Thus by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be strongly encouraged. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. -Hebrews 6:18-19
A few days ago, I sat across from my grandmother while coddling Elena. I had an agenda for that afternoon, but my newborn was in the mood to cluster feed and so I was trapped on the couch. The forced stillness opened up a beautiful space in time for my grandmother to share some of the visions she’s had of Heaven.
“Tell me about heaven.” I asked, having nothing to do. As quiet worship music played in the background my grandmother told me of one of the times God showed her Heaven. Some of the things that really moved my heart was when she said:
“There are children in heaven. Every child that dies on earth goes there.
”“There is a wall of pure gold set with precious stones in an arch at the top…twelve gates. It’s so beautiful. Like nothing you’ve ever seen.”
“The flowers, trees and fruit there are so vibrant and the fruit is sweet, sweet and succulent.”
“God showed me how I would look in Heaven. I had on this white flowy dress and I had long hair and He told me “you will be young and beautiful forever.” My House was two story and it had a spiral staircase like pearls”
“There is no sadness, only joy. Just happiness. The streets are made of gold. It’s exactly as the Bible says it will be.”
As grandma talked, I saw her lips slowly curve upward into a blissful smile and remain that way. She was so happy. Her eyes seemed to twinkle. I laughed softly & said, “you look so happy.
”She told me she was very happy and that she was ready for heaven. I laughed and told her to wait a while longer before she goes. She replied, “my child, earth is a trash heap compared to heaven. I’m not afraid of dying. The angels will be waiting for me.”
I too shared a vision I had of Heaven and seeing God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It’s amazing how similar our accounts were.
I’m so grateful for that moment in time where my one month old slowed down my fast pacing so that I could sit and talk with my grandmother. Since then, grandma and I have talked much more…only because I’ve relearned the value of sitting still and listening to (on a deeper level) the wonderful, anointed, caring and amazing woman, I call my grandmother.
As believers, we have an eternally beautiful life promise that will come to full brilliance like the break of sunshine after a long night. We have a hope more secure than the heaviest anchor. We have a treasure more rich than all the gold in the world. We will have, in every sense, His kingdom come, “on earth as it is in heaven.”
About a year after I wrote this, my grandma went home to be with Jesus. During her funeral a bright blue star streaked across the night sky. My sisters says it was the brightest star she ever saw. A few days later I came across a scripture verse where God says that his children shall be numerous like the stars of the heavens…
~A vivid snippet from the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul. May you come to understand and experience the rich and faithful love of Jesus as He dwells in His new glorious temple…your recreated heart. He will never leave you, He will never forsake you. He lives in you. (Colossians 1:27)
My beloved one, both handsome and winsome, you are pleasing beyond words. Our resting place is anointed and flourishing, like a green forest meadow bathed in light. Rafters of cedar branches are over our heads and balconies of pleasant-smelling pines. —Song of Solomon 1:16–17 TPT
He stood and extended his hand for me to take.
I felt like the woman caught in the act of adultery. Mercy washed over me in silky light, like the waves from his robe. He didn’t condemn me. There were no accusations. There was no stone in his hand. (John 8:11)
In fact, his hand seemed like an extension of his heart—promising to heal me even before I vowed to commit myself to him in the way he desired.
There was no cost for his healing. He freely offered to make me whole, with no hidden stipulations. Such grace empowered me and I felt my bones were stronger somehow. I felt like spring grass soaking in solar light from the sunshine of his presence within me. (Hebrews 13:9, 2 Corinthians 5:19)
The seeds within me pulsated with life. (Galatians 3:16, Luke 8:11)
I took his hand and he pulled me up to my feet. All the other guests in the room rose as well. Their presence was tangibly felt. They carried a weighty air about them that was holy and priestly. When they saw he meant to escort me away, they returned to their dancing.
Many things crossed my mind as Jesus and I crossed the dance floor into a more private corridor with a balcony view, namely I wondered why none of the saints pursued Jesus?
A banner hung from the room’s entryway. In Aramaic it read:
Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love. (Song of Songs 2:5)
The small elegant room featured a three-dimensional mural floor of a blooming vineyard blushing under a hazy sunset. The painting was so lifelike, even the dust kicked up in the air was illuminated like grated gold by the imaginary sunrays. The emerald leaves were silhouetted in basking glory and turned into a yellowish jade. Rows and rows of vines lacing around each other made me catch my breath.
Rosy marbled walls formed an arch in the center of the room before giving way to a chandelier that resembled a flourishing desert rose. Diamond-shaped light bulbs hung from the chandelier and sent shafts of prism light pirouetting across the walls. In the corner of the room was a large bed, hidden behind transparent curtains.
“It is lovely in here,” I breathed, admiring the splendor.
A lamp stand table made of polished gold held woven baskets with embroider cloths set beside them. Inside the baskets were marble bowls heaped with fresh fruit. The fragrance of ripe strawberries, dates, pomegranates, figs, and honey-painted cakes teased my nose. I saw blocks of cheese and nuts beside the fruit.
“Eat some,” Jesus offered, finally releasing my hand, “You haven’t eaten anything all night.”
…
I took a plump strawberry and popped it in my mouth. A refreshing, tart flavor with just the right amount of sugar burst in my mouth. I hummed in delight, imaging that only Eden carried such delectable fruits.
