Grace – Page 5 – Nourishment Through Words

June 14, 2021December 22, 2021

The Result of Comfort is Rest

But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you. -John 14:26 AMP

Have you ever struggled to sleep because you lacked peace inside your heart?

I understand.

Because I’m there right now…

It’s late at night and I’m awake when I should be asleep.

I’m up because my day has had a draining undertow of anxiety strung like spinning thread inside the veins that flow blood throughout my body. I’ve felt so rushed in daily choirs, and I haven’t stopped to tend to the real needs of my heart.

I’m up late because my two young daughters are finally asleep and I find it hard to focus on my soul and healing subjects when they are awake.

I’m up late because there are no demands in this moment and the neglected pain, inward desire and questions that I have for God are surfacing to the top of my conscious mind like the swelling of a wave.

I’m up.

I’m awake.

And unmet desire raps at the door of my soul again.

I now clearly hear the steady beating that has been happening all day, but now instead of deafening my ears to it, I choose to listen.

“What do you want?” I ask my soul, already knowing the answer.

When the great longing of my soul is seen, like an emaciated person reeling with hunger, I freeze. Feelings of powerlessness overwhelm me because I know I cannot fill the aching, (seemingly abysmal) void.

The cold reality of my human incapability and poverty makes me want to swing the door shut again on my hungry desire and pretend I never saw it. But I know such carelessness wouldn’t be innocuous. My mind battles what to do.

I would just as soon ignore it, except I know it will persist.

I would just squish it, except I know it to be immortal and incapable of death.

I think to squelch it again, under the dulling drug of busyness, but I know it will only make my heart sick and heart ailment is a disease I find I can’t bear. Besides this, the chronic state of an ailing heart usually leads to an addiction of some form (in my case…the chocolate pantry).

The need of The Comforter rises from within me like a child’s whimpering cry to the peak of my throat. I can almost taste the unshed tears at the back of my tongue.

“Holy Spirit,” I whisper, “Help me. I cannot help myself. Father God, I’m so hungry. I’m hungry for your promises. I’m thirsty for things I know are coming but they have not manifested in my life yet. I’m hungry to see my dreams become reality and trusting You in the waiting is hard. I know your Word says that by faith and patience we inherit the promises…but the waiting is such a battle of faith somedays. I’m hungry to see your goodness and your kingdom come in the lives of several friends and family members. I know You have a much more wonderful reality for them than what they are living in. I know You have so much more for me…”

As I talk to God and give Him myself and all the loved ones who are weighing on my heart, I feel calmer. My tight chest finally begins to relax as I “expose” my natural weakness to the most loving, capable Father.

My daughter Elena is asleep beside me in a small netted rocker with metal polls for legs. She breathes softly under a knitted blanket made with cool blue and green tones with white in between.

I think of her own soul and her need for comfort when she is tired and ready to sleep.

When Elena (her name means radiant light) is weary, she doesn’t whisper, she cries with a fury and fever that won’t be denied. She doesn’t hide her pain or her need, like I so often do. She doesn’t fear her desires won’t be met or that she’ll be scorned because of them.

No, she finds me with her eyes and her whole face screws up, her nose crinkles like discarded Christmas wrapping paper, her face flushes with rogue hues and she wails for attention until she is comforted. She trusts me to soothe her when she is exhausted or hungry or emotionally hurt. Because she trusts me, she makes her emotions known with candid, innocent clarity.

I can still see her, trying to crawl over a plush pillow and brush past an arresting assortment of colorful plastic toys around her. I laugh because I know the couch pillow, which is fairly small, might as well have been a hill to her small ten month frame and limited mobil agility. She crawled with frustrating effort around the toy obstacles that were bought for her pleasure and enjoyment.

I saw her and took pity on her. The moment she recognized I would pick her up, her wails quieted and she looked up at me with anticipated calm.

Once inside my arms, she nuzzled her nose into my right breast and covered the tender skin with a curled, chubby hand.

She mumbled and cooed softly as I cradled her while she nursed and within a few short minutes, she fell asleep.

Her soul had cried for help, and I came.

Not only had I comforted her by holding her, but I nourished her through the milk my body created…just for her.

Now, I find myself, crying as well. Only my Helper is Someone I cannot see and sometimes cannot feel, yet He has assured me He is always there.

I confess, it’s not always easy to rest in His arms. It’s not always been easy for me to receive the heavenly and healing comfort that is always available to me. Because sometimes, it’s hard for me to trust a spiritual Father when my body wants my five senses appeased with tangible proof.

