Category: Bible Teaching

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Evolving Reflections on Biblical Leadership

~I wrote this reflection essay to fulfill a requirement for my New Testament Leadership class on the course, Pastoral Epistles. After sharing it with my husband, he encouraged me to make it visible to the public.

Paul succinctly described leadership best in 1 Corinthians 11:1 when he penned, “follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” His words imply that a leader must first be submitted to Jesus as Lord and learn to be a follower of Him before they can rightly lead anyone. To be a true follower of Jesus, one must be a disciple. The Greek word for disciple is where we derive the word “imitator” from. The English equivalent for this could be an “apprentice.” Only disciples were called by Jesus to, “feed and tend my sheep” (John 21:15-17). For me, leadership is the shepherding of others who desire and are committed to following you. Like the old childhood rhyme, “we’re following the leader, the leader, the leader, we’re following the leader wherever he may go.” A true leader must be able to live by example and equip others to follow their example. Jesus is the ultimate example of a Shepherd, coach, mentor, trainer and teacher. All of these titles embody a form of leadership because each describe a role in which one is leading and another is following.

            A couple of years ago, I had a different, more muddied view of leadership. I believed leadership was synonymous with servanthood. It had nothing, or very little to do, with follower-ship.  My view was very narrow and limited. I was of the mindset that a true leader served others in meekness, and washed feet all day. For me a leader was a soft, tender-hearted doormat. This view reflected the lopsided way I saw Jesus. I took hold of certain scriptures that described Jesus while ignoring the others. Unfortunately, I added a little hippie flair to the Lord and sought to serve likewise. In truth, I was comfortable with this view of Jesus because it was my inner reality, thus I conformed Jesus to my image instead of allowing truth to transform my soul. As a result, I ended up in a place of burnt out bitterness years later after having served on the altar prayer team, the youth team, the children’s ministry team, the clean team etc. I blamed the church leadership for “using me” and felt more like a slave than a daughter. In truth, no one had really used me. I believed a lie and lived it and that led me to an internal wilderness, which later left me so thirsty I accepted mystical theology (false water) which spiraled me down into deep bondage. Thankfully, in my time of desperation I humbled myself and began to seek Jesus in truth. As I saw who He really was, my concept of church leadership changed too.

Later, I left for Charis Bible college after hearing Andrew Wommack speak online. The truth of God began to heal my heart and shortly after, I married my husband, who had a passion for building up leaders in the body of Christ. He quickly was promoted as a chair leader at the AWMI phone center office where he managed teams of people. During that time, he helped co-lead two small groups before finally becoming a home pastor. My heart was softened through my husband’s example of a godly leader. I saw my flaws in blaming my childhood church for becoming burnt out and forgave both them and myself. I witnessed how the love of the Father and the ease of the Holy Spirit through Stephen changed people’s lives. I saw how he used the prophetic gift in words of wisdom and knowledge to call out the gifts in other people. I saw how he encouraged those he ministered to with the truth and exhortation. As people experienced God, they began to follow him. He led people without using force. He was very straightforward and honest with those who chose to follow his example. I often heard my husband say, “God doesn’t have a money shortage, He doesn’t have a healing shortage, He doesn’t have a power shortage, He doesn’t have any other shortage but leadership in the body of Christ. He needs us to build one another up.” When I would ask my husband, what was the goal of all his ministry work, he would point me to Ephesians 4:11-13 and 2 Timothy 2:2:

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.(NIV)

…and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also. (ESV)

Many tears were shed during the first three years of my marriage as I watched my husband lead. My heart was rekindled with love for the Body of Christ with a fresh, tender love. I began to see the great importance and vital need of leaders in the Body of Christ. I began to have a passion to see the church as a whole shine and be equipped in grace, faith and truth.  I began to look upon suffering believers as lost sheep, scattered with no shepherd. Near the end of three years, I was leading two young ladies. Later, I began to do what my husband was doing in leading future leaders. I began to disciple women as I wholeheartedly sought to follow Jesus. I don’t fully grasp the concept of leadership to this day (that’s why I enrolled in this school). As I continually seek Jesus, I pray I am able to be someone others can follow in such a way that they are aided in their journey to reaching the “fullness of the stature of Christ” in all truth.

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The Last Supper: A Table of Love

A loving reflection of The Last Supper:

Recently, I began to understand the deep and sweet intimacy in comfortably communing with Jesus at the table of his sacrificial love. I have a human tendency to run from pain (and sacrifice)….but this time, I savored Jesus in the darkness.

During the weeks preceding Good Friday, I felt like my heart went on an inner pilgrimage with Jesus. Worship seemed to pour from my soul like perfumed waters. I would sing to the Lord when I woke up and drift to sleep singing to Him.

