Blog

Posted on

Love Like A Fairy Tale

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. –Hosea 2:18 ESV

I wrote this story in my book, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul, as a type of allegory of the: book of Hosea, Mary Magdalene, Rahab, the prodigal son and a few other characters in the Bible who have caught my eye. I purposefully chose to have the main character try different kinds of sinful behaviors that are generally looked down upon in church to show that no sin is too dark to keep anyone away from the saving grace of God. All throughout the Bible we see the underlying faithfulness and devoted love of God for people who have deeply fallen. Scripture, from my eyes, is the greatest love story of all time. I hope as you read this short story that you saw a fresh perspective on the mercy and grace of God, His goodness, His love, and His endless devotion to transform sinners into saints, rebels into priests, and paupers into kings/queens:

Jesus, our story is somewhat of a fairy tale. Before my birth, even before I was in my mother’s womb You knew my name. You saw my birth and You said, “That one, I want that one, especially and just for myself. Look at her; she invokes holy hunger in me! I must have her. She must know my great love.”

Though my mother was a pauper, and I a peasant of the lowest rank, and You the richest and fairest of kings, your eyes were captivated by me. It is the sheer largeness of your heart that made You smitten by me.

When I was a little baby You rocked me to sleep with the sweetest lullabies, when I was a girl You romanced me with toys and flowers, and when I became a teenager lost in emotions and hormones You were my truest friend.

Now that I’m a woman, already pledged to You, being the gentlemen that You are, You still asked for my hand. Forever as I grew I saw no flaw in You, though You and I both saw my listless number of flaws.

Your beauty dazzled angels and shook the earth. Mountains melted before your stunning glory and every human heart longed for You and worshiped You.

Yet here You were, on one knee, with loving eyes, such gorgeous eyes, staring up at me!

“I love you,” You said, casing my hand in both of Your hands. “I want to make you mine officially, but I will not force you to. Please do me the honor of being my beloved bride.”

Your very soul poured through your perfect lips and your warm eyes motioned with tears until they appeared like new glass. I slipped my hand out of your hands and drew it to my side. I always knew You loved me, but it felt so real now…underserved and strangely unexpected. I knew You were requiring of me a choice now, and this choice would change my life forever. I was sure after You saw my childhood and adolescent years, that You would annul our marriage before the faithful day came of my maturity. Surely You loved me, but not that much!

“I’m not worthy,” I voiced.

You responded quickly, “I don’t care.”

“You know my sin nature. You know I’m prone to adultery. I cannot remain faithful.”

You shook Your head, “That does not matter. I’m willing to work with you for however long it takes. You can be born-again if you receive my Father’s grace and He will give you a new nature through my sacrifice on the cross. You don’t have to have a sin nature any longer.” Tears were in your words. Desperation coated your voice.

“I’m so common. Look at me. What man wants a wife that he’s more beautiful than?”

“My Father has made you most beautiful to me. Take my hand and you will see. I’ll take you to my palace and wash you clean and adorn you with jewels. Just take my name. I died to have you.”

I looked away; my head was spinning with thoughts. Could this be true? Could such a perfect love be mine?

You drew my attention back by calling my name.

“Ashley! I moved Heaven and earth just to be beside you. I shifted the cosmos that you might be My princess.”

Before I could respond You silenced me with your pursed lips that breathed out, “Shhh.” “Just listen,” Your eyes seemed to say.

Digging in your royal ruby red coat pocket You pulled out a golden wedding ring. The band twined like grape vines. Diamonds hung like ripe fruit from it and in the center was an aquamarine gem, brilliant like the sea of glass in Heaven. Such waters glowed like bioluminescent light.

I gasped.

Being a country girl never had my eyes ever beheld such rich jewelry.

Tears rolled down your cheeks and mine.

I now realized that You had set your love on me and I had done nothing to deserve it. But could I accept it? I didn’t know, but I wanted to.

I mumbled a weak, doubtful yes.

This felt too good to be true.

Your lips trembled into a bright smile revealing your beautiful white teeth.

You cried and slipped the ring on my finger. The feeling of your fingers sliding up my ring finger tingled my skin, and sent waves of holy joy rippling throughout my body. Raising to your feet You swept me up in your arms and spun me around laughing with exceeding joy like You did when I was a little girl. I felt a difference in your touch. When I was a little girl You held me like a Father, when I was a teenager You held me like a friend, now your touch felt like a Bridegroom’s touch. I noticed something familiar in all of your embraces though—your arms were always protecting.

He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands by and listens to him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this pleasure and joy of mine is now complete. -John 3:29 AMP

I hugged your neck as You sang the most precious love song over me.

I knew I’d have to leave everything behind upon saying yes, but I didn’t know how much pain it would cost. My destitution had become a part of my identity and so although I was now a princess of the most extreme wealth and love, my heart was still that of a pauper of the lowest proportions.

Jesus, over the years You managed to gently love me until You were finally able to fully enter the mind of my heart and crown me queen there. The eyes of my soul and spirit saw my wealth in You.

But it was a long journey, my Love, and the journey’s not over yet. As I recount our years it amazes me that I had to learn how to love You and You loved me from the first! It seems to me it should have been the opposite, for You were always good, and perfect in everyway. I on the other hand was most disagreeable.

I’d try to argue with You when You wouldn’t let me have my way. I’d fuss, complain, doubt and yell, and You’d simply say, “This is for your own good, trust me.”

Sometimes I’d refuse to share a room with You, and I’d stomp to the couch in the living room and grumble against You all night.

It always amazed me how You’d get up in the morning and greet me with a smile, and a loving, “Good morning.” You never once let my bad attitude lower Your dignity.

Indeed, like I said I would, I had several affairs, some of them daily. I ignored your romancing and pushed away your gifts. I’d swear and curse at You.

In my lowest hours, I’d run away from home and you would swiftly mount your lightning white steed and search every corner of the kingdoms of earth until You found me. Indeed, I always heard You first before I saw You, for your horse’s hooves sounded like rolling thunder.

“Have you seen my bride?” You’d ask everyone. Sometimes a warrant for my “arrest” was given out in Heaven and on earth, for man and angels. Whoever found me would receive riches from You, the King of all the heavens and earth.

In fear, I’d run to the dark forest and crouch behind a gnarled leafless tree and still my breaths so You wouldn’t find me, because I was ashamed.

I had the sores of poverty all over my skin.

I remember our darkest night, the night I refused to be rescued. The sky was starless and I had just slept with the enemy, who had half killed me with his hate that he had convinced me was love. I only remained alive because You had kissed my heart with eternity.

You shone Your lantern behind the tree. I shook from the power of Your majesty and my dimmed eyes almost went blind from the light that emitted and radiated from You.

“Darling!” You exclaimed in deep compassion at my wounds. Sorrow was in Your eyes, and I knew the lack of my presence pained You.

I had almost forgotten how beautiful You were! Glowing gold on Your shining pearly white steed. Your cloak gleamed like the sun on water!

You swung off of your horse and rushed to my side with open arms. I rejected your hug and hissed at You. Being a gentleman You relaxed your arms to by your sides, and kept an arms length away.

“Come home,” You said gently.

“No!” I yelled, as if I was being attacked, and surely, I was, for your grace fought for my whole heart and that included the place inside where the enemy’s pride of condemnation and self-righteousness resided.

Your eyes stared at me wistfully before You spoke, “Beloved…”

“Go away!” I spat angrily, “I told You not to marry me! I’m ugly.”

“Your pride makes you ugly.”

“Shut up!”

No angel would dare speak to You the way I did. The most powerful warrior of Heaven, who could kill hundreds of thousands of people with one breath, dared not even look at You (Isaiah 37:36)! And here I was, commanding You to be quiet.

You furrowed your brow and called me a “stubborn child.” With that comment, You sadly shook your head and mounted your horse.

“You will return to me, whether now or later…it’s just a matter of time. I chose you and you could run all you want but I’ll never let you go. My love won’t allow it. You’ve been touched by My love. Nothing will ever satisfy you but Me. Maybe you just need time to realize that.”

My eyes widened when You wrapped the reins around your hand. I realized You might actually leave me there, and that terrified me! My heart ached to go home with You. I wanted to be held, loved, protected, and taught by You. I desired to sit down and read books together over something warm to drink. Flashes of our winter honeymoon in the snow mountains of Heaven rushed across my mind and heart: the great banquet, the glass roof of the hall of merry children, the icicles dangling on the windows like curtains, the inner glow of every house, and the joy of fellowship with my brothers and sisters. Your voice stole me away from my sweet memories.

