~I felt Jesus tell me these words on a night where my soul was grieved. I hope these words bring you as much comfort as they did me. Be blessed:
You were made to be loved.
Deeply.
You were made to be nourished, and nurtured.
You were made to be appreciated.
You were made to feel the waves of my love pouring over you like warm-scented rain every day.
You were made to be kissed good night every night.
You were made for my joy, my peace, my comfort. You were made to be faithfully loved—not just for a year, or ten years or fifty…but forever.
I know you long. I know you desire. And I want to take you up in the sky until you can taste the clouds. Until your eyes widen with a view of Heaven.
Woman that I love, listen to me. Read these words. Let them saturate your heart and bring the deep healing that is so desperately needed. Let not your heart shrivel, but expand in the embrace you were made for.
Where you are cold, I will make you warm. Where you are disappointed I will prove Myself faithful. Where you are bitter I will make you sweet.
I will love you past the mental bondage, past the pain, past the heart hurts, past the despairing hope. I see you hoping, struggling, letting go, and taking up again. I know the weariness a broken life can bring. I know the daily routine that dries out all the excitement in your heart.
I know the wishes you have that seem so far stretched that you look upon them as fantasy… as child’s play. Don’t scold yourself for them. I want to give you all that you long for, that is right for you to have. My Father only gives good and perfect gifts. It starts with letting yourself be embraced, with letting the tears flow, with looking upon my face, with diving in my eyes.
My love is consuming yet it’s gentle. It restores life to the dying. It brings life to the dead.
Look up. Look down. Look around you. I’m right here. I’m right here. I’m in your heart. Ask me what you would have me do for you. Talk to me.
Be loved. Be most deeply loved.
Don’t settle for anything less than perfect love.
This snippet was taken from my book, Visions of Celestial Love. You can learn more about it on my Purchasable Goodies page or purchase a copy on amazon.
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, True-Heart friend of author
And I heard a loud voice in heaven saying: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of His Christ. For the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down—he who accuses them day and night before our God. They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. And they did not love their lives so as to shy away from death. -Revelation 12:10-11
For God’s glory I share this testimony of how Jesus saved my life over 6 years ago. I’ve been revisiting God’s amazing grace and the power of the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It has brought me to my knees in awe of His love.
Before I attended Charis Bible college, I was stuck in religious bondage for about 5 years, to where I went to church but I had little to no peace in my heart. I prayed but felt I was strangely distant from the Lord. In those late teen years and my early twenties I devoured several Christian books in an attempt to “restore” my relationship with Father. I happened to run across one that wasn’t Christian but claimed to be. It was, in fact, ancient Jewish mysticism (aka: ancient witchcraft that clandestinely twisted scripture). I read about 4 pages before I threw the book away because although I was intrigued, something didn’t feel quite right (thank God for the Holy Spirit). Unfortunately, even though I discarded the book, I believed some of the lies that were written in it.
Because I believed lies, it gave room for the deep bondage that would come (God’s kingdom and the kingdom of darkness both work through the faith/beliefs of men). One night I went to bed and was literally pinned down by things I couldn’t see. And then it felt like somebody grabbed a garbage can filled with rats and bugs and poured it into my belly (yes I could literally feel things crawling inside of me). That was probably the worse night of my life!
I went to a church that didn’t believe Christians could have demons or needed deliverance so as a 22 year old girl I felt alone, lost and abandoned. And of course the devil told me I was going to Hell and there was no forgiveness for what I had done….even though I had been totally deceived.
The Bible does say after all that the devil masks around like an “angel of light” and a “minister of righteousness” (2 Corinthians 11:14). Basically he’s a religious nut…that’s why we have so many different religions in the world and even much of the church is divided (so sad).
The devil knows mankind was made for God. As a result, we have a God-sized hole in our hearts (most people are thirsty and looking for God even if they deny Him). As a result, the devil, with the cooperation of willing men throughout the centuries, have concocted thousands of religions that subtly exclude its adherents from a truly deep, satisfying and pure relationship with God. Jesus did call a handful of the religious leaders in his day, “twice the sons of hell” (Matthew 23:15). I liken religion and God to the ocean verses a cleansing stream. To a dying, thirsty man, ocean water would only serve to further dehydrate and kill him. But pure stream water would quench his thirst and give life to his body. The only problem is, to the untrained eye, up close, religion and God virtually look the same. It’s all about clever imitation with the devil.