I began to taste something like sweet, rich wine in my spirit from Him. I felt a newfound connection with the Lord and it was almost as if my heart pined for Him. I felt swept up in a Song of Songs romance. I felt a mutual love between us that kept building and building throughout the weeks (this could also have been because a ladies group and I were studying Song of Songs. For the first time…I felt like my love for Jesus was as heady as those succulent, passionate, and dare I say it, intoxicating words. It was like a blend of holy wine mixed with sacred spiced herbs). 

One night, after a Passover celebration, I found myself so physically tired that I laid on the floor in the living room after the guests had left. I had planned on going to bed but my mom started playing worship music. Immediately my heart desire for Jesus roused the rest of my body. It was as if someone had blew on internal embers inside my chest. Warmed by an inner fire, I stayed awake until almost 1am in worship… adoring Jesus. 

During that time, I wrote this in my journal (I hope you enjoy it):

“I’m learning to be okay with the darkness of the night and the pitch deep blue of dawn before sunrise. Like Mary, I want to wait in the cold stillness of early morning while all else seems to sleep. In the quiet morning, the young hours of a new day, Mary was the first to see the resurrected Lord.

These past few days have been emotionally worshipful for me. The suffering of “Good Friday” awakened my soul in a new way. I didn’t want to skip straight ahead to resurrection Sunday. I wanted to linger at the most intimate table: The Last Supper.

This is where Jesus symbolically and spiritually ate the Passover meal with his closest friends. This is where Jesus offered them the deepest love before the greatest pain. This is where he served them by washing their feet, tearing bread, pouring wine and singing a worshipful hymn with them.

As he broke the bread, he knew his own flesh would be broken for them soon. Although, whether they realized it or not, he had already wholly given himself to loving them. His life among them was a daily sacrifice to feed them and others. As he poured the wine, he knew his lifeblood would spill to cleanse them. What sustained life for his body, would spill out of him, thus draining him of all strength, in order to cleanse them of all sin and give them life. As he washed their feet, it was as if he was anointing them.

I can almost see his eyes. luminous by the flickering of candles against the black, azure night. The soul of him shining through like starlight…like a taste of heaven. He never withheld anything from them. He gave himself completely to them, fearless, eternal, shameless, selfless, passionate love.

This is how he gives himself to everyone of us.

For now, l lay upon his breast like John at the Last Supper and listen to his beating heart…knowing the pain that will pierce it. May my life forever be like the expensive anointing oil Mary poured upon his feet in preparation for his suffering. My soul poured out in worship. His life laid down. It’s strange…but this Friday I take just as much delight in the darkest hour as I imagine I will in the brightest hour (Sunday resurrection). Because in it all…He’s there. And He’s the essence of all my life and devotion and eternal desire.”

~For similar devotionals like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love.

“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel

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How Long Should You Fast?

~Written by Stephen McClelland:

Why did Jesus fast?

Matthew 4:1-3 KJVS

Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. [2] And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred. [3] And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.

Why did Jesus fast 40 days and nights?

To show Himself to be greater than Moses and to usher in the new covenant of His blood.

Moses fasted 40 days and nights in service to God when he was given the ten commandments as a covenant to Israel.

Exodus 34:27-29,33 KJVS

And the Lord said unto Moses, Write thou these words: for after the tenor of these words I have made a covenant with thee and with Israel. [28] And he was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments. [29] And it came to pass, when Moses came down from mount Sinai with the two tables of testimony in Moses’ hand, when he came down from the mount, that Moses wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him. [33] And till Moses had done speaking with them, he put a vail on his face.

Moses fasted, gave the covenant on stone, and put on the veil. Jesus fasted, gave the covenant through His blood, and the veil was torn.

Why was the first temptation about food?

As Moses fasted he was in the presence of God. Jesus on the other hand fasted and was in the presence of Satan. He was not supernaturally sustained like Moses, and it was to show Himself greater than Moses and to fulfill all righteousness so that He could be the sacrifice for our sins. He had to prove Himself by serving the Father through fasting, even unto death. In the weakest physical state He still overcame all temptation.

The first temptation was to use the power of God to serve His own needs, contrary to fasting and serving the Father before serving Himself. Moses fasted until the work was done. Jesus fasted until the temptation (the work) was done.

In the same way my last post showed fasting is not about you, your flesh, or your needs, I want to change how you think about the question of “how long do I fast?”

If you look at it as serving, then you don’t have to use arbitrary amounts of time. Fast and praise God until you feel a change in the Spirit. This is sometimes called “praying through ” or receiving your breakthrough.

If you’re fasting and serving others, you’re done when the need is met. It doesn’t have to be for a set amount of days or even a full day. It doesn’t have to be every time you serve: In the case of Moses and Jesus, they didn’t fast during every period of service otherwise they wouldn’t have eaten for the rest of their lives.

View it through the lens of relationship and remember that it’s symbolic. Fast until the work is done.

Stephen McClelland is a licensed minister and a church consultant . A graduate of Charis Bible College. He hosted a radio show in California called Encounter, where he retold amazing personal stories of people experiencing Jesus. He has served God as a preacher and pastor, with a strong emphasis on relationship with God and hearing His voice.

