There’s a scripture that says clouds of thick darkness surround Him. Lightning goes before Him and consumes His foes. He veils his brightness like the rain clouds veil the sun . (Psalm 97:2-3)
Yesterday I saw rays of sunshine pierce through thick castles of pearly white and silvery grey clouds still echoing with the weighty blessing of another promising downpour. I couldn’t help but be captivated and try and stare at the shafts of brilliant gold, fiery light that had escaped the clouds…even though it hurt my eyes to stare.
I think this is why God sometimes covers Himself.
I am reminded of when God visited Israel on mount Sinai and thick dark fiery clouds descended as the mountain trembled and the people, not knowing His goodness and love cowered when they saw a part of His beaming glory. (Exodus 34:6)
I want to be like Moses and climb the mountain, unafraid of the fire and beauty and splendor of His majesty because I know, while no man can see God and live…I know I have already died because I’ve seen Him.in Jesus. (Exodus 33: 20)
“If you’ve seen Me, you’ve seen the Father.” (John 14:9)
And His light, power, presence is my home.
I hope my recent thoughts on this rainy week blesses you as much as it did me…may our faces shine like Moses and even more so may our hearts shine like the Son of righteousness because we are His. And we can taste and see that He is good. (Psalm 34:8)
The world teaches the opposite of this. Almost every time I turn on the television or listen to a (secular) love song on the radio I hear and see the damaging way culture is training people to find gratification. People cling and grasp at others for fleshly fulfillment…but there is no gratifying the flesh. And such cycles only lead to hurting others or yourself in the name of “love.” We tend to seek wholeness in others because the Father built us for relationship. Aristotle summed this up wisely when he wrote, “it is the nature of desire not to be satisfied, and most men live only for the gratification of it.”
When I was 16 years old I was filled with the Holy Spirit. It was only until that moment that I began to receive the love of God (Romans 5:5). This love filled my heart like balmy, thick sap and flowed into the cracks of my broken places, brining the fragrance of Christ. It was truly a supernatural work, one that I could never do. I remember sitting in my high school journalism class next to my friend Hazel and feeling the Holy Spirit move in my heart. I began to scribble in my notebook and drew a picture of my soul. There was a Man inside cooking, then He began rearranging furniture, adding beautiful things and tending to a garden outside of a pleasant looking cottage. I could tell He was making himself comfortable inside of me. I turned to Hazel and showed her the drawing, “I see Jesus in me.”
Soon an amazing thing began to happen…I found fulfillment. This incredible peace came not because of popularity, or dating a boy, or because I had accomplished some great feat. It came because God was intimate with me. Slowly, He wooed me and there was such inner pleasure within me that I became almost unoffendable (if that’s a word). My soul was like a thousand rolling hills of purple lavender fields. The scents of His Presence was weighty and heady like wine. And I was stolen away into a place called the Kingdom of Heaven. There…He made a proposal and I accepted my identity and covenant in Christ.
God’s love is so deep, so wide, so comforting. I once described His eyes like bowls of cinnamon set on fire. He became everything and everything became nothing without Him. I loved others deeply, from my heart (1 Peter 1:22). I found everything the heart of man truly longs for in our Creator…who I found wasn’t distant and angry. He was my personal Friend, my Master, my Father & then He told me He was my husband (Isaiah 54:5).I married my now husband, Stephen McClelland as a virgin. I had never kissed anyone before him or dated anyone before him. But it wasn’t because I had a set of religious rules in front of me and worked hard to control my flesh. To be honest, I’m not that strong and that kind of method doesn’t work. Paul said it is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace (Hebrews 13:9). Father set a feast of divine pleasure in my heart. It was heavenly pleasure that kept me away from sinful fleshly pleasure.
Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, is a collection of tender short stories that Jesus used to romance my soul with pure intimacy. It was these sweet moments with Him that saved me from the traps that were set for me in my youth. I am so excited to be able to offer this book on amazon. You can check it out by clicking here.
My prayer for every man and women that reads this, is that they will be drenched in the warm love of God as if they were under a spiced waterfall. And that through this… they would fall in love with Him. There is no lasting fulfillment or rest for your soul until it is found in relationship with Him. abundant life begins with Him. The bread of peace is in His hand and He’s a generous Giver.
xoxo
“This book is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. It invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Danielle Sanders
“How much more beautiful is the earth because you’re upon it…a righteous, glowing star. Happy Thanksgiving!”
I wrote this text message with a specific friend in mind, but soon I was copying and pasting it to several dear friends.
Normally, I would give God thanks for my family (my husband children, parents, siblings, grandparents and other members), for the things He’s blessed me with throughout the year, for daily grace, mercy, favor and his kind thoughtful intentions toward me and my husband and my children. Words would truly fail me to describe just how thankful I am for my family…the 3 most precious people in the all the world to my heart. The 3 people who douse my soul in a bath of golden joy more brilliant than the sun. They are a constant Spring birdsong in my heart, raising continual thanks to my Heavenly Father.
As for the saints (godly people) who are in the land, They are the majestic and the noble and the excellent ones in whom is all my delight. -Psalm 16:3 AMP
This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the saints upon the earth.
Lately I’ve been developing a deepening appreciation and love for the church and the individual members that make it up. I’ve been blown away, almost to the point of awe at how valuable, amazing and priceless every son and daughter of God truly is. I have thanked the Lord for his presence through his people in this world. I have considered that there is nothing more beautiful or valuable on earth than a recreated human being who has been transformed from the nature of Adam, to the nature of Christ.
What in the world could be more radiant than a person with God inside of them by the Holy Spirit?
“You are the salt of the earth…you are the light of the world…”- Jesus in Matthew 5:13-16.
God’s people are earth’s hope. We are a foretaste of heaven to the lost and dying. We are royal priests, kings and queens and a holy nation (1 Peter 2:9), we are living tabernacles (1 Corinthians 6:19), we are the salt and light of the world. We are the hands and feet of Jesus, (1 Corinthians 12:27) and God works through us to appeal to the world. We are his ministers of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:11-21). We are ambassadors for Christ, his representatives (2 Corinthians 5:20).
Weeks ago, I was driving home with a full heart after meeting with two dear friends (they are featured in the head photo). As I drove, I thanked and praised God! I was full of glorious joy because of the saints who dispensed the sweet fragrance and mighty power of his Presence. I thanked Him profusely for his people upon the earth because of how incredibly rich their lives are. Inside of them are the rivers of life (John 7:38), inside of them is all the wealth and treasures of the kingdom of heaven (Ephesians 1:3), inside of them is the Person of Jesus Christ and his Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:17), inside of them is them is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Inside of them is the virtue for every healing miracle and every truth that brings freedom (Mark 3:15, 1 John 2:20). Inside of them is the authority and power to cast out demons and set the captives free (Luke 10:19).