Even when I intellectually know He is Truth, even when I acknowledge with my mind that He cannot lie and his word is more sure than the sun’s rising every morning…sometimes faith still seems like an obstacle. Sometimes faith seems like an obstruction (like the toys that surrounded Elena), rather than what it actually is, a great gift from my loving heavenly Father.

And I’m tempting to feel condemned for that. But I won’t allow myself to be. He has told me far too many times that He doesn’t condemn me (John 3:16-17).

How I sometimes wish I were like Elena, and when I cry, Jesus would appear in the flesh and scoop me up in his warm, safe, loving and powerful arms.

I confess this to Him, probably for the thousandth time, and like a good Friend, He listens patiently and compassionately as if it were the first time.

As I pour out the internal floodgates of turmoil that had been mercilessly churning and pricking inside me all day, I relax even more, My breaths deepen and become longer and steadier in the atmosphere of his celestial and curative grace.

I find my desires being pacified, like a baby suckling on their mother’s milk until their belly is full, in the presence of his comforting love.

It takes me a moment to realize, my hear rate has dramatically slowed down.

All the tormenting doubt is silent now.

I’ve been in his arms and I didn’t even realize it!

And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” -Exodus 33: 14

“The result of comfort is rest.” I felt the Holy Spirit say inside me.

I gazed at my daughter again, sound asleep, with no sign of distress on her placid, caramel colored visage.

Her rhymnthetic breathing is as sound and smooth as still crystal lake water. I watch the slow rise and fall of her small chest.

She is at peace.

She is resting because she had fallen asleep in the most secure place on earth to her, my arms.

She had drifted into subconsciousness under the shadow of my wings. The last thing she saw was the light of my face. My smile flamed like a life-giving image past her pupils and dove into her heart giving deep comforting, assurance to her soul. Her eyes fluttered closed, remembering my maternal smile and the love that inevitably poured through my eyes. Just like the sun stains my eyes when I stare at it too long so much so that even under my eyelids I can see embellishments of its sparkling orange and gold light invading the darkness, so my image branded Elena’s mind as she slept.

And through studying her, I realize, this is what the Holy Spirit has done for us. We can always have this sort of blessed assurance in our hearts. The light of God’s face is always shinning down on us in love. He is our Father, we are his beloved, precious children. Let Him hold you today and still your every fear. There is nothing He wants more, than to comfort you when you’re hurting :

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD. -Psalm 89: 15

Whoever rests in the shadow of the Most High God will be kept safe by the Mighty One. -Psalm 91:1 NIRV

Many ask, “Who can show us the good?” Shine the light of Your face upon us, O LORD. -Psalm 4:6

For it was not by their sword that they took the land; their arm did not bring them victory. It was by Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your face, because You favored them. -Psalm 44:3

May God be gracious to us and bless us, and cause His face to shine upon us, Selah. -Psalm 67:1

Restore us, O God, and cause Your face to shine upon us, that we may be saved. -Psalm 80:3

I pray the “intangible” arms of God are palpably felt by you today. I pray you experience the sort of divine comfort that always gives rest. May his loving countenance shine through and still every raging storm in your soul, giving you the answers you need. There is no safer, securer or more peaceful place on earth than in communion with God the Father.

~If you would like to experience emotionally life-giving and mind clearing sessions with God about your future goals in the safe presence of another, I do prayerful life-coaching with my clients. I would love to walk alongside Jesus in providing you with the Comfort, inspiration, wisdom and guidance you desire. Click here to fill out a questionnaire and receive a FREE life-coaching consultation call! The first few clients will receive a limited discounted price!

“Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation.”
(pg.99, “The Body and the Earth”) ― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

“People use drugs, legal and illegal, because their lives are intolerably painful or dull. They hate their work and find no rest in their leisure. They are estranged from their families and their neighbors. It should tell us something that in healthy societies drug use is celebrative, convivial, and occasional, whereas among us it is lonely, shameful, and addictive. We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost each other.” ― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

~For a beautiful song on the light of God’s face by Misty Edwards, click here. I do not own any rights to this music. This was one of the 1st worship songs I listened to as a new believer.

~For more devotions like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love (a journey back to healing grace) on amazon!

God bless you. He loves you with all of his heart!

“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige

June 10, 2021January 31, 2022

God’s Heavenly Gentleness

~The head photo of my daughter Elena was taken by Ruthy Esquivel Photography.