I took up another, and then another before trying a fig and a date. They were equally good but distinguishingly unique. I plopped several blocks of different colored cheese in my mouth until my cheeks swelled like a chipmunk’s. I had difficulty chewing but managed more easily after the first few bites. The rich flavors blended together like cream and salt. Afterward, I went for the nuts in handfuls. When I finished with those I took up a half slice of a pomegranate and plucked some seeds coated in red wine gel. I cupped my hand to my lips and let the seeds fall in before chewing. The tart taste reminded me of the best sherbet punch.
We ate for several more minutes before my appetite was satiated. Afterward, I felt the stickiness of dried fruit juices and honey on my hands. I rubbed my fingers together wondering how I would wash them.
“Is there a bathroom?” I asked.
“I have a jar of water and hyssop out here,” Jesus said, extending his hand toward the balcony.
We walked on the elevated porch, the sky canopied over us. I noticed a hard, blue clay pitcher in the corner. Beside it was a pink potted hyssop bush aflame with brilliant flowers, the color of nectarine skin.
I cupped my hands and Jesus poured some water between them before taking some flowers from the bush. He set them in my hands and I rubbed them together feverishly. He rinsed my hands again and I lightly dried my wet hands with an embroidered cloth beside the baskets. When I finished, I brought my hands to my nose and inhaled deeply the fragrant scent of hyssop plant. I took up the jar and poured water over Jesus’ hands. Afterward, I plucked up a few flowers before putting them in his hands. He repeated what I had done, and I fell silent.
I leaned my torso across the balcony and rested my head in one of my hands. Despite the snow that crested the mountains, I was warm. I looked out and admired the scenery before me. Everything seemed so expansive that I felt a little bit swallowed up in the grandeur of it all. I let my eyes linger over the glowing city, savoring the physical beauty of it like I savored the food I had eaten. Beauty fed my soul like nutritious food nourished my body. Jesus leaned his elbows on the railing of the balcony and also looked upon the terrain before us.
“How come nobody has come in here yet to seek you out?” I asked, finally voicing the question I had tucked away inside when he had whisked me away to the private room.
“What do you mean?” Jesus asked, unassuming.
I shrugged and then my eyebrows fell until they hovered over my eyes.
“Well, I’m just confused as to why we haven’t been crowded yet? I mean, didn’t you deal with that constantly after you began your ministry on earth?”
“I did.”
“So why, if these people know who you are, do they not love you?”
“They do.”
“But they aren’t trying to be near you?” I countered, slightly nonplussed.
“Because they know that I’m near them.”
“Even though you’re in here with me?”
“Yes. They understand that I live within them. That my promise is true. I will never leave them nor forsake them. They don’t need me to appear to them in this way in order for them to be content with me or with themselves. They converse with me all the time.” (ex: John 20:27)
My eyes fell to my cinnamon brown hands. An almost undetectable sense of failure came over me.
“They understand what I don’t fully comprehend,” I said lowly.
Just as quickly as the sense of failure had come, an inner quickening rose within me like a heater being turned on in the dead of winter. It came like a skilled soldier, swiftly combating the negativity that wanted to seize territory. I felt as if a seed had sprouted under the soil of my consciousness. Suddenly an assurance came up, and with it a loving caress that chased away all notions of shame.
I didn’t feel the need to compare myself to the couples on the dancefloor anymore. The precipitous change in my emotions puzzled and pleased me at the same time. I touched my stomach and easily discerned the presence of my Holy Friend (John 14:17).
I heard a soft chuckle from Jesus and refocused my attention on him.
“He’s amazing, isn’t he?” I asked, knowing the answer.
“He’s the Father’s gift to you and to all those sealed for me. You need not fear anything, beloved, not even death. Because of my Father’s Spirit, you will always be with us. He has sealed you forever and he isn’t going anywhere.” (Ephesians 1:!3)
“I think I know that now,” I said. Emotion caught in my throat. My mind traveled to precious instances in my past where the Holy Spirit had comforted and rescued me. There were many nights when I had cried myself to sleep on my bed and felt a warm arm around my heart.
“I love his faithfulness,” I whispered, and again touched my stomach, this time as if I were trying to embrace a friend.
“He will help you comprehend what the others understand. It’s his joy and delight to do so. He has much patience with you. There is peace in his mind toward you. You need never be frustrated with yourself, because it’s the opposite of how he feels about you.” (John 14:26, Hebrews 8:2)
I nodded and the breeze kicked up. The wind carried the fresh fragrance of spikenard, which diffused the air like a perfume bath. The dust of powdery snow lifted and swirled around in the breeze. A few frozen droplets touched my cheeks and I shivered. Some flakes of snow rested and then melted in my hair once the air stilled. I felt as if I had been touched by starlight.
“He would like to take you someplace as well,” Jesus said.
I reflected for a few seconds and then uttered, “Yes. I’m happy to go anywhere he wants me to.”
“Okay.”
Jesus turned toward me. I stood still as he placed his fingers on my temples. Instinctively, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, anticipation building in me…
~I hope you enjoyed this preview of my revised version of Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul (Tasting the Bridegroom Love of Jesus). To purchase a copy of the 1st version, click here. As an author, the sincerest way anyone can thank me is through writing a review of my book(s) on amazon. If you’ve been blessed by my work, I would love to hear from you! Your review reaches out to other women and invites them into this ministry of words…and more importantly, into the tender love of Jesus inside the pages.