As I gave him praise, I almost cried. It was dark outside and the sky was sheeted with the blackness of the night, but the ground was lit from the lights of the city. Each store bulb, street lamp, and house light illuminated the earth like aureate-gold stars. I imagined, from Heaven’s perspective, this must be how the saints look on the earth. Have you ever seen a satellite photo of the earth at night? Entire continents are speckled with clusters of twinkling lights as eye-catching and glistening as bioluminescent algae. Every single light represents a sign of life. While, our eyes are drawn only to see the invention of man (the electric bulbs) through these satellite photos… God’s eyes see into the spiritual realm. Each believer shines like these lights. From an ethereal perspective, we look like the lights on the earth.
I pray that you will continually experience the immeasurable greatness of God’s power made available to you through faith. Then your lives will be an advertisement of this immense power as it works through you! This is the mighty power that was released when God raised Christ from the dead and exalted him to the place of the highest honor and supreme authority in the heavenly realm! -Ephesians 1:19-20 TPT
My friends and I sat in a small diner where we talked for nearly 4 hours about our adventures with God, his goodness in our lives and the ways we’ve experienced his amazing love. The tangible presence of God was so strong in the diner that several times, we all laughed, cried, and sat in silence as we savored his holy company. These saints are probably the most radiant stars/lights I have ever spiritually seen on the earth. Not because they are somehow more special than other children of God…but because they don’t hide their light under a bushel. Instead, they boldly and lovingly praise God through their actions and words and they share his light with others (Matthew 5:15). Their lives resemble Jesus in a way that naturally convicts and draws others to God. Not only are their personalities and character brimming with the love of God and the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), but their lives are full of the power of the Holy Spirit in miracles (1 Corinthians 12).
I want to mention some of the miracles we shared together. I hope these testimonies encourage your heart in the faith:
One of my friends shared how he prayed for a young girl who was hospitalized and near death to the natural eye. Her mother was on drugs when she was pregnant the young girl and now some of her organs were severely inoperative. My friend told me that as he approached the hospital where he knew God wanted him to be, the Lord told him that it would be done even before he entered. He said his wife had given him a spotless, white stuffed lamb for the little girl (a symbol of Jesus as our Passover sacrifice who paid for our healing and deliverance). As my friend opened the hospital door he said those in the room saw a cloud of the Lord’s presence appear and the little girl’s skin went from a ghostly pale color to her regular color as God touched her body with his healing power. My friend prayed over her and instead of being life-flighted to another hospital, like she was supposed to be, she was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. My friend shared that over the years, he has learned not to rely on his personal goodness or work-righteousness but to simply trust in Jesus and his finished work and to receive the grace of God when it comes to healing.
My other friend told of when she prayed for one of her in-laws who was suffering from demonic oppression that manifested itself in schizophrenia. She said this family member had been lying in bed for days with no motivation and little hope. She said they wouldn’t even clean themselves. When my friend found out what was going on, she said she experienced the righteous anger of the Lord against the enemy. She went into the room where this family member was, and commanded the evil spirit to leave and declared the life of God. Her in-law received freedom and the enemy left!
One of my friends told me how he used to minister to motorcycle gang members who would come around his house. He had small children then and so he felt lead to talk to the gang members to make sure they knew he was a father who would protect his children should anyone of them get any ideas. One thing lead to another and soon several gang members received physical healing. After experiencing God, they would bring people they knew who needed healing to my friend. One of them brought his girlfriend who was suffering from stage 4 cancer. As my friend ministered to her and told her of the great love of God for her through Jesus, she wept. Before this, she had felt worthless due to abuses and trauma in her past. My friend prayed over her and she was miraculously healed of cancer! One of the gang members he had prayed for, received Jesus into his heart and turned from a life of violence and sin and later became a marriage and family therapist. My friend told me for a long time he battled to overcome feelings of guilt and condemnation. It was only until he began to receive the unconditional love and grace of God through the gift of faith-righteousness that, he was able to walk more truly in the freedom Christ came to give us. He said when praying for others, he often bring sup the love and grace and God because he’s found many people struggle with secret feeling of unworthiness and condemnation. Once people are able to see that healing is by grace, because of the love of God and the sacrifice of Jesus, that some people open up to freely receive.
There are so many more stories I can share but I hope these 3 stories uplifted your heart and encouraged your faith in God.
You have resurrection power in you as a son or daughter of God.
You have the authority of the name of Jesus at your disposal.
You are truly a priceless treasure on this planet, a bright light, and a home for the presence, salvation, love, and grace of God.
I pray you realize how valuable you are.
I am grateful for you this Thanksgiving!
We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. -2 Corinthians 4:7 NLT
Some of the most faith-building messages that I’ve heard on our identity in Christ and God’s will to heal us are (I don’t any rights to these videos):
Andrew Wommack on common stumbling stones to healing. To watch, click here.
E.W Kenyon on Jesus the Healer. To watch, click here.
Knowledge without power bespeaks a lack of intimacy.
Just as natural as it is for the union of a husband and wife to produce a new creation, so natural it is for intimacy with Jesus to produce the power of God’s kingdom.
Truth received in the heart will always perfume the scent of the Man of Truth.
The wonders of communion with him looks like being naked and unashamed. There is no area of him that I don’t want to see. There is no area in me that I conceal from him.
Everything is laid bare before him. We are in covenant. All that he is is mine and all that I am is his. This is what marriage is. The two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two but one (Mark 10:8). “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32 ESV).
When I was a new wife, I was naked and ashamed. My husband desired to see me. His desire was natural, good and even holy blessed by God. Because his desire reflected the level of knowledge that God wanted with me. This sort of thinking used to be sacrilegious to my previous legalistic mindset. But now I know better.
There came a point in my walk with God where I realized my fear of vulnerability was really self-preservation in disguise. Selfishness will always be a stumbling block to experiencing true love. If I have any fear of being transparent before my husband it is because I am self-focused (or self-centered) and thus fearful. But in God’s perfect love there is no fear (1 John 4:18). There is no room for the old self in the new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Do you know what that means?
Jesus hung on a cross…in public…naked. (I wish you could read that as slowly as it takes to truly understand it).
He was executed in way that was meant to bring him the most shame. His enemies were true sadists. They enjoyed seeing people tortured– It gave them a sick kind of pleasure.
I’ve never seen a movie where the actor playing Jesus was stripped completely naked. I’ve seen several movies where the actor was brutally beaten. I’ve seen movies where the actor’s skin was shredded and floods of blood trailed down. I’ve seen men try and portray the internal agony of Jesus. I’ve seen movies where “Jesus” wept bitterly and even church publicized screenings where Jesus bore the judgement of God for our sins in the spiritual realm. These screenings of “Jesus” taking on the curse of the law come the closest (in showing not only the physical beating but the spiritual transaction that took place). But I have yet to see an actor agree to be stripped naked on the screen.
