Blog

Posted on

Discussing Intimacy, Sex and God

~This preview is taken from my upcoming Christian fiction book, At the Time for Love, a book based off Ezekiel 16:6-14. This novella is meant to introduce young women to the intimate love of Jesus while transparently discussing the topic of: romantic relationships, the often tumultuous and confusing emotions of teenage girls (as well as their blossoming longing for mature love), sex, and above all, the tender Bridegroom love of Jesus. When I was 16 years old, Jesus came after my heart and I wrote my first romantic story, I Do, about being his bride while listening to the song Hero by Enrique Iglesias. Because of his pure love, I walked through my young adult life whole and avoided much heartbreak and compromise. Later, I married the man of my dreams (my 1st boyfriend). My passion is to bring purity and sexual healing back to this generation. I pray Jesus uses this book to save young women in the same way He saved me. This book is meant for girls ages 12-18.

This scene opens up with the main characters tiredly making their way back home at dawn after a long day of harvesting. Enjoy!

“I think you’ve gained a few pounds,” Kendell said after a few minutes and fake grunted as he readjusted me.

“You just can’t say anything nice, can you?” I said and gently slapped him across the back of his head.

“Ouch,” he laughed teasingly.

“You’re carrying a sack of potatoes around your chest Kendell, not just Autumn,” David said in my defense.

“And you’ve been working all day,” James added.

“And Autumn gained weight,” Kendell mocked, “probably from working at Mills around all that good food.”

“You’re such a jerk!” I scolded.

“I’m carrying you, aren’t I?” Kendell stated, “last time I checked, jerks didn’t do that.”

“I’ll gladly walk,” I fumed and began to untie my legs. Kendell held me fast, “I was just kidding. No need to get all hurt.”

I tried again and he leaned forward, “Oh stop being such a big baby. It’s not like we don’t spar with our words all the time!”

“But you’ve never called me fat.” I fumed.

“I didn’t call you fat. I simply said you gained weight…and I was just joking.”

“You’re quiet the prince charming.” James commented toward Kendell.

“I know, won’t he make some woman happy one day?” David quipped sarcastically.

“Pssshhh. And you guys are ladies’ men, are you? Last time I checked no woman was drooling over either of you,” Kendell grinned before proudly adding, “now I’m a different story entirely.”

“Sure, you can get a woman easily but keeping her is totally different. She’d use up less than half a brain stem before leaving your over-cocky backside.”

Kendell frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked James.

“Your complements are cheap,” David said seeking to explain.

“Your flattery is empty,” James continued before grinning, “if you even have flattery.”

Kendell threw his head back in fake amusement, “isn’t flattery the only thing a man has?”

James and David passed each other a knowing look.

“No way dude.” James said almost admonishingly.

“It’s about heart,” David continued, “looks will only get you so far. Eventually any decent woman would leave a man without heart. And it’s the decent ones that you want.”

“And last time I checked prince charming wasn’t running after a million different women. He had his eyes set on one…and he pursued her with all his strength. We could learn a lesson or two from that alone.” James preached.

“Women want a great lover, not a great flatter-er.” David said.

Thomas and Ginger had slightly wandered off, and he was spinning her around in whimsical circles. She stretched her arms out like wings. Her gaily laughter floated in the air like translucent rainbow bubbles,”wwwhhhhheeeeeeeeee!”

I was beginning to feel awkward to be in the midst of such a conversation amongst the guys. Yet, in some way I liked being there. It gave me an inside scoop on all of them and I felt like a fly on the wall. I wanted to be invisible and I quelled my breaths unconsciously.

“Since you guys know so much about women how come both of you are single?” Kendell inquired.

I waited for their answer as well.

“Because I choose to be.” David answered.

“Loser.” Kendell coughed.

“What’s wrong with that?” James asked.

“Oh, come on! You can’t tell me you’ve never wanted a girlfriend? David, seriously, you’ve never had a girlfriend in your life and you’re in your twenties. Is that even possible?”

“Clearly.” David answered.

“Is it healthy?!” Kendell asked quite ardently.

“It’s much healthier than sleeping around with a whole bunch of women and having shallow relationships,” James spoke, “that stuff tends to damage peoples’ souls.”

“Amen,” David said echoing his approval before glancing at Kendell, “you have a false sense of romance. If dad would have let you have your way you probably would have dated half the women in this town.”

“And they would have each obliged me happily.”

James shook his head, “that’s not what it’s about bro.”

“I’m not saying I would have literally dated so many. But to be this age and having dated none? It’s ridiculous. David, doesn’t that bother you?”

“Not when you know what you want.”

“How could you know what you want and never have experienced?”

“When you’ve studied. And then you finally see the one.”

“How do you know she’s the one when you see her?” Kendell asked before jesting, “does a big flashing arrow point to her?”

“You get a check in your spirit.”

Kendell rolled his eyes, “Okay David, better question. Have you found the one?”

 David’s answer surprised all of us, besides James it seemed, “maybe.”

My eyes shot open.

“What? You have a girlfriend?!” Kendell asked now excited.

“No,” David said quickly, “but…never mind.”

“No, you have to talk now!” Kendell said matching his stride to David’s.

David remained quiet and Kendell harassed him for information.

“Forget it. It’s none of your business.” David said hushing him.

“Weren’t you the one just preaching to me about relationships? Now you don’t want to share? Spill the beans buddy, I’m finally interested.”

