I have these moments where I just want to escape with Jesus. Right now I just want to have a nice warm cappuccino with caramel drizzle and frothy whipped cream on top decked with coconut flakes (and not worry about the calories… thank you very much). I want Jesus to be beside me with His own favorite hot cup. I dream of us in some quaint cafe having another deeply intimate conversation that leaves me feeling loved inside.
When I was first born again and Spirit filled, I used to go on “dates” with Jesus. I’m not kidding in the slightest. I was always a dreamer…but when my life became wholly His, He captivated my heart with imagery that left me feeling so peaceful inside. I discovered (through the aid of the Holy Spirit) the promised internal Kingdom of Heaven (Romans 14:17). That’s how my writing career started.
When I was unsaved my mind had a constant dark and gloomy undertow. But when Jesus came into my heart, my mind became so positive and vibrant as He showed me breathtaking landscapes. It was like my soul had entered into a personal garden of Eden.
The people closest to me (my family) took notice of my ability to tune out everything and everyone at the most “random” moments.
One night my mom and I were watching a dance movie and just before the scene we both really enjoyed…I felt the Holy Spirit calling me away. So without warning (as is my usual custom) I got up and went to the kitchen table. There I plugged in my headsets and began to write down what the Lord started to show me. A poem came out of that: Land of Peace. I published it in my book, Visions of Celestial Love.
A poetic, devotional book on returning to the life-giving, empowering grace in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Another time I was play wrestling with my brother (we still wrestle today when we get a chance) and I felt again that Jesus was calling me away. So I stood up without saying anything, sat on the couch, closed my eyes and had a “date” with Jesus. My brother Alex and my sister Azania asked me if I was okay.
“I’m fine,” I said quietly and felt lost in the presence of God as I experienced the promised union of the new covenant. My poem: Jesus Replenishes in the Sacred Land, Meeting with my Soul and Spirit, came out of that encounter (again, I included this poem in my book, Visions of Celestial Love).
Because of these romantic, playful, and lovely dates with the Lord, my soul became like a well watered garden (Isaiah 58:11). It seemed no matter what was going on in my outward circumstances…I always had a positive outlook.
I often wondered what Jesus would do on the mountain top when He would spend hours praying by Himself to God? Sometimes I wonder if the Father just loved on Him and showed Him things to come for the upcoming day? I wonder if they had Father, Son dates together too?
Jesus wants to be so intimate with you. God wants you to know Him. Not just in doctrine or theology but in your heart and soul.
He created our imaginations, He created everything beautiful in this world. God designed you with a capacity to be loved by Him with your entire being. That doesn’t just mean your spirit…but it means your soul (heart, mind), your body (your strength) and all that is within you.
David, the man after God’s own heart, loved God with his imagination. The Psalms (or poetic songs) are filled with scripting so fluidly etched it sounds like love letters written between the two dearests of friends.
David had a beautiful imagination…and he took what he knew about God (the written Word, and creation) and experienced the Father. He spoke of seeking one thing, “to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord.” (Psalm 27:4)
God wants to be intimately acquainted with us…in every way that we will allow Him. It’s not a mystical relationship (pagans have that with their deities), but it’s as daily and natural as loving your spouse and choosing to put him/her first.
The more time you spend with someone the more you know and trust them. Jesus is no different. When I’m not actively aware of Jesus I begin to miss Him. The same way I would miss Stephen if I didn’t get to see him.
Jesus said this is eternal life, “that they may know You the Father, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” (John 17:3)
It’s in the knowing of relationship that we find the greatest beauty. You were made for such beauty
Imagining with Jesus is not, “escape from reality” but the perspective of a, “greater reality.”
Christ in you is the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21)
“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia.
~A universally relatable devotional, written by the truly beautiful Ashley Lande. (To visit her iridescent blog, click here: ttps://www.ashleylande.com/. I highly recommend signing up for her newsletters, you will be blessed !)
I recently read an aging supermodel’s post wherein she lamented becoming “invisible” at her age as her sex appeal has diminished. The hashtag “sexy has no expiration date” capped her elegy for youth, for attention, for both lustful & envious stares.
Is “sexy” really the highest to which we can aspire in the pantheon of human qualities, the top metric for womanly value, such that we should hang on to it doggedly even as it recedes farther and farther away, like the retreating creep of a hairline?
I kinda hope sexy does have an expiration date. I don’t really like the word at all. Much of my life it’s been a burden, a term freighted with both dire importance and impossible demands.
By fourteen I’d developed matronly hips and could be seen slouching sullenly in photos in a vain attempt to shrink my 5’9″ frame, which carried 20 extra lbs. When I finally “bloomed” 4 or 5 years later, the newfound prowess of attractiveness was an intoxicating drug, laced with danger and power.