Why do you think that is?
There is something in the heart of man that fiercely fears nakedness! I’m not talking about casual sex here, our culture is filled with the filth of that, but I’m speaking of the unfolding of oneself to another in true unashamed exposure.
There is a fear that fights for the last remaining terrain in your soul. It fights to keep the flag of freedom from waving the heavenly fragrance of myrrh in your heart. It fights to keep God out and it fights to keep you in bondage.
This fear is self.
When Jesus hung, naked on that cross for you he took away the shame of being naked.
If he could become naked for us, then we can become naked for him.
He invites us to be naked and unashamed.
There came a point in my Christian walk where I desired to know Jesus as he is. I yearned to worship him in spirit and in truth.
I didn’t want knowledge without union with him because it was self worship.
It was safe religiosity; like kissing a picture of my husband while the real man was standing before me. I wanted intimacy with a Person not intimacy with words.
Sometimes when people read my writing about Jesus, they become uncomfortable:
Wine and milk? Candlelight dinners? Anointing oil on skin? Bread and cheese? Kisses from scripture? Song of Solomon sonnets to Christ?
I wonder if some people find my words too risky, too unorthodox, too sacrilegious?
I’ve discovered that it takes more “gut” to be married to Jesus than my husband Stephen. The level of union is far greater. While my husband and I can and do become one in body, soul and sacrificial love…our unity isn’t indwelling. I can leave his side and go to the grocery store while he remains at home with our daughters. Yet, my unity with Jesus is inseparable. He lives inside of me. It doesn’t just happen in a moment of ultimate vulnerability–like when husband and wife make love. But He circumcised my heart and moved in (Romans 2:29 and Ephesians 3:17).
All circumcisions spill blood.
In my marriage with Stephen, my blood was shed when we first consummated our holy covenant. When Jesus consummated his marriage to the church, he bled profusely on a tree. When Jesus moved inside of me, my heart became the womb of his seed (Matthew 13:1-23, 1 Peter 1:23). When I said “I do” to Jesus my heart was circumcised. The blood of my old man was spilt open unto death and I became a new creation–one molded and tailored to be his wife. I was instantly recreated by God to be compatible for his Son.
In the same way that God looked for a spouse for his “first” son Adam and didn’t find one, so He looks for a bride for Jesus (Genesis 2:18). In the same way He created Eve out of the body of Adam, He created the church out of the body of Jesus Christ (Genesis 2:22-24 and Ephesians 2:10).
You see, in the same way that I can’t truly love someone unless I know them, so we cannot truly love God unless we know him.
Years ago I realized that I had a “religious” love for God.
It would be shallow for me to walk up to a casual acquaintance and say, “I love you.” This kind of love isn’t based on knowledge. This person is very unlikely to feel safe before me. Because love is based on trust and trust is based on truth. Without truth there isn’t light (1 John 1:5-6 and John 5:33-35). Without light, there is blindness. I can’t fully enjoy getting to know my husband if we only talked, hugged or kissed in the dark. If I truly love him, then I want to see him. I want to get to know him in the light. I want to look him in the eyes, read his facial expressions, see his smile. I would want to study the terrain of his face, the way lines form on the edge of his eyes when he smiles. I’d want to study him and through that visual study I would become aware of things–like the way he strokes his chin when he’s thinking.
For the past year or so of my life, I have become desperate for truth. I have cried out for wisdom, knowledge and understanding. I have become panged for the desire to see life the way God sees it, regardless of societal norms, philosophies, and pipeline virtue. I have surveyed the world’s definition of social justice and considered it deplorable suffocating ashes compared to the vibrant, pure light of God’s truth.
Throughout this season, I have seen these eternal truths like jewels in the robe of faith-righteousness that the Holy Spirit has donned me in. This heavenly decoration has caused me to appreciate the book of Psalms (particularly Psalms like Psalm 119) and Proverbs in fresh ways I haven’t before. I have found vibrant pearls of life in His Word and I pray this continues on until I am found to be one who is “after His heart” (1 Samuel 13:14) and until I honor, esteem and submit to my Father’s words as much as Jesus did when He walked the earth as the Son of Man (Isaiah 7:14-15 and John 5:30).
I don’t know how to fully express in words, this level of intimacy with Christ. This garden of Eden relationship with God that I have longed for and prayed for and still seek (I am learning how to surrender).
Lately, I have sensed the promptings of the Holy Spirit in a deep and new way, Just a couple of weeks ago, I felt the grief of the Holy Spirit standing outside Planned Parenthood when a pregnant mother walked out of the clinic with a bag of chemical abortion pills. Before the evidence of her reasons for being at Planned Parenthood were visible, the Holy Spirit pointed her out to me. The second I saw her, exit her car to go into the clinic, I felt the pull of the Holy Spirit inside of me to reach her…it was like a magnetic attraction. And I knew God had sent me to the clinic after work to reach her.
“Excuse me, can I give you this?” I asked, offering her a pillow box full of pro-life resources where she could receive free housing, medical attention, clothes, etc.
“No, I don’t think so.” She responded.
After she declined my offer of help and hope, I felt the grief of the Holy Spirit. It was like I could taste His tears inside my soul and the depths of His anguish, caused my knees to totter. I told the beautiful mother to “have a good day” and after she entered her car, I dropped to my knees on the cold pavement and could barely contain the holy cry of the Lord that produced tears in my physical eyes. As I felt God’s pained love for the boy or girl growing inside of the young mother’s womb, I realized once again how deep, depraved and dark abortion was. A unique, individual, conscious, innocent, vulnerable person whose only crime was their existence would die unless other intervention was made and the only One who could truly hear their cry was God. The sheer pain, of sharing this pain with God’s Spirit, produced a grief in me that is indescribable. (Genesis 4:10, Psalm 72:12-14, Leviticus 18:21 are examples of God hearing the cry of innocent blood).
My body is slowly becoming a living sacrifice, a true vessel of spiritual worship (Romans 12:1), where my emotions are shared with His emotions and His emotions are shared with me, where my thoughts are shared with His thoughts, and His thoughts are shared with me.
I’ve been in the ebb and flow of this ultimate surrender since my new birth. I have waxed and waned like the tides and the moon, and tip-toed around the altar of living sacrifice for over a decade as I have apprehensively and longingly studied the bright flames and smelled the burnt aroma. Meanwhile, I have enjoyed the benefits of the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus and been warmed by the flames of His surrender to God. I have smelled the sweet fragrance of His worshipful execution and resurrection all the while knowing, I am called to lay atop His broken body and do as He did so that I can be raised into the fullness of new life with Him and reign in life through His royal life inside of me.
My prayer is to one day truthfully live out the words of Paul here: I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20).