When David didn’t speak, I voiced, “mama mentioned that you liked someone.”

David eyes widened and flashed, yet he remained cool, “did she?”

“Who is it Autumn?” Kendell probed nudging my leg.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, “she wouldn’t tell me.”

The conversation remained on David for a while until Kendell got absolutely fed up of running into dead ends with our eldest brother who insisted on shielding information.

Done with David, Kendell interrogated James, “what about you?”

“What about me?” James asked feigning ignorance.

“Oh, don’t play stupid. How’s your non-existent love life?” he smirked.

James took no offense and smiled, “wonderful.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a non-believer. Being single in this season with Jesus has been one of the most peaceful times of my entire life.”

“What kind of mistakes?” Kendell asked completely ignoring the fact that James said he was at peace.

“Pre-marital sex,” James said with no difference of tone. His brute honesty caught Kendell off guard. My heart sank even though he had already told me about his former life before. The hurtful information came to me anew, before a purifying forgiveness that wasn’t my own, washed my emotions clean.

“You’ve had sex before?” Kendell asked completely taken aback.

“It’s not uncommon in the rest of the world outside Pomeberry,” James said, “this Amish community is an anomaly.”

“Well yeah, I know. But…I could never have imagined you doing stuff like that.”

“Jesus changes people,” James said with a grin.

“How was it?” Kendell asked startling me.

David glanced at me and felt my embarrassment. “Perhaps these things shouldn’t be discussed with our little 16-year-old sister around.” David said looking dead on at Kendell.

Kendell remained quiet for a while as he shifted his gaze between James and David. “She can… cover her ears?” Kendell said in a suggesting tone.

“Maybe he needs to hear it bro,” James said looking at David before he glanced at me, “…I won’t say anything inappropriate… if it’s okay with you?”

I nodded my head and tried to seem cool even as my emotions ran wild within. I turned my face away from him.

When David slightly nodded his approval, James answered, “It was shallow and completely unsatisfying. Sin will only give you pleasure for a moment. After the pleasure’s gone you’re left feeling just as empty as you were before…if not more.”

“Then why is sex so strong an influence?” Kendell questioned.

“I can tell you this, outside of marriage it’s nothing more than a drug to the body and a sword to the heart,” James paused and then his tone shifted to reverence, “but inside of marriage sex is a beautiful expression of covenant love. It’s wholly satisfying, connecting, and life giving. It’s even holy before God because He created it to be a bonding experience between a husband and his wife… and to procreate life. Tell me something…don’t you want to make love to the woman you know chose you over all the other men on earth and is committed to loving you for the rest of her life? Think about it. Making love to someone who will stay with you forever, who will be there when you wake up in the morning and who you’re deeply in love with? Her offering her body to you is the expression of her offering you the deepest parts of her. People who play around with sex have insecure love and their lust is often a reflection of grasping selfishness, but people who have sex within marriage have secure love. They have made a public commitment to give their all. There’s nothing better than guilt free pleasure with security.”

My cheeks were aflame now and I was so grateful for the dark that hid my blushed skin. My heart was drumming wildly and I pushed my chest from touching Kendell’s back so he wouldn’t feel it.

Kendell fell silent for a brief moment before saying, “yes. Who wouldn’t want that?”

“Exactly,” James said pleased at the expression on Kendell’s face, “this is God’s good desire for his children. Naked and unashamed.”

The conversation tarried on before we finally arrived at the house.

I was all too pleased to get down from Kendell’s back and escape inside.

David, and James noticed my quick flight.

“She doesn’t do well with romantic topics.” David told James.

“I noticed she doesn’t fare well with compliments either. She had a hard time accepting it when I called her a princess.” James said.

“Yeah…she’s maturing, but more slowly than your average…” David paused struggling with the word, “wo-man. Just two nights ago I asked her about her crush and she was mortified that I read her so easily. She wouldn’t tell me who the guy was.”

“Oh really?” I heard James say. His voice was animated and he arched an eyebrow.

David nodded, “I’ll eventually find out though.”  

“I pray she’s brave enough to let you in soon. I know how much you care for her.”  

Photo by ramtin ak from Pexels

Mama made beef stew and sticky rice for dinner. It was delicious and incredibly warming. I sucked and chewed on the tender seasoned meat. After dinner Ginger brought out the pie and everyone dug in.

“You make the best pies Autumn,” James said as he took a bite.

“Thank you,” I said trying to hide my shyness. I remembered that warm day between the blueberry branches where I told him that everyone knew my pies were “good.” He’d bought one at the next market to test one of them.

“Ginger helped too,” Paige said as she went for a tub of vanilla ice cream to add on top of the hot pie.

“It’s incredible,” Marian said toward Ginger. She then looked at me, “it really is.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Ginger beamed happily.

Paige set the tub down and dipped the scooper in, “who wants some?” she asked and then proceeded to give to those who raised their hands.

After the desert was finished Ginger and I presented the extra gift pie to James and Marian who accepted it with thanks. Shortly after, they waved us goodbye and bid us good night.

“Until the morning,” James waved with Marian at his side.

“God willing,” David waved and showed them out before closing the door behind them.

After hearing the sound of James’ truck drumming away, I headed upstairs.

“I’ll help you with the dishes ma,” I heard David say.

“That won’t be necessary. You’ve had a long day,” she said patting him on the arm.