Because of my works mentality I believed God was angry at me and that he wanted to punish me for my sins and ignorance (that mentality has its roots in a Luciferian lie I later discovered). So I fasted for over a month and cried for weeks and weeks and weeks in what seemed like endless sorrow (not to mention I was being physically and emotionally tormented 24/7).
But God sent faithful, Holy-Spirit filled men and women into my life who all told me the same thing, “The Holy Spirit says you are the apple of His eye and God wants you to rest in His love.”
I thought they were ridiculous.
Rest in His love?
How would doing that deliver me?
Surely I had to do something to earn my deliverance?!
I guess I had forgotten about scriptures like Ephesians 2:8-9: “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”
God needed me to have faith in his grace to set me free because everything in the kingdom of God works through faith. Grace has already paid for everything. Faith simply accepts the great provisions of grace as a freegift. No one with pride can accept grace because it requires trust and naturally obliterates all self-boasting. But I was so saturated in incorrect beliefs (religious dogma, and man’s traditions which Jesus called “the leaven of the Pharisees”) that it was making the word of God ineffectual in my heart (Mark 7:13). I still thought I had to work to receive help from God.
One night Jesus gave me a vision. I saw this little girl in a dark environment. Suddenly what looked like big deformed monsters began to surround her. She was no match for them but weakly lifted her fists up to try and defend herself anyway. In the vision, I could tell her heart was bleeding out in sorrow and anguish. Before any of the monsters could take a step toward her a flash of what appeared like lightning came from the sky and Jesus stood before her. He lifted His hand and fire came out and struck the “monsters.” Defeated and frightened they all ran away and He was alone with this little girl. I instinctively knew she was me. He picked her up and too exhausted to do anything else, she laid her head on His shoulder. Jesus put his hand on her back and fire went into her. It was the same fire He used on the demons. The fire was not meant to harm her but to burn out what was inside of her that He didn’t put there (traces of the demons lies). (You see what acts like salvation, healing and beauty to some people, acts like destruction and death to others. Jesus doesn’t change, people simply react to Him differently. His light (or fire in this vision) is the Truth. And when some people encounter the Truth they are healed by it…others are offended and treat it as hatred. In John 8:44 the devil is called the “father of lies.” He and the demons who follow him, cannot bear or stand the truth. This is evident when Jesus uses the word of God to rebuke satan when He was in the wilderness. It is also evident when Jesus walked the earth and his light either attracted or repelled people- John 1:1-9).
This and a few other visions/confirmations was how I knew God indeed wanted me to “rest in His love.” So I did. I revisited Paul’s letters on being under grace verses being under the law. I filled my soul with endearing scriptures that pointed out God’s unconditional love for me. I fell in love with the book of Isaiah, John, Hebrews, Galatians, etc. Many miracles happened during that time (including an angelic encounter and the Holy Spirit leading me to a famous minister who had heard from God about me, he actually ended up paying for me to stay in a fancy hotel after only meeting me for a few seconds)…I hope to write a small book about all the miracles that happened one day.
For about two months I had to learn how to stare at the cross. I didn’t just look at or glance in its direction…I literally stared at it for hours upon hours through watching movies like: The Passion of the Christ, The Gospel of John/Matthew, etc. I learned that in looking at Jesus on the cross, I would understand the greatest divine exchange that took place between God and mankind by His grace (John 3:14, Numbers 21:9). I studied the power of love, grace and the finished work of Jesus Christ.
What did His resurrection from the dead mean?
Who was I in Christ?
I learned of my righteousness: I was righteous by faith not by works. I learned that I was seated with Christ in heavenly places…far above principalities and powers. I learned (ha ha!) that the devil is a DEFEATED foe who cannot stand before the risen Lord (who lives in me and every born again believer).
I learned I was dearly, and eternally loved and that all my sins: past, present and future had already been cleansed by Jesus blood–I only needed to receive it. He was cursed so I could be blessed. By His wounds I am healed. The joy and peace of the Gospel began to return to my soul and strengthen me (now keep in my mind, my body was telling me different things. Even my soul was telling me different things). I had to learn that I was equipped with Holy Spirit ability to cast down imaginations, doctrines, theologies and every high thing that exalted itself against the true knowledge of God.