My exterior may have garnered male attention at last, but inside I was still the same girl who watched all her friends drift away with boys at the dance while she hunched over in the corner and tried to figure out something to do with her too-long arms and tried not to cry. Ah, memories
Heartbreak and ruin ensued as I tried to magnify the “sexy” part of me, the part that was adored, the part that moved units and lured gazes. I hushed all the other parts, tamped them down unkindly.
I’d been indoctrinated by the world. “Sexy” was my paramount value. Without it, I was less than nothing. With it, I was invincible. So I thought. So Satan says.
But what is sexy? Sexy is cheap, profligate, ubiquitous. It screams from magazine covers, it hisses from store displays. You can be anything you want, the world cries, but you better be sexy while you’re doing it.
Sexy floats, for a time. It can even seem to fill you, for a time. But as a young woman, when the stagnant pall of despair set in and the very non-sexy parts of me demanded their reckoning, I learned it is a cold, cold comfort.
Now that I think of it, sexy definitely does have an expiration date: meeting Jesus.
Jesus doesn’t care if you are sexy. Jesus doesn’t care if you’ve outworn all your usefulness on society’s terms. Jesus doesn’t care if your skin is taut or crepey. Sexy has absolutely no currency with him. And that’s what both drew me magnetically in and filled me with terror.
This capital that I’d learned the dirty art of leveraging – this was trash to him. It meant nothing. I was naked before him, truly naked, and there was nothing sexy about it.
I was known without reserve, every part, even the decidedly unsexy ones where my worst fears festered, foremost that I would be met with disgust. There was no more hiding, no more withholding. It is a fearful and wonderful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Because here, too, in the nakedness and trembling vulnerability of standing before blinding, dwarfing, stultifying holiness, here too was the miracle: I was loved without measure.
It still whispers and hisses and sometimes yells, the lie: you must be sexy, or else you won’t be anything at all. I hear it in the posh waiting room of a plastic surgeon where I go to get Botox shot into my jaw for the intermittently severe TMD I’ve lived with for years. Apparently my jaw takes upon itself all the stress and tension that might otherwise be evenly distributed in my body. After expensive dental work, many episodes of debilitating pain, a thousand chiropractic visits and fifteen gazillion doses of ibuprofen later, I am not inclined to look upon its noble sacrifice charitably.
He probes my masseter muscles with a finger, the doctor who is surprisingly down to earth and has not made any comments on how I might surgically enhance any other members of my body, as Steven had feared he would. He injects the botulinum toxin A with a tiny needle. I barely feel it.
In the next few days as I wait for my evil jaw muscles to slowly enter partial paralysis, I assess my face with a more critical eye. There is definitely a faint cleft developing between my eyebrows. My lips are less full than they once were. I got the Botox for legitimate medical reasons, yes. But maybe just a filler here, a relaxer there…
Steven says no. I play it coy, wait a few days, try a few more angles of asking. He looks me in the eye: NO. You’re beautiful the way you are.
I sigh. How easy it is to forget, to become ensnared by the temptation to play by the world’s rules. Must hang on. Must be sexy at all costs.
But we are bound up in and bound for a kingdom without end where sexy has expired forever and never had any currency to begin with. We are loved wholly and pervasively, from every angle, not only from that which that flatters our features most.
Sexy will expire. It already has. Jesus trampled it, along with every other false and soul-siphoning measure you’ve held yourself against as though it were sacred and not from the pit of hell.
Let it die. Let sexy expire. Real love, the kind you’ve always craved and always looked for in all the wrong places, is here at last. Jesus is here. . . . (Btw – I am not judging anyone for having cosmetic procedures. Heck, I wear makeup. I recently bought a moderately expensive face serum. It’s just always good to examine our whys, and remember eternity, and the reality of Jesus’ love).
Again, this beautiful article was not written by me, but by the lovely Ashley Lande. You can visit her inspirational blog by clicking here. Subscribe to her website to receive more of her work directly to your email!
~I wrote this reflection essay to fulfill a requirement for my New Testament Leadership class on the course, Pastoral Epistles. After sharing it with my husband, he encouraged me to make it visible to the public.
Paul succinctly described leadership best in 1 Corinthians 11:1 when he penned, “follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” His words imply that a leader must first be submitted to Jesus as Lord and learn to be a follower of Him before they can rightly lead anyone. To be a true follower of Jesus, one must be a disciple. The Greek word for disciple is where we derive the word “imitator” from. The English equivalent for this could be an “apprentice.” Only disciples were called by Jesus to, “feed and tend my sheep” (John 21:15-17). For me, leadership is the shepherding of others who desire and are committed to following you. Like the old childhood rhyme, “we’re following the leader, the leader, the leader, we’re following the leader wherever he may go.” A true leader must be able to live by example and equip others to follow their example. Jesus is the ultimate example of a Shepherd, coach, mentor, trainer and teacher. All of these titles embody a form of leadership because each describe a role in which one is leading and another is following.