“So?” You asked me, extending Your hand for me to take it.

A voice that was lodged in my throat burst forward, “Never!” I groaned deeply.

I was too proud to admit I had nothing without You…that I was nothing without your love. You were the only one who could revive my soul with hope and joy. You were the only one who could raise me from the dead.

Your gaze was like fire.

“I shall send My ministers to watch over you until you call on My name again. Your pride has to go. They, My servants shall keep you from death…and that alone until you humble yourself before our Heavenly Father.”

With that You pulled back on the reins and your powerful horse let out a thunderous neigh, like the crackling of a million forest fires. He reared back and spun around on his two rear hooves before storming off into the sky. I saw the heavens open up like gauzy curtains and receive You.

This story is taken from my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To purchase a copy, click here.

Suddenly I felt so terribly alone. An ache like death overwhelmed me and I collapsed in a crumbled mess of tears. At that moment I’d do anything to salvage the horrible pain of loneliness that engulfed me.

Two tall men glowing white with majestic robes and beautiful faces appeared before me. One had short, curly, blond hair and piercing blue eyes. The other had long, dark, wavy hair and honey eyes.

“Queen Ashley,” they said in union, greeting me politely.

“Go away!” I half shouted and half sobbed.

Just leave me alone to die, I thought bitterly.

“We can’t do that, princess,” the blond one stated, his voice was like a song. I knew he sung in the choir of Heaven. He gave hope to God’s children.

“Our King has commanded us to stay with you to preserve your life,” the one with honey eyes stated, finishing the blond one’s sentence. His presence was like a hearth in Heaven. It warmed my chilled bones.

For weeks they followed me around and watched me do the vilest, most disgusting, and wicked things. I indulged deeply in lust, hate of the heart; and in desperation to numb my pain, exercised the power of darkness in witchcraft. Nothing I tried even began to quench the sinking feeling that was in my heart as a result of my Lover’s absence.

How I missed him so terribly!

But instead of admitting that, I denied it stupidly and continued to do the most degrading things the world had to offer, like shooting narcotics up my arm. Men without number promised me fulfillment, and their bittersweet lies lulled me into bed with them. My body was violated in the lowest ways, and none of my lovers gave me the life Christ gave me. Some of the men I slept with were the sons of darkness!

My angels watched me do everything without uttering a word, but every time an evil spirit tried to assault me they would draw flaming swords from their waists and defend me ardently.

“Let me have her!” one demon screeched, “She’s slept with my host!”

I, drunk with wine, crawled out of bed where my sleeping lover slept. Half out of mind, I saw this dark figure fussing at my angels.

“You shall by no means touch her!” my blond angel warned angrily.

In furry the demon tried to jump on me anyway. His large form barely moved an inch before my light angel mercilessly plunged his sword in the demons’ gut.

I watched my angels tirelessly war on Christ’s behalf of me daily. Though my body, soul, and spirit were being protected physically, the inner pain of my heart nearly drove me mad with sorrow. The consequences of my sin were ruthlessly stabbing my heart that would not die, because of Christ’s kiss. How I wished I were just dead on the inside so the pain would end.

“What am I to do?” I cried looking at my angel with honey eyes. He knelt down and touched me on the shoulder.

“You have a husband who loves you most. Call upon His name.”

I collapsed on my knees and buried my head in my hands. Salvation at this point seemed impossible. How could God forgive me for all the treachery that I had done?

“But I am so ashamed.”

My blond angel spoke next, “He died to bury your sins and the stains of guilt that come with them.”

Their words were like a familiar song of Heaven, and finally with a crushed heart I cried out to God.

“Jesus, take me back!” I thrust my neck back and gazed up at the sky with arms flung open. “Forgive me, I’m so sorry,” I wailed.

“I never left you,” the peaceful voice of my bridegroom said in my heart.

When my guardian angels heard his voice, they fell upon their faces in reverential worship.

The heavens opened up and Jesus came storming to me, glistening in the night like moonlight. The tornado-like winds of His presence fanned the wings of His cloak and bent every tree in the forest in a wave of ripples. I felt naked and bare once again in Your sight. With no branches to protect my skin from Your radiance: You saw me clearly. The mountains bowed down and the noise they made sounded like a million volcanic eruptions.

You stood before me and all I could say was, “I’m sorry. I’ve played the harlot…a-again. I’ve lied, stole—,” I broke into tears, “Please f-forgive me.”

You embraced me, and as You did my heart, soul, mind, body, and spirit were made whole again. I sunk into Your chest and was swallowed by Your heart for me.

I heard the rejoicing of Heaven. It was like the rushing of many waters.

I cried, and my torn, dark clothes evaporated into my lovely soft pink dress; it was my most favored royal piece of attire. The angels that had attended me were overjoyed with rejoicing and followed Yeshua and I into Heaven a few feet back. And here I find myself living with You again as Your beloved bride.

Today, I stand amazed that it is I who have learned to love You when You are so faithfully perfect and I…so not.

My heart is just now rejoicing over You with singing when yours has always rejoiced over me. Your love is too good for me, yet I accept it gladly as the free gift You have made it to be. Our story reminds me of a fairy tale, my King. Never could I have imagined myself being the beauty, the one pursued and fought for in any book…yet here I am, the heart’s gaze of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

And here you are reading this story.

You, most beloved and favored of men.

Yes, you are an irreplaceable gem in the King’s crown, a son or daughter worth the tireless search of the universe. Our King shifted the cosmos that He may have you. He had you read this for a reason, He orchestrated this moment.

Shhh, can you hear him singing over you…for you? Isn’t it the most beautiful song? The very rhythm of His heartbeat speaks your name in longing that you would see his great, glorious love for you, and respond by giving more of your life to Him.

Allow yourself to be swept away in the divine romance of a God who is more romantic than Solomon in Song of Songs, and more faithful to you than the sun’s rising every morning.

Trust in his saving grace. He can and will wash away every sin. You only need ask.

Don’t drown out his whispers of intimacy with any form of business, including excessive church attendance. Do not burn yourself out in ministry or with chasing the endless trifling of the world.

Sit and listen to the Bridegroom.

Pray, call upon His name. Stop hiding behind your myriad of masks and let Him see you in every area that you are naked, so that He can clothe you in holy array. Do not fear his eyes of love that see the core of your heart.

Let yourself be deeply loved with an unguarded heart.

Release every offense in your heart, surrender and be loved.

Be most tenderly loved.

You are most tenderly loved.

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. -Song of Solomon 4:7

Reflection Questions:

1) Do you believe Jesus/God loved you before you were even created? (This story opens up with the main character describing how much Jesus wanted her, even before she was born/conceived. “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” -Ephesians 1:4 NLT)

2) How has your relationship with Jesus matured/transitioned over the years you’ve known Him? Where are you now with Him? (“When I was a little baby, You rocked me to sleep with the sweetest lullabies, when I was a girl, You romanced me with toys and flowers, and when I was a teenager lost I emotions and hormones, You were my truest friend…”)

3) Have you ever experienced the goodness of God in such a way it was hard to receive? (The Gospel when translated in the Greek means “almost too good to be true.” God is good. His goodness was how He revealed his glory to Moses. “I now realized that You had set your love on me, and I had done nothing to deserve it. But could I accept it? I didn’t know…but I wanted to.”)

4) What do you believe is the realest thing about you? Do you believe that you are royalty (perfectly loved, completely made righteous, born-again/made in God’s image and a sharer of His nature)? (“I knew I’d have to leave everything behind upon saying yes, but I didn’t know how much pain it would cost. My destitution had become a part of my identity and so although I was now a princess of the most extreme wealth and love, my heart was still that of a pauper of the lowest proportions.”)

5) How have you learned to love Jesus as you have walked with Him? (“As I recount our years it amazes me that I had to learn to love You and You loved me from the first.”)

6) Something to ponder: Jesus will never treat you badly because you treat him badly (“You never once let my bad attitude lower your dignity.” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. – Hebrews 13:6 If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful because he cannot be untrue to himself. -2 Timothy 2:13.) One of the ways royals are trained, is to not act undignified even if everyone else around them is. They are trained that they are “above” common or base behavior. They literally have a royal sense of self.

7) Has shame ever kept you from receiving God’s love? (In this short allegorical story, the main character hides from Jesus because she is ashamed.)