Recently, I’ve had dreams reflecting things that God wants to tell me, I’ve had prophetic understanding of things and insight into things before they happen. Recently, I went into a church service and it was as if the evangelist had spoken “word for word” on what was going on between me and Jesus behind closed doors. His message was a mirror reflection of what the Lord had been telling me.
Where the Lord wants to take me is a place He wants to take all of his children. This isn’t super spirituality. This isn’t only for a few…I believe Jesus wants to be extremely close to you and I. He died to remove all obstacles from unifying us with himself. He wants oneness with us. And He wants us to walk in unity with each other through our submission and deep love for Him. The natural flow of loving Jesus will be to love His church.
My prayer for you and I is that the Word will be made flesh in the garden of our hearts until our unity with Jesus is so deep and wide, our identity will be rooted and grounded in Him. I pray His life will flow from us as easily as we inhale and exhale. I pray we will seek Him first (above all else) and be made whole in the presence of our Creator and the greatest Lover of our souls.
For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. (Romans 8:29)
~For an inspirational book on finding intimacy with God, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love. It is full of my personal prayers, devotionals, and short testimonies of encountering God in everyday life.
~For a beautiful worship song on becoming one with Jesus through surrender, click here (I do not own any rights to the music).
“Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again.
I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, True-Heart friend of author
It’s a faithful song with rays more golden than sunlight.
It’s the sweet singing of a bride awaiting her bridegroom.
This song twirls through the windpipes of heaven and strums from the stringed instruments of eternity.
It’s the beckoning smile of a beloved’s face.
It’s more melodious than birdsong in early Spring.
There is no deeper intimacy than sharing breath and body with this holy Lover.
He lives inside of my spirit and my heart pulses with the warmth of his presence even as I long for the tangible warmth of his physical skin. (John 1:14)
This holy Bridegroom who has stolen my heart and keeps it safe inside his chest as if I were within the lock and key of a vault.
His whispers enter my mind as He shares his thoughts with me.
They are always thoughts that bring me peace and life when the storms, troubles or worries of life are present.
His Holy Spirit kisses melt more sweetly than sugar on my hearts’ tongue. (Romans 5:5)
I crave His company more than all others.
I desire everything about Him.
No one from the outside looking in can truly understand or know this love without experiencing it.
This is the most faithful love, because it will never die.
This love has conquered death.
My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses to the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer. You are the most handsome of men; grace has anointed your lips, since God has blessed you forever. -Psalm 45:1-2 BSB
~This excerpt is taken from the revised version of my new book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul:
“I became a man just like you…except male and without sin. But make no mistake, my body was like unto yours.”
The scripture of David sweetened my mind like fine sugar—dusting my thoughts with saccharinity. Was this truly how David felt when he confessed that he wasfearfully and wonderfully made?
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you… —Psalm 139:14–16a MSG
“You were made for me and for my Father’s good pleasure,” Jesus said.
I gazed toward him and I saw he was looking out at the waves with me. His warm brown eyes aglow like amber by a fire drew me in. My breath caught and I was being lulled into him. Slowly and yet quickly I was sucked into him. Graced with wings I began to fly into his ocher eyes and soar upon the aromatic winds of his soul. Suddenly I was towering over lush, emerald-green mountains carpeted with jade spring grass. Polychromatic flowers like melted rainbows splashed across the mountains like glinting, colorful diamonds. The sky was more expansive than a thousand planets and stretched forth like gleaming still waters of opal blue. The clearness of it was like glass. Cumulus clouds formed puffy hills like burning peach marble and mirrored the hazy autumnal colors of the morning. Jesus’ eyes were more majestic than thousands of waterfalls brimming with translucent waves. In those eyes I saw eternity, and streets of shining gold like transpicuous fire. I beheld oceans of the most pristine blue. Foamy waves swelled, rose, and then splashed down, releasing whimsical laughter with each eye-catching crash. The heart of Jesus arrested me with beauty.
“Do you see it?” Jesus asked.
“Yes,” I barely managed to whisper.
Everything within him was full of life. All of creation seemed diffused with light from an otherworldly presence. Not only was it beautiful, it was alive. It wasn’t alive apart from him, but it was alive with him. It was as if his DNA was in the genetic makeup of everything. Creation took on a new form. It was cloaked with a brilliance that mirrored moonlight. There was a glow around the animals, the blue whales, the flimsy spiders’ webs, the fluttering butterflies, the legs of speeding cheetahs.
“Do you think that is amazing?” he asked.
I nodded. “More than I’ve realized. What did I just see Lord?”
“You saw a little taste of the restoration of all things. The glory in which creation dwelt before the fall—a glance at redemption—the way the Father and I originally intended the world to be: without sin, without killing, without sickness or disease and without fear. But full of my Father’s glory. This is what my Father will do again when he creates the new earth.”
The emancipated world was more breathtaking that I could have imagined. Passages from Isaiah 11 mirror the reality of the glorious goodness that await the redeemed sons and daughters of God.
I took a few thoughtful breaths for measure and tried to reimagine what I saw. I wanted to live in it now. Everything in my body pined for such a world.
“The world came through me. For by me were all things were made and I hold everything together.[i] The Holy Spirit, the One you call your best friend, saw what was in the Father’s heart before he spoke his Word out. For who can know the thoughts of man except the spirit that dwells within him?[ii] The same is true for God. The Spirit took what was in us and when he brooded over the waters, he gave power to the Word, to the heart of God. He went to work. He is the Father’s life-giving Spirit.”
“Wow,” I voiced quietly. An incoherent sound came from my lips as a new thought caused my eyebrows to lift.
“If you think what you’ve seen is amazing then imagine how amazing it was when we fulfilled the Father’s desire when he said, ‘Let us make man in our image and after our likeness.’”
My eyes flared open as a spark of light was seen in Jesus’ body. It was more brilliant than any light I had ever seen.
“You see, when God made the heavens and the earth, the Spirit gave life to his Word—Me—and creation was made the way God intended. But when God formed you and all of his children, he took from out of himself personally. He spoke to himself. He molded a child from the clay of the earth and breathed his Spirit into his child, Adam. Instead of just speaking out, he hand-formed Adam like a potter does with clay and breathed the breath of life into man until Adam became a living soul.[iii] And then he designed Adam in a way that was extremely special. He gave Adam the intellectual and emotional properties for a father-child relationship. This is what the soul of man was created for. By placing his Spirit in man, he put his inner thoughts and heart in man. This has always been our Father’s will. For an everlasting family relationship with man. This is why even after they sinned, Father pursued man. His plan has not changed. He still writes his law, his thoughts and heart, on the heart of men who come to him.[iv] He still gives his Holy Spirit in the new covenant. He has never stopped being good to man and he has made a way for the original relationship that he had with Adam and Eve to be the same for every man through my sacrifice.”