A couple of years ago, I had a different, more muddied view of leadership. I believed leadership was synonymous with servanthood. It had nothing, or very little to do, with follower-ship. My view was very narrow and limited. I was of the mindset that a true leader served others in meekness, and washed feet all day. For me a leader was a soft, tender-hearted doormat. This view reflected the lopsided way I saw Jesus. I took hold of certain scriptures that described Jesus while ignoring the others. Unfortunately, I added a little hippie flair to the Lord and sought to serve likewise. In truth, I was comfortable with this view of Jesus because it was my inner reality, thus I conformed Jesus to my image instead of allowing truth to transform my soul. As a result, I ended up in a place of burnt out bitterness years later after having served on the altar prayer team, the youth team, the children’s ministry team, the clean team etc. I blamed the church leadership for “using me” and felt more like a slave than a daughter. In truth, no one had really used me. I believed a lie and lived it and that led me to an internal wilderness, which later left me so thirsty I accepted mystical theology (false water) which spiraled me down into deep bondage. Thankfully, in my time of desperation I humbled myself and began to seek Jesus in truth. As I saw who He really was, my concept of church leadership changed too.
Later, I left for Charis Bible college after hearing Andrew Wommack speak online. The truth of God began to heal my heart and shortly after, I married my husband, who had a passion for building up leaders in the body of Christ. He quickly was promoted as a chair leader at the AWMI phone center office where he managed teams of people. During that time, he helped co-lead two small groups before finally becoming a home pastor. My heart was softened through my husband’s example of a godly leader. I saw my flaws in blaming my childhood church for becoming burnt out and forgave both them and myself. I witnessed how the love of the Father and the ease of the Holy Spirit through Stephen changed people’s lives. I saw how he used the prophetic gift in words of wisdom and knowledge to call out the gifts in other people. I saw how he encouraged those he ministered to with the truth and exhortation. As people experienced God, they began to follow him. He led people without using force. He was very straightforward and honest with those who chose to follow his example. I often heard my husband say, “God doesn’t have a money shortage, He doesn’t have a healing shortage, He doesn’t have a power shortage, He doesn’t have any other shortage but leadership in the body of Christ. He needs us to build one another up.” When I would ask my husband, what was the goal of all his ministry work, he would point me to Ephesians 4:11-13 and 2 Timothy 2:2:
So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.(NIV)
…and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also. (ESV)
Many tears were shed during the first three years of my marriage as I watched my husband lead. My heart was rekindled with love for the Body of Christ with a fresh, tender love. I began to see the great importance and vital need of leaders in the Body of Christ. I began to have a passion to see the church as a whole shine and be equipped in grace, faith and truth. I began to look upon suffering believers as lost sheep, scattered with no shepherd. Near the end of three years, I was leading two young ladies. Later, I began to do what my husband was doing in leading future leaders. I began to disciple women as I wholeheartedly sought to follow Jesus. I don’t fully grasp the concept of leadership to this day (that’s why I enrolled in this school). As I continually seek Jesus, I pray I am able to be someone others can follow in such a way that they are aided in their journey to reaching the “fullness of the stature of Christ” in all truth.
Recently, I began to understand the deep and sweet intimacy in comfortably communing with Jesus at the table of his sacrificial love. I have a human tendency to run from pain (and sacrifice)….but this time, I savored Jesus in the darkness.
During the weeks preceding Good Friday, I felt like my heart went on an inner pilgrimage with Jesus. Worship seemed to pour from my soul like perfumed waters. I would sing to the Lord when I woke up and drift to sleep singing to Him.
I began to taste something like sweet, rich wine in my spirit from Him. I felt a newfound connection with the Lord and it was almost as if my heart pined for Him. I felt swept up in a Song of Songs romance. I felt a mutual love between us that kept building and building throughout the weeks (this could also have been because a ladies group and I were studying Song of Songs. For the first time…I felt like my love for Jesus was as heady as those succulent, passionate, and dare I say it, intoxicating words. It was like a blend of holy wine mixed with sacred spiced herbs).
One night, after a Passover celebration, I found myself so physically tired that I laid on the floor in the living room after the guests had left. I had planned on going to bed but my mom started playing worship music. Immediately my heart desire for Jesus roused the rest of my body. It was as if someone had blew on internal embers inside my chest. Warmed by an inner fire, I stayed awake until almost 1am in worship… adoring Jesus.
During that time, I wrote this in my journal (I hope you enjoy it):
“I’m learning to be okay with the darkness of the night and the pitch deep blue of dawn before sunrise. Like Mary, I want to wait in the cold stillness of early morning while all else seems to sleep. In the quiet morning, the young hours of a new day, Mary was the first to see the resurrected Lord.
These past few days have been emotionally worshipful for me. The suffering of “Good Friday” awakened my soul in a new way. I didn’t want to skip straight ahead to resurrection Sunday. I wanted to linger at the most intimate table: The Last Supper.
This is where Jesus symbolically and spiritually ate the Passover meal with his closest friends. This is where Jesus offered them the deepest love before the greatest pain. This is where he served them by washing their feet, tearing bread, pouring wine and singing a worshipful hymn with them.