8) Has self-righteousness (religious pride) ever kept you from receiving God’s mercy through Jesus? (“…I yelled as if I was being attacked, and surely, I was, for your grace fought for my whole heart and that included the place inside where the enemy’s pride of condemnation and self-righteousness resided.” God gives us righteousness by faith not by works)

9) Do you believe no matter how far anyone falls, if they ask, Jesus will take them back and treat them as if they never sinned?

Posted on

Your Heart: The Anointed and Flourishing Resting Place

~A vivid snippet from the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul. May you come to understand and experience the rich and faithful love of Jesus as He dwells in His new glorious temple…your recreated heart. He will never leave you, He will never forsake you. He lives in you. (Colossians 1:27)

Enjoy this worship song as you read: Chambers by Catherine Mullins (I don’t own any rights to the music)

My beloved one, both handsome and winsome, you are pleasing beyond words. Our resting place is anointed and flourishing, like a green forest meadow bathed in light. Rafters of cedar branches are over our heads and balconies of pleasant-smelling pines. —Song of Solomon 1:16–17 TPT

He stood and extended his hand for me to take.

I felt like the woman caught in the act of adultery. Mercy washed over me in silky light, like the waves from his robe. He didn’t condemn me. There were no accusations. There was no stone in his hand. (John 8:11)

In fact, his hand seemed like an extension of his heart—promising to heal me even before I vowed to commit myself to him in the way he desired.

There was no cost for his healing. He freely offered to make me whole, with no hidden stipulations. Such grace empowered me and I felt my bones were stronger somehow. I felt like spring grass soaking in solar light from the sunshine of his presence within me. (Hebrews 13:9, 2 Corinthians 5:19)

The seeds within me pulsated with life. (Galatians 3:16, Luke 8:11)

I took his hand and he pulled me up to my feet. All the other guests in the room rose as well. Their presence was tangibly felt. They carried a weighty air about them that was holy and priestly. When they saw he meant to escort me away, they returned to their dancing.

Many things crossed my mind as Jesus and I crossed the dance floor into a more private corridor with a balcony view, namely I wondered why none of the saints pursued Jesus?

A banner hung from the room’s entryway. In Aramaic it read:

Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love. (Song of Songs 2:5)

The small elegant room featured a three-dimensional mural floor of a blooming vineyard blushing under a hazy sunset. The painting was so lifelike, even the dust kicked up in the air was illuminated like grated gold by the imaginary sunrays. The emerald leaves were silhouetted in basking glory and turned into a yellowish jade. Rows and rows of vines lacing around each other made me catch my breath.

Rosy marbled walls formed an arch in the center of the room before giving way to a chandelier that resembled a flourishing desert rose. Diamond-shaped light bulbs hung from the chandelier and sent shafts of prism light pirouetting across the walls. In the corner of the room was a large bed, hidden behind transparent curtains.

“It is lovely in here,” I breathed, admiring the splendor.

A lamp stand table made of polished gold held woven baskets with embroider cloths set beside them. Inside the baskets were marble bowls heaped with fresh fruit. The fragrance of ripe strawberries, dates, pomegranates, figs, and honey-painted cakes teased my nose. I saw blocks of cheese and nuts beside the fruit.

“Eat some,” Jesus offered, finally releasing my hand, “You haven’t eaten anything all night.”

…

I took a plump strawberry and popped it in my mouth. A refreshing, tart flavor with just the right amount of sugar burst in my mouth. I hummed in delight, imaging that only Eden carried such delectable fruits.

I took up another, and then another before trying a fig and a date. They were equally good but distinguishingly unique. I plopped several blocks of different colored cheese in my mouth until my cheeks swelled like a chipmunk’s. I had difficulty chewing but managed more easily after the first few bites. The rich flavors blended together like cream and salt. Afterward, I went for the nuts in handfuls. When I finished with those I took up a half slice of a pomegranate and plucked some seeds coated in red wine gel. I cupped my hand to my lips and let the seeds fall in before chewing. The tart taste reminded me of the best sherbet punch.

We ate for several more minutes before my appetite was satiated. Afterward, I felt the stickiness of dried fruit juices and honey on my hands. I rubbed my fingers together wondering how I would wash them.

“Is there a bathroom?” I asked.

“I have a jar of water and hyssop out here,” Jesus said, extending his hand toward the balcony.

We walked on the elevated porch, the sky canopied over us. I noticed a hard, blue clay pitcher in the corner. Beside it was a pink potted hyssop bush aflame with brilliant flowers, the color of nectarine skin.

I cupped my hands and Jesus poured some water between them before taking some flowers from the bush. He set them in my hands and I rubbed them together feverishly. He rinsed my hands again and I lightly dried my wet hands with an embroidered cloth beside the baskets. When I finished, I brought my hands to my nose and inhaled deeply the fragrant scent of hyssop plant. I took up the jar and poured water over Jesus’ hands. Afterward, I plucked up a few flowers before putting them in his hands. He repeated what I had done, and I fell silent.

I leaned my torso across the balcony and rested my head in one of my hands. Despite the snow that crested the mountains, I was warm. I looked out and admired the scenery before me. Everything seemed so expansive that I felt a little bit swallowed up in the grandeur of it all. I let my eyes linger over the glowing city, savoring the physical beauty of it like I savored the food I had eaten. Beauty fed my soul like nutritious food nourished my body. Jesus leaned his elbows on the railing of the balcony and also looked upon the terrain before us.

“How come nobody has come in here yet to seek you out?” I asked, finally voicing the question I had tucked away inside when he had whisked me away to the private room.

“What do you mean?” Jesus asked, unassuming.

I shrugged and then my eyebrows fell until they hovered over my eyes.

“Well, I’m just confused as to why we haven’t been crowded yet? I mean, didn’t you deal with that constantly after you began your ministry on earth?”

“I did.”

“So why, if these people know who you are, do they not love you?”

“They do.”

“But they aren’t trying to be near you?” I countered, slightly nonplussed.

“Because they know that I’m near them.”

“Even though you’re in here with me?”

“Yes. They understand that I live within them. That my promise is true. I will never leave them nor forsake them. They don’t need me to appear to them in this way in order for them to be content with me or with themselves. They converse with me all the time.” (ex: John 20:27)

My eyes fell to my cinnamon brown hands. An almost undetectable sense of failure came over me.

“They understand what I don’t fully comprehend,” I said lowly.

Just as quickly as the sense of failure had come, an inner quickening rose within me like a heater being turned on in the dead of winter. It came like a skilled soldier, swiftly combating the negativity that wanted to seize territory. I felt as if a seed had sprouted under the soil of my consciousness. Suddenly an assurance came up, and with it a loving caress that chased away all notions of shame.

I didn’t feel the need to compare myself to the couples on the dancefloor anymore. The precipitous change in my emotions puzzled and pleased me at the same time. I touched my stomach and easily discerned the presence of my Holy Friend (John 14:17).

I heard a soft chuckle from Jesus and refocused my attention on him.

“He’s amazing, isn’t he?” I asked, knowing the answer.

“He’s the Father’s gift to you and to all those sealed for me. You need not fear anything, beloved, not even death. Because of my Father’s Spirit, you will always be with us. He has sealed you forever and he isn’t going anywhere.” (Ephesians 1:!3)

“I think I know that now,” I said. Emotion caught in my throat. My mind traveled to precious instances in my past where the Holy Spirit had comforted and rescued me. There were many nights when I had cried myself to sleep on my bed and felt a warm arm around my heart.

“I love his faithfulness,” I whispered, and again touched my stomach, this time as if I were trying to embrace a friend.

“He will help you comprehend what the others understand. It’s his joy and delight to do so. He has much patience with you. There is peace in his mind toward you. You need never be frustrated with yourself, because it’s the opposite of how he feels about you.” (John 14:26, Hebrews 8:2)

I nodded and the breeze kicked up. The wind carried the fresh fragrance of spikenard, which diffused the air like a perfume bath. The dust of powdery snow lifted and swirled around in the breeze. A few frozen droplets touched my cheeks and I shivered. Some flakes of snow rested and then melted in my hair once the air stilled. I felt as if I had been touched by starlight.

“He would like to take you someplace as well,” Jesus said.

I reflected for a few seconds and then uttered, “Yes. I’m happy to go anywhere he wants me to.”

“Okay.”

Jesus turned toward me. I stood still as he placed his fingers on my temples. Instinctively, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, anticipation building in me…

(To read the next snippet, click here)

~I hope you enjoyed this preview of my revised version of Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul (Tasting the Bridegroom Love of Jesus). To purchase a copy of the 1st version, click here. As an author, the sincerest way anyone can thank me is through writing a review of my book(s) on amazon. If you’ve been blessed by my work, I would love to hear from you! Your review reaches out to other women and invites them into this ministry of words…and more importantly, into the tender love of Jesus inside the pages.