Jesus either finished paying for everything needed for: salvation, healing, deliverance, etc or He did nothing at all on that cross.
There is no middle ground!
I learned I am a daughter of God. I also discovered why I lacked peace for those 5 years. You are either under grace or you’re under law…there is no middle ground.
I was under the curse of the law, but once I accepted the fact that I could never earn things from God, I could never work for salvation or his love or healing or deliverance then the power of grace (the Holy Spirit) manifested the finished work of Jesus in my body and in my soul.
I discovered what God meant by every knee will bow and every tongue confess Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:10-11). I learned sickness and disease were a part of the curse that Jesus already paid healing for (Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 103:3). My eyes were divinely healed (before I wore thick bifocal glasses and I was cross eyed). I was supernaturally delivered by the power of the Holy Spirit who was always there inside of me. He is infinitely more powerful than any disease or any devil. I literally got off my mental sick bed and walked away from bondage.
Since then I admit I have a hatred for religion because I see how dangerous it is. I see how incredibly life-threatening it is to believe any lie about Jesus.
If you’re Christianity feels joyless, peace-less or full of burdens, then I have to wonder: are you trying to earn anything that God has freely given you by grace (because Jesus earned it for you)?
Jesus finished the work. Jesus gets all the glory. And we will all cast our crowns before his feet because every miracle, sign and wonder is done in his name to the glory of God the Father by the power of the Holy Spirit (Revelation 4:10).
I could not have survived what I went through without a revelation of his love that made space for inner transformation. When I behold the cross it speaks to me of God’s love for me…not my love for Him (though I do love Him). But I learned it’s not so much about that but about how much He loves me. Jesus finished it all because God so loved the world He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
~1 of my latest testimonies was when I was witnessing to an ex-warlock (male witch) and in my witnessing about God’s kingdom being here on earth and the baptism of the Holy Spirit my body became warm from the inside out. The man I was witnessing to stopped me with wide eyes and asked, “do you see them?” “See what?” I asked. He responded with, “I see God’s angels around you. I see these big white wings all around you. Something really strong is protecting you!” I know he perceived those wings to be “angles” but I’m certain that he saw a manifestation of the Holy Spirit who told me shortly after my deliverance, “I will always protect you.”
If you’re a believer you are completely loved and totally accepted by God and all your sins have been washed away. As Jesus is so are you in this world (1 John 4: 17). And if you’re not a believer you are dearly loved and all your sins have been paid for…you are forgiven. You only need to accept Jesus as your Savior and Lord. It’s the almost too good to be true news of the Gospel.
Everything is paid for in full and everything that could have been a cause for fear in your life has already been defeated.
Now this is what the LORD says—He who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine! -Isaiah 43:!
~For more personal and intimate encounters about my journey from law to grace, from religion to relationship and from seeing God as a taskmaster to beholding Him as a loving Father, check out my book Visions of Celestial Love!
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again. I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige,
~For a video on the true Gospel of Peace, click here. I own no rights to this video and its contents. Andrew Wommack’s teachings on God’s love and the Gospel helped me receive the truth during my darkest hours. Later, I attended his Bible college where I met my husband. I can’t thank Andrew enough for his faithfulness to God and the body of Christ!
…what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? -Psalm 8:4 NLT
God showed me a vision of Heaven and how He created me…
I wasn’t planned.
I was an “oops” baby. Even more so, I was born a girl when everyone expected me to be a boy. To make matters worse, my mother had really wanted a boy. She had suffered a previous miscarriage of her firstborn son and she already had two daughters. Needless to say, my parents were thrilled when they found out they were having another “son.” They even had my boy name picked out and everything.
I first heard the news that I wasn’t planned by my mother. I was in High School and we were driving through Gilroy to go pick up my dad from work. It was sunny outside and shafts of light reflected off of buildings and bounced inside the moving car. My mom was in the driver’s seat and I was sitting in the back, quietly admiring the railroad tracks, secretly wishing I could be on a fancy train that toured the country. The lush green mountains behind us looked like misty jade carpet. Flowers speckled the field between the two like colorful paint.
I don’t remember how the conversation started but in that car my mother confessed to me that I wasn’t a deliberate pregnancy.
“You were a ‘whoops I’m pregnant’ baby,” she half laughed nervously.