As he broke the bread, he knew his own flesh would be broken for them soon. Although, whether they realized it or not, he had already wholly given himself to loving them. His life among them was a daily sacrifice to feed them and others. As he poured the wine, he knew his lifeblood would spill to cleanse them. What sustained life for his body, would spill out of him, thus draining him of all strength, in order to cleanse them of all sin and give them life. As he washed their feet, it was as if he was anointing them.
I can almost see his eyes. luminous by the flickering of candles against the black, azure night. The soul of him shining through like starlight…like a taste of heaven. He never withheld anything from them. He gave himself completely to them, fearless, eternal, shameless, selfless, passionate love.
This is how he gives himself to everyone of us.
For now, l lay upon his breast like John at the Last Supper and listen to his beating heart…knowing the pain that will pierce it. May my life forever be like the expensive anointing oil Mary poured upon his feet in preparation for his suffering. My soul poured out in worship. His life laid down. It’s strange…but this Friday I take just as much delight in the darkest hour as I imagine I will in the brightest hour (Sunday resurrection). Because in it all…He’s there. And He’s the essence of all my life and devotion and eternal desire.”
“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will do it.…Psalm 37:3-5 BSB
“The proof of desire is pursuit.” -Paul Milligan
What do you dream about?
I mean really dream about?
In your heart of hearts, what makes you come alive?
This evening I found my old business school bag from Bible college. Inside a folder I saw my business vision scribbled on a piece of paper. I remembered with fondness how my professors had ignited my dreams by encouraging me to prayerfully create a vision with practical steps.
I dug in my business bag more and discovered my old “desire” list. As I looked over it, I realized everything on it has either been complete or it is set in motion right now. I smiled as I thought about God’s faithfulness and my #1 exhorter, the Holy Spirit.
Recently I had a dear friend ask me, “how do you manage to do everything that you do?” I had a feeling she, like many other people, believe that successful stories are quick. I responded with, “I just did a little every day.”
Big stardom-like breakthroughs are rare. After all, “success is where preparation meets opportunity.” -Unknown. All of my successes have required meticulous excellence and an increase in responsibility.
She asked me what motivated me (she hasn’t been the only lovely friend to ask me that). I paused for a second even though the answer was clear in my heart. I was hesitant to answer her frankly.
“Pain.” I said honestly.
I could tell my response surprised her because she didn’t speak. After a few voiceless seconds, I explained myself.
“Unmet desire will always bring pain. If I dream something and then do nothing about it, I will live in pain forever. Most people die with regrets and dreams locked up inside of them. I fear that kind of pain most of all. If I do the hard painful things needed to see the vision I have come to pass…then my pain is only temporary. I know my visions will become reality as long as I don’t give up. I know God created everyone with gifts, talents and a purpose. And I just can’t live not giving my all. I have too much hope and too much passion.”
My friend was silent before giving an airy response. She told me later, that she wasn’t ready to hear that “pain motivated” me. Only after her own long wilted dreams began to revive with hope did she call me on the phone and say that she “came to understand” and share in the same motivation.
I think she, like me in the past, had been afraid to hope, because hope deferred makes the heart sick. No one wants the pain of a sick heart. No one wants to be disappointed again and again. However pain/hunger is a sign of healthy, growing life. Only sick and dying things lack hunger. Revived dreams that haven’t become reality…will always bring some measure of hungry pain.
The goal is not to focus on the pain, but the sweet satiation of the dream coming true. After all: a longing fulfilled is a tree of life and is sweet to the soul (Proverbs 13:12, 19)
I used to feel selfish for dreaming so much. Every time one dream would get answered, it wouldn’t take long before I’d, “dream a new dream.”I used to think, I should be content to just stay put and relish in one dream coming true, but then I realized, God is a Creator and I’m made in His image. Nothing that’s alive stays put. Life moves and grows and flourishes. For me, creating a vision and seeing it come to pass is an exciting partnership with Him. It’s being a co-laborer (1 Corinthians 3:9).
I’m slowly finding out that being a co-laborer with Jesus requires a lot of intimacy with Him, hope and character. We cannot build anything that lasts without Him and we cannot be truly fulfilled apart from Him.:
Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain.
It is vain for you to rise early, To retire late, To eat the bread of anxious labors— For He gives [blessings] to His beloved even in his sleep. -Psalm 127:1-2 AMP
I’m grateful for a God who dreams BIG. The evidence of His imagination and heart fill the earth and universe. He is wonderfully extravagant, beautiful, and majestic.
As long as the heart is alive, dreaming never dies. 💗
God has made so many of my dreams come true. I don’t think there’s one dream that I’ve yet to have answered, or that isn’t in progress right now (granted some dreams got answered differently than I expected).
Today, I have seen God’s grace work within me in a way that has opened favorable doors: I now run an in-home daycare, I recently acquired a literary agent for my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, and after completing an intense training program, I have become a certified Christian Life Coach.