“Ashley Thompson’s Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. Romantic Rendezvous invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love for every individual is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Danielle Sanders, Worshiper, Songwriter, Licensed Minister, Former Highschool teacher

~For my book on returning to the liberating and strengthening grace of our heavenly Father, Visions of Celestial Love, click here.

“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel

Blessings to you as you learn how to journey through this life walking closely with the truest Lover of your heart!

xoxo

Ashley

Posted on

Living in Harmony with Our Heavenly Family

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” -Jesus in John 13:34-35

How do you view the church? Do you view it as an organization? Do you view it as a religious institution? Do you view it as a charity?

What comes to your mind when you think of the church? What do you feel in your heart?

For years I had a rocky (love-hate) relationship with the church. My first real experience of the church came after I fully gave my heart to Jesus, alone, living in college campus housing, at 16 years old. I saw what looked like white translucent rain falling through the ceiling and I felt a cloud expand in my chest as Jesus came to truly live and abide in my heart. I quickly became enthralled with Jesus as I learned how to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and keep a tender heart toward the Bible (I read the Bible cover to cover).

After I was born-again, I had a newfound, sweetly pure but dangerously naïve view of the church and myself. I saw the church as a place of “Jesus-filled” people. I thought everyone would basically be “perfect” and always show unfailing love to one another even in the midst of disagreements (my expectations were obviously not based in reality. For although we have been made perfect in Christ -Hebrews 10:13, we have to actively choose to walk in the fruit of the Holy Spirit/perfection -Galatians 5:22-23).

Because I loved Jesus, I proactively started to become involved with my local church. I spent years volunteering at church in different areas. I met and made the first real friendships in my life. I met the most precious people on earth to my heart. I was richly showered with love, care, generosity and wisdom from a lot of the people around me (particularly a group of older women who I called my “best friends.”). I was so plugged in and had built such meaningful relationships that I practically lived at church. I was there 5-7 days a week, literally. I worked at the church preschool (that accounted for at least 3 days), I served as a youth leader on Wednesday nights, I served as a Missionette teacher on family nights, I was there Sunday to attend and sometimes I would serve as a prayer minister or nursery worker etc. It was beautiful for a long time.

However, after four years I spiraled into disillusionment and disappointment with the church (as a whole) when I faced a faith-shaking crisis “alone.” I felt left alone in the midst of the greatest storm of sadness and hopelessness in my life. The people I thought would come to my aid and offer love, were oblivious to my deeply internal pain (for details on what my crisis entailed, click here). I let the perceived abandonment of misunderstandings sink me into a whirling pool of bitterness.

In my emotional pit, I began to think back over the years and focus on the little offenses and hurts that I had experienced in church. As I played these episodes in my mind, I began to nitpick the issues I saw within the church (some of them were imagined). Slowly I began to criticize others and sometimes side with the Accuser in my head concerning my divine family.

If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? And he has given us this command; Those who love God must also love their fellow believers. -1 John 4:20-21

Later, I tentatively adopted my own version of the infamous mantra, “I love Jesus but I hate the church.” I never truly “hated” the church but I certainly allowed my heart to harden toward it. The paradoxical philosophy of “Lord save me from your people” was rippling across culture at the time and for all its luminous and intellectually lucid appeal, its foundation was a murky cesspool of: bitterness, hurt, unforgiveness, misunderstanding, judgement, rebellion, faithlessness, and a vast assortment of carnality.

For a brief season, I was swept away in its viciously charming tide.

Thankfully, Father came after my heart through his unconditional love. He appealed to my heart as a loving Father who longs for his children to harmoniously live together as family:

I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. –1 Corinthians 1:10 NLT

I slowly began to re-receive his grace. During this healing process, He slowly lifted the dark veil of bitterness from my eyes and washed my heart with cleansing mercy. I began to see how wrong I had been in my view of the church. I began to look at that time in my life objectively instead of narrowly from a place of emotional despair. With clearer vision, I noticed the ways I had sunken myself into the crisis. I saw how I had been partly responsible for the ignorance in others. After all, I kept my crisis hidden from many of them (I guess I wanted them to know intuitively that I needed help instead of being vulnerable and honest about my own personal weaknesses, mistakes, doubts and feelings of being “used and discarded.”).

The few precious people who did know how severe the trauma was, did come along side of me in prayer, visits, text messages, patience, gifts and love. They didn’t all love me in the way I wanted to be loved, some of them were wrong in their speech and actions… but they did show love to the best of their ability (at that time, my mind was so stormy with tumultuous thoughts, someone could easily have offended me).

God used those people to help save me (literally save me) and help me see, how much I needed the church. I began to see and feel the love of God for the church and offer them the same mercy God was showing me. I began to overlook their faults and forgive them and myself.

We love each other because he first loved us. -1 John 4:19

My view of the church has gradually become more mature and more based in reality and scriptural soundness. The church is my family. The church is my first taste of heaven. The church is a part of my eternal spirit because the church is the Body of Christ. And we are all parts of Jesus. If one part of the body is broken off…the whole body is now crippled. If one part of the body is bruised, the whole body is damaged as a result (I did a short video on this, you can view it by clicking here):

There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts. -1 Corinthians 12:12-14

More recently my view of the church has changed since becoming a mother to more than one child.

Shortly after giving birth to my second child, I began to taste the love of God for the church in a whole new way. I wrote a prayer for my daughters and the church during a heated season of rampant division and discord in our nation:

In this world that likes to divide us because of political differences, racial sensitivities, religious traditions, sub-cultural perspectives, and an endless list of other things…my prayer for our girls is that the love of Jesus will guard their relationship ️. I pray they will never let the world drift them apart. I pray they will be unoffendable because of the radiance and truth of God abiding in their hearts.

I pray they will support each other through thick and thin. I pray they will learn to easily forgive and to reconcile differences in a peaceful manner (learn mature conflict resolution). I pray they will walk in God’s wisdom which is humble and full of understanding. I pray they will flourish in life and have a rich relationship with each other (even after I’m gone from this earth. I pray they will be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically strong for their entire lives and that their inner source will be the life of Jesus inside of them. ️

I pray they will give to one another when the other is in financial stress. I pray their children and husbands will get along and learn family value. I pray they will be examples of Heaven’s ways on earth..

Because as Christians we cannot allow our love to grow cold. Jesus told us to love each other deeply from the heart. And to love one another the way He has shown us love. That kind of love is sacrificial and selfless in nature…divine. It’s the cure for this planet. It’s the medicine for the diseased soul. It’s the peace that surpasses understanding. And it’s the joy that brings strength to those who are feeble and faint with the trails and worries of life:

-“Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.”

–“Blessed are the peacemakers. For they will be called children of God.” -Jesus in Matthew 5:9

–“Six things God hates…he who sows discord among brethren.” -Proverbs 6:19

#Bethechurch #gohomeandloveyourfamily

One of the worst things I can imagine as a parent is the thought of my children growing up and then hating one another. I couldn’t imagine anything much more heartbreaking than seeing my children…whom I raised together and at one point thought I was giving my life for (childbirth)…full of resentment toward each other. Now, I can only imagine God’s heart breaking up in heaven as He watches his children quarreling, slandering and accusing each other. So many broken relationships over political and social drama…even after His Son died so that we might be united and joined together as a redeemed family. I pray we, the church, learn to walk in love toward each other and not let the temporal issues of the world keep us from our heavenly mission and the bond of peace, unity and faith

~My husband took these photos of myself and the girls a few weeks after Elena was born <3

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn’t be alive today or have most of the good things in my life had it not been for brothers and sisters in Christ. No matter who has hurt you, God’s love can make you whole again. Although the church is not everything it should be now…it will be just like Jesus in eternity. We will all live in such celestial bliss and divine love and harmony with each other that no tears will be left to cry. We are forever family. I pray God leads you to brothers and sisters in Christ who will be this in your life. I pray you will be this to other members of Christ’s body as well, knowing that what heals them ultimately heals you. And what heals you, ultimately heals them.

xoxo

For more writing like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love

“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia. 

Posted on

False Science

…what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? -Psalm 8:4 NLT

I went to college to study environmental science because I wanted to help protect the earth from global warming. I took all sorts of classes: marine biology, botanical science, geology, environmental science, etc.