He sighed, clearly too tired to argue, “good night ma,” he said and kissed her on the head before scaling the stairs.

Showers were timed as everyone needed to wash up. Mama offered Ginger and I dad’s restroom and I found it comical that I was bathing with Ginger when just the other night I had shooed her away. Her dark ebony curls were so soggy with shampoo that the foam of it dropped down her forehead and cheeks. She proceeded to play with the bath bubbles by blowing them in my face and I remembered with annoyance why I had kicked her out of our bathroom last night.

After showering, I stayed up for a long time in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about the awkward conversation I was subject to. While I had been reluctant to even bring God into the subject of dating until a few days ago, thinking it sacrilegious, James had brought Him into his sexual understanding without the slightest unease. He talked about it like he would talk about scripture, yet his demeanor was one of complete rest and peace. He even called it “holy” in the same breath that he called it “pleasurable.”

Something shifted deep within me, and I felt myself gape open within. I felt a freedom to express myself to God about this in a way I hadn’t before. I poured myself in prayer that night, and asked The Lord to help me see things the way He did. I asked Him to help me grow up into womanhood. I knew I had avoided things that forced me into adulthood many times in the past:

I remembered the day Paige blow dried my hair and put me in her clothes for my interview, and how the word “beautiful” came out of David’s lips when he saw me. I couldn’t ever remember being called beautiful in that sense before.

I thought about the first day I saw James. Something inside my soul awakened for the first time and my secure little world continued to ebb away the longer he stayed. A desire was kindled despite the waters of resistance I put on it, and it only fanned into a bursting flame whenever I’d come in contact with him.

I thought back to the day that Paige said, “you will be a wife and a mother someday. You can’t afford to make these kinds of mistakes anymore!” It was the day I had left bread in the oven and she followed behind me and turned it off. At that moment, I was almost unbelieving at the suggestion in her tone. Sure, I knew someday I would be a wife and mom…but the way she spoke of it made it seem like it was sooner rather than later.  

 I remembered the fleeting moments I had when the Holy Spirit would nudge me with a whisper to talk to Him about my newfound affections. I remember the afternoon Danielle told me to take my feelings to Jesus, and the many times Paige opened up the subject to me in a safe way so that I would share.

I remember slighting David for asking me about my romantic emotions. What I thought was his imposing was actually his invitation for intimate conversation. I remembered Kendell telling me as I explored my wardrobe that I wasn’t the “dirty nailed, jumper wearing, messy haired, cool girl” that he grew up with anymore. He had called me “French girl” in reference to my changed preference of dress.

I also remembered the day I saw Matt pacify his wife Kate outside and then kiss her. When I saw that a wistful ache of longing was felt within me for the briefest of moments until Ginger distracted me.

A cataclysm of other memories filled my mind of moments where romance had called me and I had rejected it. These memories boiled together in a stew of blended pictures. All this time I had been fighting back the hands of time. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. Some part of me was, but that part was receding while the other part was growing.

In the quiet of the night I besought the Lord and in a moment of prayer I heard Ezekiel 16 in my spirit. At first, I didn’t want to bother opening my Bible since I was having such a good time in prayer… but a nudging filled me. Reaching for my Bible I opened it and fingered my way to Ezekiel 16. The words jumped out of the pages at me and burst in my heart:

And as for your birth, on the day you were born your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt or swaddled with bands at all. No eye pitied you to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you; but you were cast out in the open field, for your person was abhorrent and loathsome on the day that you were born. And when I passed by you and saw you rolling about in your blood, I said to you in your blood, Live! Yes, I said to you still in your natal blood, Live! I caused you [Israel] to multiply as the bud which grows in the field, and you increased and became tall and you came to full maidenhood and beauty; your breasts were formed and your hair had grown, yet you were naked and bare.Now I passed by you again and looked upon you; behold, you were maturing and at the time for love, and I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I plighted My troth to you and entered into a covenant with you, says the Lord, and you became Mine. Then I washed you with water; yes, I thoroughly washed away your [clinging] blood from you and I anointed you with oil.I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with [fine seal] leather; and I girded you about with fine linen and covered you with silk. I decked you also with ornaments and I put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nostril and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown upon your head! Thus you were decked with gold and silver, and your raiment was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth; you ate fine flour and honey and oil. And you were exceedingly beautiful and you prospered into royal estate. And your renown went forth among the nations for your beauty, for it was perfect through My majesty and splendor which I had put upon you, says the Lord God.

 I could hardly believe the intimate words of my Lord. The words; behold, you were maturing and at the time for love ministered to me in ways that caused my heart beat to become clear in my ears. The hairs on my neck pricked up and goose bumps spread across my arms in a dominos affect. I sucked in a breath of air sharply before slowly releasing. My desire arose within in me in such a powerful way that I was completely unaware of my surroundings for a brief moment. This “feeling” was more real than the clothes on my back. I desired, I wanted, I longed…and for the first time I saw with the eyes of my heart that this was from God. It wasn’t just accepted by Him, it didn’t just please Him, but it was from Him!

A tangible Presence seemed to enter the room and sit in front of me. My eyes went wide and I melted at the heavenly Presence.

“My beloved, my dove, my spotless one, my bride.” (Song of Solomon 5:2)

I closed my eyes overwhelmed by the intensity of the love I felt. Tears pricked at my eyes and I knew a new dawn had come. As the pure and beautiful Presence dissipated I knew things would never be the same. I was awakened.