“Ashley Thompson’s Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. Romantic Rendezvous invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love for every individual is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Danielle Sanders, Worshiper, Songwriter, Licensed Minister, Former Highschool teacher
~For my book on returning to the liberating and strengthening grace of our heavenly Father, Visions of Celestial Love, click here.
“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
Blessings to you as you learn how to journey through this life walking closely with the truest Lover of your heart!
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” -Jesus in John 13:34-35
How do you view the church? Do you view it as an organization? Do you view it as a religious institution? Do you view it as a charity?
What comes to your mind when you think of the church? What do you feel in your heart?
For years I had a rocky (love-hate) relationship with the church. My first real experience of the church came after I fully gave my heart to Jesus, alone, living in college campus housing, at 16 years old. I saw what looked like white translucent rain falling through the ceiling and I felt a cloud expand in my chest as Jesus came to truly live and abide in my heart. I quickly became enthralled with Jesus as I learned how to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and keep a tender heart toward the Bible (I read the Bible cover to cover).
After I was born-again, I had a newfound, sweetly pure but dangerously naïve view of the church and myself. I saw the church as a place of “Jesus-filled” people. I thought everyone would basically be “perfect” and always show unfailing love to one another even in the midst of disagreements (my expectations were obviously not based in reality. For although we have been made perfect in Christ -Hebrews 10:13, we have to actively choose to walk in the fruit of the Holy Spirit/perfection -Galatians 5:22-23).
Because I loved Jesus, I proactively started to become involved with my local church. I spent years volunteering at church in different areas. I met and made the first real friendships in my life. I met the most precious people on earth to my heart. I was richly showered with love, care, generosity and wisdom from a lot of the people around me (particularly a group of older women who I called my “best friends.”). I was so plugged in and had built such meaningful relationships that I practically lived at church. I was there 5-7 days a week, literally. I worked at the church preschool (that accounted for at least 3 days), I served as a youth leader on Wednesday nights, I served as a Missionette teacher on family nights, I was there Sunday to attend and sometimes I would serve as a prayer minister or nursery worker etc. It was beautiful for a long time.
However, after four years I spiraled into disillusionment and disappointment with the church (as a whole) when I faced a faith-shaking crisis “alone.” I felt left alone in the midst of the greatest storm of sadness and hopelessness in my life. The people I thought would come to my aid and offer love, were oblivious to my deeply internal pain (for details on what my crisis entailed, click here). I let the perceived abandonment of misunderstandings sink me into a whirling pool of bitterness.
In my emotional pit, I began to think back over the years and focus on the little offenses and hurts that I had experienced in church. As I played these episodes in my mind, I began to nitpick the issues I saw within the church (some of them were imagined). Slowly I began to criticize others and sometimes side with the Accuser in my head concerning my divine family.
If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command; Those who love God must also love their fellow believers. -1 John 4:20-21
Later, I tentatively adopted my own version of the infamous mantra, “I love Jesus but I hate the church.” I never truly “hated” the church but I certainly allowed my heart to harden toward it. The paradoxical philosophy of “Lord save me from your people” was rippling across culture at the time and for all its luminous and intellectually lucid appeal, its foundation was a murky cesspool of: bitterness, hurt, unforgiveness, misunderstanding, judgement, rebellion, faithlessness, and a vast assortment of carnality.
For a brief season, I was swept away in its viciously charming tide.
Thankfully, Father came after my heart through his unconditional love. He appealed to my heart as a loving Father who longs for his children to harmoniously live together as family:
I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. –1 Corinthians 1:10 NLT
I slowly began to re-receive his grace. During this healing process, He slowly lifted the dark veil of bitterness from my eyes and washed my heart with cleansing mercy. I began to see how wrong I had been in my view of the church. I began to look at that time in my life objectively instead of narrowly from a place of emotional despair. With clearer vision, I noticed the ways I had sunken myself into the crisis. I saw how I had been partly responsible for the ignorance in others. After all, I kept my crisis hidden from many of them (I guess I wanted them to know intuitively that I needed help instead of being vulnerable and honest about my own personal weaknesses, mistakes, doubts and feelings of being “used and discarded.”).
The few precious people who did know how severe the trauma was, did come along side of me in prayer, visits, text messages, patience, gifts and love. They didn’t all love me in the way I wanted to be loved, some of them were wrong in their speech and actions… but they did show love to the best of their ability (at that time, my mind was so stormy with tumultuous thoughts, someone could easily have offended me).
God used those people to help save me (literally save me) and help me see, how much I needed the church. I began to see and feel the love of God for the church and offer them the same mercy God was showing me. I began to overlook their faults and forgive them and myself.
We love each other because he first loved us. -1 John 4:19
My view of the church has gradually become more mature and more based in reality and scriptural soundness. The church is my family. The church is my first taste of heaven. The church is a part of my eternal spirit because the church is the Body of Christ. And we are all parts of Jesus. If one part of the body is broken off…the whole body is now crippled. If one part of the body is bruised, the whole body is damaged as a result (I did a short video on this, you can view it by clicking here):
There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts. -1 Corinthians 12:12-14
More recently my view of the church has changed since becoming a mother to more than one child.