One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple. -Psalm 27:4

Father, I love your gentleness.
The sweetness of your Presence is the healing balm to my heart.
You are the perfect embrace and shelter for my heart.
Your kindness is better than life.
I taste You like the softest of fruits that melts into whip cream in my mouth.
You are sugar within my soul.
You are waves like air lapping at my feet, traveling like fragrant whimsical ripples from incense smoke around my ankles.
You are softness.
You are gentle love.
You are romance in the best way.
You are honey in the sun.
You are like a cool, refreshing tropical breeze to the sweating, weary brow.
You are my Romancer.
My Bridegroom.
My Daddy.
My best Friend.
My Master, and my Maker.
My deepest conversations have been with You.
You sing me to sleep with the music of your breaths and your stilling whispers.
Your tangible arms are more pristine than peach and cream alabaster pillars.
Your heart is like a fire that blazes and burns; like a warm campfire I long to linger near.
I sit by your beating, consuming heart in a rocking chair and you sing over me—swaying me softly back and forth in your pleasure.
I am most at home in You.
You are my home.
And I love the way You love me.
Your love changes me.
Your love transforms me…and I’m not the same.
I’ll never be the same…so long as your love is before my eyes.

~For more poetry like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love!

“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, U.S Navy, Minister, Founder of Servant King Apparel

May 22, 2021

Rethinking Spiritual Growth

~A devotional written by Samuel David Alley

So you think you know how true growth is stimulated?

Contrary to popular opinion, no living plant grows by added toil and struggle; they grow by receiving. There is such a thing as becoming strong from enduring battles, but I am not addressing the subject of battle-tested; just simple growth.

The beautiful lilies and trees simply receive the water; they receive the nutrients, vitamins, and minerals, they receive the ultraviolet light, and they receive the carbon dioxide. Photosynthesis (the process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide and water), even this process is not a toil or a struggle. This means it’s activated by the involuntary process hardwired into the plant through its genetic coding. Photosynthesis, this phenomenon, in which the elements are converted to food, is a response triggered by the presence of those elements and the intelligence present in the genetics of the plant. This is where I point out that it’s not troubles or hardships that activate photosynthesis, but simply the presence of the two contributors I mentioned.

The difference between us and plants, in this regard, is that we are self-aware and have the opportunity to frustrate the growth process by engaging every battle that does not belong to us via our fight-or-flight response. We have a tendency to allow every fire that is ignited by an intruder to become ours to extinguish.

Living our lives in this perpetual fight-or-flight mode (designed only for emergencies/imminent threat) is the most unidentified thief of growth and inner healing for our lives. We attempt to use the worry and anxiety born out of the fight-or-flight response to make or struggle ourselves into growth? This has the opposite effect unfortunately.

With this point made, what If it’s possible that we, in our revolving invitation to stress, actually have nullified of canceled our own spiritual growth? Has it occurred to us that plants do not grow in a hurricane or tornadoes, but are to preoccupied surviving the threat? “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Casting all your cares (battles) upon Him because He (alone Has the capacity to fight for you) and provide for your circumstances.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Maybe this is the supreme reason as to why God seeks for us to give the battles, the fires, the problems, and the hurts to Him. Fighting battles all the time that do not belong to us come at a great cost….we are never available to receive any food from God. God Bless you!

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? “So why do you worry about clothing?

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; “and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.“Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith (little receiving)? “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ “For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:25-34)

May 15, 2021December 13, 2023

Seeing Jesus Through My Heart

I have these moments where I just want to escape with Jesus. Right now I just want to have a nice warm cappuccino with caramel drizzle and frothy whipped cream on top decked with coconut flakes (and not worry about the calories… thank you very much). I want Jesus to be beside me with His own favorite hot cup. I dream of us in some quaint cafe having another deeply intimate conversation that leaves me feeling loved inside.

When I was first born again and Spirit filled, I used to go on “dates” with Jesus. I’m not kidding in the slightest. I was always a dreamer…but when my life became wholly His, He captivated my heart with imagery that left me feeling so peaceful inside. I discovered (through the aid of the Holy Spirit) the promised internal Kingdom of Heaven (Romans 14:17). That’s how my writing career started.

When I was unsaved my mind had a constant dark and gloomy undertow. But when Jesus came into my heart, my mind became so positive and vibrant as He showed me breathtaking landscapes. It was like my soul had entered into a personal garden of Eden.

The people closest to me (my family) took notice of my ability to tune out everything and everyone at the most “random” moments.

One night my mom and I were watching a dance movie and just before the scene we both really enjoyed…I felt the Holy Spirit calling me away. So without warning (as is my usual custom) I got up and went to the kitchen table. There I plugged in my headsets and began to write down what the Lord started to show me. A poem came out of that: Land of Peace. I published it in my book, Visions of Celestial Love.

A poetic, devotional book on returning to the life-giving, empowering grace in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Another time I was play wrestling with my brother (we still wrestle today when we get a chance) and I felt again that Jesus was calling me away. So I stood up without saying anything, sat on the couch, closed my eyes and had a “date” with Jesus. My brother Alex and my sister Azania asked me if I was okay.