~If you liked this sneak peek of, At The Time For Love, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul! There is deeper love awaiting you! A love the world can’t take away.

“Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul introduces fictional stories painted with tender intimacy to gently unravel the ageless waters of human desire for everlasting love. Based on the sacred theology of Jesus as the Church’s Bridegroom, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul’s storybook manner sparks the imagination, exposes hidden wounds, and nourishes the soul. Through deeply warm conversations, unsuspecting characters encounter Jesus, who is sometimes disguised, and come to find Him as the healing Lover of their souls. These therapeutic conversations take place in a café, a ballroom floor in heaven, beside a lake, in Jerusalem and other colorful places that welcome rest. The book is framed by the extended story of Noble and Trisha’s romance—one that connects with many young women. Ultimately, this book was designed to usher the reader into the comforting arms of Jesus, where He can make them whole with pure love.” -Ashley Thompson McClelland

Posted on

Beyond The Fear

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

Almost every morning I wake up to Elena’s pure and beautiful smile. Her smile is a layer of sunshine in my soul. She makes my heart feel like melted sugar. An infant’s love is so genuine. There is no guile behind her eyes…no secret agendas…no hidden motives. There is just pure bliss. There is just pure adoration. She is built to love her parents by our Creator. She is designed to be loved. I can’t imagine life without my girls. But did you know that the enemy and the world tried to steal them both before they were born?

Eden (God’s Paradise) was planted in my heart before she came to be in my womb and while I wanted children really badly…my husband was naturally worried about finances. After a few conversations, I decided to just pray about it and ask God to talk to him. Faithfully, God did and with an income loss of over $1000 a month and a bill increase of $950 Eden entered the world like a flower from heaven. Miraculously, all of our needs were supplied and we even had extra! Trust God.

Years later, I began to desire another child. A few weeks after that desire entered my heart, I found out that I was pregnant with Elena (Radiant Light). Shortly after this discovery, I began to experience irrational fears for a short time period about carrying her to full term (“it’s not a good time.” “You don’t have as much in savings.” “How will you continue to pursue your dream?”). It was like an onslaught of thoughts and emotions that were not from me began to bombard my soul and I heard the word “abortion” being whispered into my mind. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was demonic. So I rebuked the unclean spirit speaking to me and shortly afterward I was once again full of joy over Elena’s developing/blooming life.

Did you know after I accepted Stephen’s proposal for marriage, I woke up almost every morning for a month with “evil” panic attacks? With feelings of great trepidation? There was such an obvious fight for me to not marry Stephen that it’s almost laughable now because I know the devil’s game. Did you know, I was attacked with anxiety before I headed off to Bible college by faith? My marriage to Stephen, my memories from Bible college and our two girls have enriched and added more light and layers of glory and love and divine bliss to my life than I can ever begin to describe! Nothing that I trusted God for has hindered my dreams…rather my dreams wouldn’t have been fulfilled without these 3 priceless humans. (3 business later and now a pending publishing deal). Almost every beautiful and wonderful blessing from heaven in my life has been opposed by the enemy and the rational/logic of the world/men.

From thinking about my own life, I can’t help but wonder how many millions of babies have died because the logic of men stirred fear, anxiety and doubt in the hearts of their mothers and fathers? I wonder how many billions of adults miss out on the abundant lives they could be living because fear opposed them from moving forward into their destiny? One of my favorite quotes from the song Brave by Moriah Peters is, “fear kills more dreams than failure.” (How true). I’m not a special case. I believe every person (myself included) is confronted with the fear of the world’s logic (which is often cloaked as “wisdom”) and the demonic (which also disguises itself) when it comes to entering into a place of heaven’s plans. Whatever you do, let me encourage you to never give up on your dreams and never stop loving selflessly. Because the two (in God’s kingdom) go hand in hand.

There is a treasured destiny from heaven that belongs to you. And this life, you will find, will be better than your dreams. God’s reality is always sweeter and greater than we could ever imagine. “My yoke is easy, my burden is light…you will find rest for your soul.”-Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30

One of my dreams was to become a Life Coach so I could see others living the abundant life of their dreams. I truly believe every child of God is meant to have a life that radiates the beauty of wholeness, joy, fulfillment and love. If you would like a partner on discovering and entering your God-destiny, I would be honored to walk with you! Click here to fill out a form to begin your coaching sessions!

“I love you (Ashley) and I thank you because you’re the only one who stirs me up with my dream. God has ministered to me so many times! I think that those who truly pursue God’s dreams are few and far between. He gave me insight while I was singing with him that every single one of his children are supposed to be drenched in success and aiming high. God’s plans are no where near the standard that the average Christian has been walking in. It’s a beautiful thing and an awakening because he literally has an outstanding plan for everyone. If all of us would only tap into our skill sets and design, then we would all be hitting the nail on the head. Everyone’s glory was originally supposed to be huge! There is no mediocre lifestyle or money or love or blessing or talent or skill set or job in the body of Christ! We’re all the cream of the crop. Every single one of us but few of us believe and receive and tap into his mind. Few of us understand how huge God’s kingdom on earth is! I’m not waiting anymore. I’m running and I’m going to be diligent in what he asks me to do today! I’m going to believe it when he gives me insight about tomorrow! I will not waste my life away waiting.” -Chloe Lange, worshipper, wife, mother, Lioness Lips entrepreneur.