Shortly after giving birth to my second child, I began to taste the love of God for the church in a whole new way. I wrote a prayer for my daughters and the church during a heated season of rampant division and discord in our nation:
In this world that likes to divide us because of political differences, racial sensitivities, religious traditions, sub-cultural perspectives, and an endless list of other things…my prayer for our girls is that the love of Jesus will guard their relationship . I pray they will never let the world drift them apart. I pray they will be unoffendable because of the radiance and truth of God abiding in their hearts.
I pray they will support each other through thick and thin. I pray they will learn to easily forgive and to reconcile differences in a peaceful manner (learn mature conflict resolution). I pray they will walk in God’s wisdom which is humble and full of understanding. I pray they will flourish in life and have a rich relationship with each other (even after I’m gone from this earth. I pray they will be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically strong for their entire lives and that their inner source will be the life of Jesus inside of them.
I pray they will give to one another when the other is in financial stress. I pray their children and husbands will get along and learn family value. I pray they will be examples of Heaven’s ways on earth..
Because as Christians we cannot allow our love to grow cold. Jesus told us to love each other deeply from the heart. And to love one another the way He has shown us love. That kind of love is sacrificial and selfless in nature…divine. It’s the cure for this planet. It’s the medicine for the diseased soul. It’s the peace that surpasses understanding. And it’s the joy that brings strength to those who are feeble and faint with the trails and worries of life:
-“Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.”
–“Blessed are the peacemakers. For they will be called children of God.” -Jesus in Matthew 5:9
–“Six things God hates…he who sows discord among brethren.” -Proverbs 6:19
One of the worst things I can imagine as a parent is the thought of my children growing up and then hating one another. I couldn’t imagine anything much more heartbreaking than seeing my children…whom I raised together and at one point thought I was giving my life for (childbirth)…full of resentment toward each other. Now, I can only imagine God’s heart breaking up in heaven as He watches his children quarreling, slandering and accusing each other. So many broken relationships over political and social drama…even after His Son died so that we might be united and joined together as a redeemed family. I pray we, the church, learn to walk in love toward each other and not let the temporal issues of the world keep us from our heavenly mission and the bond of peace, unity and faith
~My husband took these photos of myself and the girls a few weeks after Elena was born <3
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn’t be alive today or have most of the good things in my life had it not been for brothers and sisters in Christ. No matter who has hurt you, God’s love can make you whole again. Although the church is not everything it should be now…it will be just like Jesus in eternity. We will all live in such celestial bliss and divine love and harmony with each other that no tears will be left to cry. We are forever family. I pray God leads you to brothers and sisters in Christ who will be this in your life. I pray you will be this to other members of Christ’s body as well, knowing that what heals them ultimately heals you. And what heals you, ultimately heals them.
“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia.
But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you. -John 14:26 AMP
Have you ever struggled to sleep because you lacked peace inside your heart?
I understand.
Because I’m there right now…
It’s late at night and I’m awake when I should be asleep.
I’m up because my day has had a draining undertow of anxiety strung like spinning thread inside the veins that flow blood throughout my body. I’ve felt so rushed in daily choirs, and I haven’t stopped to tend to the real needs of my heart.
I’m up late because my two young daughters are finally asleep and I find it hard to focus on my soul and healing subjects when they are awake.
I’m up late because there are no demands in this moment and the neglected pain, inward desire and questions that I have for God are surfacing to the top of my conscious mind like the swelling of a wave.
I’m up.
I’m awake.
And unmet desire raps at the door of my soul again.
I now clearly hear the steady beating that has been happening all day, but now instead of deafening my ears to it, I choose to listen.
“What do you want?” I ask my soul, already knowing the answer.
When the great longing of my soul is seen, like an emaciated person reeling with hunger, I freeze. Feelings of powerlessness overwhelm me because I know I cannot fill the aching, (seemingly abysmal) void.
The cold reality of my human incapability and poverty makes me want to swing the door shut again on my hungry desire and pretend I never saw it. But I know such carelessness wouldn’t be innocuous. My mind battles what to do.
I would just as soon ignore it, except I know it will persist.
I would just squish it, except I know it to be immortal and incapable of death.
I think to squelch it again, under the dulling drug of busyness, but I know it will only make my heart sick and heart ailment is a disease I find I can’t bear. Besides this, the chronic state of an ailing heart usually leads to an addiction of some form (in my case…the chocolate pantry).
The need of The Comforter rises from within me like a child’s whimpering cry to the peak of my throat. I can almost taste the unshed tears at the back of my tongue.
“Holy Spirit,” I whisper, “Help me. I cannot help myself. Father God, I’m so hungry. I’m hungry for your promises. I’m thirsty for things I know are coming but they have not manifested in my life yet. I’m hungry to see my dreams become reality and trusting You in the waiting is hard. I know your Word says that by faith and patience we inherit the promises…but the waiting is such a battle of faith somedays. I’m hungry to see your goodness and your kingdom come in the lives of several friends and family members. I know You have a much more wonderful reality for them than what they are living in. I know You have so much more for me…”
As I talk to God and give Him myself and all the loved ones who are weighing on my heart, I feel calmer. My tight chest finally begins to relax as I “expose” my natural weakness to the most loving, capable Father.
My daughter Elena is asleep beside me in a small netted rocker with metal polls for legs. She breathes softly under a knitted blanket made with cool blue and green tones with white in between.
I think of her own soul and her need for comfort when she is tired and ready to sleep.