“I’m fine,” I said quietly and felt lost in the presence of God as I experienced the promised union of the new covenant. My poem: Jesus Replenishes in the Sacred Land, Meeting with my Soul and Spirit, came out of that encounter (again, I included this poem in my book, Visions of Celestial Love).

Because of these romantic, playful, and lovely dates with the Lord, my soul became like a well watered garden (Isaiah 58:11). It seemed no matter what was going on in my outward circumstances…I always had a positive outlook.

I often wondered what Jesus would do on the mountain top when He would spend hours praying by Himself to God? Sometimes I wonder if the Father just loved on Him and showed Him things to come for the upcoming day? I wonder if they had Father, Son dates together too?

Jesus wants to be so intimate with you. God wants you to know Him. Not just in doctrine or theology but in your heart and soul.

He created our imaginations, He created everything beautiful in this world. God designed you with a capacity to be loved by Him with your entire being. That doesn’t just mean your spirit…but it means your soul (heart, mind), your body (your strength) and all that is within you.

David, the man after God’s own heart, loved God with his imagination. The Psalms (or poetic songs) are filled with scripting so fluidly etched it sounds like love letters written between the two dearests of friends.

David had a beautiful imagination…and he took what he knew about God (the written Word, and creation) and experienced the Father. He spoke of seeking one thing, “to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord.” (Psalm 27:4)

God wants to be intimately acquainted with us…in every way that we will allow Him. It’s not a mystical relationship (pagans have that with their deities), but it’s as daily and natural as loving your spouse and choosing to put him/her first.

The more time you spend with someone the more you know and trust them. Jesus is no different. When I’m not actively aware of Jesus I begin to miss Him. The same way I would miss Stephen if I didn’t get to see him.

Jesus said this is eternal life, “that they may know You the Father, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” (John 17:3)

It’s in the knowing of relationship that we find the greatest beauty. You were made for such beauty

Imagining with Jesus is not, “escape from reality” but the perspective of a, “greater reality.”

Christ in you is the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21)

#heartlifewithHim

“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia.

May 7, 2021June 21, 2021

Let Sexy Expire

~A universally relatable devotional, written by the truly beautiful Ashley Lande. (To visit her iridescent blog, click here: ttps://www.ashleylande.com/. I highly recommend signing up for her newsletters, you will be blessed !)

I recently read an aging supermodel’s post wherein she lamented becoming “invisible” at her age as her sex appeal has diminished. The hashtag “sexy has no expiration date” capped her elegy for youth, for attention, for both lustful & envious stares.

Is “sexy” really the highest to which we can aspire in the pantheon of human qualities, the top metric for womanly value, such that we should hang on to it doggedly even as it recedes farther and farther away, like the retreating creep of a hairline?

I kinda hope sexy does have an expiration date. I don’t really like the word at all. Much of my life it’s been a burden, a term freighted with both dire importance and impossible demands.

By fourteen I’d developed matronly hips and could be seen slouching sullenly in photos in a vain attempt to shrink my 5’9″ frame, which carried 20 extra lbs. When I finally “bloomed” 4 or 5 years later, the newfound prowess of attractiveness was an intoxicating drug, laced with danger and power.

My exterior may have garnered male attention at last, but inside I was still the same girl who watched all her friends drift away with boys at the dance while she hunched over in the corner and tried to figure out something to do with her too-long arms and tried not to cry. Ah, memories

Heartbreak and ruin ensued as I tried to magnify the “sexy” part of me, the part that was adored, the part that moved units and lured gazes. I hushed all the other parts, tamped them down unkindly.

I’d been indoctrinated by the world. “Sexy” was my paramount value. Without it, I was less than nothing. With it, I was invincible. So I thought. So Satan says.

But what is sexy? Sexy is cheap, profligate, ubiquitous. It screams from magazine covers, it hisses from store displays. You can be anything you want, the world cries, but you better be sexy while you’re doing it.

Sexy floats, for a time. It can even seem to fill you, for a time. But as a young woman, when the stagnant pall of despair set in and the very non-sexy parts of me demanded their reckoning, I learned it is a cold, cold comfort.

Now that I think of it, sexy definitely does have an expiration date: meeting Jesus.

Jesus doesn’t care if you are sexy. Jesus doesn’t care if you’ve outworn all your usefulness on society’s terms. Jesus doesn’t care if your skin is taut or crepey. Sexy has absolutely no currency with him. And that’s what both drew me magnetically in and filled me with terror.

This capital that I’d learned the dirty art of leveraging – this was trash to him. It meant nothing. I was naked before him, truly naked, and there was nothing sexy about it.