I didn’t believe her so I pressed, “that’s not true, is it?!”
“Yes, it’s true.” She answered, eyes fixed ahead at the road. She said something to the effect of, “your sister was still very little and I didn’t want to have another baby so soon. But we love you Ashley. I mean what are you going to do when you get pregnant?”
I laughed it off with a wave of my hand, “I know that’s not true. And if it is, who cares?”
I knew my parents wanted me. Nothing in my childhood ever said anything otherwise. They loved me well and I was very happy to be a part of my family.
Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.-Proverbs 12:18 GNT
Despite my brushing off what I thought were frivolous words…her confession entered into my subconscious and grew undetected like a weed in the garden of my mind…giving life to other insecurities within me. After that day, I began to recall other comments that I had previously heard about my birth.
I remembered one time my dad voiced words that shed more light on the disillusionment that surrounded my birth. We were sitting at the kitchen table across from each other and It was supposed to be a joking jab at my mother…but it certainly didn’t feel that way. Those words were like palpable ice in my ears, chilling a place in my heart.
“You know your mother was disappointed after you were born?” he told me, his eyes sparkling with jest.
“Oh Ricky!” Mom barked from the kitchen.
“No,” I responded unbelieving, “why would she be?” My eyes shifted over his face, secretly imploring him to tell me that it was all made up.
“Because she wanted a son and the doctor told her up until you were born that you were supposed to be male. Isn’t that right Tee?”
My mom denied it in between fixing herself something to eat.
“When I came into the hospital room where she was, you weren’t there with her. You were in the baby nursery room. I saw your mom first and then I went to go see you,” my dad told me. “After I held you I went back to her. She was still visibly upset and so I told her, ‘Tee be happy the baby is healthy. I know you wanted a boy, but we have a baby girl with ten fingers and ten toes. Be thankful.’”
“Mom?” I prodded, unsure if I believed my father.
My mom remained silent for a few seconds and then confessed that she was surprised that I came out female (I could tell she didn’t like where the conversation was going and so I refrained from asking her any more questions). I had known for a long time that she originally wanted two boys and one girl…instead she got three girls first and then four years later a boy. Growing up, I also heard comments from my older sisters that my grandpa (on my dad’s side) didn’t fully accept my mother until she produced a son. You’ll find he’s missing in all their wedding photos. This was for a number of reasons I presume…I only know that he didn’t want my dad marrying her.
How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand.-Psalm 139:17-18a AMPC
When I entered my teenage years, I began to eat without proper restraint. I stuffed my belly in an attempt to fill secret hurting places in my soul. As a result, I pushed the scale to 196 pounds when I was only fourteen years old. I felt bashful about my growing femininity and hid my maturing features behind frumpy long-sleeved flannel shirts (from the men’s department) and dark jeans. I hated wearing dresses and skirts and only did so when I went to church. I didn’t think I was very attractive as a girl and so when any boy would show me interest, I would shut it down immediately by just ignoring him. Even though I liked guys, I wouldn’t allow myself to even think about being pursued because I didn’t measure myself as beautiful. I found it much easier to play with my younger brother Alex, than to engage in pubescent talk with my sisters.
Then one faithful day, after a few years of obvious pursuit, God won me over. I had been ignoring his pursuit just like I had been shunning any boy who showed interest in me. I didn’t think I was beautiful enough for God either.
One morning, I woke up to an empty house (this wasn’t uncommon as I used to sleep until noon back then…a sure sign of depression). I moseyed my way to the household computer and began perusing YouTube to watch cartoons. In the side panel, was a video by a woman I had never seen before. Her name was Joyce Meyer and the title of the video was, Your Self Image and Your Future. Something about the video sparked my interest and I clicked on it. As Joyce began to talk, the power of the Holy Spirit became tangible in the room. Joyce quoted many scriptures about the love of God and how He created everyone special and beautiful on purpose. What baffled me and brought me to my knees in His presence in true repentance for the first time, was when she said that He thought better of me than I did myself. The thought of God placing that much value on my life astounded me. Tears welled my eyes and I threw my hands up in true surrender. “God, I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you for all these years,” I sobbed, “please forgive me! Jesus, please come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior.”
I finally threw my life on His shoulders that morning. Abandoning myself completely to Him.