When Elena (her name means radiant light) is weary, she doesn’t whisper, she cries with a fury and fever that won’t be denied. She doesn’t hide her pain or her need, like I so often do. She doesn’t fear her desires won’t be met or that she’ll be scorned because of them.
No, she finds me with her eyes and her whole face screws up, her nose crinkles like discarded Christmas wrapping paper, her face flushes with rogue hues and she wails for attention until she is comforted. She trusts me to soothe her when she is exhausted or hungry or emotionally hurt. Because she trusts me, she makes her emotions known with candid, innocent clarity.
I can still see her, trying to crawl over a plush pillow and brush past an arresting assortment of colorful plastic toys around her. I laugh because I know the couch pillow, which is fairly small, might as well have been a hill to her small ten month frame and limited mobil agility. She crawled with frustrating effort around the toy obstacles that were bought for her pleasure and enjoyment.
I saw her and took pity on her. The moment she recognized I would pick her up, her wails quieted and she looked up at me with anticipated calm.
Once inside my arms, she nuzzled her nose into my right breast and covered the tender skin with a curled, chubby hand.
She mumbled and cooed softly as I cradled her while she nursed and within a few short minutes, she fell asleep.
Her soul had cried for help, and I came.
Not only had I comforted her by holding her, but I nourished her through the milk my body created…just for her.
Now, I find myself, crying as well. Only my Helper is Someone I cannot see and sometimes cannot feel, yet He has assured me He is always there.
I confess, it’s not always easy to rest in His arms. It’s not always been easy for me to receive the heavenly and healing comfort that is always available to me. Because sometimes, it’s hard for me to trust a spiritual Father when my body wants my five senses appeased with tangible proof.
Even when I intellectually know He is Truth, even when I acknowledge with my mind that He cannot lie and his word is more sure than the sun’s rising every morning…sometimes faith still seems like an obstacle. Sometimes faith seems like an obstruction (like the toys that surrounded Elena), rather than what it actually is, a great gift from my loving heavenly Father.
And I’m tempting to feel condemned for that. But I won’t allow myself to be. He has told me far too many times that He doesn’t condemn me (John 3:16-17).
How I sometimes wish I were like Elena, and when I cry, Jesus would appear in the flesh and scoop me up in his warm, safe, loving and powerful arms.
I confess this to Him, probably for the thousandth time, and like a good Friend, He listens patiently and compassionately as if it were the first time.
As I pour out the internal floodgates of turmoil that had been mercilessly churning and pricking inside me all day, I relax even more, My breaths deepen and become longer and steadier in the atmosphere of his celestial and curative grace.
I find my desires being pacified, like a baby suckling on their mother’s milk until their belly is full, in the presence of his comforting love.
It takes me a moment to realize, my hear rate has dramatically slowed down.
All the tormenting doubt is silent now.
I’ve been in his arms and I didn’t even realize it!
And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”-Exodus 33: 14
“The result of comfort is rest.” I felt the Holy Spirit say inside me.
I gazed at my daughter again, sound asleep, with no sign of distress on her placid, caramel colored visage.
Her rhymnthetic breathing is as sound and smooth as still crystal lake water. I watch the slow rise and fall of her small chest.
She is at peace.
She is resting because she had fallen asleep in the most secure place on earth to her, my arms.
She had drifted into subconsciousness under the shadow of my wings. The last thing she saw was the light of my face. My smile flamed like a life-giving image past her pupils and dove into her heart giving deep comforting, assurance to her soul. Her eyes fluttered closed, remembering my maternal smile and the love that inevitably poured through my eyes. Just like the sun stains my eyes when I stare at it too long so much so that even under my eyelids I can see embellishments of its sparkling orange and gold light invading the darkness, so my image branded Elena’s mind as she slept.
And through studying her, I realize, this is what the Holy Spirit has done for us. We can always have this sort of blessed assurance in our hearts. The light of God’s face is always shinning down on us in love. He is our Father, we are his beloved, precious children. Let Him hold you today and still your every fear. There is nothing He wants more, than to comfort you when you’re hurting :
Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD. -Psalm 89: 15
Whoever rests in the shadow of the Most High God will be kept safe by the Mighty One. -Psalm 91:1 NIRV
Many ask, “Who can show us the good?” Shine the light of Your face upon us, O LORD. -Psalm 4:6
For it was not by their sword that they took the land; their arm did not bring them victory. It was by Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your face, because You favored them. -Psalm 44:3
May God be gracious to us and bless us, and cause His face to shine upon us, Selah. -Psalm 67:1
Restore us, O God, and cause Your face to shine upon us, that we may be saved. -Psalm 80:3
I pray the “intangible” arms of God are palpably felt by you today. I pray you experience the sort of divine comfort that always gives rest. May his loving countenance shine through and still every raging storm in your soul, giving you the answers you need. There is no safer, securer or more peaceful place on earth than in communion with God the Father.
~If you would like to experience emotionally life-giving and mind clearing sessions with God about your future goals in the safe presence of another, I do prayerful life-coaching with my clients. I would love to walk alongside Jesus in providing you with the Comfort, inspiration, wisdom and guidance you desire. Click here to fill out a questionnaire and receive a FREE life-coaching consultation call! The first few clients will receive a limited discounted price!
“Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation.” (pg.99, “The Body and the Earth”) ― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays
“People use drugs, legal and illegal, because their lives are intolerably painful or dull. They hate their work and find no rest in their leisure. They are estranged from their families and their neighbors. It should tell us something that in healthy societies drug use is celebrative, convivial, and occasional, whereas among us it is lonely, shameful, and addictive. We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost each other.” ― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays
~For a beautiful song on the light of God’s face by Misty Edwards, click here. I do not own any rights to this music. This was one of the 1st worship songs I listened to as a new believer.
~For more devotions like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love (a journey back to healing grace) on amazon!
God bless you. He loves you with all of his heart!
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige
~The head photo of my daughter Elena was taken by Ruthy Esquivel Photography.
One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple. -Psalm 27:4
Father, I love your gentleness. The sweetness of your Presence is the healing balm to my heart. You are the perfect embrace and shelter for my heart. Your kindness is better than life. I taste You like the softest of fruits that melts into whip cream in my mouth. You are sugar within my soul. You are waves like air lapping at my feet, traveling like fragrant whimsical ripples from incense smoke around my ankles. You are softness. You are gentle love. You are romance in the best way. You are honey in the sun. You are like a cool, refreshing tropical breeze to the sweating, weary brow. You are my Romancer. My Bridegroom. My Daddy. My best Friend. My Master, and my Maker. My deepest conversations have been with You. You sing me to sleep with the music of your breaths and your stilling whispers. Your tangible arms are more pristine than peach and cream alabaster pillars. Your heart is like a fire that blazes and burns; like a warm campfire I long to linger near. I sit by your beating, consuming heart in a rocking chair and you sing over me—swaying me softly back and forth in your pleasure. I am most at home in You. You are my home. And I love the way You love me. Your love changes me. Your love transforms me…and I’m not the same. I’ll never be the same…so long as your love is before my eyes.
“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, U.S Navy, Minister, Founder of Servant King Apparel
I have these moments where I just want to escape with Jesus. Right now I just want to have a nice warm cappuccino with caramel drizzle and frothy whipped cream on top decked with coconut flakes (and not worry about the calories… thank you very much). I want Jesus to be beside me with His own favorite hot cup. I dream of us in some quaint cafe having another deeply intimate conversation that leaves me feeling loved inside.
When I was first born again and Spirit filled, I used to go on “dates” with Jesus. I’m not kidding in the slightest. I was always a dreamer…but when my life became wholly His, He captivated my heart with imagery that left me feeling so peaceful inside. I discovered (through the aid of the Holy Spirit) the promised internal Kingdom of Heaven (Romans 14:17). That’s how my writing career started.
When I was unsaved my mind had a constant dark and gloomy undertow. But when Jesus came into my heart, my mind became so positive and vibrant as He showed me breathtaking landscapes. It was like my soul had entered into a personal garden of Eden.
The people closest to me (my family) took notice of my ability to tune out everything and everyone at the most “random” moments.
One night my mom and I were watching a dance movie and just before the scene we both really enjoyed…I felt the Holy Spirit calling me away. So without warning (as is my usual custom) I got up and went to the kitchen table. There I plugged in my headsets and began to write down what the Lord started to show me. A poem came out of that: Land of Peace. I published it in my book, Visions of Celestial Love.
A poetic, devotional book on returning to the life-giving, empowering grace in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Another time I was play wrestling with my brother (we still wrestle today when we get a chance) and I felt again that Jesus was calling me away. So I stood up without saying anything, sat on the couch, closed my eyes and had a “date” with Jesus. My brother Alex and my sister Azania asked me if I was okay.
“I’m fine,” I said quietly and felt lost in the presence of God as I experienced the promised union of the new covenant. My poem: Jesus Replenishes in the Sacred Land, Meeting with my Soul and Spirit, came out of that encounter (again, I included this poem in my book, Visions of Celestial Love).
Because of these romantic, playful, and lovely dates with the Lord, my soul became like a well watered garden (Isaiah 58:11). It seemed no matter what was going on in my outward circumstances…I always had a positive outlook.
I often wondered what Jesus would do on the mountain top when He would spend hours praying by Himself to God? Sometimes I wonder if the Father just loved on Him and showed Him things to come for the upcoming day? I wonder if they had Father, Son dates together too?
Jesus wants to be so intimate with you. God wants you to know Him. Not just in doctrine or theology but in your heart and soul.
He created our imaginations, He created everything beautiful in this world. God designed you with a capacity to be loved by Him with your entire being. That doesn’t just mean your spirit…but it means your soul (heart, mind), your body (your strength) and all that is within you.
David, the man after God’s own heart, loved God with his imagination. The Psalms (or poetic songs) are filled with scripting so fluidly etched it sounds like love letters written between the two dearests of friends.
David had a beautiful imagination…and he took what he knew about God (the written Word, and creation) and experienced the Father. He spoke of seeking one thing, “to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord.” (Psalm 27:4)
God wants to be intimately acquainted with us…in every way that we will allow Him. It’s not a mystical relationship (pagans have that with their deities), but it’s as daily and natural as loving your spouse and choosing to put him/her first.
The more time you spend with someone the more you know and trust them. Jesus is no different. When I’m not actively aware of Jesus I begin to miss Him. The same way I would miss Stephen if I didn’t get to see him.
Jesus said this is eternal life, “that they may know You the Father, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” (John 17:3)
It’s in the knowing of relationship that we find the greatest beauty. You were made for such beauty
Imagining with Jesus is not, “escape from reality” but the perspective of a, “greater reality.”