I was known without reserve, every part, even the decidedly unsexy ones where my worst fears festered, foremost that I would be met with disgust. There was no more hiding, no more withholding. It is a fearful and wonderful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Because here, too, in the nakedness and trembling vulnerability of standing before blinding, dwarfing, stultifying holiness, here too was the miracle: I was loved without measure.

It still whispers and hisses and sometimes yells, the lie: you must be sexy, or else you won’t be anything at all. I hear it in the posh waiting room of a plastic surgeon where I go to get Botox shot into my jaw for the intermittently severe TMD I’ve lived with for years. Apparently my jaw takes upon itself all the stress and tension that might otherwise be evenly distributed in my body. After expensive dental work, many episodes of debilitating pain, a thousand chiropractic visits and fifteen gazillion doses of ibuprofen later, I am not inclined to look upon its noble sacrifice charitably.

He probes my masseter muscles with a finger, the doctor who is surprisingly down to earth and has not made any comments on how I might surgically enhance any other members of my body, as Steven had feared he would. He injects the botulinum toxin A with a tiny needle. I barely feel it.

In the next few days as I wait for my evil jaw muscles to slowly enter partial paralysis, I assess my face with a more critical eye. There is definitely a faint cleft developing between my eyebrows. My lips are less full than they once were. I got the Botox for legitimate medical reasons, yes. But maybe just a filler here, a relaxer there…

Steven says no. I play it coy, wait a few days, try a few more angles of asking. He looks me in the eye: NO. You’re beautiful the way you are.

I sigh. How easy it is to forget, to become ensnared by the temptation to play by the world’s rules. Must hang on. Must be sexy at all costs.

But we are bound up in and bound for a kingdom without end where sexy has expired forever and never had any currency to begin with. We are loved wholly and pervasively, from every angle, not only from that which that flatters our features most.

Sexy will expire. It already has. Jesus trampled it, along with every other false and soul-siphoning measure you’ve held yourself against as though it were sacred and not from the pit of hell.

Let it die. Let sexy expire. Real love, the kind you’ve always craved and always looked for in all the wrong places, is here at last. Jesus is here.
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(Btw – I am not judging anyone for having cosmetic procedures. Heck, I wear makeup. I recently bought a moderately expensive face serum. It’s just always good to examine our whys, and remember eternity, and the reality of Jesus’ love).

Again, this beautiful article was not written by me, but by the lovely Ashley Lande. You can visit her inspirational blog by clicking here. Subscribe to her website to receive more of her work directly to your email!

April 26, 2021September 9, 2023

The Last Supper: A Table of Love

A loving reflection of The Last Supper:

Recently, I began to understand the deep and sweet intimacy in comfortably communing with Jesus at the table of his sacrificial love. I have a human tendency to run from pain (and sacrifice)….but this time, I savored Jesus in the darkness.

During the weeks preceding Good Friday, I felt like my heart went on an inner pilgrimage with Jesus. Worship seemed to pour from my soul like perfumed waters. I would sing to the Lord when I woke up and drift to sleep singing to Him.

I began to taste something like sweet, rich wine in my spirit from Him. I felt a newfound connection with the Lord and it was almost as if my heart pined for Him. I felt swept up in a Song of Songs romance. I felt a mutual love between us that kept building and building throughout the weeks (this could also have been because a ladies group and I were studying Song of Songs. For the first time…I felt like my love for Jesus was as heady as those succulent, passionate, and dare I say it, intoxicating words. It was like a blend of holy wine mixed with sacred spiced herbs).

One night, after a Passover celebration, I found myself so physically tired that I laid on the floor in the living room after the guests had left. I had planned on going to bed but my mom started playing worship music. Immediately my heart desire for Jesus roused the rest of my body. It was as if someone had blew on internal embers inside my chest. Warmed by an inner fire, I stayed awake until almost 1am in worship… adoring Jesus.

During that time, I wrote this in my journal (I hope you enjoy it):

“I’m learning to be okay with the darkness of the night and the pitch deep blue of dawn before sunrise. Like Mary, I want to wait in the cold stillness of early morning while all else seems to sleep. In the quiet morning, the young hours of a new day, Mary was the first to see the resurrected Lord.

These past few days have been emotionally worshipful for me. The suffering of “Good Friday” awakened my soul in a new way. I didn’t want to skip straight ahead to resurrection Sunday. I wanted to linger at the most intimate table: The Last Supper.

This is where Jesus symbolically and spiritually ate the Passover meal with his closest friends. This is where Jesus offered them the deepest love before the greatest pain. This is where he served them by washing their feet, tearing bread, pouring wine and singing a worshipful hymn with them.