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His Promise Provision

~Written by Stephen McClelland

Don’t always settle for barely getting by when you have a God of more than enough.

Jehovah Jirah is one of the ways God named Himself in the bible. The full meaning of that is “I WAS, I AM, and I ALWAYS WILL BE your provision.”

What this means to me is that when I have Him I’m not lacking anything. In fact, the greatest lack I’ve ever experienced is when I was without God. I was lacking Him.

He says that if you diligently seek Him, you will be rewarded. Rewarded with what? God promised Abraham that He would be his shield and his exceeding great reward. Seek Him, get Him. Simple.

And when you seek first Him and His kingdom “all these other things will be added unto you.” Jehovah Jirah. God your provision, not simply God your provider.What are you lacking? Joy, peace, hope, patience, or money?

You probably thought I was talking about only money the whole time…In Jesus all these needs are met. Exceedingly. He is the provision.

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My Healing and Deliverance Testimony

And I heard a loud voice in heaven saying: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of His Christ. For the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down—he who accuses them day and night before our God. They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. And they did not love their lives so as to shy away from death. -Revelation 12:10-11

For God’s glory I share this testimony of how Jesus saved my life over 6 years ago. I’ve been revisiting God’s amazing grace and the power of the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It has brought me to my knees in awe of His love.

Before I attended Charis Bible college, I was stuck in religious bondage for about 5 years, to where I went to church but I had little to no peace in my heart. I prayed but felt I was strangely distant from the Lord. In those late teen years and my early twenties I devoured several Christian books in an attempt to “restore” my relationship with Father. I happened to run across one that wasn’t Christian but claimed to be. It was, in fact, ancient Jewish mysticism (aka: ancient witchcraft that clandestinely twisted scripture). I read about 4 pages before I threw the book away because although I was intrigued, something didn’t feel quite right (thank God for the Holy Spirit). Unfortunately, even though I discarded the book, I believed some of the lies that were written in it.

Because I believed lies, it gave room for the deep bondage that would come (God’s kingdom and the kingdom of darkness both work through the faith/beliefs of men). One night I went to bed and was literally pinned down by things I couldn’t see. And then it felt like somebody grabbed a garbage can filled with rats and bugs and poured it into my belly (yes I could literally feel things crawling inside of me). That was probably the worse night of my life!

I went to a church that didn’t believe Christians could have demons or needed deliverance so as a 22 year old girl I felt alone, lost and abandoned. And of course the devil told me I was going to Hell and there was no forgiveness for what I had done….even though I had been totally deceived.

The Bible does say after all that the devil masks around like an “angel of light” and a “minister of righteousness” (2 Corinthians 11:14). Basically he’s a religious nut…that’s why we have so many different religions in the world and even much of the church is divided (so sad).

The devil knows mankind was made for God. As a result, we have a God-sized hole in our hearts (most people are thirsty and looking for God even if they deny Him). As a result, the devil, with the cooperation of willing men throughout the centuries, have concocted thousands of religions that subtly exclude its adherents from a truly deep, satisfying and pure relationship with God. Jesus did call a handful of the religious leaders in his day, “twice the sons of hell” (Matthew 23:15). I liken religion and God to the ocean verses a cleansing stream. To a dying, thirsty man, ocean water would only serve to further dehydrate and kill him. But pure stream water would quench his thirst and give life to his body. The only problem is, to the untrained eye, up close, religion and God virtually look the same. It’s all about clever imitation with the devil.

Because of my works mentality I believed God was angry at me and that he wanted to punish me for my sins and ignorance (that mentality has its roots in a Luciferian lie I later discovered). So I fasted for over a month and cried for weeks and weeks and weeks in what seemed like endless sorrow (not to mention I was being physically and emotionally tormented 24/7).

But God sent faithful, Holy-Spirit filled men and women into my life who all told me the same thing, “The Holy Spirit says you are the apple of His eye and God wants you to rest in His love.”

I thought they were ridiculous.

Rest in His love?

How would doing that deliver me?

Surely I had to do something to earn my deliverance?!

I guess I had forgotten about scriptures like Ephesians 2:8-9: “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”

God needed me to have faith in his grace to set me free because everything in the kingdom of God works through faith. Grace has already paid for everything. Faith simply accepts the great provisions of grace as a free gift. No one with pride can accept grace because it requires trust and naturally obliterates all self-boasting. But I was so saturated in incorrect beliefs (religious dogma, and man’s traditions which Jesus called “the leaven of the Pharisees”) that it was making the word of God ineffectual in my heart (Mark 7:13). I still thought I had to work to receive help from God.