In high school I spent roughly 30 hours writing an extensive article for the journalism team on how global warming was a major threat to the earth. I took about 80 pages of research and condensed it down to 3. I interviewed a large number of people. My instructor loved the paper so much, she published it in the end-of-the-school-year newspaper and my parents laminated it (my ego was puffed up).

Little did anyone know that in all my fervor and misplaced zeal…I began to lose my love for mankind. I began to forget that God made man in His image and that He paid the greatest price to redeem His sons and daughters. Although I was never fully persuaded to endorse or agree with population control…because I knew murder was wrong, I did think the earth would be better if people would just get their “act together” whatever that meant.

Out of all the people I interviewed, I had a Christian teenager tell me God wasn’t scared about global warming when I had asked him what his thoughts on the topic were. I practically rolled my eyes at him. Even though I was a Christian too, I thought he was so naive and simplistic to give such an answer because my head was bloated with false science and humanism and atheistic philosophy (like most 17 year olds my age, I thought I knew everything). Because he didn’t agree with me, I rushed through our interview and made sure not to include his sentiments in my final notes. Talk about unbiased journalism. (Apparently loss for human worth is more common in our society than I knew. I recently heard of a study done where this question was asked: “If your dog was drowning in the ocean and a stranger/person was drowning a few feet away and you could only save one, which one would you save?” 70%+ of people said they would save their dog over a human they never met. That’s what I call a low view of human life).

Then on a drive home from high school I heard God speak to me from my heart. He asked me three times, “do you love trees more than my children?” I realized after the third time, God was ACTUALLY speaking to me! I also realized I cared more about trees than people.

Slowly during my six years of college, my major changed from environmental science to Humanities. I never intended to get a degree in Humanity but slowly the hot love of God began to warm and melt my heart. He softened me to truly love on others and dedicate my life not to “save the whales” but to save the people.

Years later I began to realize false science has been responsible for the literal murder of billions of people: False science claimed African slaves were 1/3 human so because they were “mostly” animal they could be enslaved, raped, abused, killed and treated like chattel. They actually had false science books and articles and news to “prove” this. False science said Jews, those with special needs, and the handicap were “subhuman” and not real “persons” and so they could be brutally experimented on, annihilated, gased, burned, skinned (with their skin used as decorations in Nazi camps), etc by the millions if they weren’t the anglo white race.

Today false science says unborn babies aren’t “fully” human so they can be killed, torn limb from limb, left to die in cases of botched abortion, burned by chemicals inside their mothers wombs, have their organs harvested, experimented on and have their tissue used in vaccines, injected into mice and pigs and basically used as biological timber.

False science hands are swimming in human blood. And I weep thinking of all the innocent casualties it has claimed. All the dying screams it has caused while numbing public ears to the excruciating pain of others by filling our ears instead with politics, religion and fancy language.

My new lingo is: “Save the people.” I cannot choose between mother and baby. They each have equal worth in my eyes.

The worst injustice I can ever imagine is the abuse and deaths of truly innocent, defenseless human beings (children and babies) 🙏🏽🌍👑🌈

Today over 3,000 people lose their lives every day. They are judged and condemned for the actions of adults (actions they did not cause). Their lives are all irrefutably innocent and free of guile. Yet they receive the death penalty.

My prayer is for love for humankind to be put back into the hearts of men/women everywhere. It doesn’t matter if you are left, right, independent, black, white, hispanic, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jew, etc.

Human is what matters.

~Also, if you are a woman who has had an abortion, please know, I am not, nor will I ever be anything but loving toward you. I’ve prayed with several post-abortive women. Jesus loves us all just the same…no matter where we’ve been. He died for everyone. If you need healing, counseling or someone to talk to, please seek care from a trusted source.

~I am still what some may call a “science geek.” I watch science shows for fun. I am absolutely fascinated with biology and how God mircologically created all life to operate. I care for the environment and I long to see the day where our oceans are clean and our planet is free from pollution. I believe in treating animals well…even the Bible says a wise man is kind to his animal -Proverbs 12:10. God does not endorse animal cruelty. But as much as I love the earth, I love mankind infinitely more. God has helped put things in proper perspective for me (He is still working on showing me more truth). And one day, God will recreate the world and make it into a place He originally had in his heart: free of all sickness, abuse, pollution, death, cruelty, fear, etc. See Isaiah 11.

xoxo

God, brilliant Lord,
    yours is a household name.

2 Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
    toddlers shout the songs
That drown out enemy talk,
    and silence atheist babble.

3-4 I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
    your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
    Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
    Why take a second look our way?

5-8 Yet we’ve so narrowly missed being gods,
    bright with Eden’s dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
    repeated to us your Genesis-charge,
Made us stewards of sheep and cattle,
    even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
    whales singing in the ocean deeps.

9 God, brilliant Lord,
    your name echoes around the world.

-Psalm 8 The Message Translation

Dear reader, if you have the means to, I want to encourage you to help pregnant women who are fearful right now. I ask you to reach out to them in any way that you can (no matter how small). I know some women are afraid of financial ruin if they have their baby, I know some women are suffering from lack of employment, poverty, domestic abuse, self-rejection, anxiety and other factors. Please pray for them and if you can support ministries that help women facing an unwanted pregnancy. I truly believe that the love of God is strong enough to not only care for babies but their mothers as well. No one is invaluable to Him. No life is without extreme beauty to Him. We are worth more than the gold in heaven to Him. Together, we can be examples of his love and save lives. Below is a list of a few ministries you can partner with (I have helped all of these ministries myself):

https://www.care-net.org/

https://alphaphc.com/

www.savethestorks.com

God bless you!

Love,

Ashley

Posted on

Jesus in Disguise (Rosemary)

Right now I’ve been typing up a story called: Mr. Field’s Rosemary (one of my Jesus in disguise books). It takes place in an orchard field with a recently widowed woman on her way to Mr. Joshua Field’s cottage to cook breakfast for him and his six children. What Rosemary discovers is that Mr. Field’s is too going through pain. His beloved wife has run away from home again. This story has two big twists that leads to wholeness for Rosemary and the six adorable children she easily begins to love. I always ask the Lord to help me write and my prayer is that everything I publish leaves a deep, healing impression of Jesus’s love in the heart of every reader. I pray each reader comes to “see” the sweetly inconspicuous ways Jesus is hidden in plain sight in their lives and that they come begin to fellowship with Him daily. Enjoy:

While Joshua was gone Rosemary took some more sips of tea before admiring his kitchen again. She drank in the lovely decor and imagined his wife must have helped him furnish this room. Warmth from the pillar heat lamp rubbed her back like an expert massage therapist.

Rosemary spotted a bright gold chested hummingbird with shimmering emerald wings. It sucked sugared water from a feeder dangling from the paneled patio. The gold-flamed honeysuckle flowers glowed from the peeking rays of the sun. Their vines hung like a soft caress on the patio’s design. The edge of winter was waning and the waking yawns of spring echoed in the scenery.

Joshua announced his presence by softly clearing his throat. He headed for the cabinets, “coffee too?”

“No thank you Mr. Fields. Your tea is quite…perfect.”

Joshua grinned in delight, “I think you’ll enjoy the coffee more.”

Rosemary only stared…missing the taste of freshly brewed coffee on her palate.

“I feel like you’re a coffee drinker.” Mr. Fields stated before turning on the grinder. The inviting scents of the beans wafted underneath Rosemary’s nose.

“I do love coffee,” Rosemary confessed and then shrugged one shoulder, “but usually with a ton of whipped milk and sugar…among other things.” She blushed as she looked down at her belly and slightly patted it, “but I’m trying to lay low on some things right now.”

Mr. Fields gave a sympathetic look.

Tears threatened and Rosemary let out a cough to clear her throat, “I…I overate quite a bit after…” her voice broke. After my husband died, she thought. She shook her head before glancing up at him. His gaze was attentive but not forceful.

A long moment of silence filtered between them, with it, an awkward pressure to break it. Mr. Fields turned off the grinder and carefully made his way toward her.

All of the pain she was feeling was like an angry volcano in her chest. It threatened to squeeze through her throat. Rosemary gulped loudly and her bottom lip twitched. Mr. Fields stopped an arm length away.

She feared he would touch her…but more than that she feared the wrath inside of herself. She had never experienced anger when Richard died…only overwhelming sadness. The worst part was…she felt her anger was directed toward God.

What kind of Christian am I?

Shame flamed Rosemary’s already reddened face. Her jade eyes widened and she took a step back.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Mr. Fields asked gently.

