in love with? Her offering her body to you is the expression of her offering you the deepest parts of her. People who play around with sex have insecure love and their lust is often a reflection of grasping selfishness, but people who have sex within marriage have secure love. They have made a public commitment to give their all. There’s nothing better than guilt free pleasure with security.”

My cheeks were aflame now and I was so grateful for the dark that hid my blushed skin. My heart was drumming wildly and I pushed my chest from touching Kendell’s back so he wouldn’t feel it.

Kendell fell silent for a brief moment before saying, “yes. Who wouldn’t want that?”

“Exactly,” James said pleased at the expression on Kendell’s face, “this is God’s good desire for his children. Naked and unashamed.”

The conversation tarried on before we finally arrived at the house.

I was all too pleased to get down from Kendell’s back and escape inside.

David, and James noticed my quick flight.

“She doesn’t do well with romantic topics.” David told James.

“I noticed she doesn’t fare well with compliments either. She had a hard time accepting it when I called her a princess.” James said.

“Yeah…she’s maturing, but more slowly than your average…” David paused struggling with the word, “wo-man. Just two nights ago I asked her about her crush and she was mortified that I read her so easily. She wouldn’t tell me who the guy was.”

“Oh really?” I heard James say. His voice was animated and he arched an eyebrow.

David nodded, “I’ll eventually find out though.”  

“I pray she’s brave enough to let you in soon. I know how much you care for her.”  

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Mama made beef stew and sticky rice for dinner. It was delicious and incredibly warming. I sucked and chewed on the tender seasoned meat. After dinner Ginger brought out the pie and everyone dug in.

“You make the best pies Autumn,” James said as he took a bite.

“Thank you,” I said trying to hide my shyness. I remembered that warm day between the blueberry branches where I told him that everyone knew my pies were “good.” He’d bought one at the next market to test one of them.

“Ginger helped too,” Paige said as she went for a tub of vanilla ice cream to add on top of the hot pie.

“It’s incredible,” Marian said toward Ginger. She then looked at me, “it really is.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Ginger beamed happily.

Paige set the tub down and dipped the scooper in, “who wants some?” she asked and then proceeded to give to those who raised their hands.

After the desert was finished Ginger and I presented the extra gift pie to James and Marian who accepted it with thanks. Shortly after, they waved us goodbye and bid us good night.

“Until the morning,” James waved with Marian at his side.

“God willing,” David waved and showed them out before closing the door behind them.

After hearing the sound of James’ truck drumming away, I headed upstairs.

“I’ll help you with the dishes ma,” I heard David say.

“That won’t be necessary. You’ve had a long day,” she said patting him on the arm.

He sighed, clearly too tired to argue, “good night ma,” he said and kissed her on the head before scaling the stairs.

Showers were timed as everyone needed to wash up. Mama offered Ginger and I dad’s restroom and I found it comical that I was bathing with Ginger when just the other night I had shooed her away. Her dark ebony curls were so soggy with shampoo that the foam of it dropped down her forehead and cheeks. She proceeded to play with the bath bubbles by blowing them in my face and I remembered with annoyance why I had kicked her out of our bathroom last night.

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After showering, I stayed up for a long time in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about the awkward conversation I was subject to. While I had been reluctant to even bring God into the subject of dating until a few days ago, thinking it sacrilegious, James had brought Him into his sexual understanding without the slightest unease. He talked about it like he would talk about scripture, yet his demeanor was one of complete rest and peace. He even called it “holy” in the same breath that he called it “pleasurable.”

Something shifted deep within me, and I felt myself gape open within. I felt a freedom to express myself to God about this in a way I hadn’t before. I poured myself in prayer that night, and asked The Lord to help me see things the way He did. I asked Him to help me grow up into womanhood. I knew I had avoided things that forced me into adulthood many times in the past:

I remembered the day Paige blow dried my hair and put me in her clothes for my interview, and how the word “beautiful” came out of David’s lips when he saw me. I couldn’t ever remember being called beautiful in that sense before.

I thought about the first day I saw James. Something inside my soul awakened for the first time and my secure little world continued to ebb away the longer he stayed. A desire was kindled despite the waters of resistance I put on it, and it only fanned into a bursting flame whenever I’d come in contact with him.

I thought back to the day that Paige said, “you will be a wife and a mother someday. You can’t afford to make these kinds of mistakes anymore!” It was the day I had left bread in the oven and she followed behind me and turned it off. At that moment, I was almost unbelieving at the suggestion in her tone. Sure, I knew someday I would be a wife and mom…but the way she spoke of it made it seem like it was sooner rather than later.  