One night Jesus gave me a vision. I saw this little girl in a dark environment. Suddenly what looked like big deformed monsters began to surround her. She was no match for them but weakly lifted her fists up to try and defend herself anyway. In the vision, I could tell her heart was bleeding out in sorrow and anguish. Before any of the monsters could take a step toward her a flash of what appeared like lightning came from the sky and Jesus stood before her. He lifted His hand and fire came out and struck the “monsters.” Defeated and frightened they all ran away and He was alone with this little girl. I instinctively knew she was me. He picked her up and too exhausted to do anything else, she laid her head on His shoulder. Jesus put his hand on her back and fire went into her. It was the same fire He used on the demons. The fire was not meant to harm her but to burn out what was inside of her that He didn’t put there (traces of the demons lies). (You see what acts like salvation, healing and beauty to some people, acts like destruction and death to others. Jesus doesn’t change, people simply react to Him differently. His light (or fire in this vision) is the Truth. And when some people encounter the Truth they are healed by it…others are offended and treat it as hatred. In John 8:44 the devil is called the “father of lies.” He and the demons who follow him, cannot bear or stand the truth. This is evident when Jesus uses the word of God to rebuke satan when He was in the wilderness. It is also evident when Jesus walked the earth and his light either attracted or repelled people- John 1:1-9).

This and a few other visions/confirmations was how I knew God indeed wanted me to “rest in His love.” So I did. I revisited Paul’s letters on being under grace verses being under the law. I filled my soul with endearing scriptures that pointed out God’s unconditional love for me. I fell in love with the book of Isaiah, John, Hebrews, Galatians, etc. Many miracles happened during that time (including an angelic encounter and the Holy Spirit leading me to a famous minister who had heard from God about me, he actually ended up paying for me to stay in a fancy hotel after only meeting me for a few seconds)…I hope to write a small book about all the miracles that happened one day.

For about two months I had to learn how to stare at the cross. I didn’t just look at or glance in its direction…I literally stared at it for hours upon hours through watching movies like: The Passion of the Christ, The Gospel of John/Matthew, etc. I learned that in looking at Jesus on the cross, I would understand the greatest divine exchange that took place between God and mankind by His grace (John 3:14, Numbers 21:9). I studied the power of love, grace and the finished work of Jesus Christ.

What did His resurrection from the dead mean?

Who was I in Christ?

I learned of my righteousness: I was righteous by faith not by works. I learned that I was seated with Christ in heavenly places…far above principalities and powers. I learned (ha ha!) that the devil is a DEFEATED foe who cannot stand before the risen Lord (who lives in me and every born again believer).

I learned I was dearly, and eternally loved and that all my sins: past, present and future had already been cleansed by Jesus blood–I only needed to receive it. He was cursed so I could be blessed. By His wounds I am healed. The joy and peace of the Gospel began to return to my soul and strengthen me (now keep in my mind, my body was telling me different things. Even my soul was telling me different things). I had to learn that I was equipped with Holy Spirit ability to cast down imaginations, doctrines, theologies and every high thing that exalted itself against the true knowledge of God.

Jesus either finished paying for everything needed for: salvation, healing, deliverance, etc or He did nothing at all on that cross.

There is no middle ground!

I learned I am a daughter of God. I also discovered why I lacked peace for those 5 years. You are either under grace or you’re under law…there is no middle ground.

I was under the curse of the law, but once I accepted the fact that I could never earn things from God, I could never work for salvation or his love or healing or deliverance then the power of grace (the Holy Spirit) manifested the finished work of Jesus in my body and in my soul.

I discovered what God meant by every knee will bow and every tongue confess Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:10-11). I learned sickness and disease were a part of the curse that Jesus already paid healing for (Isaiah 53:5, Psalm 103:3). My eyes were divinely healed (before I wore thick bifocal glasses and I was cross eyed). I was supernaturally delivered by the power of the Holy Spirit who was always there inside of me. He is infinitely more powerful than any disease or any devil. I literally got off my mental sick bed and walked away from bondage.

Since then I admit I have a hatred for religion because I see how dangerous it is. I see how incredibly life-threatening it is to believe any lie about Jesus.

If you’re Christianity feels joyless, peace-less or full of burdens, then I have to wonder: are you trying to earn anything that God has freely given you by grace (because Jesus earned it for you)?

Jesus finished the work. Jesus gets all the glory. And we will all cast our crowns before his feet because every miracle, sign and wonder is done in his name to the glory of God the Father by the power of the Holy Spirit (Revelation 4:10).

I could not have survived what I went through without a revelation of his love that made space for inner transformation. When I behold the cross it speaks to me of God’s love for me…not my love for Him (though I do love Him). But I learned it’s not so much about that but about how much He loves me. Jesus finished it all because God so loved the world He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

~1 of my latest testimonies was when I was witnessing to an ex-warlock (male witch) and in my witnessing about God’s kingdom being here on earth and the baptism of the Holy Spirit my body became warm from the inside out. The man I was witnessing to stopped me with wide eyes and asked, “do you see them?” “See what?” I asked. He responded with, “I see God’s angels around you. I see these big white wings all around you. Something really strong is protecting you!” I know he perceived those wings to be “angles” but I’m certain that he saw a manifestation of the Holy Spirit who told me shortly after my deliverance, “I will always protect you.”