Rosemary shook her head more violently than she intended, “it’s nothing I think would be beneficial to our working relationship.”

“But, would it be beneficial to you? That’s important too.” His voice was so soft it came out like a whisper.

She looked up and saw his beautifully warm eyes. There was genuine care sketched across his bronzy visage.

A thousand thoughts battled in her mind. But the longer she looked at him, the more her mind cleared. It was as if the soft peace she felt around him was being offered to her.
“After…my husband died,” the words came out like the bite of an undying winter. Her shoulders shook and her trembling lips parted before a flood of audible cries came out. Joshua closed the remaining gap between them and wrapped her in his arms. She forgot herself and buried her face against his chest. He rested his chin on her head and embraced her firmly. She stood there in his shelter until she collected herself.

After becoming calm, Rosemary allowed herself to linger in Mr. Field’s supportive arms. She could hear his heartbeat against her ears and the faint scent of spikenard, saffron and calamus were blended like a colon bath on his clothes. Clearing her throat, she put a pushing hand against him and he released her immediately. Clear tears trailed her cheeks, dripped down her chin and splashed against her arms and shirt.

“I…”

He cut her off, “Don’t apologize. I’m glad you got that off your chest.”

She glanced away until he spoke again, “You don’t ever have to pretend you feel anyway other than what you do around me. I’m not unfamiliar with pain…or comfort.”

“Thank you, Mr. Fields.”

He held a hand up, “please call me Joshua. It’s more personable.”

She tilted her head slightly.

“It’s okay if you forget…but it’s another if you do it on purpose. I’m asking you to call me by my first name.”

Deciding not to make waves Rosemary nodded. “Okay,” she verbalized.

“Good,” He said and then only stared. The look on his face spoke volumes more. He desired to say things that she wasn’t ready to hear. Pain flickered in his eyes and then something else. A knowing she couldn’t discern yet it pulled on her soul like a magnet leading straight to his heart.

She sniffled and squinted her eyes in thought.

“I want you to feel like family with myself and the kids.” Joshua said and in her heart, she believed him.

“That is super kind of you to say that. I confess I think my time volunteering with you might unravel some of my emotions. I never meant to involve you in my grieving process, especially since your family is going through a difficult family time as well.”

“I believe this is a good thing,” he said confidently but not arrogantly. Rosemary waited for an explanation and when he offered none she shrugged, “maybe.”

Joshua turned away and went back to fixing his coffee. After pouring fresh water into a silver and black cappuccino machine he offered, “I can help you with breakfast if you like?”

There was something about him that made Rosemary suspect she would not be able to hide behind her self-imposed mask of calm. She trembled inwardly as she feared his peaceful presence would unravel the ugly things within her she had so desperately closed her conscious to. Vulnerability had never been her forte. Her history was marked with painful memories of rejection and scorn whenever she exposed the soft, throbbing, naked places of her soul. She couldn’t imagine Joshua would respond any different.

“No, thank you.” she said, wanting to put distance between herself and him.

Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood any more.

For your Maker is your Husband—the Lord of hosts is His name—and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called.

 For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken, grieved in spirit, and heartsore—even a wife [wooed and won] in youth, when she is [later] refused and scorned, says your God. -Isaiah 54:4-6 AMP

As always, may you enjoy the warmth of Jesus’s love today in  familiar and unexpected places! For a romantic fictional book on the bridegroom love of Jesus, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul!

“As I read, I quickly became enthralled with this book, so beautifully written in the language of love. Each of these short stories so accurately reflects the romantic and wooing heart of the Bridegroom which draws you to Himself into a deeper place of love and intimacy. If you have not yet experienced romantic intimacy with God, I’m confident that this book will set you on course. It’s bound to warm your soul and whet your desire for your own heart-to-heart conversations and experiences with God. The author creatively ministers to the soul, bringing truth to light in the most tangible ways; you will feel that God is speaking directly to you, and He most certainly is!

Some stories caused me to be drawn away into remembrance of my own experiences and conversations with God that have freed my soul; others caused me to reevaluate my heart’s commitment to my first Husband and cry out for forgiveness; and yet others simply took me on a delightful and exciting adventure of what the beginning of a holy, unadulterated love looks like – so refreshing to the soul! I commend the author for using her creative gifting to share personal reflections and heart intimacies which I know could only come from the deep well of Father’s heart. I highly recommend this book as a must read!” -Marina Garcia

Posted on

The Result of Comfort is Rest

But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you. -John 14:26 AMP

Have you ever struggled to sleep because you lacked peace inside your heart?

I understand.

Because I’m there right now…

It’s late at night and I’m awake when I should be asleep.

I’m up because my day has had a draining undertow of anxiety strung like spinning thread inside the veins that flow blood throughout my body. I’ve felt so rushed in daily choirs, and I haven’t stopped to tend to the real needs of my heart.

I’m up late because my two young daughters are finally asleep and I find it hard to focus on my soul and healing subjects when they are awake.

I’m up late because there are no demands in this moment and the neglected pain, inward desire and questions that I have for God are surfacing to the top of my conscious mind like the swelling of a wave.

I’m up.

I’m awake.

And unmet desire raps at the door of my soul again.

I now clearly hear the steady beating that has been happening all day, but now instead of deafening my ears to it, I choose to listen.

“What do you want?” I ask my soul, already knowing the answer.

When the great longing of my soul is seen, like an emaciated person reeling with hunger, I freeze. Feelings of powerlessness overwhelm me because I know I cannot fill the aching, (seemingly abysmal) void.

The cold reality of my human incapability and poverty makes me want to swing the door shut again on my hungry desire and pretend I never saw it. But I know such carelessness wouldn’t be innocuous. My mind battles what to do.

I would just as soon ignore it, except I know it will persist.

I would just squish it, except I know it to be immortal and incapable of death.

I think to squelch it again, under the dulling drug of busyness, but I know it will only make my heart sick and heart ailment is a disease I find I can’t bear. Besides this, the chronic state of an ailing heart usually leads to an addiction of some form (in my case…the chocolate pantry).

The need of The Comforter rises from within me like a child’s whimpering cry to the peak of my throat. I can almost taste the unshed tears at the back of my tongue.

“Holy Spirit,” I whisper, “Help me. I cannot help myself. Father God, I’m so hungry. I’m hungry for your promises. I’m thirsty for things I know are coming but they have not manifested in my life yet. I’m hungry to see my dreams become reality and trusting You in the waiting is hard. I know your Word says that by faith and patience we inherit the promises…but the waiting is such a battle of faith somedays. I’m hungry to see your goodness and your kingdom come in the lives of several friends and family members. I know You have a much more wonderful reality for them than what they are living in. I know You have so much more for me…”

As I talk to God and give Him myself and all the loved ones who are weighing on my heart, I feel calmer. My tight chest finally begins to relax as I “expose” my natural weakness to the most loving, capable Father.

My daughter Elena is asleep beside me in a small netted rocker with metal polls for legs. She breathes softly under a knitted blanket made with cool blue and green tones with white in between.

I think of her own soul and her need for comfort when she is tired and ready to sleep.

When Elena (her name means radiant light) is weary, she doesn’t whisper, she cries with a fury and fever that won’t be denied. She doesn’t hide her pain or her need, like I so often do. She doesn’t fear her desires won’t be met or that she’ll be scorned because of them.

No, she finds me with her eyes and her whole face screws up, her nose crinkles like discarded Christmas wrapping paper, her face flushes with rogue hues and she wails for attention until she is comforted. She trusts me to soothe her when she is exhausted or hungry or emotionally hurt. Because she trusts me, she makes her emotions known with candid, innocent clarity.

I can still see her, trying to crawl over a plush pillow and brush past an arresting assortment of colorful plastic toys around her. I laugh because I know the couch pillow, which is fairly small, might as well have been a hill to her small ten month frame and limited mobil agility. She crawled with frustrating effort around the toy obstacles that were bought for her pleasure and enjoyment.

I saw her and took pity on her. The moment she recognized I would pick her up, her wails quieted and she looked up at me with anticipated calm.

Once inside my arms, she nuzzled her nose into my right breast and covered the tender skin with a curled, chubby hand.

She mumbled and cooed softly as I cradled her while she nursed and within a few short minutes, she fell asleep.

Her soul had cried for help, and I came.

Not only had I comforted her by holding her, but I nourished her through the milk my body created…just for her.

Now, I find myself, crying as well. Only my Helper is Someone I cannot see and sometimes cannot feel, yet He has assured me He is always there.

