Category: Romantic Rendezvous for the Soiul

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The Throne Room

A sneak peek into my upcoming book, The Sacred Wooing (a vivid invitation to experience the bridegroom love of Jesus).

“Then I looked, and, oh!—a door open into Heaven. The trumpet-voice, the first voice in my vision, called out, “Ascend and enter…” -Revelation 4:1 MSG

The highest king sat with blinding light shining from him. Contrasting cumulonimbus clouds and radiant lightning swirled around him like a halo crafted from a tempest, subjugated by an unimaginable powerful force. His appearance was suffused with fiery amber gems. The clouds around him pillowed upward, creating vast, vaporous terrains rippling with the colors of the hemisphere. 

 Majestic flying creatures filled with spiritual power orbited the omnipotent king. Their multiple, feathery wings swayed across their celestial forms like silken curtains. The swooshing of their gargantuan wings caused the air to vibrate with tornadic winds. Their booming voices charged the atmosphere like thunder as they paid homage to the one they revered.  

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come!”

Royal lords donned in flowing, priestly garments bespeckled with jewels bowed reverently as they circled the throne. Their transcendent voices harmonized into a swelling crescendo. The sound was akin to rushing waves, more resplendent than any music on earth. 

“You are worthy oh Lord to receive glory and honor and power! For you created all things! And by your will they exist, and were created!”

Seven golden lampstands flamed brilliantly, and incense rose like a sheet of fragrant mist from the scintillating floor.

The omnipotent king sat on his immaculate throne and held seven gleaming stars in his hand. They shone like fiberoptic pearls. His robe cascaded down like the clouds covering the amazon forest as a canopy. His clothes shone whiter than fresh snow and a regal, sash hung like sunlight from his shoulder to his waist. The golden floor was transparent glass, mirroring everything above it with an aureate hue.

To the left of the king sat his father. He was the creator of all. They were unified in purpose and in heart. Their resemblance in soul and features were so akin, that having seen one, you would have known the other. From the father’s mouth came the spirit of life—the most precious breath. A single exhale from this spirit could form planets.

The father and kingly son sat, watching for the son’s bride to fully prepare herself. The son had waited patiently for eons and excitedly looked forward to the celebratory day, the day of his gladness of heart. He had prepared himself in the finest apparel. The wine he would offer was the richest created, and he had earnestly desired to drink it with her in the kingdom. A feast in the heavenly  clouds surrounded by a balcony of translucent rainbows and shimmering, fiery jasper stones had been set. The table alone was lengthier than a galaxy. It would be a feast greater than all royal weddings in created history. Serving angels stood ready to attend to the king and his beloved wife. All that awaited her. 

For thousands of years, the son had sent messages to her and yet she was easily distracted and discouraged from her bridal preparations. 

Amid the heavenly jubilee resounding in the divine room, the king distinctly heard her voice in his heart. Like the minute fluting of a swallow compared with the roaring of the deep sea, many voices drowned hers out, but not to him. The spirit of life they shared connected the cry of his beloved to his being. Her true life was hidden in him, for he withheld nothing of himself from her. A crystal bottle that resembled the finest vase appeared before his fiery eyes. It was filled with the salty tears of the object of his affection.

Despite all that he had freely provided for her, she was living like a poor woman. Although the father’s Spirit breath was with her, the breath that created the universe, she lived limited to her natural strength. She was ignorant of the divine glory within her. She did not know what was hers for the taking although he had told her many times. The anguish she suffered pained him, stirring his compassion.

He peered below the heavens and saw her on earth. A spiritual adversary was oppressing her heart. He was a degenerate star, disguised in counterfeit robes to swindle the bride. He twisted the messages the king had delivered to her, causing her chronic agitation, distress, and sadness. Worse still, his cunning lies had bruised the tender places in her soul, and she had unconsciously distanced herself from her king. The more she drank the poisonous lies, the less she trusted the king. As her faith decreased, the less connected she was to the spirit of life who sought to help her. 

“Father,” the son spoke, turning to look directly at him.

The father turned to his beloved son, the seat of his delight. 

They shared such a unity that words weren’t necessary between them. Before the son uttered his name, permission was already given.

The glorious son discarded his royal apparel and humbled himself by donning mortal clothes…

Back Cover:

The Sacred Wooing explores the sacred theology of Jesus as the Church’s Bridegroom using a fictional story painted with tender intimacy. Based loosely on Ephesians 5:15: For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.

It gently unravels the ageless waters of human desire for everlasting love while also teaching about the church’s place as the beloved bride of Christ.

Through deeply warm conversations, Jesus meets with one of his saints (Noelani). During their outing, he slowly unearths and permissively destroys each fear that has blocked her from entering a life-affirming relationship with him. Beginning at the local coffee shop, she observes as Jesus talks to the barista (Diane) and changes her whole life right there.

Then they visit a nearby lake and watch the stars and water and trees transform into phantasmagoric visions while Noelani is transported to places as beautiful and timeless as Eden, a heavenly ballroom, a glorious beach, a snowy mountaintop, and a royal palace. In the ballroom, they are surrounded by worshipping angelic saints. They talk about the meaning of true worship, dying to self, and putting on the new man in Christ. Jesus talks with her and introduces her to God as “Abba” Father.

Several flashbacks into her childhood and teenage memory add depth and revelation to Noelani’s life-story and her reason for being where she is. Jesus knows that she needs a revelation of God’s grace and love and her identity in Christ. Noelani continually receives Jesus’s truth, and it helps her realize her spiritual unity with him. This divine transaction is often seen physically through shifting clothes as Noelani’s casual attire slowly transforms into a saintly gown, which represents putting on the new man in Christ. (Eph. 4:24).

A battle shortly ensues with an adversary spirit, Akkad-Bela, who has been plaguing Noelani’s life and hindering her spiritual walk with Jesus. After conquering a battle with “the father of lies” (John 8:44) Noelani partakes of communion and falls asleep in the castle comforted by the ways Jesus has ministered truth to her.

Part two begins in Noelani’s kitchen with her friend (Angel) and Jesus as a visiting plumber who enjoys breakfast with them as he asks and answers questions of them both.

As each layer of fear is peeled away, Noelani begins to see herself through God’s eyes, she experiences inner healing and the sanctifying grace of God to walk out a godly lifestyle. Because of Jesus’ expressed love for her, she feels free to open to him about dating, relationships, and the frustrations of her generation when it comes to relationships and religion.

After a transforming discussion, Noelani invites Jesus into her love life out of trust and she is commissioned to help other women discover the blessing of virtuous living through the profound revelation of living like a beloved daughter of the King and bride of Christ.

~For a similar book on divine love, check out my novella, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul by clicking here.

~For a spoken poem on experiencing the love of Jesus, check out my YouTube Video, I Love You by clicking the link below.

~To watch a free short story about the love of Jesus taken from my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, click the link below:

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Hearing From God (Your Inheritance)

Did you know that you can hear from God?

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. -John 10:27

It took me a long time to realize that as a child of God, a part of my familial benefits included the ability to hear his voice.

This incredible gift of hearing from our heavenly Father is not just for a select few. It is for everyone, including you. You are a beloved of your Father in Heaven. He wants to speak to you as any good father would want to communicate with his child.

I wrote about this topic in the new anthology book, The Runaway Bride of Christ.

May my testimony encourage and uplift you in your faith!