As he broke the bread, he knew his own flesh would be broken for them soon. Although, whether they realized it or not, he had already wholly given himself to loving them. His life among them was a daily sacrifice to feed them and others. As he poured the wine, he knew his lifeblood would spill to cleanse them. What sustained life for his body, would spill out of him, thus draining him of all strength, in order to cleanse them of all sin and give them life. As he washed their feet, it was as if he was anointing them.

I can almost see his eyes. luminous by the flickering of candles against the black, azure night. The soul of him shining through like starlight…like a taste of heaven. He never withheld anything from them. He gave himself completely to them, fearless, eternal, shameless, selfless, passionate love.

This is how he gives himself to everyone of us.

For now, l lay upon his breast like John at the Last Supper and listen to his beating heart…knowing the pain that will pierce it. May my life forever be like the expensive anointing oil Mary poured upon his feet in preparation for his suffering. My soul poured out in worship. His life laid down. It’s strange…but this Friday I take just as much delight in the darkest hour as I imagine I will in the brightest hour (Sunday resurrection). Because in it all…He’s there. And He’s the essence of all my life and devotion and eternal desire.”

~For similar devotionals like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love.

“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel

March 17, 2021March 17, 2021

Guardian of Your Soul

Let Him guard your soul and lead you to high places of rest, peace, and health.

He wants to make your soul like the garden of Eden, which means: paradise, pleasure, wholeness.

In Eden, all of man’s needs were met.

There was no death, sickness, loss, striving, stress or pain.

But there was a sense of completeness, wonder and immense joy.

God walked with man on earth as freely as life-long friends converse over coffee .

There was streams of love flowing from God to man and man had no fear.

This is the Father’s heart.

He desires this for you as your Shepherd.

Follow Him into a life of relational abundance with Him and Healing intimacy.

Life is never so beautiful as it is when we walk with God…completely naked (hiding nothing of ourselves) and unashamed.

For more devotionals like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love.

“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia.

January 12, 2021January 13, 2021

Woman That I Love

~I felt Jesus tell me these words on a night where my soul was grieved. I hope these words bring you as much comfort as they did me. Be blessed:

You were made to be loved.

Deeply.

You were made to be nourished, and nurtured.

You were made to be appreciated.

You were made to feel the waves of my love pouring over you like warm-scented rain every day.

You were made to be kissed good night every night.

You were made for my joy, my peace, my comfort. You were made to be faithfully loved—not just for a year, or ten years or fifty…but forever.

I know you long. I know you desire. And I want to take you up in the sky until you can taste the clouds. Until your eyes widen with a view of Heaven.

Woman that I love, listen to me. Read these words. Let them saturate your heart and bring the deep healing that is so desperately needed. Let not your heart shrivel, but expand in the embrace you were made for.

Where you are cold, I will make you warm. Where you are disappointed I will prove Myself faithful. Where you are bitter I will make you sweet.

I will love you past the mental bondage, past the pain, past the heart hurts, past the despairing hope. I see you hoping, struggling, letting go, and taking up again. I know the weariness a broken life can bring. I know the daily routine that dries out all the excitement in your heart.

I know the wishes you have that seem so far stretched that you look upon them as fantasy… as child’s play. Don’t scold yourself for them. I want to give you all that you long for, that is right for you to have. My Father only gives good and perfect gifts. It starts with letting yourself be embraced, with letting the tears flow, with looking upon my face, with diving in my eyes.

My love is consuming yet it’s gentle. It restores life to the dying. It brings life to the dead.

Look up. Look down. Look around you. I’m right here. I’m right here. I’m in your heart. Ask me what you would have me do for you. Talk to me.

Be loved. Be most deeply loved.

Don’t settle for anything less than perfect love.

This snippet was taken from my book, Visions of Celestial Love. You can learn more about it on my Purchasable Goodies page or purchase a copy on amazon.

“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.

I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, True-Heart friend of author

November 23, 2020April 23, 2021

My Healing and Deliverance Testimony

And I heard a loud voice in heaven saying: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of His Christ. For the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down—he who accuses them day and night before our God. They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. And they did not love their lives so as to shy away from death. -Revelation 12:10-11

For God’s glory I share this testimony of how Jesus saved my life over 6 years ago. I’ve been revisiting God’s amazing grace and the power of the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It has brought me to my knees in awe of His love.