Posted on

Worship Through Voting

And now I am on holy ground. It’s voting season 🇺🇸 .

This space is sacred, how I vote has become worship. 

You see,, I’m not for a particular party (I have papers before me representing the two main parties). I’m not loyal to the right or the left. I’m loyal to only One Person & as I vote, I pray,, open his Word and seek his guidance as I gather facts. 

If you ask me to vote apart from Biblical morals in this or any election, I say, “I cannot.” To do so would be to deny myself, to detach myself from what is truest about me thus enacting a dual-personality. 

Jesus is not just my Savior, He’s not just my Lord, He’s not just my Friend, He is not just my Big Brother…He is my Life. And just like God is faithful even when we are faithless because He cannot deny Himself…so I cannot break from the Spirit of Jesus at the voters booth (2 Timothy 2:13).I will not split away from Jesus and deny Him access to this part of my heart and humanity. 

The idea that we as Christians ✝️ can vote in a way that opposes holiness (the Holy Spirit) is wrong. (Granted, all parties are FAR from true holiness and they all fall miserably short from righteousness. But which party is closer? That’s up to you and Jesus to decide.)

I like what Dr. Myles Monroe said, “the separation of church and state, is the separation of priest and king.” 

We are not just priests (meant to keep our worship/convictions hidden away in the church, like the priests of Israel did in the desert. They left the law-giving to Moses,, who acted as a “king” while going to Aaron, their high priest for godly things). No, God had in mind from the beginning for us to be both priests and kings/queens (Exodus 19:6, 1 Peter 2:9, Isaiah 61:6, etc). And this is why king David (an old testament figure) was so famous. Because he showed the world the binding together of these two elements that would unite perfectly in the coming great King. David wrote the longest worship book in the Bible, and yet he also reigned in righteousness as a king over millions of people. Jesus sits on the throne of David -Luke 1:32.

Let me encourage you to not vote based on your gender, your race, your offenses, your own understanding…but to vote as if you were worshipping Jesus . I will not tell you who to vote for, only to set apart this act as holy.

I for one will vote as close to righteousness as I can. And I continually pray for leaders to rise up in this nation who are not loyal to money, to their own private interests, to special groups who buy them out, to lasciviousness, to their own lust for power and acclaim etc. But for leaders who are honorable, wise, and who will seek the counsel of God. Selah. 📖

“We need leaders not in love with money but in love with justice. Not in love with publicity but in love with humanity. Leaders who can subject their particular egos to the pressing urgencies of the great cause of freedom…..a time like this demands great leaders.” -Reverend/Dr. Martin Luther King Jr (a great recent example of both a king and a priest…he allowed his religious convictions to propel him to public service. And his actions/voice, changed our country for the better).

~For more publications by me, check out my books, Visions of Celestial Love, and Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul.

Posted on

Securely Surrounded

This morning I was reminded how much stability and security I have in God.

I placed my newborn between my legs and ran a finger across her tiny silky hand. As expected, she curled her fingers around mine with a “firm” grip. I smiled with pleasure as I studied her small, pale hands and the relaxed way she laid on the soft sheets.

After awhile of gazing on her in admiration, I slowly began to pull my finger away. She immediately tightened her hold on me and opened her deep blue eyes to look for me.

It was in that tender moment that God whispered to my heart. I didn’t hear Him speak these words…but the inaudible message was the same:

“Do you see how Elena doesn’t want to let you go? She’s holding on to your finger and searching for you with her eyes. This is how you are with Me. I have you in between my powerful legs. You are my precious child but you still don’t know just how secure you are with Me. You try to hold on to my finger to have some tangible proof that I’m with you…but you don’t realize that you’re surrounded by my presence already.”

Like my infant daughter has immature sight, to where she can only see so far (all infants are born with limited vision. It’s said that they can only see as far as their mother’s faces when they breastfeed), so I’ve been with God many times. There have been many seasons where I didn’t realize that He’s been there with me. But He always has. My natural eyes and humanistic understanding can never perceive or comprehend His eternal presence.

And while, I have a grip on his finger, He has a strong hold of me. You see my grip on his finger often represents all the exertion of my strength which is so weak compared to his. Truthfully, I’m incapable of holding on to Him (I’m just about as weak as Elena is). The good news is, He surrounds me with His strength.

This is how He is with all His children. Or at least how He yearns to be. As Jesus cried when He gazed at Jerusalem, “how I longed to gather your children under me like a hen gathers her chicks under her wings…but you would not.” (Matthew 23:37)

May you gather under his powerful arms and find yourself held and surrounded by his strength. He has the power to hold on to you even when your grip fails. And while you may be physically weak, like my newborn, your every cry pulls on the heartstrings of God like Elena pulls on mine. All of my power is used to nurture her and protect her…so God as Father, and the definition of love, will always use his power to surround you as you rest in Him.

“But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.” -Psalm 131:2 ESV

~if you were blessed by this short devotional, check out my book Visions of Celestial Love. It is filled with mini devotionals that are meant to draw your heart closer to your Heavenly Father.

~And if you haven’t already, subscribe to my blog to receive monthly inspirations! <3

“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel, Active U.S Navy.