A Transforming Relationship

“Christianity that isn’t supernatural is superficial.” -Unknown

“I promised you my love and entered the covenant of marriage with you. I, God, the Master, gave my word. You became mine. I gave you a good bath, washing off all that old blood, and anointed you with aromatic oils. I dressed you in a colorful gown and put leather sandals on your feet. I gave you linen blouses and a fashionable wardrobe of expensive clothing. I adorned you with jewelry: I placed bracelets on your wrists, fitted you out with a necklace, emerald rings, sapphire earrings, and a diamond tiara.” -Ezekiel 16:9-12 (MSG)

I began to sense the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I was guided to create a spiritual mind calendar where I put down purposefully things to do every day that would help me abide in Christ. Most of these things included prayer and Bible reading. I began by studying the fruit of the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5, and I limited my television watching. Please keep in mind, I felt led by the Holy Spirit to do these things. No one from the outside instructed me in this, so it wasn’t “legalistic.” 

I prayed to Jesus to wake me up early to spend time with him before I did anything else. The very next morning, I woke up at 5 am, feeling an invisible hand on my arm. I even felt the fingers of this invisible hand. I opened my eyes and discerned the message of the Lord, “It’s prayer and study time.” For the next year, I would wake up almost every morning to be alone with Jesus. I read through the entire Bible. 

The Holy Spirit led me through a process of sanctification. I began to sense what pleased God and what displeased him. I fully gave myself to Him, treasuring Him above all others. 

As I dwelt in his presence, my heart began to heal. I was supernaturally delivered from a demon of anger that was sitting on the hurt in my soul. Now that the hurt was gone, the demon had left. I’m not sure if God kicked it out or if it left on its own. I literally felt an empty space in me where the anger usually was. I gave up my old life and accepted that I was a new creation in Christ. I no longer tended to give in to sinful anger. I began to overlook offenses and become a peacemaker. I no longer gave curt answers that cut my family. I now offered gentle words that turned away wrath (see Proverbs 15:1, NIV). The insecurities that once crippled much of my life began peeling away. As I received the love of God, I began to love myself and take care of my body. Within a year, I was at a balanced weight.

Not only did I love myself, but I liked myself. As a result, I gave that gracious love to others. My mind was slowly becoming a beautiful garden. I no longer had dark thoughts. Divinely inspired images began filling my mind, and I started having “visions” of the kingdom of heaven. I journaled some of these down in my book, Visions of Celestial Love. 

“If you [really] love Me, you will keep and obey My commandments.

And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever— the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive [and take to its heart] because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He (the Holy Spirit) remains with you continually and will be in you. -John 14:15-16 (AMP)

The Lord began stressing the importance of my obedience. The first relationship God repaired was with my father. God taught me that no matter how I didn’t want to do what my father asked, I was commanded in the Bible to honor him. It was hard at first, but as I died to pride, I began walking in joyful obedience. My father and I developed a closer relationship. He began buying me presents at random and taking me on father- daughter dates. I went from a begrudgingly obedient child to a willfully obedient child. The Lord would inspire me to cook dinner for my family, clean the garage (although I hated doing so, especially since there were spiders), and serve them with my whole heart. 

One night my eldest sister told me to not sleep on the couch. I liked sleeping on the couch because I could see the stars through the large windows. As I was drifting off to sleep on the couch again, the Lord reminded me of Ashanti’s words. I frowned but spread a blanket on the floor and slept. In the morning Ashanti asked me why I was snoozing on the floor. I responded, “Because you told me not to sleep on the couch.” She gave me a pleased smile and then said, “You can sleep on the couch (from now on).” God was showing me what it was like to grow in, “wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and man” like Jesus who willingly obeyed his parents as a teenager (see Luke 2:51-52, NIV, emphasis added).  

Miracles began happening in my life. I think it’s important to note that I didn’t chase miracles. I pursued knowing God. Miracles are a result of the presence of God. One morning after spending time with God, I proceeded to politely excuse myself., “Father, I’m hungry and I think I will watch TV.” After making breakfast I tried to watch TV on two different televisions, and nothing was working. I checked the plugs and connections, and everything was set up right. There was no reason for the televisions to be showing static. I went to the family computer and tried to watch shows on YouTube, but the internet wasn’t “working.” Then I got a small impression from the Holy Spirit to visit a ministry website by one of the ministers I enjoyed listening to. It worked immediately! It was like God was saying, “I’m enjoying your company. I want to spend more time with you.”

One day, I was taking a shower and as it was ending, I realized I had left my drying towel on the sink counter which was past the commode. I didn’t want to drip water on the floor, so I thought to lean on the towel railing and reach for my towel. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me, “Don’t do that. The railing is unstable.” I disregarded his impression, unsure if I had heard from Him and leaned on it anyway. It gave way and I began falling fast. I could have seriously gotten hurt, but I felt an invisible presence catch me and slowly lower my body down to the floor! I still don’t know it if was an angel or the Lord who caught me. I recall thanking the Lord multiple times for keeping me safe.  

One night I heard the voice of God. It was so clear, my ears picked it up, but his voice wasn’t projecting from the outside. His voice came from inside my heart! He told me, “Ashley, your rabbit is going to get sick and die.” For years I had prayed for the health of my family (spiritual, mental, emotional and physical). I would include prayers for my rabbit, Floppy’s, health as well. I patted my chest where I heard his voice and stood frozen in wonder. I had never heard God so clearly! At this point in my walk, Christ was dwelling in my heart by faith (see Ephesians 3:17, AMP). The Holy Spirit had done a beautiful job of making my heart a nice home for Jesus. At that time, Floppy was showing no signs of illness, but I began spending more time with her as I believed Jesus had spoken to me. I took her to the park a lot; I videotaped her and gave her extra kisses. 

Sometime later, she began to show symptoms of sickness. She stopped eating and would make small painful noises. We took her to the vet only to find out that cancer had spread throughout her body and there was nothing the vet could do. My mom decided it would be merciful for us to allow the vet to put her out of her misery. I was the last one to hold Floppy and I remember her licking me on my nose as I reluctantly gave her to one of the assistants. I cried loudly as I left the veterinarian. As dejected and sad as I felt, I realized Jesus had warned me ahead of time so I wouldn’t be shocked by her passing. He also did this so I could spend more purposeful time with her and have cherished times together. He cared enough about me to warn me so I wouldn’t be devastated…

~I hope you enjoyed this brief snippet of my testimony. If you’d like to purchase a physical copy of the book, The Runaway Bride of Christ, click here (please allow 2-3 weeks before delivery). You may also purchase a kindle version on amazon by clicking here.

~For a novella full of the voice of God, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, by clicking here.

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Teaching on the Bridegroom Love of Jesus

Click below to watch or listen to the audio recording of this devotional:

Now we are on sacred, holy ground. My ultimate prayer is that everything I share will be inspired by the Holy Spirit in washing the bride in pure, white linen fit for her glorious King. May I be like Hegai was to Esther in preparing the Bride of Christ for the day she will stand before her groom with unadulterated dove’s eyes.

Introduction to the Bridegroom Love of Jesus

Jesus began to woo my heart when I was sixteen years old. It started with small visions that played in my mind. My first memory of this came when I was waiting for a family member in the car as they shopped. Rays of dusty pink and golden orange had melted away into a velvety Prussian blue over the sky. Eventually, the sun completely set, giving way to glowing city lights and a canopy of glittering silver stars. I was sitting quietly in the car, listening to clean love songs. Like most girls my age, I was longing for romance, to be seen as beautiful and to be special to someone. I had no idea just how special I was to Jesus.