I would love to help coach you through:
-Clarifying your dream/vision.
-Identifying and removing any mental or emotional blockages.
-Praying with you that the power of the Holy Spirit and the love of God propel you with mighty grace and wisdom toward an abundant life!
For more information on my life-coaching, click here to fill out a small questionnaire. My desire as a life coach is to help you pursue your God sized dream. He has so much goodness in store for you!
Here is an old journal entry I wrote back in 2018:
Dr. Seuess wrote: “You know you’re in love when you can’t sleep at night…because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
I’m learning what it means to trust God with the desires of my heart because of His great love for me. In my 3rd year at Bible college I received two words from different people saying, “God says ask what you will and He will give it to you.” I had been going through a season of battling hopelessness and was giving up on my dreams. But God is like the warm spring wind blowing the snow of winter off the seeds of my dreams & I want to give a praise report of His immense goodness. These are the dreams He has answered:
1) I asked for a baby and now Stephen and I have Eden (she’s one of the greatest and most immense treasures in my heart..the apple of my eye)
2) I asked to publish my second book (the ebook is finished and now the printable version is on its way and looking so beautiful!)
3) I asked to not have to work so that I could stay home with Eden (God and my husband are such faithful providers).
4) I asked to finish up my Early Childhood Education classes before Eden so that I could just focus on being a mom (and they were completed about 2 weeks before her birth)
5) I asked for Stephen and I to have our own place before Eden was born so that I could have quiet time with the Lord and Stephen/Eden and I could live as a family (we live in a lovely cottage, next to a flowing stream in a bed and breakfast retreat! God is crazy good!)
6) I asked to move back to California because i missed my family and friends and we are headed back in a few weeks!
7) I asked for my hair to grow longer and stronger (and now it’s the longest and strongest its been in years).
8) I asked to be able to live my dream and run my own Christian preschool and my parents have just agreed that I could use part of the house to do that!!!
9) I asked for my midwives to be able to deliver Eden, and even though I had a hospital birth the doctors let the midwives lead me through delivery without my even asking.
10) I asked to be able to travel more and within a few short months I had visited like 4 different places around the country and even outside of the country.
~God is such a good and loving Father. I pray you recount the blessings in your hands that He has given you. I pray He rekindles any fading hope in you. I pray you, ask and receive so that your joy may be full.” -Jesus.
There is no God more kind and generous than this.
“I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me. … … I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.” -King David in Psalms.
p.s: if you have a praise report I’d love for you to share it below. Let us celebrate the Lord together and speak of His goodness!
“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia.
“Unbelief is rooted in lovelessness—the lack of accepting the full measure of my love. Without love there cannot be faith, for faith works by love. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. You cannot receive what we yearn for you to have…what I paid a dear price for you to have.” Jesus sighed heavily.
His words bit at the philosophy in my mind, and thus damaged my pride with health-giving grace.
We were nearing the lake. As I looked ahead, I discerned glimmers of its moonlit waters behind the tall pine trees.
I began to be thirsty, and without verbalizing my desire, Jesus reached in the back and grabbed a cold bottle of water. “For you, love.”
I took it with a small “thank you.”
Inside, I mulled on his words and felt like the watery surface of my soul was being stirred by an unfamiliar wind. I knew his presence was causing the stirring and I wasn’t sure I was ready to uncover what was masked underneath the water.
“Don’t be hurt by my words. They are only meant to heal you and set you free.” He extended his arm and stroked my cheek with his right hand. “I love you just as the Father loves me. You mean more than the world to us. What I am saying to you now is the same thing I dealt with my disciples about. They too were often fearful. Think of when I walked on water and they imagined I was a ghost, or when they feared after my death and hid? Even after I told them I would rise again. What has tempted you is common to man. But I Am the door of escape.”
There was a great inflection of hope in his voice. “You will see great things. I will perform wonders in your life.”
My heart lit up with warm joy at his words. It was as if the Spirit of God inside me poured a cup of warm oiled water over the table of my heart’s imagination, scenting everything with hope. I was so awed by the deep intimacy of having the very Spirit of God indwell me and bear witness to the words of Christ.
However, without warning my reverie was soon interrupted by the accusatory thought that miracles could never be performed in my life or by my hands. My emotions began to sink.
Jesus’ face wrinkled as he sensed the enemy. “What’s this?” he asked, prying for me to confess a truth he already knew.
I stammered, “I…I…”
“This is the real enemy love. Not the devil. He is already defeated. But the entertainment of thoughts that are not of faith is the enemy. It’s the only enemy that has the possibility of stealing what is rightfully yours by grace. It’s the only enemy of physical and emotional healing, salvation, deliverance, and wholeness. Don’t you see? You already have everything in me. You are blessed with every blessing. How could Father spare not even me from you…yet deny you anything else? He has graciously given you all things for life abundant and godliness. You are not your own righteousness, you are not your own salvation, you are not your own qualification for our blessings. You will never be your own deliverance. Every good and perfect gift comes from above, from our Father. He is light. He doesn’t change his mind. These promises do not shift. They are a constant reminder of our unshifting grace and unmovable love for you. Faith for the promises is based on your understanding of Father’s goodness and my finished work.”