If you’re a believer you are completely loved and totally accepted by God and all your sins have been washed away. As Jesus is so are you in this world (1 John 4: 17). And if you’re not a believer you are dearly loved and all your sins have been paid for…you are forgiven. You only need to accept Jesus as your Savior and Lord. It’s the almost too good to be true news of the Gospel. ❤❤❤

Everything is paid for in full and everything that could have been a cause for fear in your life has already been defeated.

Now this is what the LORD says—He who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine! -Isaiah 43:!

~For more personal and intimate encounters about my journey from law to grace, from religion to relationship and from seeing God as a taskmaster to beholding Him as a loving Father, check out my book Visions of Celestial Love!

“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again. I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige,

~For a video on the true Gospel of Peace, click here. I own no rights to this video and its contents. Andrew Wommack’s teachings on God’s love and the Gospel helped me receive the truth during my darkest hours. Later, I attended his Bible college where I met my husband. I can’t thank Andrew enough for his faithfulness to God and the body of Christ!

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Drifting Leaves, Drifting Thoughts

Right now, I just want a pumpkin spice latte (with real pumpkin puree), an electric blanket and my authoring buddy…my laptop. I’m thankful I have at least one of those.

It’s an early crisp morning in October. My favorite season has come. Autumn. As the weather cools my soul becomes warm in the glow of this solstice. It’s as if my heart catches on to the last rays of sunshine like a candle being lit by a match. I long to unearth the scents that make up my being as a candle does when it is flamed. The perfume of Christ in me mingles with my own recreated heart like clove and cinnamon in a coffee shop. I am perfumed with joy and peace.

Like the deciduous leaves that radiate ruby red, tangy orange and honey yellow, I realize that even in death, there is life. Fall has amazed me with its paradoxical differences: death, life, richness, reserve, copiousness, and hibernation.

For farmers, this is the season of reaping everything they’ve sown. It’s a season of abundance, like the day before the Sabbath for them…they gather double what they need (Leviticus 25). I always imagine the husbandry wiping their perspiring foreheads with broad smiles on their bronzed faces. All the labor and work they put in has paid off. Now is their time of holy jubilee. Profuseness that produces rest. I look at Fall this way too.

Except for the trees, Fall is the time to release the leaves that absorbed sunshine for them. Fall is the season to shed their beautiful garments in one last glimmering bang. As their cloaks transform into sunny hued tones, they drift away from their once secure branches. Fall is the season for storing, preserving and releasing all unnecessary weights. It’s a transitional time.

I love the way the leaves rustle and then float away in the frigid breeze. Wafts of something celestial awakens my heart even as I crunch my boots on the quilted patterned earth.

This Fall brings me the soft reminder that because of Jesus’s death, I have new life. Because He emptied Himself of His divinity and became a man (Philippians 2:7), I have been graced with the Holy Spirit (Heaven’s presence in me). The trees begin to look like gnarled crosses to my hazel eyes. The leaves on the ground become a showmanship of all the false and flashy garments of works-righteousness that I used to wear. I learn to let go of self-effort and embrace the rugged cross. My heart sees the cross as the beginning place of birth. One life was exchanged for another. And I’ve heard from Messianic Jews that Jesus was known to be crucified in Autumn…not in winter (how factual this is, I’m not sure).

May this Fall bring you the sweet potency of Christ’s eternal love and sacrifice for you. May this Fall bring an abundance of life in your heart (John 10:10) even as you die to the lies of religion that shielded your nakedness and shame. God’s love will cloak you in new light and new birth. There is nothing like releasing our burdens to Him, only to have Him give us weightless life and freedom. May your soul be wrapped in the garments of heaven’s pure joy and the sugary water of hope. Like trees trust in their leaves to photosynthesis…. I pray you trust in the true sunshine of Christ to produce the food of peace in your mind and heart.

~If you were blessed by this blog, you will probably enjoy my book Visions of Celestial Love. You can find more about it on my Books page, or on amazon. God bless you!

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Mercy’s Intimate Touch

And if you had only known what this statement means, ‘I desire compassion [for those in distress], and not [animal] sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent.
-Jesus in Matthew 12:7 AMP

When your child is sick, it’s easy to feel like your faith is crumbling around you. I faced one of the biggest scares of my life one early dark morning when my daughter seized up in her crib. She had been physically struggling after receiving a vaccination and she’d become extremely feverish. My heart melted like butter when I saw the cloudiness in her grey eyes and heard the sharp cry of pain that came only seconds before her body began twitching uncontrollably. Her harrowing cry was like a knife to my heart. She was just barely one. I lifted her light body out of the crib and sat her on the bed next to my husband, “wake up!” I sobbed. Eden crumpled up and jerked involuntarily. She didn’t recognize my face or my voice for almost half an hour. Panic came in like a thief in the night and after her rushed trip to the ER (filled with shots and medical scans) she was sent home. My family and I spent days around the clock watching her.