As I sat there in the car, a warm-hearted romantic song began to play. The lyrics and melody expressed the sacred and passionate love of a couple for each other. Unexpectedly, I saw myself in an elegant ballroom. The pearl and gold floor were so polished it was like glowing glass. I was donned in an exquisite gown fit for a heavenly queen with multiple skirts. Jesus was dressed like a King, and we began dancing together. For a few seconds, I allowed myself to linger in the vision. I had a sense of peace and Jesus’ delight. However, doubt began to prick my conscious thoughts, and I tore away from the visualization. I was afraid the Devil was tricking me, so I spoke out loud, “No! Get behind me Satan!” The vision vanished.

Jesus did not berate me, push me or punish me when I mistakenly rebuked him. He did not correct me because he knew I was ignorant of this deep knowledge of him. It’s amazing how religious teaching or ignorance can keep us from deepening our relationship with Jesus. For a long time, I mentally separated Jesus from romance. I knew his saving love, his redeeming love and his family love, but I had no understanding of his bridegroom love.

God is the creator of love: eros (romantic), storge (family), philia (brotherly) and agape (transcendental or unconditional love). He is not exclusive to only one type of love.  He is the masterful designer of all the relational love we crave. For example, in 1 John 3 we are called children of God. See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! That is family or storge love. In scripture God calls Abraham his friend, that is philia or brotherly love (see James 2:23), in the Bible we can see that God has both an eternal love for us and an unconditional and sacrificial love for us. We can see an example of this in Jeremiah 31:3, The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

 And John 3:16 where it says, “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son so that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.” God gave us his absolute best when he gave us Jesus, that is agape (unconditional) love.

Scripture also speaks about God’s love for us in terms of a husband and wife. In Isaiah 54:5 it says, For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. Hosea 2:16 reads: “And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’ The apostle Paul talks about this kind of relationship with Christ as being a profound mystery. In Ephesians 5, starting with verse 21, Paul goes on to explain that God’s desires for husbands and wives. He goes on to expound on the mystery of being one in unity, submission and love in marriage. Then he goes on to conclude that the semblance of unity in marriage speaks about Christ and the church. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” 

This is not earthly or sexual, like what husbands and wives share, but it is reflected of the sort of wholehearted devotion and covenantal unity Jesus desires with us. We are called the body of Christ. We become one flesh with him. He enters our hearts by faith (as described in Ephesians 3) and we share breath, life, and thoughts with him. Our unity becomes closer through our yielding to the Holy Spirit, just as Christ was unified with the Father on earth. He was so close to the Father, he said, “if you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father for I and the Father are one.” This is how close He expects us to be with him. He expects us to be so close that we can truthfully say, “if you’ve seen me, you’ve seen Jesus.” We are to worship in Spirit and in truth.

Christ isn’t meant to just become a part of our lives; he is our lives. Colossians 3:4 says, When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” We become one with Christ in a greater way than a husband and wife do. Marriage is a shadow of what unity with Christ is meant to be. Jesus is the vine, and we are the branches, everything that gives us life comes from him and flows through us. This unity bears eternal fruit.

           

All throughout the Old Testament we can see God bemoaning the faithlessness of his people to turn away from him and pursue other gods. He describes his deep pain as akin to a husband with an adulterous wife. Some powerful examples of this are sprinkled in the books of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and others. Hosea is dedicated to exemplifying this kind of relationship with God when he asks Hosea to marry a harlot to give his bride (his people) a visual show of what it’s like to be married to her.

God desires our whole hearts. He wants our deepest devotion. On earth, a godly marriage is the clearest picture we have of this. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your might and all your mind. This is impossible without retaining first love fire (Revelation 2:4-5).

Have you ever seen two people who are in love? They possess this. Each of them considers the other to be the most precious person on earth to them. They think (or meditate) on ways to be a blessing to one another. They plan to spend quality time together. They say positive, encouraging and enforcing words to each other. They may write each other beautiful words.

No wonder God called David a man after his own heart. If I had someone who wrote me over a hundred songs of love describing how wonderful, amazing and majestic I was, I’d be hard pressed not to open my heart wide to that person. David sang to the Lord and danced before him with all his might. He was unashamed about his love for God. David spun songs together that described his personal knowledge about the intricate details of the Lord. David’s songs dripped with potent adoration toward God.

Jesus knew I was at the age where I was ready for love, and he wanted me to understand his bridegroom love. Nonetheless, I was not ready to receive this type of love because I had an erroneous religious belief that God was not involved in romance. Romance was a taboo subject. It was hardly discussed in my church. Meanwhile, the secular culture around me and some peers at school boldly spoke about the perverse version of romance they experienced. Because of the silence of my church to show me how this type of love was godly and pure and the decadence of the culture, I considered the bridegroom love of Jesus to be too scandalously close to the sensual love between a man and a woman.

Eventually, the Holy Spirit, the greatest Hegai to our role as Esther, began to show me the spiritual depth and holiness of Christ’s bridegroom love. This revelation graced my walk with Jesus during my single years. I was empowered to walk in purity and godliness in large part, because of this revelation.

May Jesus begin to open your eyes to his love through scripture. You are his beloved, you are his song. He desires more of you:

“‘I came by again and saw you, saw that you were ready for love and a lover. I took care of you, dressed you and protected you. I promised you my love and entered the covenant of marriage with you. I, God, the Master, gave my word. You became mine. I gave you a good bath, washing off all that old blood, and anointed you with aromatic oils. I dressed you in a colorful gown and put leather sandals on your feet. I gave you linen blouses and a fashionable wardrobe of expensive clothing. I adorned you with jewelry: I placed bracelets on your wrists, fitted you out with a necklace, emerald rings, sapphire earrings, and a diamond tiara. You were provided with everything precious and beautiful: with exquisite clothes and elegant food, garnished with honey and oil. You were absolutely stunning. You were a queen! You became world-famous, a legendary beauty brought to perfection by my adornments. Decree of God, the Master.”- Ezekiel 16:8-14 MSG

To delve more deeply into the topic of the bridegroom love of Jesus, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. Click here to see it on amazon or the divine romance tab to explore the first chapter for free:

For centuries, the female heart has burned with desire for the lasting pleasure of unchanging love. In the course of time, civilizations have risen and fallen, yet the longing for tangible intimacy has never faded. Millions of lyrics have been written to the passionate tune of this fluid yearning.

Unfortunately, few people find the lasting love they’ve longed for, even as children. Life, education, and societal pressures transform what was once a tangible hope into a mythical fairy tale. Industries have reaped unlimited monetary gain from the erosion of this hope. Billions of girls grow up to become women who have long since tossed their dreams of true love in the trash bin of cynicism. Countless others have buried their ache of unmet desire under the disappointment of failed relationships and hopelessness.

Despite most women’s best attempts, this starved craving remains alive, like a stimulating aroma. This ethereal hope goes back to the first relationship, in a place of being so “seen” and “lovingly known” that “she” was naked and unashamed.

This novella was not written to add salt to the gaping wound of unsatisfied need. It was written to satisfy the need completely. Let Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul introduce you to a lasting relationship with Transcendent Love, where reality becomes sweeter than your dreams.