Christ in you is the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21)
“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia.
Recently, I began to understand the deep and sweet intimacy in comfortably communing with Jesus at the table of his sacrificial love. I have a human tendency to run from pain (and sacrifice)….but this time, I savored Jesus in the darkness.
During the weeks preceding Good Friday, I felt like my heart went on an inner pilgrimage with Jesus. Worship seemed to pour from my soul like perfumed waters. I would sing to the Lord when I woke up and drift to sleep singing to Him.
I began to taste something like sweet, rich wine in my spirit from Him. I felt a newfound connection with the Lord and it was almost as if my heart pined for Him. I felt swept up in a Song of Songs romance. I felt a mutual love between us that kept building and building throughout the weeks (this could also have been because a ladies group and I were studying Song of Songs. For the first time…I felt like my love for Jesus was as heady as those succulent, passionate, and dare I say it, intoxicating words. It was like a blend of holy wine mixed with sacred spiced herbs).
One night, after a Passover celebration, I found myself so physically tired that I laid on the floor in the living room after the guests had left. I had planned on going to bed but my mom started playing worship music. Immediately my heart desire for Jesus roused the rest of my body. It was as if someone had blew on internal embers inside my chest. Warmed by an inner fire, I stayed awake until almost 1am in worship… adoring Jesus.
During that time, I wrote this in my journal (I hope you enjoy it):
“I’m learning to be okay with the darkness of the night and the pitch deep blue of dawn before sunrise. Like Mary, I want to wait in the cold stillness of early morning while all else seems to sleep. In the quiet morning, the young hours of a new day, Mary was the first to see the resurrected Lord.
These past few days have been emotionally worshipful for me. The suffering of “Good Friday” awakened my soul in a new way. I didn’t want to skip straight ahead to resurrection Sunday. I wanted to linger at the most intimate table: The Last Supper.
This is where Jesus symbolically and spiritually ate the Passover meal with his closest friends. This is where Jesus offered them the deepest love before the greatest pain. This is where he served them by washing their feet, tearing bread, pouring wine and singing a worshipful hymn with them.
As he broke the bread, he knew his own flesh would be broken for them soon. Although, whether they realized it or not, he had already wholly given himself to loving them. His life among them was a daily sacrifice to feed them and others. As he poured the wine, he knew his lifeblood would spill to cleanse them. What sustained life for his body, would spill out of him, thus draining him of all strength, in order to cleanse them of all sin and give them life. As he washed their feet, it was as if he was anointing them.
I can almost see his eyes. luminous by the flickering of candles against the black, azure night. The soul of him shining through like starlight…like a taste of heaven. He never withheld anything from them. He gave himself completely to them, fearless, eternal, shameless, selfless, passionate love.
This is how he gives himself to everyone of us.
For now, l lay upon his breast like John at the Last Supper and listen to his beating heart…knowing the pain that will pierce it. May my life forever be like the expensive anointing oil Mary poured upon his feet in preparation for his suffering. My soul poured out in worship. His life laid down. It’s strange…but this Friday I take just as much delight in the darkest hour as I imagine I will in the brightest hour (Sunday resurrection). Because in it all…He’s there. And He’s the essence of all my life and devotion and eternal desire.”
“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia.
~This devotional is taken from my book, Visions of Celestial Love. To learn more about it, visit my Purchasable Goodies page.
Therefore, behold, I will allure her [Israel] and bring her into the wilderness, and I will speak tenderly and to her heart. There I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor [troubling] to be for her a door of hope and expectation. And she shall sing there and respond as in the days of her youth and as at the time when she came up out of the land of Egypt. —Hosea 2:14–15 AMPC
This is sheer poetry to my soul. God speaks volumes to His beloved in these verses. The church is His beloved, both individually and collectively. This morning I dropped my brother off to school and was aware of a familiar pain. I spent time alone in my mom’s van talking to God about it. I was honest and open with Him.
When I walked in the house these were the verses that I turned to. Through them He pointed things out to me. He said, “I want to give you hope again. I don’t want you to give in to cynicism because of disappointments and supposedly deferred dreams.”
God said He would make my troubling a door of hope for me, and not just a door of hope but a door of expectation.
God reminded me through scripture that He is a good lover, because a good lover is the caretaker of His beloved’s heart. He said, “I will speak tenderly and to her heart.”
As my eyes scrolled down the pages He spoke more:
And it shall be in that day, says the Lord, that you will call Me Ishi [my Husband], and you shall no more call Me Baali [my Baal]…. And I will break the bow and the sword and [abolish battle equipment and] conflict out of the land and will make you lie down safely. —Hosea 2:16, 18b AMPC
Through these verses the Lord said, “You will know Me personally. You will be close to Me, for I will cause your heart through intimacy to call Me Husband.”
He also said, “I will break the bow in your soul, I will abolish the inner turmoil you feel and cause you to rest in my serene peace.”
Prompted through reflections of His loving words I continued reading:
And I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will even betroth you to Me in stability and in faithfulness, and you shall know (recognize, be acquainted with, appreciate, give heed to, and cherish) the Lord. —Hosea 2:19–20 AMPC
Here God spoke, “My mercy, and My love for you is steadfast. It does not die, it does not deplete. It isn’t diminished by you, nor however you think you’ve disappointed Me. My love is timeless and nothing you do or don’t do can affect the steadfastness of it.