I started to sense that my soul was knit to his, and that I couldn’t hide in any way. I became aware of his presence within me like concentrated love attempting to ease every hurting place. I felt undivided acceptance and affection and peace that produced confidence.
-I hope you enjoyed this snippet from my newest book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul (about inner healing through intimacy with Jesus )! To purchase a copy, click here
~To learn more about my book, visit my Free Inspiration page
Scripture references from this preview :
Galatians 5:6, Hebrews 11:6 John 15:9 1 Corinthians 10:13 Ephesians 1:3 Romans 8:32 2 Peter 1:3 James 1:17
The first time I heard the sacred sound of Elena’s heartbeat, I recognized life was in me (a person is pronounced dead once their heart stops, so it seems logical to me that a person should be pronounced alive when their heart starts). I knew she wasn’t “my body”, because I don’t have 2 hearts. If I did, then I’m sure doctors would consider something to be medically “wrong” with me. I only have one . And it was her heartbeat that my OBGYN recorded…not mine. It was the sound of her heart that forever changed mine for the better.
I don’t pretend to know why every person who chooses to get an abortion does so. I can never understand unless they personally tell me. I genuinely want to know why people choose this. I’m not casting ignorant judgement/stones. Instead, I want to know how we as a society can help our most vulnerable members live (both the mothers and their babies).
What I do know for sure (and every scientist who sticks with the facts will tell you this also) is that unborn babies are human. They are living. The issue is not their humanity…but their worth in the eyes of men/women outside the womb. This is something called the “personhood theory.” And this theory is just that…theory…not fact.
The personhood theory creates an imagined “subclass” of humans whose right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” is dependent on “higher humans” (those with the ability to intellectually voice their thoughts…who are considered “superior” to the subclass).
This theory has spilled the lifeblood of billions of people over the course of recorded human history and civilizations as we know it. This theory has bounced between people groups as changing laws have permitted it to legally kill those who (at the time) are considered “subhuman”: Jews, African Americans, Native Americans,, Asians and yes…different “classes” of the Caucasian “race” (ex: the Irish). No “people group” has been untouched from this deadly ideology.
I pray for the day, when love for humanity (as a whole/one group) will purge the hearts of all men. I pray for the day when unconditional love (not based on race, physical ability, religion, political friction, etc) will sweep over this planet and stir the hearts of mankind to “love your neighbor as you do yourself.” -Jesus. I long for the day, when the majority of mankind will be compassionate toward their fellow men and will put righteousness and True justice above their own selfish motives/wants/offenses, etc. Because only when we learn to truly value every life the way God does, and put the needs of others first, will the world be free of all evil/sorrow.
It’s not up to a politician. It’s a decision we make everyday to get up and to walk in love Jesus gave us the answer when He said, “if you die to this life (selfishness, godlessness) you will truly live. Only when you lose your life, will you find it.”
Motherhood and marriage have caused me to “lose” my life more than anything (besides Jesus) in the world. And because of my family, my heart has been purged of darkness (selfishness). Their lives have swept over my soul like a constant river, cleaning my mind of impure sediments (hidden and bad agendas). They have required of me to “lay down my life, so that I may truly live ” And in this, I have tasted the radiant blisses of heaven and feasted on the sweetest joy . .
I have “seen” God more clearly because when we “love one another, God dwells in our midst” -1st John 4
Xoxo
~3 months after her birth, I laid Elena on the bed and played a recording of her heartbeat (I had taped her heartbeat on one of my visits to my OBGYN…when her life was still hidden inside me). I can’t tell you how sacred and priceless that moment was as I watched her react to the sound of her own heart.
Don’t always settle for barely getting by when you have a God of more than enough.
Jehovah Jirah is one of the ways God named Himself in the bible. The full meaning of that is “I WAS, I AM, and I ALWAYS WILL BE your provision.”
What this means to me is that when I have Him I’m not lacking anything. In fact, the greatest lack I’ve ever experienced is when I was without God. I was lacking Him.
He says that if you diligently seek Him, you will be rewarded. Rewarded with what? God promised Abraham that He would be his shield and his exceeding great reward. Seek Him, get Him. Simple.
And when you seek first Him and His kingdom “all these other things will be added unto you.” Jehovah Jirah. God your provision, not simply God your provider.What are you lacking? Joy, peace, hope, patience, or money?
You probably thought I was talking about only money the whole time…In Jesus all these needs are met. Exceedingly. He is the provision.
And I heard a loud voice in heaven saying: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of His Christ. For the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down—he who accuses them day and night before our God. They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. And they did not love their lives so as to shy away from death. -Revelation 12:10-11
For God’s glory I share this testimony of how Jesus saved my life over 6 years ago. I’ve been revisiting God’s amazing grace and the power of the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It has brought me to my knees in awe of His love.