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The Beauty of Submission

For this is how the holy women of the past adorned themselves. They put their hope in God and were submissive to their husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. And you are her children if you do what is right and refuse to give way to fear. -1 Peter 3:5-6

My Testimony:

For years self-preservation has caused a soulish rift of fear between my spouse and me. It has taken place nowhere but in my own mind. The ungodly influences of the world’s view on marriage have also been a separation factor. Right now, God is both lovingly and firmly correcting me concerning my relationship with Stephen. It has been hard for me to not “conform to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind.” Sadly, I have rebelled against the Word of God in many ways by not honoring my husband in the way God designed me to as a royal daughter of the King.

While the world says a wife should not have to honor her husband, God says a godly wife is to honor her spouse. Colloquial statements from wives like, “I have two kids including my husband,” and “happy wife equals happy life,” or “if mama isn’t happy then nobody is happy” are evidence of an ungodly cultural mindset. I have often laughed at these statements, but I don’t believe Jesus laughed with me. They are not trifle slogans. They are often the visible sprouting of a much deeper issue. There is no place in God’s kingdom for rebellion.

The Kingdom of Heaven is always near to us, but it requires repentance (a changing of mind). For me, God has asked me to learn what it means to be a “help meet” to my husband and to use my free will to have a submissive heart. God will not force this upon me. I have a God-honoring husband who would never force it upon me as well. The kingdom of Heaven has an order, and this order doesn’t change with culture. It is timeless. There are set laws and principles that scripture lays out in marriage. For wives, this includes submitting ourselves to our husbands. This also includes honoring our husbands. God means for our lives to be governed by his Word.

 For many years, I have unknowingly disrespected my husband. I have also competed with him instead of learning what it means to be his helper in the same way the Holy Spirit was the “Helper” of Jesus. Jesus patiently showed me how “fear” played a huge role in my stiff-necked refusal to wholeheartedly support my husband in having leadership authority in our marriage.

1 Peter 3:5 says that the godly women of old put their hope in God. This helped me as I realized that these precious women were empowered by their hope in God. I realized I could only ever submit myself to my husband if I put my hope in the surety of God’s character and his power to cover my family even if my husband made a mistake. Verse six says that we will be their daughters if we “refuse to give in to fear.” I realized that I was afraid of Stephen blowing it. I was also afraid if I submitted to him, he would take advantage of me. I was afraid he wouldn’t care for me the way I wanted to be cared for. I was afraid of financial depletion. I was afraid of being bossed around. I was afraid of so many things. Jesus helped me see that underneath my fear was my true heart. My truest heart wanted to fully believe God and obey his Word.

Thankfully, my truest heart is finally beginning to win.

I have truly begun to walk in purposeful repentance that results in godly fruit. I have a wonderful husband. He’s not perfect, but he is God-honoring, and he loves me more than anyone, other than Jesus. If you’re a wife in a similar or different circumstance, I can’t tell you how God will lead you in your marriage relationship. Only be sure that he will never lead you to disobey his Word. Also, be comforted with this; he will guide you in a way that is loving and personal to you.

If you’re a wife in an abusive relationship, I am so very sorry! Please know God’s Word does not condone violence. God’s Word says that the Lord hates the one who “covers his wife with violence.” -Malachi 2:16 AMPC. 1 Peter 3:7 says that if a man doesn’t act considerately toward his wife (like a delicate vessel) or honor her as a fellow heir, his prayers may be “hindered.”

God cares deeply for his daughters. God cares deeply for his sons. The ideal marriage is when both spouses love Jesus more than anything or anyone because Jesus will always, always, always lead them to love each other much more than they could without him.

Lastly, always remember that you are the beloved bride of the Prince of Peace, and he wants to woo your heart and give you an abundant life. You can trust his rules. You can trust his leadership. You can trust his heart.

-For a beautiful song on Christ as our Bridegroom, click the video (enjoy!):

I don’t own any rights to the music.

-For my book on the divine bridegroom love of Jesus, click here.

Beautiful!

This book was so beautiful! Reading this book felt like the Lord was drawing me to dance with Him. The more I read the book the closer I felt Him pulling me closer. If you read this book you will see the Lord’s heart to romance you, and it will draw you into a deeper place in His heart.

Saleena B. Bible teacher in France

Just Breathtaking

This was the most captivating, read I had in a while. It warmed my heart, made me feel loved, and gave me a desire to want a more intimate relationship.

Starlyn

This Book is a Blessing!

Such an intimate encounter with our Lord and savior. I was blessed to read this book, it has changed my relationship with Christ.


Alicia. D

A Book for your Heart

Ashley has a very talented gift of weaving words together that display tenderness, compassion and purity. Each story reveals the heart of Jesus towards His children. As you read each one you can see past the characters and feel the depth of Jesus’ heart, as well as the longing for a deeper relationship with Jesus inside yours.

Everesta H.

Romantic Rendezvous

Romantic Rendezvous is a beautiful invitation into intimacy with Jesus! Ashley has done a masterful job of creating stories that depict the heart of the Father. I have truly been blessed by this book! As I read each story, I felt the closeness of Jesus and had continual reminders of how deep the Fathers love is for me. From the very first chapter, I felt the flame of my heart be rekindled with God’s goodness and love. This book is a must read!

Jessica Leon, teacher.

Must Read

Wow that was an amazing book! I just finished it! I read it in increments and it really ministered to me at the times I was reading it. I totally felt the presence of God and was like wow this really ministers to me at certain situations I am going through in life !!!!! The way you portray Jesus is so beautiful and is what our soul yearns for. It is possible to be soo intimate with God. Thank you so much for writing it and sharing it with me! New York Times Best Seller.

Kristina Esber

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Intimacy: A Tribute to My Husband

“The joy and beauty of marriage are divinely designed. Nothing in human imagination could have created such an intimate, wonderful relational unmasking of self. There is a sweet security and a vulnerable nakedness that is wholesome and liberating.”

Stephen,

You are one of the biggest blessings God has ever given me. Thank you for loving me past the fear. Thank you for loving me first. I can truly say I am in covenant with you because you loved me first… I can only say that with one other Person…Jesus Christ. He loved me past my greatest fears and did everything to mend the breach between myself and Father’s love.

Every now and again I get asked this question (from mostly younger women), “when did you know you were in love with Stephen?” The truth is I don’t know…I can’t name a day or time. It was truly as if my heart for him was like a large thanksgiving cooking pot of cold water… and someone put my heart on the stove on low heat. Funny thing about cooking that way is the part of the pot closets to the fire is the deepest water. It’s not heat from the top down but the down up. It was a deeply spiritual and soulful heating/stirring of love…one that has enriched my life in every way. 

I’ve learned something about cooking and that’s if you patiently blend totally different spices together on low for a long time, they merge into something savory. This is like God’s command for two to become one. Two souls in the furnace of God’s heart blending together. I often wondered what scripture meant when it said Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. In my youthful (unmarried) thinking I supposed it was only physical. It wasn’t until Sunday night when I looked into your eyes that I truly experienced the blessedness of that verse. Your eyes weren’t shuttered in any way. They were open pools of blue that I had dived in many times. They were open flames of a heart that was swung wide for me (as if your soul was a living room with a rocking chair built for me). They were unconditional love that I had now received as a resting place…that I now considered home. And I was unashamed to look back and to take in your affections. Not in kisses and passion…but in soul connection. 