The way Jesus’ tone changed when he spoke Adam’s name alarmed me. There was a thickness and a weight when he breathed the name.
Clear trails began to gather in Jesus’ golden-brown eyes, shimmering like pools made of quartz. To my surprise he started to silently weep. The compassion in him was coming off like healing waves from a hot spring. The sweetness of it was like honey and the pained desire of it was almost devastating.
I remembered his tears when he agonized with moans from a breaking heart.
“Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones God’s messengers! How often I wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn’t let me!” —Matthew 23:37 NLT
In a split second, I felt the tiniest fraction of his deep compassion and longing for his sons and daughters. It was a sacrificial love, a love that laid everything down and spared no expense. I could hardly bare the strength of it.
“My dear, if you really knew how much my Father invested himself in you, you wouldn’t gape at creation the way you would gape at man. You would look in the mirror and never feel self-doubt again because you would know that I dwell within you. You saw a foretaste of redeemed creation in my eyes. The wonder of redeemed man through my eyes is infinitely better. Every man was made to be fully alive in me.”
~To purchase a copy of Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, click here:
“As I read, I quickly became enthralled with this book, so beautifully written in the language of love. Each of these short stories so accurately reflects the romantic and wooing heart of the Bridegroom which draws you to Himself into a deeper place of love and intimacy. If you have not yet experienced romantic intimacy with God, I’m confident that this book will set you on course. It’s bound to warm your soul and whet your desire for your own heart-to-heart conversations and experiences with God. The author creatively ministers to the soul, bringing truth to light in the most tangible ways; you will feel that God is speaking directly to you, and He most certainly is! Some stories caused me to be drawn away into remembrance of my own experiences and conversations with God that have freed my soul; others caused me to reevaluate my heart’s commitment to my first Husband and cry out for forgiveness; and yet others simply took me on a delightful and exciting adventure of what the beginning of a holy, unadulterated love looks like – so refreshing to the soul! I commend the author for using her creative gifting to share personal reflections and heart intimacies which I know could only come from the deep well of Father’s heart. I highly recommend this book as a must read!” -Marina Garcia, Worship Leader
My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.
—Proverbs 4:20–21 NIV
Dearest Reader,
I’ve prayed just now. I prayed in this warm kitchen with chai tea steaming out of “my” coffee cup on this cold and dewy day. I’ve prayed for you, as a twenty-one-year-old girl, with the rain pelting on the kitchen roof and windows, that God’s Word in this book will be life, health, and medicine to all your flesh. Because that is what His word is. And I pray you feel the depth of beauty in that. May it cause you to wonder. It’s so amazing to me. His Word is so good, so glorious, so gentle, so life transforming, so refreshing, so rejuvenating, so vital...
Sometimes in life we can feel like a limp, fallen branch, caked with mud, on the side of the road, with cars bustling by, wondering why life seems so bleak. We sometimes get charred by the fire of disappointments in this fallen life. Other times, we are swung about in the stormy winds of busyness, which produce only bareness.
I’m glad to tell you that there is life, and there is light beyond your wildest imaginations. By opening what some call “just a book,” you, through graced faith, unleash hope more glorious than the warm feeling of the sunlight streaming through heavy, unrelenting rain clouds.
I pray that as you read this, our Vinedresser God would unite you—for the first time, if you’re not saved, or unite you even tighter if you are—to our Vine Jesus Christ. I pray He will take you in His strong but gentle hands and carefully ingraft you to the tree of life.
May you feel the inner cleansing of His word as He washes you off. May your soul explode with joy as He shines the light of His face on you, which is brighter and warmer than the sun.
Imagine yourself as a branch in a beautiful winery. Because that is where He wants to take you, to the vineyard of Heaven, inside His holy palace, in the midst of His heart. He wants to rock you in His arms. He wants you to let Him love you. So let Him love you.
You’ll find yourself becoming full of life, like a bare winter branch during early spring, sprouting with buds of the brightest green. You’ll find yourself in the midst of the promised life. Let yourself blossom in the presence of the Great King. He has extended His invitation and His arms for you.
He calls you by name and says, “Come away, to be where you’ve always belonged.”
Walk with Him through His field and smell the sweet berries of life. Taste from the running streams of Living Water and be awakened and completely healed. Be full of life. Let real life, the abundant life that is promised to you by Jesus overtake you on the inside, and spring forth into your heart. Let it run through your blood, heal and wash your mind with the Word that brings peace, and envelope your skin like the trickling of a cool refreshing breeze. Let yourself be run over with the water of the Word, through the breath of the Spirit who brings life.
Remember, as you read, that God’s Word is life, healing, and medicine to all your flesh.
“Come, all you are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat wha tis good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” – Isaiah 55:1-2 NIV
Are you ready to taste of the sweet delicacies of God in a deeply reviving and personal way? For those who want to drink, for those who want to eat and be refreshed and renewed, Visions of Celestial Love is a feast between you and the King of Heaven, who loves you more than anyone else. He invites you to dine on wholesome, good, savory food and delicious, zesty, fruitful drink. He awaits you with a sparkle in His eye. He is ready for your company. He delights to have you as a guest.
“Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” – Song of Songs 5:1 NIV
“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one according to the flesh. Although we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come!…2 Corinthians 5:15-17a BSB
His reality… is the only true reality.
Everything else is only smoke and mirrors.
I throw off my other identifications. I toss away my perceptions of reality. I consider my human accomplishments as dross and waste. I cast off the cards and boxes that the world has said define me. I throw away my woman-card, my black-card, my small business woman card, my middle class card, my Thompson card, my McClelland card, my Republican card, my Democratic card…all identifications must bow before the One who emptied Himself of heavens glories and His position to fill me. He died to define me.
He is Truth. Thus, He is Light. The Light of the world. Isaiah says He is SO glorious, so brilliant, so radiant that the sun and moon shall be ashamed of their light in comparison with His ! My mind is blown away when I think of the shame that the sun will feel!!! The light from the sun gives life to everything on earth! Think of it.. photosynthesis, warmth, heat, the ability to see.
But this Jesus! His light far surpasses the sun’s! John says that Light has already come into the world but men loved darkness instead of the Light. This Light isn’t like the suns. This Light is Truth…Truth that requires surrender and yieldedness of belief. This Light pierces through the darkness of human understanding, philosophy, logic and burns away all pride and rebellion. This Light shines in the center of the human heart like the sun shines in the center of the Milky Way. Everything within you must move around and yield to the gravitational pull of Jesus.
Some men didn’t even recognize the Light. But this Light was the Life of all men. And this Light lives in each believer! How could we let such pettiness like political differences, minimal doctrine differences, unforgiveness, hurts, etc, drown out the Truth! The Truth of who we are and Whom we belong to. There is a Truth that exists in heaven and this Truth has left us His Light.
