This testimony is shared in the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To read the original version, click here.
But YOU will be called the priests of the LORD; they will speak of you as ministers of our God; you will feed on the wealth of nations, and you will boast in their riches. In place of your shame, you will have a double portion; in place of disgrace, they will rejoice over their share. So they will possess double in their land, and eternal joy will be theirs. -Isaiah 61:6-7 (emphasis mine)
I have found that shame was the number one tool the devil used to keep me in bondage throughout my early Christian walk. During one of my first visits to Charis Bible College, the Father gave me a vision of myself. One of the worship leaders began keying what sounded like a spontaneous worship song on the stage piano. She created melodic and beautiful music on the keys.
Within seconds I saw a vision of myself kneeling on a still, watery floor. The water was so calm it appeared like glass. I was robed in a dark shirt and pants. Jesus began walking toward me to embrace me. Instead of receiving his love, I turned my face away and held out my hands as if pushing the air to discourage him from seeing me.
“No, no!” I cried. “Stay away from me.”
I closed my eyes tightly until he “left.” I didn’t think of myself as worthy enough to look at him. Being a gentleman, he walked away (although he never truly left). When I opened my eyes again and didn’t see him. I began to feel lonely and I regretted pushing him away.
Before I could cry because of my poor decision, my black clothes began to transform into a beautiful pink dress with twinkling lights that moved. After I saw that I was more prettily donned, I felt worthier and my heart began to desire to see Jesus.
As if the water below me heard the silent language of my heart, it began to rise in large drops. It was like reverse rain. Large drops of water solidified and formed a spiral staircase that had the appearance of precious stone. The stairway led up to the heavens, beyond the starry dome ceiling. As I gazed up, I saw billions upon billions of stars. They twinkled and shimmered like silver, blue, green, gold and purple glitter refracting light. Star dust painted the sky like aurora lights and cosmic clouds.
Unconsciously, I knew the stairway would lead me to God. It was like Jacob’s ladder in a way. I began to ascend the stairs but before I could reach the top, Jesus reappeared. This time, I didn’t turn him away, because he had dealt with my shame by clothing me in a gown of royal righteousness.
I also believe he appeared before I could reach the top because he wanted to show me that I didn’t have to labor for intimacy. He didn’t want me to. He wanted to show me that he was always wanting connection with me.
And that he was the only way to the Father, who lived up the stairs…
In the same way, I pray Jesus shows you a picture of yourself clothed with royal righteousness. You are a child of God. Thus, you are royalty. You don’t ever have to earn your way to God because Jesus paid the ultimate price for the veil to be torn that separated you from God. The work is already finished. You are perfectly loved by God. Your body has been made into the temple of the Holy Spirit. Christ, the Lord lives in your heart by faith. All your sins have been washed away. You have no stains. You are a new creation in Christ and you have been given a righteous nature.
“Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.” -Colossians 1:22
Reflection Questions:
- Are you dealing with any level of shame in your life? If yes, why?
- Are you currently struggling with faith righteousness? In what ways have you personally allowed Jesus to show you that you are the righteousness of God through him (not by your works but his finished work)? “For it is by graceyou have been saved,through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works,so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8–9 NIV) “This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile.” (Romans 3:22 NIV) Look up 2 Corinthians 5:21.
- Would you describe yourself as more God-reliant or self-reliant?
“This book is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. It invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Amazon Reviewer