There once would have been a day where I would have glanced away in fear. Fear and love are two powerful forces that cannot coexist, but perfect love always casts out fear. I once heard the word intimacy described as, “into me, you see.” I’ve looked into many eyes…parents, siblings…other brothers and sisters in Christ…but no set of eyes ever felt so transparent and so one with my own soul like yours did a few nights ago. I’ve never been one with anyone except Jesus (and I’ve seen His eyes before in visions. And in those pictures, I’ve found myself looking away for how consuming, captivating, intense and fiery His heart showed through His eyes…like a light I couldn’t behold for fear of going blind). 

Our marriage is a growing picture of Christ & the Church…something I prayed for many years ago. A sonnet written in a lush garden and golden palace like Songs of Solomon. A spiritual connection like Jesus and the Holy Spirit (who is the Helper like a wife is to be a helpmeet to her husband. God is still teaching me about that one). I’ll never forget the morning God showed me that scripture in a new light. The one in psalms 133:2 where it says, “how wonderful it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. It is like oil dripping down the beard of Aaron the high priest.” It describes this oil running down his garments. The one thing about oil is that once it’s on your skin or clothes it absorbs into you and the fabric…scenting everything with itself. He revealed to me that Christ is our High Priest now/forever and that oil always represented the Holy Spirit/anointing/strength. Jesus was anointed with the Holy Spirit… and every believer who has the Holy Spirit (which is everyone who accepts Jesus) is marked/sealed according to Ephesians 1:13 as belonging to God/Christ.  And we are to be one with Him like a husband and wife are to be one. The Holy Spirit has probably been my #1 advocate in training me how to be one with you.

 I’ll never forget the 1st year of our marriage whenever the enemy would tempt me to even think the slightest negative thought about you The Holy Spirit would ask me, “why are you thinking this against yourself?” I would reply, “I’m not being tempted to think this about myself but about my husband.” And He would always remind me, “but you and him are one.” This happened several times until I realized in God’s eyes, we really are united as one. Our unity has become a foundational stone in the building of all that I am… and all I will be. My connection with you is second only to Christ and I know this blessing of marriage as God designed it to be as the greatest experience of heaven on earth, I’ve had…except in my own quarters when I’m alone with Christ…my heavenly Bridegroom. 

There are no words that I can pen that could describe our unity by God. No signature could define this elation, bliss, and merriment of being naked and unashamed. It’s as if we are taken back to the garden of Eden (our daughter’s name now) to experience what Adam and Eve had before the fall. Life as God meant it… unified to Him and each other.

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Magazine Feature!

God has been doing so many amazing things!

I feel so incredibly blessed and honored to have been a part of this amazing book project spearheaded by Dr. Sherley.

My chapter, Created in Heaven Born on Earth, is the 1st chapter in the book. It is about the dignity and worth God places on every human being and how we have inherited value because we were created by God Himself, even if we weren’t planned by our parents. I pray this book brings great healing and ministers to the hearts and souls of every reader.

Recently, I was featured in an article on Making Headline News about my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To read the article, click here!

Also, recently, I was added to an international catalog for my life coaching services. I am a certified life breakthrough coach and before 2024, I will be certified in New Testament Leadership. I offer coaching services with prayer counseling to my clients. If you have a God-sized-dream, feel stuck in life, would like a comforting source of cheering you on, a listening ear and a Jesus-loving encourager, I would love to partner with you- as your coach. Email me for more information: nourishmentthroughwords@gmail.com

At the beginning of 2023, with the encouragement of my pastors, I wrote down a list of things I was believing for the year 2023. I prayed about this list as I thoughtfully wrote each one down on a special card. So far, 5 out of 7 have come true.

I believe God loves to make His children’s dreams come true. He places desires and dreams in our hearts, and He does it so we can follow Him, full of trust, into a satisfying life where we feel fulfilled and pour out His goodness to the world around us. I want to encourage you to never let go of the dreams in your heart! The world needs you to fulfill the calling on your life. And nothing will ever make you happier than living a life of closeness with God while seeing your prayers answered and the power of Jesus in your world.

And then God answered: “Write this.
    Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
    so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
    pointing to what’s coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
    And it doesn’t lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
    It’s on its way. It will come right on time.

-Habakkuk 2:3 MSG

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Jesus Weeps with You Healing Through Loss

.-This snippet is from the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. In this chapter, I lovingly engage the narrative behind the “sovereignty of God” teaching that once crippled my faith by incriminating the goodness of God when it came to healing. I hope this snippet helps build your faith, comforts the hurting places in your heart and helps you trust in your heavenly Father’s heart toward you. Jesus came to heal, and it is God’s will that we have abundant life.

Chapter 8: The Accuser

..Jesus smiled with pleasure at my decision to trust his word. He explained, “My love, the adversary has no grounds to accuse you before our Father, because my blood has purified the heavenly holy of holies. I forever sit as your High Priest in heaven. Your right standing with our Father is as secure as mine as long as you never reject me.

“Wow,” I breathed, feeling as if I were inhaling air fragrant with grace.

“As well, Father is not displeased with you. He is not angry with you in the slightest. He has promised never to be incensed against you. He has promised never to rebuke you.[i] This is the Gospel of Peace Isaiah prophesied about. Our Father delights in you and he rejoices over you. You are his well-beloved child.”

I smiled without knowing, “amen” I whispered, feeling at a loss of anything more to say. All I wanted to do was continue to listen to Jesus and be healed by his words.

“Even though the Accuser cannot slander you before our Father, he can still whisper lies to you about Him. He has falsely accused the Father to you for months now. He’s used almost every hardship that you’ve experienced as an opportunity to blaspheme God in your ears. The incorrect way that you see the Father now has not just been a result of your own conclusions.”

***

Without warning, my emotions were thrust back to eight months prior when one of my dearest childhood friends, Cassie, passed away forty-eight hours after a terrible car accident. I had rushed to the ECU to see her, praying hard the whole way in the car. I remember struggling to see through my tears as I drove and cried out for God to heal her.

I was let into the hospital room with her family and together we prayed, hugged, sobbed, and anxiously waited, hoping she would wake up. When the heart monitor flat lined, I felt like my own heart had stopped. We all watched with held breath as more doctors rushed in after a small emergency alarm rang. They tried and failed to revive her. When the head doctor finally dropped the defibrillator and turned toward us with sad eyes, I broke down. A flood of wails erupted in the room as Cassie’s family cried loudly.

In that moment of hopelessness and heartbreak, I remembered hearing an evil being whispering in my mind. It told me that God wanted my friend to die and that’s why my prayers hadn’t been answered. It told me, God needed another, “flower in his garden in heaven,” so he took her. It told me that perhaps if I was a better Christian, God would have reconsidered and healed Cassie. A chilly sensation had run through my heart that day. The words of the enemy successfully broke a tender place in my soul and formed a bleeding rift in the area of my trust in God’s goodness.

***

The memory opened up my hidden wound afresh and I bowed my head as heavy sorrow weighed on me.

Jesus read my thoughts and asked, “do you think it was God’s will that Cassie died by a drunk driver?”

I shut my eyes tightly as the fresh inner wound of Cassie’s tragic death opened. Fast tears formed before slipping down my cheeks, “I don’t know,” I said brokenly even though I knew I believed it had been God’s will.

“It wasn’t,” Jesus said, his eyes flooding with pained compassion.

“But how can that be? I thought God’s will was always done?” I said with a small frown of confusion.