And for days none of the treatment that she had received at the ER seemed to be holding up. Her state was alarmingly erratic. During those tiresome days of attending to her meticulously, I felt the stony weight of condemnation in my soul. Like a rock attempting to divide the roots of my faith…or a hungered weed, attempting to steal the scared places in my heart that only belonged to God. This “feeling” of condemnation came to uproot a little bit of my security in the love of God (Song of Solomon 1:15).

You see, I know it’s hard when the pains of life come unexpectedly. Whenever we go through slicing pain, it can be tempting to harden our hearts in disbelief concerning God’s Word or His nature. The devil doesn’t come donned in an obvious cloak of black and red with a pitchfork. No, he comes with the subtlety of religious philosophy that longs to poison our confidence in Christ and our identity in Him (it only takes a little yeast to leaven the whole loaf Matthew 16:6). He comes to incriminate us and God in our ears. Our “un-graced” mindsets, flare up like crimson algae creating a red tide in the ocean of our conscious. Accusations pop up like smokey fumes. This flare reveals the hidden places of self-blame and shame in us. It unearths the places of self-righteousness that naturally reject grace and denounce the true nature of God. What was in the dark, comes to light when we give in to fear.

For several hours I cried out to God with self-loathing because when I prayed for my daughter, nothing seemed to happen. I had lost touch with the purity of the gospel in those moments of panic (Romans 1:16). When I had prayed for Eden, I was secretly doing it out of self-effort instead of trusting in God’s all consuming grace (Galatians 3:1-2). I was really trusting in my own strength. more than that, I was trusting in my animal sacrifices (holy lifestyle) to earn the healing of God. I was cheapening the gift of faith-righteousness for my own brand of works-righteousness. I was defaming the sacrifice of Jesus for my own sacrifice. (Condemnation is a very slippery and clandestine slope…but I promise you it only comes when we take our eyes off of Jesus for our right-standing with God and put ourselves in His place Romans 5:1).

One morning I woke up to the misty scents of God’s mercy. He came quickly to rescue and reconcile my heart to His love. I realize that throughout all the trails in my life… that it is vitally important to always connect to the Father’s undying love in the midst of the storm. God woke me up to mercy. He showed me His beauty and deep care. In doing so, He effortlessly removed the stone of doubt and guilt that was seeking to grip land in my soul. I felt His love in those moments like fragrant ointment being poured on my skin and shortly after, because of His grace, Eden was divinely healed. She made a full recovery in less than 24 hours. Once I was empowered by His love to receive the truth of His mercy, I was able to breathe in confidence and faith came out like a sighing exhale.

I want to encourage you, that if you can’t get your faith to “work” during a crisis or difficult situation, to not allow condemnation to sneak its way into your soul. Resist all notions of guilt. God’s miracle is not based on your ability to be good enough but on Jesus being your substitute (He is your goodness before the Father). I pray that you will be strengthened by the incredible love of God for you and His immense and glorious grace that is freely given in Christ Jesus. Healing is never earned, deliverance is never earned, salvation is never earned. It’s only by the love of God through Jesus and our faith in that, that we receive His goodness. May you find the simplicity of the Gospel to be sweet salvation in all of your circumstances.

The miracle of that mercy-filled morning for me was not my daughter’s healing. It was that my soul became so captivated with the mercy of God even when the symptoms were still present, that I worshiped despite the circumstances. I adored Him and the fear so disappeared that I forgot all concern for my daughter. His love for me and my daughter surpassed my love for her, my love for myself and my love for Him.

This poem was birthed through intimacy with God during that tender morning:

Relationship with Him looks like mercy–like deep sweet waters perfumed with grace. This grace is heady, like the whiff of strong aged wine. It is as intoxicating as fragrant floral hills bathed in rainbow colored flowers.

You are as beautiful as Tizrah my God, lovely as Jerusalem my Father, more awesome than an army with bright banners my Husband.

You melt my soul with your eyes of deep love and care. Your compassionate heart soothes my inner worries.

Your very Presence is a vaporous mist vaster than the mountainous clouds that sheet the amazon rainforests.

You are light and beauty.

Water and wine.

You are Living Bread…the substance that makes me whole.

I am enraptured by You.

Romanced by Who You are.

Captivated by your tresses.

I am smitten to my inner core.

I find I am threaded into You by your divine hand. A three fold cord is not easily broken.

You share your heartbeat with me and my eyes are fascinated by You.

I feast at the table in your soul and your banner over me is undying love.

A recent picture of Eden 11/05/2019

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Growing Through and in Rest

~Taken from my book Visions of Celestial Love

For we who have believed (adhered to and trusted in and relied on God) do enter that rest in accordance with His declaration that those [who did not believe] should not enter when He said, As I swore in My wrath, They shall not enter My rest; and this He said although [His] works had been completed and prepared [and waiting for all who would believe] from the foundation of the world. —Hebrews 4:3 AMPC

Pause, and think calmly about those words.