Before I attended Charis Bible college, I was stuck in religious bondage for about 5 years, to where I went to church but I had little to no peace in my heart. I prayed but felt I was strangely distant from the Lord. In those late teen years and my early twenties I devoured several Christian books in an attempt to “restore” my relationship with Father. I happened to run across one that wasn’t Christian but claimed to be. It was, in fact, ancient Jewish mysticism (aka: ancient witchcraft that clandestinely twisted scripture). I read about 4 pages before I threw the book away because although I was intrigued, something didn’t feel quite right (thank God for the Holy Spirit). Unfortunately, even though I discarded the book, I believed some of the lies that were written in it.
Because I believed lies, it gave room for the deep bondage that would come (God’s kingdom and the kingdom of darkness both work through the faith/beliefs of men). One night I went to bed and was literally pinned down by things I couldn’t see. And then it felt like somebody grabbed a garbage can filled with rats and bugs and poured it into my belly (yes I could literally feel things crawling inside of me). That was probably the worse night of my life!
I went to a church that didn’t believe Christians could have demons or needed deliverance so as a 22 year old girl I felt alone, lost and abandoned. And of course the devil told me I was going to Hell and there was no forgiveness for what I had done….even though I had been totally deceived.
The Bible does say after all that the devil masks around like an “angel of light” and a “minister of righteousness” (2 Corinthians 11:14). Basically he’s a religious nut…that’s why we have so many different religions in the world and even much of the church is divided (so sad).
The devil knows mankind was made for God. As a result, we have a God-sized hole in our hearts (most people are thirsty and looking for God even if they deny Him). As a result, the devil, with the cooperation of willing men throughout the centuries, have concocted thousands of religions that subtly exclude its adherents from a truly deep, satisfying and pure relationship with God. Jesus did call a handful of the religious leaders in his day, “twice the sons of hell” (Matthew 23:15). I liken religion and God to the ocean verses a cleansing stream. To a dying, thirsty man, ocean water would only serve to further dehydrate and kill him. But pure stream water would quench his thirst and give life to his body. The only problem is, to the untrained eye, up close, religion and God virtually look the same. It’s all about clever imitation with the devil.
Because of my works mentality I believed God was angry at me and that he wanted to punish me for my sins and ignorance (that mentality has its roots in a Luciferian lie I later discovered). So I fasted for over a month and cried for weeks and weeks and weeks in what seemed like endless sorrow (not to mention I was being physically and emotionally tormented 24/7).
But God sent faithful, Holy-Spirit filled men and women into my life who all told me the same thing, “The Holy Spirit says you are the apple of His eye and God wants you to rest in His love.”
I thought they were ridiculous.
Rest in His love?
How would doing that deliver me?
Surely I had to do something to earn my deliverance?!
I guess I had forgotten about scriptures like Ephesians 2:8-9: “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”
God needed me to have faith in his grace to set me free because everything in the kingdom of God works through faith. Grace has already paid for everything. Faith simply accepts the great provisions of grace as a freegift. No one with pride can accept grace because it requires trust and naturally obliterates all self-boasting. But I was so saturated in incorrect beliefs (religious dogma, and man’s traditions which Jesus called “the leaven of the Pharisees”) that it was making the word of God ineffectual in my heart (Mark 7:13). I still thought I had to work to receive help from God.
One night Jesus gave me a vision. I saw this little girl in a dark environment. Suddenly what looked like big deformed monsters began to surround her. She was no match for them but weakly lifted her fists up to try and defend herself anyway. In the vision, I could tell her heart was bleeding out in sorrow and anguish. Before any of the monsters could take a step toward her a flash of what appeared like lightning came from the sky and Jesus stood before her. He lifted His hand and fire came out and struck the “monsters.” Defeated and frightened they all ran away and He was alone with this little girl. I instinctively knew she was me. He picked her up and too exhausted to do anything else, she laid her head on His shoulder. Jesus put his hand on her back and fire went into her. It was the same fire He used on the demons. The fire was not meant to harm her but to burn out what was inside of her that He didn’t put there (traces of the demons lies). (You see what acts like salvation, healing and beauty to some people, acts like destruction and death to others. Jesus doesn’t change, people simply react to Him differently. His light (or fire in this vision) is the Truth. And when some people encounter the Truth they are healed by it…others are offended and treat it as hatred. In John 8:44 the devil is called the “father of lies.” He and the demons who follow him, cannot bear or stand the truth. This is evident when Jesus uses the word of God to rebuke satan when He was in the wilderness. It is also evident when Jesus walked the earth and his light either attracted or repelled people- John 1:1-9).