 I remembered the fleeting moments I had when the Holy Spirit would nudge me with a whisper to talk to Him about my newfound affections. I remember the afternoon Danielle told me to take my feelings to Jesus, and the many times Paige opened up the subject to me in a safe way so that I would share.

I remember slighting David for asking me about my romantic emotions. What I thought was his imposing was actually his invitation for intimate conversation. I remembered Kendell telling me as I explored my wardrobe that I wasn’t the “dirty nailed, jumper wearing, messy haired, cool girl” that he grew up with anymore. He had called me “French girl” in reference to my changed preference of dress.

I also remembered the day I saw Matt pacify his wife Kate outside and then kiss her. When I saw that a wistful ache of longing was felt within me for the briefest of moments until Ginger distracted me.

A cataclysm of other memories filled my mind of moments where romance had called me and I had rejected it. These memories boiled together in a stew of blended pictures. All this time I had been fighting back the hands of time. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. Some part of me was, but that part was receding while the other part was growing.

In the quiet of the night I besought the Lord and in a moment of prayer I heard Ezekiel 16 in my spirit. At first, I didn’t want to bother opening my Bible since I was having such a good time in prayer… but a nudging filled me. Reaching for my Bible I opened it and fingered my way to Ezekiel 16. The words jumped out of the pages at me and burst in my heart:

And as for your birth, on the day you were born your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt or swaddled with bands at all. No eye pitied you to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you; but you were cast out in the open field, for your person was abhorrent and loathsome on the day that you were born. And when I passed by you and saw you rolling about in your blood, I said to you in your blood, Live! Yes, I said to you still in your natal blood, Live! I caused you [Israel] to multiply as the bud which grows in the field, and you increased and became tall and you came to full maidenhood and beauty; your breasts were formed and your hair had grown, yet you were naked and bare.Now I passed by you again and looked upon you; behold, you were maturing and at the time for love, and I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I plighted My troth to you and entered into a covenant with you, says the Lord, and you became Mine. Then I washed you with water; yes, I thoroughly washed away your [clinging] blood from you and I anointed you with oil.I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with [fine seal] leather; and I girded you about with fine linen and covered you with silk. I decked you also with ornaments and I put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nostril and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown upon your head! Thus you were decked with gold and silver, and your raiment was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth; you ate fine flour and honey and oil. And you were exceedingly beautiful and you prospered into royal estate. And your renown went forth among the nations for your beauty, for it was perfect through My majesty and splendor which I had put upon you, says the Lord God.

 I could hardly believe the intimate words of my Lord. The words; behold, you were maturing and at the time for love ministered to me in ways that caused my heart beat to become clear in my ears. The hairs on my neck pricked up and goose bumps spread across my arms in a dominos affect. I sucked in a breath of air sharply before slowly releasing. My desire arose within in me in such a powerful way that I was completely unaware of my surroundings for a brief moment. This “feeling” was more real than the clothes on my back. I desired, I wanted, I longed…and for the first time I saw with the eyes of my heart that this was from God. It wasn’t just accepted by Him, it didn’t just please Him, but it was from Him!

A tangible Presence seemed to enter the room and sit in front of me. My eyes went wide and I melted at the heavenly Presence.

“My beloved, my dove, my spotless one, my bride.” (Song of Solomon 5:2)

I closed my eyes overwhelmed by the intensity of the love I felt. Tears pricked at my eyes and I knew a new dawn had come. As the pure and beautiful Presence dissipated I knew things would never be the same. I was awakened.

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~If you liked this sneak peek of, At The Time For Love, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul! There is deeper love awaiting you! A love the world can’t take away.

“Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul introduces fictional stories painted with tender intimacy to gently unravel the ageless waters of human desire for everlasting love. Based on the sacred theology of Jesus as the Church’s Bridegroom, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul’s storybook manner sparks the imagination, exposes hidden wounds, and nourishes the soul. Through deeply warm conversations, unsuspecting characters encounter Jesus, who is sometimes disguised, and come to find Him as the healing Lover of their souls. These therapeutic conversations take place in a café, a ballroom floor in heaven, beside a lake, in Jerusalem and other colorful places that welcome rest. The book is framed by the extended story of Noble and Trisha’s romance—one that connects with many young women. Ultimately, this book was designed to usher the reader into the comforting arms of Jesus, where He can make them whole with pure love.” -Ashley Thompson McClelland