Before I attended Charis Bible college, I was stuck in religious bondage for about 5 years, to where I went to church but I had little to no peace in my heart. I prayed but felt I was strangely distant from the Lord. In those late teen years and my early twenties I devoured several Christian books in an attempt to “restore” my relationship with Father. I happened to run across one that wasn’t Christian but claimed to be. It was, in fact, ancient Jewish mysticism (aka: ancient witchcraft that clandestinely twisted scripture). I read about 4 pages before I threw the book away because although I was intrigued, something didn’t feel quite right (thank God for the Holy Spirit). Unfortunately, even though I discarded the book, I believed some of the lies that were written in it.

Because I believed lies, it gave room for the deep bondage that would come (God’s kingdom and the kingdom of darkness both work through the faith/beliefs of men). One night I went to bed and was literally pinned down by things I couldn’t see. And then it felt like somebody grabbed a garbage can filled with rats and bugs and poured it into my belly (yes I could literally feel things crawling inside of me). That was probably the worse night of my life!

I went to a church that didn’t believe Christians could have demons or needed deliverance so as a 22 year old girl I felt alone, lost and abandoned. And of course the devil told me I was going to Hell and there was no forgiveness for what I had done….even though I had been totally deceived.

The Bible does say after all that the devil masks around like an “angel of light” and a “minister of righteousness” (2 Corinthians 11:14). Basically he’s a religious nut…that’s why we have so many different religions in the world and even much of the church is divided (so sad).

The devil knows mankind was made for God. As a result, we have a God-sized hole in our hearts (most people are thirsty and looking for God even if they deny Him). As a result, the devil, with the cooperation of willing men throughout the centuries, have concocted thousands of religions that subtly exclude its adherents from a truly deep, satisfying and pure relationship with God. Jesus did call a handful of the religious leaders in his day, “twice the sons of hell” (Matthew 23:15). I liken religion and God to the ocean verses a cleansing stream. To a dying, thirsty man, ocean water would only serve to further dehydrate and kill him. But pure stream water would quench his thirst and give life to his body. The only problem is, to the untrained eye, up close, religion and God virtually look the same. It’s all about clever imitation with the devil.

Because of my works mentality I believed God was angry at me and that he wanted to punish me for my sins and ignorance (that mentality has its roots in a Luciferian lie I later discovered). So I fasted for over a month and cried for weeks and weeks and weeks in what seemed like endless sorrow (not to mention I was being physically and emotionally tormented 24/7).

But God sent faithful, Holy-Spirit filled men and women into my life who all told me the same thing, “The Holy Spirit says you are the apple of His eye and God wants you to rest in His love.”

I thought they were ridiculous.

Rest in His love?

How would doing that deliver me?

Surely I had to do something to earn my deliverance?!

I guess I had forgotten about scriptures like Ephesians 2:8-9: “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”

God needed me to have faith in his grace to set me free because everything in the kingdom of God works through faith. Grace has already paid for everything. Faith simply accepts the great provisions of grace as a free gift. No one with pride can accept grace because it requires trust and naturally obliterates all self-boasting. But I was so saturated in incorrect beliefs (religious dogma, and man’s traditions which Jesus called “the leaven of the Pharisees”) that it was making the word of God ineffectual in my heart (Mark 7:13). I still thought I had to work to receive help from God.

One night Jesus gave me a vision. I saw this little girl in a dark environment. Suddenly what looked like big deformed monsters began to surround her. She was no match for them but weakly lifted her fists up to try and defend herself anyway. In the vision, I could tell her heart was bleeding out in sorrow and anguish. Before any of the monsters could take a step toward her a flash of what appeared like lightning came from the sky and Jesus stood before her. He lifted His hand and fire came out and struck the “monsters.” Defeated and frightened they all ran away and He was alone with this little girl. I instinctively knew she was me. He picked her up and too exhausted to do anything else, she laid her head on His shoulder. Jesus put his hand on her back and fire went into her. It was the same fire He used on the demons. The fire was not meant to harm her but to burn out what was inside of her that He didn’t put there (traces of the demons lies). (You see what acts like salvation, healing and beauty to some people, acts like destruction and death to others. Jesus doesn’t change, people simply react to Him differently. His light (or fire in this vision) is the Truth. And when some people encounter the Truth they are healed by it…others are offended and treat it as hatred. In John 8:44 the devil is called the “father of lies.” He and the demons who follow him, cannot bear or stand the truth. This is evident when Jesus uses the word of God to rebuke satan when He was in the wilderness. It is also evident when Jesus walked the earth and his light either attracted or repelled people- John 1:1-9).

This and a few other visions/confirmations was how I knew God indeed wanted me to “rest in His love.” So I did. I revisited Paul’s letters on being under grace verses being under the law. I filled my soul with endearing scriptures that pointed out God’s unconditional love for me. I fell in love with the book of Isaiah, John, Hebrews, Galatians, etc. Many miracles happened during that time (including an angelic encounter and the Holy Spirit leading me to a famous minister who had heard from God about me, he actually ended up paying for me to stay in a fancy hotel after only meeting me for a few seconds)…I hope to write a small book about all the miracles that happened one day.