“Sadly, not always. The Word of God says, God wills that none should perish but that all should come to repentance.[ii] Tragically, people perish every day even though God paid the ultimate price for everyone to be saved. When my disciples asked me to teach them how to pray, I told them to pray for God’s kingdom to come and for his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.[iii] The fact that I told them to pray for God’s will to be done on earth implies that his will is not always done.”

Jesus continued, “My dear if our Father’s will was always done, earth would look just like Eden, and everyone would have a life-giving relationship with God. My earthly ministry alleviated human suffering by destroying the works of the devil through preaching the truth of the Gospel to the poor, through healing the sick, binding up the broken hearted, casting out devils, raising the dead, and ministering to the needs of people.[iv] God’s will came to earth from heaven in every miracle his Holy Spirit performed through me. For the Spirit of the Lord was upon me to do all those things.[v] With every blind eye opened, with every hungry belly filled, with every crippled man leaping for joy, with every truth spoken, and every disease healed, people saw God and often praised him afterward. I only did what I saw my Father doing.[vi]

“This is beautiful news,” I said as a cleansing flow of cool tears spilled from my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. Jesus smiled tenderly at me and softly held my chin with his thumb and pointer finger. For a moment, he watched my tears fall as if they were precious gemstones. I remembered the scripture that said God collected the tears of his children in a bottle and that he recorded each one in his book.[vii]

After a few seconds of only our eyes speaking, he gently released his hand from my chin and continued sharing the good news. “My ministry on earth is the clearest picture mankind has of the heart of God. His heart is good. He does not delight in human suffering. I always obeyed his command to love and to declare truth. If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.[viii] I and my Father are one.[ix] And no one who denies me truly knows God for I was with God in the beginning.[x] I am Truth, I am the Word made flesh.[xi] My dear, God is love.[xii] He so loved the world that he sent me.[xiii] All true goodness originates with him.”

His healing words broke through a dam of religious lies and self-protection in my heart releasing a fresh pool of tears. My eyes welled before the assembling tears began dripping down my chin and wetting my sleeves.

Moved by great love, Jesus gently wiped them away even as his eyes misted with deep consoling compassion. He inched his face closer to mine until all I could see was his radiant face. His visage was pouring with beautiful love. “Noelani, God wanted to heal Cassie and comfort you and her family, like I did at Lazarus’s tomb when I came as the resurrection and raised him from the dead.[xiv] God wept with you as I wept with Mary and Martha. He felt your pain, as well as his own.”

I shut my eyes to flush them of the tears that began blinding my vision. When I began to turn to look away, Jesus softly cupped my face still and I allowed my face to rest in his hands. As I did, I felt peace behind the surface of his fingertips. Jesus tenderly stroked my eyelids with his thumbs and to my surprise, I didn’t flinch away. Normally, I had a natural reaction to protect my eyes from anything that would touch them because of how sensitive and crucial they were to body and well-being. But when Jesus touched my eyelids, I felt no need to self-protect. This soothing motion of his thumbs melted me. It was like he was blessing me with clearer spiritual vision. He spoke again and I felt his balmy breath on my nose. His words washed over me like a warm mineral pool.

“Healing is my Father’s will for his kids, it is part of the atonement. Healing is the children’s bread.”[xv]

I felt a stony weight lift from my chest and my breathing became more relaxed as the truth came in. A place in my mind felt disencumbered.

Jesus released his hands from my face, and I looked upon him like someone who woke up to see sunshine for the first time after hibernating through the winter.

For the first time in a year, I felt a sense of peace come into the pained place that ached for Cassie’s presence. I smiled without effort at Jesus.

-To delve more deeply, check out the unrevised version of Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, by clicking here.

“Ashley depicts such a level of intimacy with Jesus so poignantly that I believe it will arouse others’ hearts with passion to pursue a new depth and commitment in their relationship with Him. I pray with all my heart that through her insights seamlessly woven into the stories, the church (men and women) would recognize their one true identity as brides and not servants. The author helps us learn to allow ourselves be loved and healed and no longer driven to meet unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. I believe that Ashley’s book will facilitate cultivating a fulfilling relationship with Jesus and abandoning religion once and for all! Ashley gives hope to those of us who feel or have felt they have sunk too low in their depravity. She demonstrates and enables us to believe that, no matter how vile our pasts, we can be washed white as snow by the blood of the Lamb and made beautiful new creations. She conveys with a refreshing rawness that nothing is beyond His power and (most reassuringly) His desire to redeem and restore. She illustrates the amazing grace of God with its power to enable us to live holy lives by His spirit and not the letter of the law and religion.
Possibly the most pertinent lesson that Ashley wisely shares in some of her stories is the most painful yet wonderful journey we go through if we choose to face the surrender of our lives and desires to God. Through her writing she gently urges us to come to this place of trust with the Father who loves us beyond our comprehension. The stories are heartwarmingly honest. Ashley has a beautiful gift of using descriptive language which instantly creates pictures in your minds as she relates her stories and makes them so real and alive.
May it lead you into your own passionate journey deeper into the heart of Jesus and to experience wonderful encounters with Him, our eternally faithful and true love.” ~Celina Haywood, Licensed Minister, Former Missionary to Thailand, Beautiful Encourager 💗

Scripture references from this snippet:

[i] Isaiah 54:9

[ii] 2 Peter 3:9

[iii] Matthew 6:10

[iv] Acts 10:38

[v] Luke 4:18

[vi] John 5:19

[vii] Psalm 56:8

[viii] John 14:9

[ix] John 10:30

[x] 1 John 2:23, John 1:2

[xi] John 1:14, John 14:6

[xii] 1 John 4:8

[xiii] John 3:16

[xiv] John 11:25

[xv] Matthew 15:22-28, John 6:32-35

-For an amazing Biblical teaching on the Sovereignty of God by Andrew Wommack, click here.

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Falling in Love with Jesus

Have you ever thought about this, the Bible begins with a marriage relationship in a beautiful garden between Adam and Eve, and it ends with a divine marriage feast in Heaven between Christ and the church?

This is a glimmering preview into a new book idea I’ve had in my heart for several years now. This book is about preparing the hearts of God’s people for the Marriage Supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7). It is a prayerful and worshipful journey of mine to create words that make others thirsty for Jesus and to fall in love with Him. I often pray that the Holy Spirit would use me to woo the Bride of Christ back to Jesus. Just as the Spirit of God helped John the Baptist turn the hearts of the children back to their fathers, may He rise up within my heart to help the Bride of Christ return to her First Love. May you be blessed by this sneak peek:

-This book is artistically based off the Biblical writings of: Songs of Songs, Isaiah 54, Esther, Eden, Ezekiel 16, and finally the Marriage between Jesus and the Church in Revelation.

Eden scene:

“How come the King makes it so I am always attended?” I asked my attending angel.

“Because you are his royal wife.”

“We are not married yet.”

“In your carnal mind time still exists.” He said without condemnation or rudeness, “You forget that the Word says the Lamb was slain before the foundation of the world.  Before Adam sinned in this Paradise, Christ had already become the sin offering.” (Revelation 13:8)

I (Ariel, name meaning, Jerusalem) remembered that God symbolically showed Adam and Eve the promise of his eternal redemption through Christ when He slaid an animal to cover them with its skin. He covered their shame. He paid for their sin. He kept them warm…all with that one act to show them divine grace, mercy and sacrificial love. But it came at an ugly cost…the cost of innocent blood. (Genesis 3:21)

“It doesn’t seem like death could have ever happened in such a beautiful place as this…” I whispered thoughtfully.