Something about this scripture jumped out at me, and I have not myself to thank, nor my own intelligence, but the Holy Spirit. He’s the Life in the Word. The One who makes it living and active. Without Him, reading God’s Word is like reading another book—and there is hardly anything sadder than that. Do you see the word “works” in here?

Whose work, is it? It’s God’s.

Our only job, the one that we’ve always had, even in the old covenant, is to believe.

The same is true today, underneath the righteousness, blood, grace, and work of Christ.

Believing secures our rest. The rest God ordained for us to have before the foundations of the world. The rest of relationship.

Let’s continue reading about rest in Hebrews:

Again He sets a definite day, [a new] Today, [and gives another opportunity of securing that rest] saying through David after so long a time in the words already quoted, Today if you would hear His voice and when you hear it, do not harden your hearts. [This mention of a rest was not a reference to their entering into Canaan.] For if Joshua had given them rest, He [God] would not speak afterward about another day.

—Hebrews 4:7–8 AMPC

Think again for a moment. Before you read on, ask the Holy Spirit to help you grasp what this means.

I believe that entering God’s rest was more important than receiving the promised land. I believe it was more important than the Israelites entering into Canaan or even crossing over the Jordan to obtain the promise of land.

God was more interested in His people having relationship with Him. God’s always been more about the internal soul and the spiritual than He is about physical possessions.

Once again, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the meaning of these scriptures; He might give you more information, more insight than He’s given me here.

Perhaps the purpose of them entering the land was for them to enter into rest. The only way to that was belief. Trusting faith. A heart that knows God, knows He’s good, and knows His nature. A heart that knows His thoughts toward us, and more specifically you.

He’s a giver. Always has been, always will be. His nature does not change. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forevermore.

So then, there is still awaiting a full and complete Sabbath-rest reserved for the [true] people of God; For he who has once entered [God’s] rest also has eased from [the weariness and pain] of human labors, just as God rested from those labors peculiarly His own.

—Hebrews 4:9–10 AMPC

There is such beautiful promise in here.

Aren’t you tired of working? Of striving?

There is a sanctified striving that should exist in every believer of Jesus Christ, but it is often perverted.

We’re not striving to be accepted by God, or acceptable to Him. Our works, our striving will never get us that. Our striving should be out of rest, in a place of absolute peace. Done from joy, and with joy. Done out of love, in love, and through love. This cannot be done without belief. Our works shouldn’t even really feel like work.

Wanting to know our Jesus, wanting to be like Him, should be a part of our nature, as getting food or water to drink is when we’re hungry or thirsty. It should be a daily activity. It should be a mental domain, an internal setting.

When I asked if you were tired of working, I was talking about the working you see being done every day.

I mean look around you. Look at your loved ones. Look at the strangers on the street. The college students. The moms, the dads of our society just trying to pay the bills, fix ourselves and squeeze whatever joy we can out of life as if we’ve got a dried lemon in our hands that we keep trying to wring out.

I bet you hear the words “busy,” or/and, “tired,” come out their mouths when you ask them how they’re doing.

If they don’t say it, you can see it, or at least detect it. Can you detect it in yourself? It doesn’t belong there if you can.

Once again, our only work is to believe. Believe God can change us, believe God loves us as we are, and believe we don’t even have to perfect our faith. That is Jesus’s job. He is after all called “the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Hebrews 12:2 NIV, italics added).

The Amplified Bible even goes as far as to describe Jesus’s perfecting of us—calling Him our faith’s finisher. The word says He brings it to “maturity and perfection” (Hebrews 6:1 AMP, italics added).

There is no room for guilt, shame, or condemnation in rest. Let me tell you something about guilt, shame, and condemnation (I’ve just struggled with it this morning, and the Holy Spirit lifted it off of me), it only comes out of an attitude, a heart, of works. It only comes when our own efforts fail, or are frustrated. It all comes out of our works.

God called us to work, not to works.

There is a natural work in the human life. There’s cooking, cleaning, etc., that needs to be done. If you’re on the prayer team at church, or have a God-ordained “job,” then yes, physically you are working. But there should never be a lack of peace inside. When there is, you have started works within.

God’s “jobs” for us are always a delight, and always for our good, and the good of the body. And God is always about balance, not burning yourself out, and not being sluggish or slothful either. Furthermore, I want to point out that “feeling” guilt or shame or condemnation is evil. I’m not calling you evil. I imagine that you’re in Jesus Christ, especially if you’re reading this, thus you are imputed with His righteousness.

I’m calling the act of holding onto (not letting go of) guilt, shame, and condemnation evil. The act is evil—a sin. And the Word of God declares it so. It is either done in an act of unbelief, or pride disguised as holiness. Listen to this,

Let us all come forward and draw near with true (honest and sincere) hearts in unqualified assurance and absolute conviction engendered by faith (by that leaning of the entire human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness), having our hearts sprinkled and purified from a guilty (evil) conscience and our bodies cleansed with pure water.