There is a reality that exists in heaven that needs to come down to earth. He prayed, “your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” I choose to cast off the labels, the carnal humanism thinking that resists and rebels against God.
When you seek the Truth, there is only One whom you will find…His name is Jesus Christ
This is not self-realization or self-help.
This is self in Christ.
In Christ only.
Christ-reliance.
And all glory, all power, all authority is His!
Hallelujah!
For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed and heirs according to the promise.… Galatians 3:27-29a BSB
Thus by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be strongly encouraged. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. -Hebrews 6:18-19
A few days ago, I sat across from my grandmother while coddling Elena. I had an agenda for that afternoon, but my newborn was in the mood to cluster feed and so I was trapped on the couch. The forced stillness opened up a beautiful space in time for my grandmother to share some of the visions she’s had of Heaven.
“Tell me about heaven.” I asked, having nothing to do. As quiet worship music played in the background my grandmother told me of one of the times God showed her Heaven. Some of the things that really moved my heart was when she said:
“There are children in heaven. Every child that dies on earth goes there.
”“There is a wall of pure gold set with precious stones in an arch at the top…twelve gates. It’s so beautiful. Like nothing you’ve ever seen.”
“The flowers, trees and fruit there are so vibrant and the fruit is sweet, sweet and succulent.”
“God showed me how I would look in Heaven. I had on this white flowy dress and I had long hair and He told me “you will be young and beautiful forever.” My House was two story and it had a spiral staircase like pearls”
“There is no sadness, only joy. Just happiness. The streets are made of gold. It’s exactly as the Bible says it will be.”
As grandma talked, I saw her lips slowly curve upward into a blissful smile and remain that way. She was so happy. Her eyes seemed to twinkle. I laughed softly & said, “you look so happy.
”She told me she was very happy and that she was ready for heaven. I laughed and told her to wait a while longer before she goes. She replied, “my child, earth is a trash heap compared to heaven. I’m not afraid of dying. The angels will be waiting for me.”
I too shared a vision I had of Heaven and seeing God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It’s amazing how similar our accounts were.
I’m so grateful for that moment in time where my one month old slowed down my fast pacing so that I could sit and talk with my grandmother. Since then, grandma and I have talked much more…only because I’ve relearned the value of sitting still and listening to (on a deeper level) the wonderful, anointed, caring and amazing woman, I call my grandmother.
As believers, we have an eternally beautiful life promise that will come to full brilliance like the break of sunshine after a long night. We have a hope more secure than the heaviest anchor. We have a treasure more rich than all the gold in the world. We will have, in every sense, His kingdom come, “on earth as it is in heaven.”
About a year after I wrote this, my grandma went home to be with Jesus. During her funeral a bright blue star streaked across the night sky. My sisters says it was the brightest star she ever saw. A few days later I came across a scripture verse where God says that his children shall be numerous like the stars of the heavens…
And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. –Hosea 2:18 ESV
I wrote this story in my book, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul, as a type of allegory of the: book of Hosea, Mary Magdalene, Rahab, the prodigal son and a few other characters in the Bible who have caught my eye. I purposefully chose to have the main character try different kinds of sinful behaviors that are generally looked down upon in church to show that no sin is too dark to keep anyone away from the saving grace of God. All throughout the Bible we see the underlying faithfulness and devoted love of God for people who have deeply fallen. Scripture, from my eyes, is the greatest love story of all time. I hope as you read this short story that you saw a fresh perspective on the mercy and grace of God, His goodness, His love, and His endless devotion to transform sinners into saints, rebels into priests, and paupers into kings/queens:
Jesus, our story is somewhat of a fairy tale. Before my birth, even before I was in my mother’s womb You knew my name. You saw my birth and You said, “That one, I want that one, especially and just for myself. Look at her; she invokes holy hunger in me! I must have her. She must know my great love.”
Though my mother was a pauper, and I a peasant of the lowest rank, and You the richest and fairest of kings, your eyes were captivated by me. It is the sheer largeness of your heart that made You smitten by me.
When I was a little baby You rocked me to sleep with the sweetest lullabies, when I was a girl You romanced me with toys and flowers, and when I became a teenager lost in emotions and hormones You were my truest friend.
Now that I’m a woman, already pledged to You, being the gentlemen that You are, You still asked for my hand. Forever as I grew I saw no flaw in You, though You and I both saw my listless number of flaws.
Your beauty dazzled angels and shook the earth. Mountains melted before your stunning glory and every human heart longed for You and worshiped You.
Yet here You were, on one knee, with loving eyes, such gorgeous eyes, staring up at me!
“I love you,” You said, casing my hand in both of Your hands. “I want to make you mine officially, but I will not force you to. Please do me the honor of being my beloved bride.”
Your very soul poured through your perfect lips and your warm eyes motioned with tears until they appeared like new glass. I slipped my hand out of your hands and drew it to my side. I always knew You loved me, but it felt so real now…underserved and strangely unexpected. I knew You were requiring of me a choice now, and this choice would change my life forever. I was sure after You saw my childhood and adolescent years, that You would annul our marriage before the faithful day came of my maturity. Surely You loved me, but not that much!
“I’m not worthy,” I voiced.
You responded quickly, “I don’t care.”
“You know my sin nature. You know I’m prone to adultery. I cannot remain faithful.”
You shook Your head, “That does not matter. I’m willing to work with you for however long it takes. You can be born-again if you receive my Father’s grace and He will give you a new nature through my sacrifice on the cross. You don’t have to have a sin nature any longer.” Tears were in your words. Desperation coated your voice.
“I’m so common. Look at me. What man wants a wife that he’s more beautiful than?”
“My Father has made you most beautiful to me. Take my hand and you will see. I’ll take you to my palace and wash you clean and adorn you with jewels. Just take my name. I died to have you.”
I looked away; my head was spinning with thoughts. Could this be true? Could such a perfect love be mine?
You drew my attention back by calling my name.
“Ashley! I moved Heaven and earth just to be beside you. I shifted the cosmos that you might be My princess.”
Before I could respond You silenced me with your pursed lips that breathed out, “Shhh.” “Just listen,” Your eyes seemed to say.
Digging in your royal ruby red coat pocket You pulled out a golden wedding ring. The band twined like grape vines. Diamonds hung like ripe fruit from it and in the center was an aquamarine gem, brilliant like the sea of glass in Heaven. Such waters glowed like bioluminescent light.
I gasped.
Being a country girl never had my eyes ever beheld such rich jewelry.
Tears rolled down your cheeks and mine.
I now realized that You had set your love on me and I had done nothing to deserve it. But could I accept it? I didn’t know, but I wanted to.
I mumbled a weak, doubtful yes.
This felt too good to be true.
Your lips trembled into a bright smile revealing your beautiful white teeth.