What happened next is a little bit unbelievable to some. I saw what looked like white translucent rain falling through the ceiling into the room. It was as if I wasn’t alone. Then I felt a cloud expanding in my chest. As it expanded I felt peace. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was filled with the Holy Spirit that very second. From that day on, a voice started speaking from within me and leading me into an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I had new desires (proof that I was born again) and unspeakable joy. After that, I read through the entire Bible, I had several angelic encounters, visions, I experienced inner healing and was even delivered from a spirit of anger without any deliberate effort on my part. The Lord began to encourage me to buy bright colored skirts (purple was by far my new favorite color). Before, I had hated the idea of wearing skirts because somewhere deep inside I hated myself and didn’t think I deserved to be donned in anything lovely.
I listened to Jesus and soon my entire wardrobe changed. My mannerisms were transformed and eventually my brother started calling me a, “girly girl.” God filled with me such self-love that I began to exercise and eat healthy without anyone coaxing me to. My grades in school went up and for the first time, I was on the honor roll. Within a year I was at a balanced weight. I then became less self-centered and started helping others on purpose. I dove into ministries of all kinds and began a homeless ministry of my own. I began to live at church and soon my entire family was going with me.
Despite all these positive changes, God still wanted to heal the hidden place in my mind where I doubted my self-worth due to hearing that I was, “supposed to be a boy.” At this point, I didn’t think it mattered. I felt like I was cruising through life, but God knew that this place inside of me was still unhealed.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery]. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139: 15-16 AMPC
One morning I was sitting in my friend Alice’s house and reading a book by Dr. Charles H Kraft called, Deep Wounds, Deep Healing. As my eyes scanned over a few lines, a picture began to play before me. It was so real, it was as if I were watching a movie! I saw Heaven. Gorgeous clouds the color of burning diaphanous gold and peach were in the background. They reminded me of sparking marble pillars. The light from behind was bright and beautiful. In the forefront of the vision was God and in his hand was a ball of gossamer rainbow colored yarn. He began to knit something together. His eyes twinkled with pleasure as He worked. After He was done, He leaned over Heaven and I saw the earth, glowing with its diffuse aurora. God was so BIG in comparison with the world. His largeness stunned me. He scanned the earth until He found a certain woman and with beaming joy He shot his hands forth and put the yarn within her.
Instantly, I had a microscopic view of this woman’s womb. I saw God tenderly wrap the yarn in her amniotic fluid. He caressed the growing baby within her with a gentleness I didn’t think was possible. I was now in her womb and I could hear His voice speaking over me. His words were a little muffled due to the liquid but I remember hearing things like, “I love you forever.” “I made you on purpose.” “You are special to me.” “I value you.” “You are precious in my eyes.” His words coated me as I grew. Soon things began to get a little tight and I saw myself being squeezed through my mother’s birth canal. The light in the hospital affronted my eyes and I squinted them only to find large hands opened wide to receive me. They were God’s hands.
He took hold of me and immediately I was shot back up to Heaven. For some reason, I wasn’t the subject in the vision anymore but I was once again watching the vision like a person in a theater. I saw three Beings who looked exactly alike. I instinctively knew that one was God the Father, one was Christ the Son and the other was the Holy Spirit They all had an amazing smile on their faces. The One in the middle held me while the other two clapped their hands, danced with glee and rejoiced over me. The One who held me began to bounce me up and down, like a father would. I could hardly believe the celebration they were having. I was rocked and cradled and after a few seconds more, the vision ended.
I was so stunned afterward, that I just silently sat in my friend’s living room for a few minutes reflecting on what had just taken place. In those moments, God had covered and washed away the pained memory that was engraved in my self-conscious. It no longer mattered that my mother might have not wanted to coddle me close and long after my birth. Because I saw God’s hands were waiting for me the second I was delivered. He wanted me. He had made me a woman on purpose. And I knew He wasn’t responsible for any pain that I had experienced in life…yet despite his lack of fault, He wanted to heal the faults of others that had tore me, including my own.
In that vision, I saw God sew me together…intricately, tenderly and beautifully. That’s what He wants to do with every fraying edge of your life. That’s what He wants to do with every torn or shredded place within your soul. He wants you to realize that you are a masterful tapestry. That you are specially made. That your life is unique and designed by the most loving hands. You were fashioned on purpose. And He is pursuing you for your good because of His deep love for you.