“You are rightly Mine through royal, and holy blood. Blood that is other, not of this world. Blood that is spirit and life paid for you to live in paradise and be wooed by My love. You are betrothed to Me in righteousness and justice. It is right and just that you are Mine…and I am yours as far as My love is concerned.
“I will even marry you in stability and faithfulness. Do you know what that means? That means you don’t have to worry about chaos. Our marriage is stable as far as the Heavens are everlasting and immovable. You have peace. We have peace. Our relationship is marked by My peace…and you will remain in this peace for as long as you know that My love cannot be moved from you. You are My heart’s gaze, and My affections are set firmly upon you. Know that even if you fail to believe sometimes, you always have My peace…you just don’t always remain in it.
“I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. I will be faithful to you through all eternity. Let My eyes wash you with My love. I look at no others. I see no others. I Am the Husband of your dreams. The Husband that marks every part of you and calls you beautiful all over. The Husband who sees you on those early mornings where your hair is disheveled, when your breath stinks, when you’re having an emotional meltdown, when you’re moody, when you’re sweaty from work, and in sweat pants. I love you in those areas that you think you are ugly. I love to love you in those areas where you feel embarrassed and would rather not be seen. I love you in those areas because those are the areas where you most need to be loved.
“I Am the Husband of your dreams. I have eyes only for you. And I will be faithful to you always. Though the world shakes, though times change, though people come and people go, though you may act unfaithfully, though you may lose sight of love, though estrangement and loneliness may come, though you may pull away sometimes, though things rage…I will be faithful to you always.
“You are the queen I’ve waited for since I created the world. And I will clothe you in royalty and crown you with honor and virtue. It is Me who makes you beautiful. You are a reflection of all My affections, and the more you receive My love for you the more you display My beauty…the beauty that was always yours to own and have.
“You are the prize I’ve worked for throughout the ages. You are the one My heart dreamed of when I hovered over the waters in the beginning. Nothing else in all of creation can compare to you, My love—not oceans, not seas, not sunrises, not sunsets, not grassy plains or rainbows in the sky, not angels, not gold or precious stones.
“If only you could see the way I stare at you. If only you could taste the love that wells up in My heart every time I see you. I want you to experience Me the way I experience you. I am here, and I am here for a lifetime. I’ll be here for eternity loving you, and I rejoice in the day that you believe it. I am faithful.”
And in that day I will respond, says the Lord; I will respond to the heavens [which ask for rain to pour on the earth], and they shall respond to the earth [which begs for the rain it needs],
And the earth shall respond to the grain and the wine and the oil [which beseech it to bring them forth], and these shall respond to Jezreel [restored Israel, who prays for a supply of them].
And I will sow her for Myself anew in the land, and I will have love, pity, and mercy for her who had not obtained love, pity, and mercy; and I will say to those who were not My people, You are My people, and they shall say, You are my God!—Hosea 2:21–23 AMPC
May God’s loving words wash you with sweet, restoring love, the way it did me this morning.
To purchase a copy of Visions of Celestial Love, click here.
“A delightful book that reflects the praises from a heart that desires to abide closely with our Heavenly Father. Written in a style that summons us to experience a journey of deeper intimacy with a loving God. Ashley covers the foundation of the Christian faith that brings encouragement and assurance of God’s promises when faced with life’s challenges. Embracing our uniqueness and the safety of transparency before our Maker who cares about the most intricate details of our life. Yes, an invitation indeed from the One and only who can fill what are heart’s ache for.” — Jocelyn Reyna,
~I felt Jesus tell me these words on a night where my soul was grieved. I hope these words bring you as much comfort as they did me. Be blessed:
You were made to be loved.
Deeply.
You were made to be nourished, and nurtured.
You were made to be appreciated.
You were made to feel the waves of my love pouring over you like warm-scented rain every day.
You were made to be kissed good night every night.
You were made for my joy, my peace, my comfort. You were made to be faithfully loved—not just for a year, or ten years or fifty…but forever.
I know you long. I know you desire. And I want to take you up in the sky until you can taste the clouds. Until your eyes widen with a view of Heaven.
Woman that I love, listen to me. Read these words. Let them saturate your heart and bring the deep healing that is so desperately needed. Let not your heart shrivel, but expand in the embrace you were made for.
Where you are cold, I will make you warm. Where you are disappointed I will prove Myself faithful. Where you are bitter I will make you sweet.
I will love you past the mental bondage, past the pain, past the heart hurts, past the despairing hope. I see you hoping, struggling, letting go, and taking up again. I know the weariness a broken life can bring. I know the daily routine that dries out all the excitement in your heart.
I know the wishes you have that seem so far stretched that you look upon them as fantasy… as child’s play. Don’t scold yourself for them. I want to give you all that you long for, that is right for you to have. My Father only gives good and perfect gifts. It starts with letting yourself be embraced, with letting the tears flow, with looking upon my face, with diving in my eyes.
My love is consuming yet it’s gentle. It restores life to the dying. It brings life to the dead.
Look up. Look down. Look around you. I’m right here. I’m right here. I’m in your heart. Ask me what you would have me do for you. Talk to me.
Be loved. Be most deeply loved.
Don’t settle for anything less than perfect love.
This snippet was taken from my book, Visions of Celestial Love. You can learn more about it on my Purchasable Goodies page or purchase a copy on amazon.
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, True-Heart friend of author