For about two months I had to learn how to stare at the cross. I didn’t just look at or glance in its direction…I literally stared at it for hours upon hours through watching movies like: The Passion of the Christ, The Gospel of John/Matthew, etc. I learned that in looking at Jesus on the cross, I would understand the greatest divine exchange that took place between God and mankind by His grace (John 3:14, Numbers 21:9). I studied the power of love, grace and the finished work of Jesus Christ.

What did His resurrection from the dead mean?

Who was I in Christ?

I learned of my righteousness: I was righteous by faith not by works. I learned that I was seated with Christ in heavenly places…far above principalities and powers. I learned (ha ha!) that the devil is a DEFEATED foe who cannot stand before the risen Lord (who lives in me and every born again believer).

I learned I was dearly, and eternally loved and that all my sins: past, present and future had already been cleansed by Jesus blood–I only needed to receive it. He was cursed so I could be blessed. By His wounds I am healed. The joy and peace of the Gospel began to return to my soul and strengthen me (now keep in my mind, my body was telling me different things. Even my soul was telling me different things). I had to learn that I was equipped with Holy Spirit ability to cast down imaginations, doctrines, theologies and every high thing that exalted itself against the true knowledge of God.

Jesus either finished paying for everything needed for: salvation, healing, deliverance, etc or He did nothing at all on that cross.

There is no middle ground!

I learned I am a daughter of God. I also discovered why I lacked peace for those 5 years. You are either under grace or you’re under law…there is no middle ground.

I was under the curse of the law, but once I accepted the fact that I could never earn things from God, I could never work for salvation or his love or healing or deliverance then the power of grace (the Holy Spirit) manifested the finished work of Jesus in my body and in my soul.

I discovered what God meant by every knee will bow and every tongue confess Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:10-11). I learned sickness and disease were a part of the curse that Jesus already paid healing for (Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 103:3). My eyes were divinely healed (before I wore thick bifocal glasses and I was cross eyed). I was supernaturally delivered by the power of the Holy Spirit who was always there inside of me. He is infinitely more powerful than any disease or any devil. I literally got off my mental sick bed and walked away from bondage.

Since then I admit I have a hatred for religion because I see how dangerous it is. I see how incredibly life-threatening it is to believe any lie about Jesus.

If you’re Christianity feels joyless, peace-less or full of burdens, then I have to wonder: are you trying to earn anything that God has freely given you by grace (because Jesus earned it for you)?

Jesus finished the work. Jesus gets all the glory. And we will all cast our crowns before his feet because every miracle, sign and wonder is done in his name to the glory of God the Father by the power of the Holy Spirit (Revelation 4:10).

I could not have survived what I went through without a revelation of his love that made space for inner transformation. When I behold the cross it speaks to me of God’s love for me…not my love for Him (though I do love Him). But I learned it’s not so much about that but about how much He loves me. Jesus finished it all because God so loved the world He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

~1 of my latest testimonies was when I was witnessing to an ex-warlock (male witch) and in my witnessing about God’s kingdom being here on earth and the baptism of the Holy Spirit my body became warm from the inside out. The man I was witnessing to stopped me with wide eyes and asked, “do you see them?” “See what?” I asked. He responded with, “I see God’s angels around you. I see these big white wings all around you. Something really strong is protecting you!” I know he perceived those wings to be “angles” but I’m certain that he saw a manifestation of the Holy Spirit who told me shortly after my deliverance, “I will always protect you.”

If you’re a believer you are completely loved and totally accepted by God and all your sins have been washed away. As Jesus is so are you in this world (1 John 4: 17). And if you’re not a believer you are dearly loved and all your sins have been paid for…you are forgiven. You only need to accept Jesus as your Savior and Lord. It’s the almost too good to be true news of the Gospel.

Everything is paid for in full and everything that could have been a cause for fear in your life has already been defeated.

Now this is what the LORD says—He who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine! -Isaiah 43:!

~For more personal and intimate encounters about my journey from law to grace, from religion to relationship and from seeing God as a taskmaster to beholding Him as a loving Father, check out my book Visions of Celestial Love!

~For a video on the true Gospel of Peace, click here. I own no rights to this video and its contents. Andrew Wommack’s teachings on God’s love and the Gospel helped me receive the truth during my darkest hours. Later, I attended his Bible college where I met my husband. I can’t thank Andrew enough for his faithfulness to God and the body of Christ!