You cried and slipped the ring on my finger. The feeling of your fingers sliding up my ring finger tingled my skin, and sent waves of holy joy rippling throughout my body. Raising to your feet You swept me up in your arms and spun me around laughing with exceeding joy like You did when I was a little girl. I felt a difference in your touch. When I was a little girl You held me like a Father, when I was a teenager You held me like a friend, now your touch felt like a Bridegroom’s touch. I noticed something familiar in all of your embraces though—your arms were always protecting.
He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands by and listens to him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this pleasure and joy of mine is now complete. -John 3:29 AMP
I hugged your neck as You sang the most precious love song over me.
I knew I’d have to leave everything behind upon saying yes, but I didn’t know how much pain it would cost. My destitution had become a part of my identity and so although I was now a princess of the most extreme wealth and love, my heart was still that of a pauper of the lowest proportions.
Jesus, over the years You managed to gently love me until You were finally able to fully enter the mind of my heart and crown me queen there. The eyes of my soul and spirit saw my wealth in You.
But it was a long journey, my Love, and the journey’s not over yet. As I recount our years it amazes me that I had to learn how to love You and You loved me from the first! It seems to me it should have been the opposite, for You were always good, and perfect in everyway. I on the other hand was most disagreeable.
I’d try to argue with You when You wouldn’t let me have my way. I’d fuss, complain, doubt and yell, and You’d simply say, “This is for your own good, trust me.”
Sometimes I’d refuse to share a room with You, and I’d stomp to the couch in the living room and grumble against You all night.
It always amazed me how You’d get up in the morning and greet me with a smile, and a loving, “Good morning.” You never once let my bad attitude lower Your dignity.
Indeed, like I said I would, I had several affairs, some of them daily. I ignored your romancing and pushed away your gifts. I’d swear and curse at You.
In my lowest hours, I’d run away from home and you would swiftly mount your lightning white steed and search every corner of the kingdoms of earth until You found me. Indeed, I always heard You first before I saw You, for your horse’s hooves sounded like rolling thunder.
“Have you seen my bride?” You’d ask everyone. Sometimes a warrant for my “arrest” was given out in Heaven and on earth, for man and angels. Whoever found me would receive riches from You, the King of all the heavens and earth.
In fear, I’d run to the dark forest and crouch behind a gnarled leafless tree and still my breaths so You wouldn’t find me, because I was ashamed.
I had the sores of poverty all over my skin.
I remember our darkest night, the night I refused to be rescued. The sky was starless and I had just slept with the enemy, who had half killed me with his hate that he had convinced me was love. I only remained alive because You had kissed my heart with eternity.
You shone Your lantern behind the tree. I shook from the power of Your majesty and my dimmed eyes almost went blind from the light that emitted and radiated from You.
“Darling!” You exclaimed in deep compassion at my wounds. Sorrow was in Your eyes, and I knew the lack of my presence pained You.
I had almost forgotten how beautiful You were! Glowing gold on Your shining pearly white steed. Your cloak gleamed like the sun on water!
You swung off of your horse and rushed to my side with open arms. I rejected your hug and hissed at You. Being a gentleman You relaxed your arms to by your sides, and kept an arms length away.
“Come home,” You said gently.
“No!” I yelled, as if I was being attacked, and surely, I was, for your grace fought for my whole heart and that included the place inside where the enemy’s pride of condemnation and self-righteousness resided.
Your eyes stared at me wistfully before You spoke, “Beloved…”
“Go away!” I spat angrily, “I told You not to marry me! I’m ugly.”
“Your pride makes you ugly.”
“Shut up!”
No angel would dare speak to You the way I did. The most powerful warrior of Heaven, who could kill hundreds of thousands of people with one breath, dared not even look at You (Isaiah 37:36)! And here I was, commanding You to be quiet.
You furrowed your brow and called me a “stubborn child.” With that comment, You sadly shook your head and mounted your horse.
“You will return to me, whether now or later…it’s just a matter of time. I chose you and you could run all you want but I’ll never let you go. My love won’t allow it. You’ve been touched by My love. Nothing will ever satisfy you but Me. Maybe you just need time to realize that.”
My eyes widened when You wrapped the reins around your hand. I realized You might actually leave me there, and that terrified me! My heart ached to go home with You. I wanted to be held, loved, protected, and taught by You. I desired to sit down and read books together over something warm to drink. Flashes of our winter honeymoon in the snow mountains of Heaven rushed across my mind and heart: the great banquet, the glass roof of the hall of merry children, the icicles dangling on the windows like curtains, the inner glow of every house, and the joy of fellowship with my brothers and sisters. Your voice stole me away from my sweet memories.
“So?” You asked me, extending Your hand for me to take it.
A voice that was lodged in my throat burst forward, “Never!” I groaned deeply.
I was too proud to admit I had nothing without You…that I was nothing without your love. You were the only one who could revive my soul with hope and joy. You were the only one who could raise me from the dead.
Your gaze was like fire.
“I shall send My ministers to watch over you until you call on My name again. Your pride has to go. They, My servants shall keep you from death…and that alone until you humble yourself before our Heavenly Father.”
With that You pulled back on the reins and your powerful horse let out a thunderous neigh, like the crackling of a million forest fires. He reared back and spun around on his two rear hooves before storming off into the sky. I saw the heavens open up like gauzy curtains and receive You.
This story is taken from my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To purchase a copy, click here.
Suddenly I felt so terribly alone. An ache like death overwhelmed me and I collapsed in a crumbled mess of tears. At that moment I’d do anything to salvage the horrible pain of loneliness that engulfed me.
Two tall men glowing white with majestic robes and beautiful faces appeared before me. One had short, curly, blond hair and piercing blue eyes. The other had long, dark, wavy hair and honey eyes.
“Queen Ashley,” they said in union, greeting me politely.
“Go away!” I half shouted and half sobbed.
Just leave me alone to die, I thought bitterly.
“We can’t do that, princess,” the blond one stated, his voice was like a song. I knew he sung in the choir of Heaven. He gave hope to God’s children.
“Our King has commanded us to stay with you to preserve your life,” the one with honey eyes stated, finishing the blond one’s sentence. His presence was like a hearth in Heaven. It warmed my chilled bones.
For weeks they followed me around and watched me do the vilest, most disgusting, and wicked things. I indulged deeply in lust, hate of the heart; and in desperation to numb my pain, exercised the power of darkness in witchcraft. Nothing I tried even began to quench the sinking feeling that was in my heart as a result of my Lover’s absence.
How I missed him so terribly!
But instead of admitting that, I denied it stupidly and continued to do the most degrading things the world had to offer, like shooting narcotics up my arm. Men without number promised me fulfillment, and their bittersweet lies lulled me into bed with them. My body was violated in the lowest ways, and none of my lovers gave me the life Christ gave me. Some of the men I slept with were the sons of darkness!