The garden was vibrant with flowers and fruit and vegetables bright like polychromatic gems. Sparkling mist rose from the foundations of Eden like clouds of cream. The etherealness of it reminded me of the slow dancing clouds that descend like steaming, gauzy sheets of vapor over the amazon rainforests.

The rivers of Eden could be heard everywhere. The sound of moving water pleasantly rushed around my ears as if I were canoeing on streams with the clearest crystal waters fresher than artic rivers. One river had flecks of gold chaffing so plentiful that the gold clustered smoothly on river stones and when aureate sunlight graced the waters it gleamed so brilliantly it was like light on mirrors, refracting the brightest yellow.

I knelt by this heavenly river, feeling the soft, moist turf cushioning my knees. As I cupped this water in my hand, fine gold settled to the bottom of my palms like light glitter floating in water and it covered my skin completely like a layer of metallic lotion after the water had dripped from my hands. (Genesis 2:10-14)

All of the animals glowed like moonlight. They seemed to be infused with an otherworldly presence…as if divinity had been sewed into the delicate weaving ladder of their DNA. They were full of life. Holy life. They were full of peace. They never harmed one another. They lived in harmony with the earth and all of creation around them. Even through them, I saw Him. (Romans 8:20-23, Isaiah 11:6-9)

He was inescapable…

Even when He went off to judge, to reign, to deliver, to conquer and to rule as the mighty King of kings, and Lord of lords …He was always still with me. (Matthew 28:20, 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20)

In my own heart, I tasted the fragrance of his pure presence. His loving faithfulness was transcendent. Not even death could overpower or diminish it. (2 Corinthians 2:15)

It was like I was in a dream. Or a dream of a dream. But at the same time, no fantasy or dream, could come close to matching the beauty of Paradise. Undefiled, unadulterated…Eden. The highest hopes of man paled in comparison to the dreams of God.

In some ways, I felt like Esther, living within the gilded fortress and walls of the king’s magnificent palace, and his subsequent beautiful mansions speckling around his main palace. Within this main gate was his royal court made of pearl floors almost as clear as glass with thick curvy pillars crested and belted with rose gold that flamed into an amber color when torchlight came near.

All of this was encircled with water and delightful gardens rich with life, fruit, exotic animals, jewels, and every good delight known to man. Between two of these gardens was the king’s lush vineyard where grapes more aromatic than flowers grew in iridescent rows of emerald leafy vines….

The [Holy] Spirit and the bride (the church, believers) say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take and drink the water of life without cost. -Revelation 22:17 AMP

For previous books on the amazing love of Jesus, check out, Visions of Celestial Love and Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. 

"Ashley Thompson’s book, Visions of Celestial Love is just that, a visionary work of epic proportions. It is glimpses into a loving and remarkable relationship with the creator of the universe. You are invited to Dive into stories of love and compassion, healing and provision, loss and recovery, profound grace and faith. Ashley draws us in with her descriptive prose and unique style of writing. There are so many stories to relate to in this book and I’m sure you will find your own story among the many that are told here. So, find your favorite spot, your favorite beverage, and curl up with “Visions of Celestial Love”!" -Amazon Reviewer
"Romantic Rendezvous is a beautiful invitation into intimacy with Jesus! Ashley has done a masterful job of creating stories that depict the heart of the Father. I have truly been blessed by this book! As I read each story, I felt the closeness of Jesus and had continual reminders of how deep the Fathers love is for me. From the very first chapter, I felt the flame of my heart be rekindled with God's goodness and love. This book is a must read!" -Amazon Reviewer

Worship Him

He’s so beautiful, isn’t He? Look at Him, the desire of the nations. The world trembles for his presence again. (I don’t own any rights to this beautiful music or video):

Beauty – Bethel Music – YouTube

xoxo

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Trisha and Noble: A Story of Purity in Romance (Part 4)

She grew up in church and has never been in a relationship, he’s a prestigious male model with a scarlet past on a search for redemption…

~This is a snippet of part 4 to my short story series on Trisha and Noble (A godly romance for teens and young adults). To read part one, Salvation at Snow Café, click here or to purchase part one and two, in my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, click here.

Every day for two weeks my cell phone rang almost constantly, and my emails filled with messages from people who sought to pull me back to my past. I knew I needed to cut my contract with Anthony if I truly wanted to be free from these incessant invitations, but I was hesitant.

Old temptations and new temptations presented themselves daily. Even in church, I found myself being watched by young women who were modest enough to never solicitate me but found it difficult to ignore my presence in the room. Susan, a young woman I met during my time in the gym, was particularly bold in her flirtations with me. She was a shapely blonde with icy blue eyes like my own and lips the color of pink roses. I did my best to ignore her and predict the times she wouldn’t be in the gym so I could avoid her.

At least four times a week, I paid a visit to my parents. Daily I spoke with pastor Thomas. We just finished reading the book of 1st Corinthians together. I found chapter 7 particulalry interesting and pastor Thomas lingered longer on this chapter with me. He read with conviction as we sat over strong coffee and a delicious breakfast his wife Meg had prepared.

“…because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband…the husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs…”

I took a bite of seasoned poached eggs and crispy bacon. I was surprised to find such detailed instructions about sex in the Bible. I observed pastor Thomas as he read and was happily surprised when I saw he had not a hint of an embarrassed blush or hesitancy. He read comfortably.

“…do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control…”

My interest peaked and I interrupted his reading, “Can I ask you an honest question?”

He lifted his eyes from the Bible and replied, “of course. Ask me anything you’d like.”

I half-smiled, “is it common for Christians to abstain from sex with their spouses because of prayer?”

He shrugged, “some people do.”

My smile slowly dwindled as I voiced my next question, “As the prayer pastor, do you fast from sex very often and how does your wife feel about that?”

Pastor Thomas didn’t blink or flinch in reaction, “she and I always agree before we fast. Sometimes the church holds a congregrational fast where everyone fasts. It doesn’t have to be from sex. Sometimes people fast certain foods or drinks. Sometimes people fast from social media or doing certain activities. My wife and I chose when to fast from sex and instead of using the time we would normally have dates with or sex with…we pray together. So instead of becoming physically one we become one spiritually as we agree in prayer together…”

Meg, who was standing in the kitchen came with a fresh pot of coffee and creamer to refill our mugs. She was plain but pretty. Her pale straw blonde hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, and she had sea green eyes. Her face had a few fine lines from her seasoned years and when she smiled, crows’ feet wrinkles edged her eyes drawing further attention to the aquamarine gleaming color around her irises. “It might be hard to believe,” she began as she refilled our coffee, “but spending time together in prayer with my husband is emotionally and spiritually fulfilling for us. We recenter ourselves, we often have great conversations that help us come into agreement mentally and I like it just as much as having sex…if not more.”

Pastor Thomas winked, “I like it almost as much but not quite.”

I chortled at his confession before thanking Meg for sharing.

Pastor Thomas continued with the chapter. The portion about Paul’s instructions to the singles in the city of Corinth also caught my attention. I was a little perturbed when Paul advised the singles to stay single so that they could be fully devoted to God and not worry about the crisis facing the church during his day. Pastor Thomas explained some things about the terrible persecution Christians faced during those days and it made sense to me afterward why Paul would give such advice.

“…if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust…if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin…”  

I chewed my food and thought about the last things pastor Thomas read.

“Do you have any questions?” he asked, seeing I was deep in thought.