Dear one, no matter what wounds you may have on the inside, He is your everlasting cure. He will never withhold good from you. He delights in your wholeness and in your well-being. He is never the source of your pain, but He is your ever-present promise of healing. I share this story in hopes that God will minister to the hearts of people who doubt the preciousness of their creation. You were not born the wrong the gender or color. You are incredibly wonderful to Him and you have measureless worth in His eyes:
~For a healing video titled the Father’s Love Letter, click here.
~If you’d like to hear me share this testimony through a radio interview on KKMC 880AM, click here. (It will be the first audio)
Dear reader, I know some of you may be experiencing more uncertainty in this time than ever before. I pray your hearts have been encouraged through reading this! I read a few weeks ago, that abortions are spiking up during this time of crisis and that come October there will be thousands of potential late term abortions. If you have the means to, I want to encourage you to help the pregnant women who are fearful right now. I ask you to reach out to them in any way that you can (no matter how small). I know some women are afraid of financial ruin if they have their baby, I know some women are suffering from lack of employment, poverty, domestic abuse, self-rejection, anxiety and other factors that are tied to this national crisis. Please pray for them and if you can support ministries that help women facing an unwanted pregnancy. I truly believe that the love of God is strong enough to not only care for babies but their mothers as well. No one is invaluable to Him. No life is without extreme beauty to Him. We are worth more than the gold in heaven to Him. Together, we can be examples of his love and save lives. Below is a list of a few ministries you can partner with:
~Also, if you are a woman who has had an abortion, please know, I am not, nor will I ever be anything but loving toward you. I’ve prayed with several post-abortive women. Jesus loves us all just the same…no matter where we’ve been. He died for everyone. If you need healing, counseling or someone to talk to, please seek care from a trusted source. xoxo
~At the time of this post, I am currently in my third trimester and having another girl. I’m so grateful to God to be able to nourish and cherish my daughters. Even though I have received a few innocent comments (made with no harm intended) that people were hoping I would have a boy…I am thankful. As long as my daughters (and future children) are healthy and know how much God loves them, then I’m happy. All lives are a blessing.
One Last Note: It was very hard for me to write this. I confess, I never wanted to share this story because I don’t want anyone thinking ill of my parents or my family. They have truly never done anything to make me feel unloved or unwanted. Their actions were always that of love and acceptance. In fact, they set me up for my Christian heritage. When we were all babies, my dad held all of us up in his arms and dedicated us to God. Before we were born, my mother prayed as a young woman that all of her children would know God and love Him. God answered my parents’ prayers. My siblings and I have all had an encounter with God and we all love Him now. If it weren’t for my parents I fear where my siblings and I would be. They taught us that Jesus was real and they spent their lives giving us the best life! I am so grateful for their prayers and the way they continue to pray today. My grandpa, who at first rejected my mother, saved us from financial ruin for over a year when my parents were struggling. He paid our rent and he has done many things like this. I don’t come from a perfect family but I come from a family who loves God and that is the greatest gift. I only pray these words will save lives by testifying about God’s super abounding grace.
~ “Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, True-Heart friend of author
~A short devotional on healing, written by Stephen McClelland.
Jehovah Rapha. “I WAS, I AM, and I ALWAYS WILL BE your healing.”
Let’s say my hands were covered in dirt, with motor oil, or something else hard to get clean. Or, say I had an infectious disease like leprosy. If I touched you with my unclean hands, you would be unclean where I touched you.
But when Jesus touched a leper, Jesus didn’t become unclean and infected. The leper became clean.
The leper asked Jesus, “if you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus answered “I am willing, be made clean.” And He touched him.
A God that is still able, and just as willing. You can’t clean up enough to receive Him, His touch is what cleanses you. Whether it is physical healing, or something else in your life that makes you feel unclean and unworthy.
Not a God that heals, but a God that IS healing. Not a God that changes your circumstances and makes things hard on you to clean you up, but a God that exudes cleansing from within Himself.
All it takes is one touch. “Be made clean and whole.”
Stephen McClelland is a licensed minister and a church consultant . A graduate of Charis Bible College. He runs a radio show in California called Encounter, where he retells amazing personal stories of people experiencing Jesus. He has served God as a preacher and pastor, with a strong emphasis on relationship with God and hearing His voice. He runs a ministerial website where viewers can listen to inspirational messages designed to mature believers in grace and truth. To visit his webpage click here.