My angels watched me do everything without uttering a word, but every time an evil spirit tried to assault me they would draw flaming swords from their waists and defend me ardently.
“Let me have her!” one demon screeched, “She’s slept with my host!”
I, drunk with wine, crawled out of bed where my sleeping lover slept. Half out of mind, I saw this dark figure fussing at my angels.
“You shall by no means touch her!” my blond angel warned angrily.
In furry the demon tried to jump on me anyway. His large form barely moved an inch before my light angel mercilessly plunged his sword in the demons’ gut.
I watched my angels tirelessly war on Christ’s behalf of me daily. Though my body, soul, and spirit were being protected physically, the inner pain of my heart nearly drove me mad with sorrow. The consequences of my sin were ruthlessly stabbing my heart that would not die, because of Christ’s kiss. How I wished I were just dead on the inside so the pain would end.
“What am I to do?” I cried looking at my angel with honey eyes. He knelt down and touched me on the shoulder.
“You have a husband who loves you most. Call upon His name.”
I collapsed on my knees and buried my head in my hands. Salvation at this point seemed impossible. How could God forgive me for all the treachery that I had done?
“But I am so ashamed.”
My blond angel spoke next, “He died to bury your sins and the stains of guilt that come with them.”
Their words were like a familiar song of Heaven, and finally with a crushed heart I cried out to God.
“Jesus, take me back!” I thrust my neck back and gazed up at the sky with arms flung open. “Forgive me, I’m so sorry,” I wailed.
“I never left you,” the peaceful voice of my bridegroom said in my heart.
When my guardian angels heard his voice, they fell upon their faces in reverential worship.
The heavens opened up and Jesus came storming to me, glistening in the night like moonlight. The tornado-like winds of His presence fanned the wings of His cloak and bent every tree in the forest in a wave of ripples. I felt naked and bare once again in Your sight. With no branches to protect my skin from Your radiance: You saw me clearly. The mountains bowed down and the noise they made sounded like a million volcanic eruptions.
You stood before me and all I could say was, “I’m sorry. I’ve played the harlot…a-again. I’ve lied, stole—,” I broke into tears, “Please f-forgive me.”
You embraced me, and as You did my heart, soul, mind, body, and spirit were made whole again. I sunk into Your chest and was swallowed by Your heart for me.
I heard the rejoicing of Heaven. It was like the rushing of many waters.
I cried, and my torn, dark clothes evaporated into my lovely soft pink dress; it was my most favored royal piece of attire. The angels that had attended me were overjoyed with rejoicing and followed Yeshua and I into Heaven a few feet back. And here I find myself living with You again as Your beloved bride.
Today, I stand amazed that it is I who have learned to love You when You are so faithfully perfect and I…so not.
My heart is just now rejoicing over You with singing when yours has always rejoiced over me. Your love is too good for me, yet I accept it gladly as the free gift You have made it to be. Our story reminds me of a fairy tale, my King. Never could I have imagined myself being the beauty, the one pursued and fought for in any book…yet here I am, the heart’s gaze of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
And here you are reading this story.
You, most beloved and favored of men.
Yes, you are an irreplaceable gem in the King’s crown, a son or daughter worth the tireless search of the universe. Our King shifted the cosmos that He may have you. He had you read this for a reason, He orchestrated this moment.
Shhh, can you hear him singing over you…for you? Isn’t it the most beautiful song? The very rhythm of His heartbeat speaks your name in longing that you would see his great, glorious love for you, and respond by giving more of your life to Him.
Allow yourself to be swept away in the divine romance of a God who is more romantic than Solomon in Song of Songs, and more faithful to you than the sun’s rising every morning.
Trust in his saving grace. He can and will wash away every sin. You only need ask.
Don’t drown out his whispers of intimacy with any form of business, including excessive church attendance. Do not burn yourself out in ministry or with chasing the endless trifling of the world.
Sit and listen to the Bridegroom.
Pray, call upon His name. Stop hiding behind your myriad of masks and let Him see you in every area that you are naked, so that He can clothe you in holy array. Do not fear his eyes of love that see the core of your heart.
Let yourself be deeply loved with an unguarded heart.
Release every offense in your heart, surrender and be loved.
Be most tenderly loved.
You are most tenderly loved.
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. -Song of Solomon 4:7
Reflection Questions:
1) Do you believe Jesus/God loved you before you were even created? (This story opens up with the main character describing how much Jesus wanted her, even before she was born/conceived. “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” -Ephesians 1:4 NLT)
2) How has your relationship with Jesus matured/transitioned over the years you’ve known Him? Where are you now with Him? (“When I was a little baby, You rocked me to sleep with the sweetest lullabies, when I was a girl, You romanced me with toys and flowers, and when I was a teenager lost I emotions and hormones, You were my truest friend…”)
3) Have you ever experienced the goodness of God in such a way it was hard to receive? (The Gospel when translated in the Greek means “almost too good to be true.” God is good. His goodness was how He revealed his glory to Moses. “I now realized that You had set your love on me, and I had done nothing to deserve it. But could I accept it? I didn’t know…but I wanted to.”)
4) What do you believe is the realest thing about you? Do you believe that you are royalty (perfectly loved, completely made righteous, born-again/made in God’s image and a sharer of His nature)? (“I knew I’d have to leave everything behind upon saying yes, but I didn’t know how much pain it would cost. My destitution had become a part of my identity and so although I was now a princess of the most extreme wealth and love, my heart was still that of a pauper of the lowest proportions.”)
5) How have you learned to love Jesus as you have walked with Him? (“As I recount our years it amazes me that I had to learn to love You and You loved me from the first.”)
6) Something to ponder: Jesus will never treat you badly because you treat him badly (“You never once let my bad attitude lower your dignity.” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. – Hebrews 13:6 If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful because he cannot be untrue to himself. -2 Timothy 2:13.) One of the ways royals are trained, is to not act undignified even if everyone else around them is. They are trained that they are “above” common or base behavior. They literally have a royal sense of self.
7) Has shame ever kept you from receiving God’s love? (In this short allegorical story, the main character hides from Jesus because she is ashamed.)
8) Has self-righteousness (religious pride) ever kept you from receiving God’s mercy through Jesus? (“…I yelled as if I was being attacked, and surely, I was, for your grace fought for my whole heart and that included the place inside where the enemy’s pride of condemnation and self-righteousness resided.” God gives us righteousness by faith not by works)
9) Do you believe no matter how far anyone falls, if they ask, Jesus will take them back and treat them as if they never sinned?
. (Psalm 97:2-3)
like the Son of righteousness because we are His. And we can taste and see that He is good. (Psalm 34:8)
There is no lasting fulfillment or rest for your soul until it is found in relationship with Him. abundant life begins with Him. The bread of peace is in His hand and He’s a generous Giver.