— Hebrews 10:22 AMPC

Do you know why guilt is evil? Because it doubts the power of the blood of Jesus to free us from sin. It doubts the overwhelming strength of the mercies and grace of God. It disbelieves His very love.

This is so powerful. This is a reverential truth that will set you free if you believe. The Holy Spirit convicts us, He never condemns us. And God doesn’t condemn man. God condemns man’s sin.

Those who choose to attach themselves to sin, instead of God, through Christ Jesus, have chosen to attach themselves to the thing that God condemns.

God’s heart is good. Jesus has paid the price of sin, and the weight and power of it.

I like what Joyce Meyer says. She says that she believes the power and the weight of sin is guilt, shame, and condemnation.

Hear the words of the Lord through His faithful apostle,

Whereas this One [Christ], after He had offered a single sacrifice for our sins [that shall avail] for all time, sat down at the right hand of God. For by a single offering He has forever completely cleansed and perfected those who are consecrated and made holy.

— Hebrews 10:12 AMPC

Jesus has done it.

I also want to point out to you the word “made.” The Holy Spirit just pointed this out to me (how I love His company and Presence). We can try to make ourselves holy, or we can be made holy.

We are made holy by grace through faith. We are saved by grace through faith. The key word here is grace. Not even faith is the key word. I’ll tell you why: Faith is graced to us.

Isn’t it God who appoints to us the measure of faith (Romans 12:3)? And remember that everything God gives us is a gift (James 1:17 AMPC). Gifts come free.

Isn’t it God who called us through His Holy Spirit to come to Him to receive His grace that we may be saved (see John 6:44)?

If we truly know that we are forgiven completely, accepted fully, and made perfect by Jesus, then we will have peace. And we’ll have something to get excited and stirred up for.

Entering God’s rest is not without the exertion, or perhaps better stated, the exercising of belief. The growing of belief only comes by grace.

To purchase a copy, click here. <3

Let us therefore be zealous and exert ourselves and strive diligently to enter that rest [of God, to know and experience it for ourselves], that no one may fall or perish by the same kind of unbelief and disobedience [into which those in the wilderness fell].

— Hebrews 4:11 AMPC

Once again, the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to something here. If we are trying to do God’s job in us or outside of us by working, our faith will wither away and, as this verse implies, it will “perish by…unbelief.”

Ultimately, working to “help God out” is an act of unbelief and it shows a lack of confidence in Him. The more we practice working, the more we feed unbelief. The more we stray from God. The more hopeless we become that He will ever come through for us.

God works through faith. Indeed, if we are working, thus acting out of unbelief and disobedience to His command to believe, then the power and glory of God that we so desperately want to see in our lives will never manifest. Or it is highly unlikely that it will manifest.

I say that because Saul didn’t believe on Christ Jesus, but Jesus still met him on His way to Damascus. After that encounter, I say, He fully believed on Jesus, or strived after it ardently.

Many Christians who strive, seem to strive not to believe. Or at least they feed their unbelief by rehearsing their doubts, either verbally to others or mentally to themselves. Instead of striving to not believe, strive and fight to believe. Fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12 NASB). Lastly, I want to quote a wonderful passage from a book that I’ve found very helpful on my faith journey. In The Book of Healing, John Reynolds writes:

They came to Jesus and said, “What must we do that we might work the works of God?” Jesus said to them, “This is the work of God that you might believe on Him Who He has sent.” They didn’t ask Him what to do to get saved, they asked about doing the works of God. Jesus said, “Believe on Me.”

Jesus has done all that is necessary for us to receive from God. “Father, I have finished the works you gavest me to do.” How many of us are trying to “work the works of God?” Jesus overcame every temptation. “He was tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin, let us therefore come boldly before the throne of grace that we [may] receive mercy and find grace to help.” The throne of what? The throne of GRACE. Stop trying to “work the works.” Stop trying to “work” for your healing, your present. Stop confessing the Scriptures with the attitude of trying to “make” something happen. “For it is the Fathers GOOD pleasure” to give it to you! The price has been paid by Jesus. Go and freely receive from Him based upon His grace.

Yes, it is important to know and quote the scriptures but don’t do it from the “I’m going to make this happen” attitude but rather from a heart attitude of “Father, I thank you for what Jesus did for me at Calvary when he bore my sickness and carried my pain. Father, I ask you to heal my body based on your grace and I thank you for it now in Jesus’s name.” Then just give thanks that your prayers have been heard and answered and act your faith.[

Our fight in life is simply this: to believe on the One God has sent. And belief, faith itself, grows best in rest.


[i] John Reynolds, The Book of Healing: How to Receive Healing from the Lord Jesus Christ (John Reynold Ministries, 2012), 44. Scripture references from John 6:28–29; Luke 12:32, version unknown. PDF available at http://www.thehealingministry.com/.