I confess, it’s not always easy to rest in His arms. It’s not always been easy for me to receive the heavenly and healing comfort that is always available to me. Because sometimes, it’s hard for me to trust a spiritual Father when my body wants my five senses appeased with tangible proof.

Even when I intellectually know He is Truth, even when I acknowledge with my mind that He cannot lie and his word is more sure than the sun’s rising every morning…sometimes faith still seems like an obstacle. Sometimes faith seems like an obstruction (like the toys that surrounded Elena), rather than what it actually is, a great gift from my loving heavenly Father.

And I’m tempting to feel condemned for that. But I won’t allow myself to be. He has told me far too many times that He doesn’t condemn me (John 3:16-17).

How I sometimes wish I were like Elena, and when I cry, Jesus would appear in the flesh and scoop me up in his warm, safe, loving and powerful arms.

I confess this to Him, probably for the thousandth time, and like a good Friend, He listens patiently and compassionately as if it were the first time.

As I pour out the internal floodgates of turmoil that had been mercilessly churning and pricking inside me all day, I relax even more, My breaths deepen and become longer and steadier in the atmosphere of his celestial and curative grace.

I find my desires being pacified, like a baby suckling on their mother’s milk until their belly is full, in the presence of his comforting love.

It takes me a moment to realize, my hear rate has dramatically slowed down.

All the tormenting doubt is silent now.

I’ve been in his arms and I didn’t even realize it!

And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” -Exodus 33: 14

“The result of comfort is rest.” I felt the Holy Spirit say inside me.

I gazed at my daughter again, sound asleep, with no sign of distress on her placid, caramel colored visage.

Her rhymnthetic breathing is as sound and smooth as still crystal lake water. I watch the slow rise and fall of her small chest.

She is at peace.

She is resting because she had fallen asleep in the most secure place on earth to her, my arms.

She had drifted into subconsciousness under the shadow of my wings. The last thing she saw was the light of my face. My smile flamed like a life-giving image past her pupils and dove into her heart giving deep comforting, assurance to her soul. Her eyes fluttered closed, remembering my maternal smile and the love that inevitably poured through my eyes. Just like the sun stains my eyes when I stare at it too long so much so that even under my eyelids I can see embellishments of its sparkling orange and gold light invading the darkness, so my image branded Elena’s mind as she slept.

And through studying her, I realize, this is what the Holy Spirit has done for us. We can always have this sort of blessed assurance in our hearts. The light of God’s face is always shinning down on us in love. He is our Father, we are his beloved, precious children. Let Him hold you today and still your every fear. There is nothing He wants more, than to comfort you when you’re hurting :

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD. -Psalm 89: 15

Whoever rests in the shadow of the Most High God will be kept safe by the Mighty One. -Psalm 91:1 NIRV

Many ask, “Who can show us the good?” Shine the light of Your face upon us, O LORD. -Psalm 4:6

For it was not by their sword that they took the land; their arm did not bring them victory. It was by Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your face, because You favored them. -Psalm 44:3

May God be gracious to us and bless us, and cause His face to shine upon us, Selah. -Psalm 67:1

Restore us, O God, and cause Your face to shine upon us, that we may be saved. -Psalm 80:3

I pray the “intangible” arms of God are palpably felt by you today. I pray you experience the sort of divine comfort that always gives rest. May his loving countenance shine through and still every raging storm in your soul, giving you the answers you need. There is no safer, securer or more peaceful place on earth than in communion with God the Father.

~If you would like to experience emotionally life-giving and mind clearing sessions with God about your future goals in the safe presence of another, I do prayerful life-coaching with my clients. I would love to walk alongside Jesus in providing you with the Comfort, inspiration, wisdom and guidance you desire. Click here to fill out a questionnaire and receive a FREE life-coaching consultation call! The first few clients will receive a limited discounted price!

“Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creatures to the feast of Creation.”
(pg.99, “The Body and the Earth”) ― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

“People use drugs, legal and illegal, because their lives are intolerably painful or dull. They hate their work and find no rest in their leisure. They are estranged from their families and their neighbors. It should tell us something that in healthy societies drug use is celebrative, convivial, and occasional, whereas among us it is lonely, shameful, and addictive. We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost each other.” ― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

~For a beautiful song on the light of God’s face by Misty Edwards, click here. I do not own any rights to this music. This was one of the 1st worship songs I listened to as a new believer.

~For more devotions like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love (a journey back to healing grace) on amazon!

God bless you. He loves you with all of his heart!

“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again. 

I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige

Posted on

God’s Heavenly Gentleness

~The head photo of my daughter Elena was taken by Ruthy Esquivel Photography.

One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple. -Psalm 27:4

Father, I love your gentleness.
The sweetness of your Presence is the healing balm to my heart.
You are the perfect embrace and shelter for my heart.
Your kindness is better than life.
I taste You like the softest of fruits that melts into whip cream in my mouth.
You are sugar within my soul.
You are waves like air lapping at my feet, traveling like fragrant whimsical ripples from incense smoke around my ankles.
You are softness.
You are gentle love.
You are romance in the best way.
You are honey in the sun.
You are like a cool, refreshing tropical breeze to the sweating, weary brow.
You are my Romancer.
My Bridegroom.
 My Daddy.
My best Friend.
My Master, and my Maker.
 My deepest conversations have been with You.
You sing me to sleep with the music of your breaths and your stilling whispers.
Your tangible arms are more pristine than peach and cream alabaster pillars.
Your heart is like a fire that blazes and burns; like a warm campfire I long to linger near.
I sit by your beating, consuming heart in a rocking chair and you sing over me—swaying me softly back and forth in your pleasure.
I am most at home in You.
You are my home.
And I love the way You love me.
Your love changes me.
Your love transforms me…and I’m not the same.
I’ll never be the same…so long as your love is before my eyes.

~For more poetry like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love!

“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, U.S Navy, Minister, Founder of Servant King Apparel

Posted on

Rethinking Spiritual Growth

~A devotional written by Samuel David Alley

So you think you know how true growth is stimulated?

Contrary to popular opinion, no living plant grows by added toil and struggle; they grow by receiving. There is such a thing as becoming strong from enduring battles, but I am not addressing the subject of battle-tested; just simple growth.

The beautiful lilies and trees simply receive the water; they receive the nutrients, vitamins, and minerals, they receive the ultraviolet light, and they receive the carbon dioxide. Photosynthesis (the process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize foods from carbon dioxide and water), even this process is not a toil or a struggle. This means it’s activated by the involuntary process hardwired into the plant through its genetic coding. Photosynthesis, this phenomenon, in which the elements are converted to food, is a response triggered by the presence of those elements and the intelligence present in the genetics of the plant. This is where I point out that it’s not troubles or hardships that activate photosynthesis, but simply the presence of the two contributors I mentioned.

The difference between us and plants, in this regard, is that we are self-aware and have the opportunity to frustrate the growth process by engaging every battle that does not belong to us via our fight-or-flight response. We have a tendency to allow every fire that is ignited by an intruder to become ours to extinguish.

Living our lives in this perpetual fight-or-flight mode (designed only for emergencies/imminent threat) is the most unidentified thief of growth and inner healing for our lives. We attempt to use the worry and anxiety born out of the fight-or-flight response to make or struggle ourselves into growth? This has the opposite effect unfortunately.

With this point made, what If it’s possible that we, in our revolving invitation to stress, actually have nullified of canceled our own spiritual growth? Has it occurred to us that plants do not grow in a hurricane or tornadoes, but are to preoccupied surviving the threat? “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Casting all your cares (battles) upon Him because He (alone Has the capacity to fight for you) and provide for your circumstances.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Maybe this is the supreme reason as to why God seeks for us to give the battles, the fires, the problems, and the hurts to Him. Fighting battles all the time that do not belong to us come at a great cost….we are never available to receive any food from God. God Bless you!

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? “So why do you worry about clothing?

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; “and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.“Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith (little receiving)? “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ “For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:25-34)

Posted on

Seeing Jesus Through My Heart

I have these moments where I just want to escape with Jesus. Right now I just want to have a nice warm cappuccino with caramel drizzle and frothy whipped cream on top decked with coconut flakes (and not worry about the calories… thank you very much). I want Jesus to be beside me with His own favorite hot cup. I dream of us in some quaint cafe having another deeply intimate conversation that leaves me feeling loved inside.

When I was first born again and Spirit filled, I used to go on “dates” with Jesus. I’m not kidding in the slightest. I was always a dreamer…but when my life became wholly His, He captivated my heart with imagery that left me feeling so peaceful inside. I discovered (through the aid of the Holy Spirit) the promised internal Kingdom of Heaven (Romans 14:17). That’s how my writing career started.