Posted on

When The True Light Appears

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” -C.S Lewis

This morning I watched the sunrise. As golden orange rays began to melt away the cold blue of the night sky with delicious colors as rich as butter and cream, I saw the street light from across the road go out. It was once aglow, hanging from an iron, steely, grey pole. The second the sensitive and mostly inconspicuous sensors caught a glimpse of the more brilliant and superior light of day…they gave way to the approaching glory. Like candles become obsolete in the face of noonday, so do street lamps and every man “created” light.

This is how I feel mankind and all the earth will respond to the appearing of Jesus. Everything artificial, everything built from fleshly self-effort, everything made without the Spirit of God, will go out. And our eyes will marvel more than a babe from the womb looking upon the dawn for the first time, when we see his all-encompassing beauty, grace, power and life. Swept up in his love and truth, we will be able to do nothing but gasp in awe or silently weep, or lay strewn about on the soft grass as his glory rises to the center of the sky.

As He rises, He will give life to those whose bones were once brittle, He will give light to those who were blind, peace to those who were once traumatized, truth to those who were bound by lies (the ultimate enemy) and love to those who were enchained by fear.

“But, for my followers, goodness will shine on you like the rising sun. And it will bring healing power like the sun’s rays. You will be free and happy, like calves freed from their stalls. –Malachi 4:2 ERV

Jesus will show us the way to the Father. He will give more life, heat and clarity to the earth than the physical sun ever did:

  1. As the rays from the sun highlight the beauty of the earth, like beholding beads of shimmering sunlight on the moving aquamarine and azure waves of the ocean, so He shall illuminate the world with beauty and divine life. 
  2. Without the natural sun, everything on earth would perish. The ecological system of this planet was built with a need for sunlight. Without it, all vegetation would die, all animals and cattle that eat vegetables would starve away and then eventually man would wane away as well, shrouded in darkness. As the earth needs the sun, so we were designed for Christ and God. Without Him our spiritual ecological systems are dead. Our emotional capacity for love is never truly satisfied and is like a grave yard. When He comes, He shall make the dead live.
  3. My two-year-old has often said when she looks at the daytime sky, “ouchy mommy, sun. My eyes. Ouchy.” Unable to articulate the aureate-carmine glory of the sunlight, she expresses herself as best as she can to me (sometimes I wonder what we will sound like trying to express Christ when He appears. Like toddlers or infants lack the vocabulary to define mature things…so we will be at the fullness of Jesus).
  4. I have often told my daughter in response, “if the sun hurts your eye sweetie, don’t look at it. It’s too bright for us to look at.” Like the sun is too bright for our physical eyes to see unaided so the glory of Christ is too incomprehensibly glorious for our carnal eyes. 
  5. I often think of the rapture when my thoughts travel to His second coming. Scripture says we will be caught up with Him in the sky and changed in the twinkling of an eye. In less than a split second our mortal bodies will be transfigured into immortal, glorified bodies. We will be like Him instantly simply from beholding Him. Like the sunlight blinds my daughter’s eyes but yet gives life to every function in her body, so shall the brilliance of Jesus cause those who belong to Him to die and resurrect in an instance. We will die to our blindness, to our limited understanding, to our false concepts and beliefs when we see Truth as He is. And once we see Truth, we will be flooded with the Life the Truth brings and be raised from the bondage of death in every form: physical, emotional, mental, relational, spiritual, etc. We will be endowed and infused with the ability to see our Father as He is and our Savior as He is!
  6. God is light…in Him dwells no darkness. -1 John 1:5
  7. God is love…in Him dwells no selfishness -1 John 4:7-21
  8. God is holy…in Him dwells no evil/sin. -Isaiah 6:1-13
My sister and I in our third trimester. Photo credit: Ruthy Esquivel Photography

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” –Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

This simple visual of the street light flickering off as the sky became alight, calmed my soul. It was a beautiful reminder to me to rest in the light of Jesus, knowing that all my sufficiency is from Him.

I hope this word-picture has the same effect on you. May you know the joys of beholding his beauty. The peace that comes from his power. The assurance of his promise that comes more surely than the sun’s rising every morning. You have an amazing Savior, Lord, Friend and Lover who will never leave you nor forsake you. He will always give life to you and no matter how dark the night you are facing, his light will blaze through it.

Just as the glory of the sun outshines the street lights, so the grace of God in our lives overwhelms our weaknesses, our fleshly self-efforts and laborious striving. We don’t need to produce light on our own. We only need to let him shine his light upon us and through us. Rest and receive all that he is for you and in you today.

Love in Christ,

Ashley xoxo

For more devotions like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love.

“A delightful book that reflects the praises from a heart that desires to abide closely with our Heavenly Father. Written in a style that summons us to experience a journey of deeper intimacy with a loving God. Ashley covers the foundation of the Christian faith that brings encouragement and assurance of God’s promises when faced with life’s challenges. Embracing our uniqueness and the safety of transparency before our Maker who cares about the most intricate details of our life. Yes, an invitation indeed from the One and only who can fill what are heart’s ache for.” — Jocelyn Reyna, Entrepreneur

~p.s: As some of you know, I am in the latter end of my 3rd trimester. My doctor informed me in so many words that Elena can come, “at any moment.” Her name means: light, brilliance, radiance. Because of her beautiful approaching presence, my world has shifted and slowed down in many ways. After her birth, I plan on taking a respite from my blog writing as I learn how to balance my days with two little treasures: Eden (paradise, heaven on earth, pleasure) and Elena (radiance). If you don’t receive any updates from me in several weeks or even months…this is why. I’m not sure how long it will take for me to learn how to peacefully manage my time, but until then…the grace and peace of the Lord be strong with you!