I took a swig of water to wash down my food, “it seems like Paul encouraged married life for those who can’t control their bodily desires.”

Pastor Thomas nodded, “your assessment is generally correct. But I want to add an important note that there’s a great difference between lust and love. The Bible tells you to flee from youthful lusts but not to flee from love. If you really love someone, you will want to protect them, you wouldn’t want to do anything selfish to dishonor them or tempt them to break God’s law.”

I glanced out the window, thinking of how God had enabled me by his grace and Spirit to keep myself from falling sexually. However, I wasn’t sure how long it would last. I was a little worried about being able to keep this new rule.

“How did you keep yourself from sex before marriage?” I asked.

“It wasn’t always easy,” pastor Thomas began. He ate a bite of food before continuing, “thankfully I had a great church community, my parents were strong Christians, and we openly discussed these things. I gave myself boundaries to keep myself from situations where I knew I would be tempted.”

“Care to give an example?”

“Sure. For example, I never rode in a car with the opposite sex. On missions’ trips, I always stayed in separate housing for men only. I had a great group of guy friends, and we kept each other accountable. I did many things to prevent myself from falling this way. Elders in the church surrounded me…”

I interjected, “Most people don’t follow such puritanic rules like that pastor. And even if they did, even fewer have the support system that you did.” I gave a wry half-smile. I was doubtful his method of abstinence was realistic.

Pastor Thomas spoke up, “most people aren’t following Jesus like a real disciple. They have yet to decide to take up their cross, deny themselves and follow him as Lord. Most people accept him as Savior and leave the lordship aspect behind because it’s so contrarian and opposite of our democratic system and culture. They don’t understand what it’s like to serve a king so willingly and completely,” he took a generous drink of coffee and set down his large mug. I felt a sense of conviction rise from within me at his words.

His face took on a more somber tone, “unfortunately, your last statement is true. I wish more Christians had the support system the Bible talks about. Jesus taught and did life with his disciples. They had close and frequent fellowship.”

“So that’s why you’re so involved with all the young adults at church?”

Pastor Thomas nodded again, “yes. At least the ones who profess they want to seriously follow Jesus.”

We ate some bites of food before he spoke again, “to finish answering your original question of how I avoided sex before marriage. The most important thing I did was develop my own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I fell in love with God and grew in prayer, grace and wisdom.”

His statements struck me, “how do you fall in love with God?”

He smiled, “you spend time with him. You communicate with him and learn how to hear his communication.”

“That sounds like something Trisha told me.”

We finished our breakfast and discussed another time to meet up for Bible reading. It had been a fourteen-day journey. And every Bible study, Thomas would ask me if I was ready to choose Jesus above my attraction to my past and the trappings of it. Every time I responded without complete surety. I wanted Jesus. I wanted to grow in Him. I also hated some of his rules and the restrictions I had recently discovered in the Bible.

Yet, I was attracted to him. I was attracted to him as eyes naturally gravitate toward light. I had grown close to Thomas, and I admired him more than I admired any male figure I had ever known. In all our meetings, Thomas treated me with a distinction I couldn’t put my finger on. He wasn’t quite a father figure, but neither was our relationship like peers or friends. He wasn’t totally like a mentor, but I always learned something when we were together. He was straight shooter with me but somehow always kind.

I wanted what Thomas had: integrity, holiness, joy, peace, clear conviction, a clean conscious, a noble soul, and a deep connection with God as I had never known. But I also wanted to appease my flesh. I wanted to control my money. I wanted to travel where I wanted when I wanted. I still wanted to be free to live my life on my own terms. And I also wanted Trisha and was mad that God had placed such a hard line in her life regarding relationships. For several nights, I dreamed of her warm cinnamon eyes and a dull ache always accompanied. I felt hungry for more in our relationship.

-To explore the beginning of Trisha and Noble’s romance, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. You can also find snippets of their story in my blog page by looking up their names in the search bar.

“This was the most captivating, read I had in a while. It warmed my heart, made me feel loved, and gave me a desire to want a more intimate relationship.”- Starlyn, Amazon Reviewer

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Royal Righteousness to Replace Shame

This testimony is shared in the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To read the original version, click here.

But YOU will be called the priests of the LORD; they will speak of you as ministers of our God; you will feed on the wealth of nations, and you will boast in their riches. In place of your shame, you will have a double portion; in place of disgrace, they will rejoice over their share. So they will possess double in their land, and eternal joy will be theirs. -Isaiah 61:6-7 (emphasis mine)

I have found that shame was the number one tool the devil used to keep me in bondage throughout my early Christian walk. During one of my first visits to Charis Bible College, the Father gave me a vision of myself. One of the worship leaders began keying what sounded like a spontaneous worship song on the stage piano. She created melodic and beautiful music on the keys.

Within seconds I saw a vision of myself kneeling on a still, watery floor. The water was so calm it appeared like glass. I was robed in a dark shirt and pants. Jesus began walking toward me to embrace me. Instead of receiving his love, I turned my face away and held out my hands as if pushing the air to discourage him from seeing me.

“No, no!” I cried. “Stay away from me.”

 I closed my eyes tightly until he “left.” I didn’t think of myself as worthy enough to look at him. Being a gentleman, he walked away (although he never truly left). When I opened my eyes again and didn’t see him. I began to feel lonely and I regretted pushing him away.

Before I could cry because of my poor decision, my black clothes began to transform into a beautiful pink dress with twinkling lights that moved. After I saw that I was more prettily donned, I felt worthier and my heart began to desire to see Jesus.

As if the water below me heard the silent language of my heart, it began to rise in large drops. It was like reverse rain. Large drops of water solidified and formed a spiral staircase that had the appearance of precious stone. The stairway led up to the heavens, beyond the starry dome ceiling. As I gazed up, I saw billions upon billions of stars. They twinkled and shimmered like silver, blue, green, gold and purple glitter refracting light. Star dust painted the sky like aurora lights and cosmic clouds.

Unconsciously, I knew the stairway would lead me to God. It was like Jacob’s ladder in a way. I began to ascend the stairs but before I could reach the top, Jesus reappeared. This time, I didn’t turn him away, because he had dealt with my shame by clothing me in a gown of royal righteousness.

I also believe he appeared before I could reach the top because he wanted to show me that I didn’t have to labor for intimacy. He didn’t want me to. He wanted to show me that he was always wanting connection with me.

And that he was the only way to the Father, who lived up the stairs…

In the same way, I pray Jesus shows you a picture of yourself clothed with royal righteousness. You are a child of God. Thus, you are royalty. You don’t ever have to earn your way to God because Jesus paid the ultimate price for the veil to be torn that separated you from God. The work is already finished. You are perfectly loved by God. Your body has been made into the temple of the Holy Spirit. Christ, the Lord lives in your heart by faith. All your sins have been washed away. You have no stains. You are a new creation in Christ and you have been given a righteous nature.

“Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.” -Colossians 1:22

Reflection Questions:

  1. Are you dealing with any level of shame in your life? If yes, why?
  2. Are you currently struggling with faith righteousness? In what ways have you personally allowed Jesus to show you that you are the righteousness of God through him (not by your works but his finished work)? “For it is by graceyou have been saved,through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works,so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8–9 NIV) “This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile.” (Romans 3:22 NIV) Look up 2 Corinthians 5:21.
  3. Would you describe yourself as more God-reliant or self-reliant?

“This book is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. It invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Amazon Reviewer