And if you had only known what this statement means, ‘I desire compassion [for those in distress], and not [animal] sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent. -Jesus in Matthew 12:7 AMP
When your child is sick, it’s easy to feel like your faith is crumbling around you. I faced one of the biggest scares of my life one early dark morning when my daughter seized up in her crib. She had been physically struggling after receiving a vaccination and she’d become extremely feverish. My heart melted like butter when I saw the cloudiness in her grey eyes and heard the sharp cry of pain that came only seconds before her body began twitching uncontrollably. Her harrowing cry was like a knife to my heart. She was just barely one. I lifted her light body out of the crib and sat her on the bed next to my husband, “wake up!” I sobbed. Eden crumpled up and jerked involuntarily. She didn’t recognize my face or my voice for almost half an hour. Panic came in like a thief in the night and after her rushed trip to the ER (filled with shots and medical scans) she was sent home. My family and I spent days around the clock watching her.
And for days none of the treatment that she had received at the ER seemed to be holding up. Her state was alarmingly erratic. During those tiresome days of attending to her meticulously, I felt the stony weight of condemnation in my soul. Like a rock attempting to divide the roots of my faith…or a hungered weed, attempting to steal the scared places in my heart that only belonged to God. This “feeling” of condemnation came to uproot a little bit of my security in the love of God (Song of Solomon 1:15).
You see, I know it’s hard when the pains of life come unexpectedly. Whenever we go through slicing pain, it can be tempting to harden our hearts in disbelief concerning God’s Word or His nature. The devil doesn’t come donned in an obvious cloak of black and red with a pitchfork. No, he comes with the subtlety of religious philosophy that longs to poison our confidence in Christ and our identity in Him (it only takes a little yeast to leaven the whole loaf Matthew 16:6). He comes to incriminate us and God in our ears. Our “un-graced” mindsets, flare up like crimson algae creating a red tide in the ocean of our conscious. Accusations pop up like smokey fumes. This flare reveals the hidden places of self-blame and shame in us. It unearths the places of self-righteousness that naturally reject grace and denounce the true nature of God. What was in the dark, comes to light when we give in to fear.
For several hours I cried out to God with self-loathing because when I prayed for my daughter, nothing seemed to happen. I had lost touch with the purity of the gospel in those moments of panic (Romans 1:16). When I had prayed for Eden, I was secretly doing it out of self-effort instead of trusting in God’s all consuming grace (Galatians 3:1-2). I was really trusting in my own strength. more than that, I was trusting in my animal sacrifices (holy lifestyle) to earn the healing of God. I was cheapening the gift of faith-righteousness for my own brand of works-righteousness. I was defaming the sacrifice of Jesus for my own sacrifice. (Condemnation is a very slippery and clandestine slope…but I promise you it only comes when we take our eyes off of Jesus for our right-standing with God and put ourselves in His place Romans 5:1).
One morning I woke up to the misty scents of God’s mercy. He came quickly to rescue and reconcile my heart to His love. I realize that throughout all the trails in my life… that it is vitally important to always connect to the Father’s undying love in the midst of the storm. God woke me up to mercy. He showed me His beauty and deep care. In doing so, He effortlessly removed the stone of doubt and guilt that was seeking to grip land in my soul. I felt His love in those moments like fragrant ointment being poured on my skin and shortly after, because of His grace, Eden was divinely healed. She made a full recovery in less than 24 hours. Once I was empowered by His love to receive the truth of His mercy, I was able to breathe in confidence and faith came out like a sighing exhale.
I want to encourage you, that if you can’t get your faith to “work” during a crisis or difficult situation, to not allow condemnation to sneak its way into your soul. Resist all notions of guilt. God’s miracle is not based on your ability to be good enough but on Jesus being your substitute (He is your goodness before the Father). I pray that you will be strengthened by the incredible love of God for you and His immense and glorious grace that is freely given in Christ Jesus. Healing is never earned, deliverance is never earned, salvation is never earned. It’s only by the love of God through Jesus and our faith in that, that we receive His goodness. May you find the simplicity of the Gospel to be sweet salvation in all of your circumstances.