Posted on

A Kingdom Response to Political Unrest, Racism and Societal Chaos

Racism.

I know it’s hard for some to fathom, but it still exists today. Racism has no specific color that identifies the carrier of it. It comes in all shades. It’s a matter of the heart. 

As unbelievable as it may seem, in 2010 I innocently walked outside my families apartment in California to wish someone farewell. There under a canopy of stars and trees, in the same neighborhood, I saw a man dressed up in a Ku Klux Klan robe. He had the pointed hood on and everything! His robe glistened in the barely lit darkness of night. He was only 3 houses down from me and was accompanied by another man who was leading him into another condo. My brain could hardly fathom the sight. Was I really seeing a KKK member in “liberal” California? Was such ignorant hate still being taught? When he saw me, he slowly stopped to stare at me. It was a cold and mentally shocking stand-off (to find out what happened from that encounter, read on).

When you’re confronted with racism how do you respond? 

I was telling my sister a few days ago that our response to racism is comparable to fire. (When I say “our” I mean people in general). 

We can either react to blind hate like a wildfire does—creating unspeakable damage, death and destruction in our life and the lives of the people around us. Or we can be like a campfire— creating light and warmth for those around us. 

We can create a light that is inviting, helps people see through the darkness, gets positive attention, and creates a space for honest conversation. We can even be selfless enough to let others roast food over us to nourish themselves. 

Incredibly, we can also be submitted enough to God to allow Him to create a control burn through us.  I know that controlled burns are another type of “good” fire that governments, cities and farmers use to prevent future wildfires. These fires are used to serve the community and prevent death and destruction. They are powerful fires but not deadly ones.

As a little girl I watched from my backyard as a controlled burn was going on across the road from my house. Just across the street, standing dozens of feet above me was a fire that swept through acres and acres of land that was once a war zone. This fire that spewed smokey clouds and arrayed the sun in crimson red, was being used to set off hidden bombs that would have other wised prevented the growth of my community and killed innocent people. I was never once afraid of the power of this incredible fire because I knew it wasn’t wild…I knew it was controlled and being used for good. This fire to me represents a meek person—power under God’s control. It takes a lot of power to be self-controlled and submitted to heaven’s ways. (There are many good ways that fire serves us):

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” – Reverend MLK ️

Racism does deserve a response. Just like any matter of injustice. It should be confronted, it should be dealt with and not ignored because it’s evil and like the devil: it kills, steals and destroys. Without a confrontation, it will do what enemy soldiers do to an invaded land. It is dark enough to evoke a reaction from the light ️. 

The question I’m really posing here is: when you’re confronted with darkness (hate), does Jesus come out of you? When pricked with painful prejudice, do you respond like Jesus? 

I know Jesus frequently dealt with people who had a spiritual superiority complex (his disciples and the Jewish people around him thought they were better than the Samaritans). They were also racially prejudice because they considered themselves to be pure breed while the Samaritan’s were mixed people (mutts in their estimation). No doubt Jesus was frowned upon by some Jews for his unbiased and loving approach to them.

Not only this, but Jesus was also guilty by association to some Samaritans. An entire village of Samaritans were so fed up with the snobbery and bigotry of the Jews that they rejected Jesus for heading toward Jerusalem for a feast day. They blindly clumped Jesus together with the other proud Jews they had come across– in other words they did the same thing to him that they were used to receiving (they misjudged him. It’s important to note that Samaritans were unwelcome to join in the Biblical feasts in Jerusalem. And if they did join, they were only allowed certain privileges. They were treated like second class citizens). In their detestment over His association with the Jews they missed an encounter with the healing love and power of God through Jesus. Instead of weeping for them, two of the disciples were automatically enraged and wanted to consume them by “using” God to call down fire upon the entire village (women and children included). This shows how gracious and inclusive these two disciples were. It also shows the condition of their hearts toward the Gentiles. Jesus rebuked his two disciples and revealed his heart in doing so, “you know not what manner of spirit you are of. For the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives but to save them.” (Luke 9:55-56)

Jesus faced political unrest (the rule of Rome through taxation and subjugation). As a result, He dealt with the bitterness of the Jews who naturally didn’t care for him to heal any Gentile. Jesus also faced extreme religious bias and persecution by the church leaders of his day who wanted to use him to: either push their corrupt power agendas over the people through the use of completely unbiblical weights (rules and false commandments)…or else smite him. They actually sought to put their laws higher than God’s!

You see, Jesus understands the complex affects of racism and political oppression in a culture. He was often caught right in the middle of peoples stewing emotions, biases and struggles for power. I picture Jesus with his arms outstretched trying to include everyone and give them heaven’s perspective and insight. Instead of listening to him, most people just pulled on his arms, trying to get him to take their side. Like a tug of war rope, they grabbed opposite arms and opposed each other all the while seeking to pressure Jesus to bend to their agendas. They wanted him all to themselves.