When I was unsaved my mind had a constant dark and gloomy undertow. But when Jesus came into my heart, my mind became so positive and vibrant  as He showed me breathtaking landscapes. It was like my soul had entered into a personal garden of Eden.

The people closest to me (my family) took notice of my ability to tune out everything and everyone at the most “random” moments.

One night my mom and I were watching a dance movie and just before the scene we both really enjoyed…I felt the Holy Spirit calling me away. So without warning (as is my usual custom) I got up and went to the kitchen table. There I plugged in my headsets and began to write down what the Lord started to show me. A poem came out of that: Land of Peace. I published it in my book, Visions of Celestial Love.

A poetic, devotional book on returning to the life-giving, empowering grace in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Another time I was play wrestling with my brother (we still wrestle today when we get a chance) and I felt again that Jesus was calling me away. So I stood up without saying anything, sat on the couch, closed my eyes and had a “date” with Jesus. My brother Alex and my sister Azania asked me if I was okay.

“I’m fine,” I said quietly and felt lost in the presence of God as I experienced the promised union of the new covenant. My poem: Jesus Replenishes in the Sacred Land, Meeting with my Soul and Spirit, came out of that encounter (again, I included this poem in my book, Visions of Celestial Love).

Because of these romantic, playful, and lovely dates with the Lord, my soul became like a well watered garden (Isaiah 58:11). It seemed no matter what was going on in my outward circumstances…I always had a positive outlook.

I often wondered what Jesus would do on the mountain top when He would spend hours praying by Himself to God? Sometimes I wonder if the Father just loved on Him and showed Him things to come for the upcoming day? I wonder if they had Father, Son dates together too?

Jesus wants to be so intimate with you. God wants you to know Him. Not just in doctrine or theology but in your heart and soul.

He created our imaginations, He created everything beautiful in this world. God designed you with a capacity to be loved by Him with your entire being. That doesn’t just mean your spirit…but it means your soul (heart, mind), your body (your strength) and all that is within you.

David, the man after God’s own heart, loved God with his imagination. The Psalms (or poetic songs) are filled with scripting so fluidly etched it sounds like love letters written between the two dearests of friends.

David had a beautiful imagination…and he took what he knew about God (the written Word, and creation) and experienced the Father. He spoke of seeking one thing, “to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord.” (Psalm 27:4)

God wants to be intimately acquainted with us…in every way that we will allow Him. It’s not a mystical relationship (pagans have that with their deities), but it’s as daily and natural as loving your spouse and choosing to put him/her first.

The more time you spend with someone the more you know and trust them. Jesus is no different. When I’m not actively aware of Jesus I begin to miss Him. The same way I would miss Stephen if I didn’t get to see him.

Jesus said this is eternal life, “that they may know You the Father, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” (John 17:3)

It’s in the knowing of relationship that we find the greatest beauty. You were made for such beauty ❤

Imagining with Jesus is not, “escape from reality” but the perspective of a, “greater reality.”

Christ in you is the hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27)

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21)

#heartlifewithHim

“When I read Visions of Celestial Love, it is as if I am brought down to my knees to worship. What the Holy Spirit has done in and through Ashley, He is doing also in me. What a wonderful experience. It is very rich. Thank you for sharing the treasure.”—Riko Suci Alam, CEO of Ligar Jaya and owner of Clove Garden hotel in Bandung Indonesia. 

Posted on

Let Sexy Expire

~A universally relatable devotional, written by the truly beautiful Ashley Lande. (To visit her iridescent blog, click here: ttps://www.ashleylande.com/. I highly recommend signing up for her newsletters, you will be blessed ❤ !)

I recently read an aging supermodel’s post wherein she lamented becoming “invisible” at her age as her sex appeal has diminished. The hashtag “sexy has no expiration date” capped her elegy for youth, for attention, for both lustful & envious stares.

Is “sexy” really the highest to which we can aspire in the pantheon of human qualities, the top metric for womanly value, such that we should hang on to it doggedly even as it recedes farther and farther away, like the retreating creep of a hairline?

I kinda hope sexy does have an expiration date. I don’t really like the word at all. Much of my life it’s been a burden, a term freighted with both dire importance and impossible demands.

By fourteen I’d developed matronly hips and could be seen slouching sullenly in photos in a vain attempt to shrink my 5’9″ frame, which carried 20 extra lbs. When I finally “bloomed” 4 or 5 years later, the newfound prowess of attractiveness was an intoxicating drug, laced with danger and power.

My exterior may have garnered male attention at last, but inside I was still the same girl who watched all her friends drift away with boys at the dance while she hunched over in the corner and tried to figure out something to do with her too-long arms and tried not to cry. Ah, memories 🤗

Heartbreak and ruin ensued as I tried to magnify the “sexy” part of me, the part that was adored, the part that moved units and lured gazes. I hushed all the other parts, tamped them down unkindly.

I’d been indoctrinated by the world. “Sexy” was my paramount value. Without it, I was less than nothing. With it, I was invincible. So I thought. So Satan says.

But what is sexy? Sexy is cheap, profligate, ubiquitous. It screams from magazine covers, it hisses from store displays. You can be anything you want, the world cries, but you better be sexy while you’re doing it.

Sexy floats, for a time. It can even seem to fill you, for a time. But as a young woman, when the stagnant pall of despair set in and the very non-sexy parts of me demanded their reckoning, I learned it is a cold, cold comfort.

Now that I think of it, sexy definitely does have an expiration date: meeting Jesus.

Jesus doesn’t care if you are sexy. Jesus doesn’t care if you’ve outworn all your usefulness on society’s terms. Jesus doesn’t care if your skin is taut or crepey. Sexy has absolutely no currency with him. And that’s what both drew me magnetically in and filled me with terror.

This capital that I’d learned the dirty art of leveraging – this was trash to him. It meant nothing. I was naked before him, truly naked, and there was nothing sexy about it.

I was known without reserve, every part, even the decidedly unsexy ones where my worst fears festered, foremost that I would be met with disgust. There was no more hiding, no more withholding. It is a fearful and wonderful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Because here, too, in the nakedness and trembling vulnerability of standing before blinding, dwarfing, stultifying holiness, here too was the miracle: I was loved without measure.

It still whispers and hisses and sometimes yells, the lie: you must be sexy, or else you won’t be anything at all. I hear it in the posh waiting room of a plastic surgeon where I go to get Botox shot into my jaw for the intermittently severe TMD I’ve lived with for years. Apparently my jaw takes upon itself all the stress and tension that might otherwise be evenly distributed in my body. After expensive dental work, many episodes of debilitating pain, a thousand chiropractic visits and fifteen gazillion doses of ibuprofen later, I am not inclined to look upon its noble sacrifice charitably.

He probes my masseter muscles with a finger, the doctor who is surprisingly down to earth and has not made any comments on how I might surgically enhance any other members of my body, as Steven had feared he would. He injects the botulinum toxin A with a tiny needle. I barely feel it.

In the next few days as I wait for my evil jaw muscles to slowly enter partial paralysis, I assess my face with a more critical eye. There is definitely a faint cleft developing between my eyebrows. My lips are less full than they once were. I got the Botox for legitimate medical reasons, yes. But maybe just a filler here, a relaxer there…

Steven says no. I play it coy, wait a few days, try a few more angles of asking. He looks me in the eye: NO. You’re beautiful the way you are.

I sigh. How easy it is to forget, to become ensnared by the temptation to play by the world’s rules. Must hang on. Must be sexy at all costs.

But we are bound up in and bound for a kingdom without end where sexy has expired forever and never had any currency to begin with. We are loved wholly and pervasively, from every angle, not only from that which that flatters our features most.

Sexy will expire. It already has. Jesus trampled it, along with every other false and soul-siphoning measure you’ve held yourself against as though it were sacred and not from the pit of hell.

Let it die. Let sexy expire. Real love, the kind you’ve always craved and always looked for in all the wrong places, is here at last. Jesus is here.
.
.
.
(Btw – I am not judging anyone for having cosmetic procedures. Heck, I wear makeup. I recently bought a moderately expensive face serum. It’s just always good to examine our whys, and remember eternity, and the reality of Jesus’ love).

Again, this beautiful article was not written by me, but by the lovely Ashley Lande. You can visit her inspirational blog by clicking here. Subscribe to her website to receive more of her work directly to your email!