The miracle of that mercy-filled morning for me was not my daughter’s healing. It was that my soul became so captivated with the mercy of God even when the symptoms were still present, that I worshiped despite the circumstances. I adored Him and the fear so disappeared that I forgot all concern for my daughter. His love for me and my daughter surpassed my love for her, my love for myself and my love for Him.
This poem was birthed through intimacy with God during that tender morning:
Relationship with Him looks like mercy–like deep sweet waters perfumed with grace. This grace is heady, like the whiff of strong aged wine. It is as intoxicating as fragrant floral hills bathed in rainbow colored flowers.
You are as beautiful as Tizrah my God, lovely as Jerusalem my Father, more awesome than an army with bright banners my Husband.
You melt my soul with your eyes of deep love and care. Your compassionate heart soothes my inner worries.
Your very Presence is a vaporous mist vaster than the mountainous clouds that sheet the amazon rainforests.
You are light and beauty.
Water and wine.
You are Living Bread…the substance that makes me whole.
I am enraptured by You.
Romanced by Who You are.
Captivated by your tresses.
I am smitten to my inner core.
I find I am threaded into You by your divine hand. A three fold cord is not easily broken.
You share your heartbeat with me and my eyes are fascinated by You.
I feast at the table in your soul and your banner over me is undying love.
Jesus, You are the Light of my life. Your irresistible and undeniable love pulls on me like a current. Your rafters of love wash over my heart. Pouring over in gentle ripples, Your love cleanses every aching wound in my heart and dismounts every erected wall that keeps You out. I am lost in Your stream, in Your river of love, and tears glide down my cheeks like rain drops from the Heavens. They are my own…and then they become Yours.
Such intimacy I’ve never known.
Such tender love I can taste on my tongue. My entire soul absorbs your balmy,
fragrant love. Inside, I taste You everywhere. You are my only strength.
I look up at the stars—they look like millions of glitter flakes tossed in the sky. Entranced, I gaze up at them from the bioluminescent river of Your love that glows blue, and I melt in Your love. You’ve shown me where I am. I am under the stars of Your beauty in a radiant moving pool of healing.
Your sky is breathtaking, Lord.Dust and translucent gas from the cosmos create a light work of brilliant beauty. Your stream is calm, yet these waters are living. They float me along and there are flecks of silver, gold, blue and lavender gems in them—moving, living light. I am cradled by living light in living water. Trees, shrubs, and blossoming vegetation bend over me in the river.
Everything is so calm here and You say, “Let My beauty heal you. Let the facet of My love that you are seeing ravish your heart. Be still, and let Me love you. I want to love you to tears.I want your heart to cry those tears you so need to get out…not in light of your pain but in light of My love that is so much stronger than your pain, and overcomes and heals your pain.”
My eyes well at Your words and the healing beauty of what my eyes are beholding. Aromatic wafts of the spices of Your love lift from the pool that laps at my body and soul. You ravish me with the way You love me. You love me so tenderly, so slowly, so completely. Your love is more patient with healing my inflicted wounds than my own heart is.
~This sample poem was taken from my recently published book Visions of Celestial Love. You can purchase a copy by clicking here.
There are tabernacles and pillars. Ivory polished white with no walls, open to the air where water from Heaven flows through like crystal glass. These waters are air and water all in one. They reflect light like diamonds. They radiate crystal. Transcendent beauty.
Daddy, You transform me with Your beauty. Thank You for sharing the goodness of Your heart with me.
I see these pillars from ballroom floors, all white like pearls of melting snow in the sun. These tabernacles stand atop one large waterfall with many rifts. The air is spicy with the fragrance of something heavenly, like all my favorite aromas mixed in at once, yet distinct. It tickles my nose and awakens my senses softly, like the taste of whipped cream lingering after a cool glass of water.
There is such peace here, such celestial bliss, such tender tickling, such laughter and mirth of soul. These waters glide like skies of opal blue, as they touch the glassy floors they turn into air but still have the fluid body of water. Then as they leave the ballroom they become water again before pouring down the waterfall caressing rock and air. Cascading down and then crashing, the vapor of clouds arises forming poufy mountains in the skies.
Here You have taken me within my soul to show me Your great goodness and beauty. Here You have shown me…to bless me with sweet love.
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, Ministry Volunteer, True-Heart friend of author
You can watch a video promo of this book by clicking here