This and a few other visions/confirmations was how I knew God indeed wanted me to “rest in His love.” So I did. I revisited Paul’s letters on being under grace verses being under the law. I filled my soul with endearing scriptures that pointed out God’s unconditional love for me. I fell in love with the book of Isaiah, John, Hebrews, Galatians, etc. Many miracles happened during that time (including an angelic encounter and the Holy Spirit leading me to a famous minister who had heard from God about me, he actually ended up paying for me to stay in a fancy hotel after only meeting me for a few seconds)…I hope to write a small book about all the miracles that happened one day.
For about two months I had to learn how to stare at the cross. I didn’t just look at or glance in its direction…I literally stared at it for hours upon hours through watching movies like: The Passion of the Christ, The Gospel of John/Matthew, etc. I learned that in looking at Jesus on the cross, I would understand the greatest divine exchange that took place between God and mankind by His grace (John 3:14, Numbers 21:9). I studied the power of love, grace and the finished work of Jesus Christ.
What did His resurrection from the dead mean?
Who was I in Christ?
I learned of my righteousness: I was righteous by faith not by works. I learned that I was seated with Christ in heavenly places…far above principalities and powers. I learned (ha ha!) that the devil is a DEFEATED foe who cannot stand before the risen Lord (who lives in me and every born again believer).
I learned I was dearly, and eternally loved and that all my sins: past, present and future had already been cleansed by Jesus blood–I only needed to receive it. He was cursed so I could be blessed. By His wounds I am healed. The joy and peace of the Gospel began to return to my soul and strengthen me (now keep in my mind, my body was telling me different things. Even my soul was telling me different things). I had to learn that I was equipped with Holy Spirit ability to cast down imaginations, doctrines, theologies and every high thing that exalted itself against the true knowledge of God.
Jesus either finished paying for everything needed for: salvation, healing, deliverance, etc or He did nothing at all on that cross.
There is no middle ground!
I learned I am a daughter of God. I also discovered why I lacked peace for those 5 years. You are either under grace or you’re under law…there is no middle ground.
I was under the curse of the law, but once I accepted the fact that I could never earn things from God, I could never work for salvation or his love or healing or deliverance then the power of grace (the Holy Spirit) manifested the finished work of Jesus in my body and in my soul.
I discovered what God meant by every knee will bow and every tongue confess Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:10-11). I learned sickness and disease were a part of the curse that Jesus already paid healing for (Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 103:3). My eyes were divinely healed (before I wore thick bifocal glasses and I was cross eyed). I was supernaturally delivered by the power of the Holy Spirit who was always there inside of me. He is infinitely more powerful than any disease or any devil. I literally got off my mental sick bed and walked away from bondage.
Since then I admit I have a hatred for religion because I see how dangerous it is. I see how incredibly life-threatening it is to believe any lie about Jesus.
If you’re Christianity feels joyless, peace-less or full of burdens, then I have to wonder: are you trying to earn anything that God has freely given you by grace (because Jesus earned it for you)?
Jesus finished the work. Jesus gets all the glory. And we will all cast our crowns before his feet because every miracle, sign and wonder is done in his name to the glory of God the Father by the power of the Holy Spirit (Revelation 4:10).
I could not have survived what I went through without a revelation of his love that made space for inner transformation. When I behold the cross it speaks to me of God’s love for me…not my love for Him (though I do love Him). But I learned it’s not so much about that but about how much He loves me. Jesus finished it all because God so loved the world He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
~1 of my latest testimonies was when I was witnessing to an ex-warlock (male witch) and in my witnessing about God’s kingdom being here on earth and the baptism of the Holy Spirit my body became warm from the inside out. The man I was witnessing to stopped me with wide eyes and asked, “do you see them?” “See what?” I asked. He responded with, “I see God’s angels around you. I see these big white wings all around you. Something really strong is protecting you!” I know he perceived those wings to be “angles” but I’m certain that he saw a manifestation of the Holy Spirit who told me shortly after my deliverance, “I will always protect you.”
If you’re a believer you are completely loved and totally accepted by God and all your sins have been washed away. As Jesus is so are you in this world (1 John 4: 17). And if you’re not a believer you are dearly loved and all your sins have been paid for…you are forgiven. You only need to accept Jesus as your Savior and Lord. It’s the almost too good to be true news of the Gospel.
Everything is paid for in full and everything that could have been a cause for fear in your life has already been defeated.
Now this is what the LORD says—He who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine! -Isaiah 43:!
~For more personal and intimate encounters about my journey from law to grace, from religion to relationship and from seeing God as a taskmaster to beholding Him as a loving Father, check out my book Visions of Celestial Love!
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again. I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige,
~For a video on the true Gospel of Peace, click here. I own no rights to this video and its contents. Andrew Wommack’s teachings on God’s love and the Gospel helped me receive the truth during my darkest hours. Later, I attended his Bible college where I met my husband. I can’t thank Andrew enough for his faithfulness to God and the body of Christ!
). They have required of me to “lay down my life, so that I may truly live ” And in this, I have tasted the radiant blisses of heaven and feasted on the sweetest joy 
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