Jesus knows the heart inside of every man (John 2:24). When he walked the earth…he healed both Jew and Gentile. If someone was willing to come to him, he taught them and instructed them in the way of love and Heaven’s Kingdom culture (which doesn’t allow for racism) 

He understands the pain of oppression (he was born into a world ruled by spiritual darkness and the tyranny of Rome). Shortly after his birth, a massive infanticide was issued by Herod. This issue slaughtered the babies and children of thousands of Jewish people. Due to that, years of abuse, extortion and sometimes forced servanthood, the Jewish people were fed up! They cried out for a king to come to usurp Rome. They wept for justice! And instead of coming like a roaring lion, their promised Messianic King came like a suffering Lamb. “Behold the Lamb, who takes away the sins of the world!” Declared John the Baptist upon seeing Jesus in John 1:29. John had been trying to prepare/soften the people’s hearts through repentance (changing their minds) in order to receive Jesus.

Can you imagine their disappointment when they realized Jesus wasn’t going to wage a physical war with Rome and spill the blood of their enemies? Instead he would spill his own blood to reconcile all of mankind (even their foes) to God! If only their hearts were in the right place…they would have known through scripture that his first coming would be like a lamb (Zechariah 9:9).

Because Jesus didn’t fit their measure of a “great” king, they rejected him. After receiving his love in physical healings, after consuming his miracles (the feeding of the five thousand) and filling their bellies, their selfish hearts were roused to overrule Rome by using him. Like a wildfire only consumes, they were consumed with their own agendas. So much so that they went to “take him and force him to be their king” (John 6:15). Sadly, they were so fierce in their own self-centeredness that when Jesus began to try and feed them the spiritual food from his deep heart (the way of the kingdom and its rulership through meekness and submission to God), they quickly rejected him and some even wanted to harm him (John 6:26-71). Even his disciples wanted him to enter a physical power struggle with Rome, “Lord, at this time are you going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” Acts 1:6

Prolonged oppression and the sometimes subsequent bitterness that follows in the hearts of the enslaved can make the victims just like their oppressors, IF the heart allows hatred in: “Each day we are becoming a creature of splendid glory or one of unthinkable horror.” -C.S Lewis.

Jesus understands the things that happen to us are like the heat from the sun on our hearts. They can soften us or harden us: “The same sun that melts butter, hardens clay.” -unknown. Sadly some of the people around Jesus had such hard hearts that even seeing a man raised from the dead wasn’t enough to soften their hearts to him. They completely disowned John the Baptist and Jesus.

How is your heart responding to everything? Is it softening to the voice of God who promises to produce peace, selfless love and wisdom inside of you, which will bring about physical actions that foster transformational change? 

You see, as a Christian, black person and woman, I’ve been discriminated against more than 99.9% of the people in my life know about (even the closest people to me). I’ve been called names, I’ve been physically mishandled (mostly in school, thank God), I’ve been left out and had anger spurred on me. In each event that I’m thinking of…I never provoked the mistreatment against me. I can, from a VERY limited place, understand why the Jews wanted physical and political deliverance (I can really only attempt to understand their deep oppression). 

Like the disciples I’ve asked, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” Little did the disciples know at the time that the way of the kingdom, which they would soon follow, would forever impact Rome. In fact, these men (after humbling themselves enough to be controlled burns) turned the whole world right side up! Heaven invaded earth wherever they went and Rome began to fall on its knees with each converted person. Asia, Syria, Greece, Ethiopia, etc and all the known world began to taste Heaven in such a way that it not only regenerated the spirits of men, but because of the moral change in hearts, it enacted real social change.

Growing up I was teased from kindergarten through the 10th grade (for numerous reasons that had to do with my appearance and quiet demeanor). I’ve wanted to react like a wildfire. But instead, I chose to listen to my Father’s voice and let him make a control burn through my life (not perfectly of course. There were times where I blew it). And in the 9th grade, I was awarded, “most likely to win a noble peace prize.” 

I’m slowly learning to not see things strictly from a physical point of view but from a spiritual point of view. This, more than anything else, has helped me to “love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me.” Because I see them as lost, dying men or fellow Christians who are separated from Christ’s heart, it is easier for me to have compassion on them.

From a spiritual point, I also find my unshakable identity: I am complete in Christ, I am redeemed (bought with the highest price heaven could afford), I am a saint, I am the righteousness of God in Christ, I am made in the image of God, I am qualified for all the promises of God in Christ and redeemed from all the curses. I have power, love and a sound mind, I have the Spirit of God living inside of me therefore I fear no evil…man or devil. I am perfectly loved, treasured and valued by my heavenly Father, etc. I have heaven’s power to forgive. Because I know who I am, I can take positions of extreme meekness like Jesus did when he washed the (undoubtedly) filthy feet of his friends (John 13:3-5). I can be a campfire or a control burn. And YES, I can affect just political and social change (because that is VERY important too). 

How I go about effecting political and physical change is different than some but trust me I believe in righteousness. I hate wickedness in every form: racism, robbery, murder, sexual exploitation, child porn/abuse, unjust scales, human slavery (which is still going on and very prevalent), etc. In my INFJ personality, the “J” stands for judgement. I love justice because true justice does not discriminate by unfairly favoring one person over another because of whatever reason. True justice seeks truth and enacts punishment on the wicked (who would otherwise harm people) while protecting the innocent. Jesus judges not by the sight of His eyes. He judges fairly. And all throughout the Old Testament, I see God judging for the sake of truth and the greater good of man. 

We need people to rise up to take a stand against the crimes of humanity and systematic injustice in our society. What we do NOT need is looting, the destruction of private property and the killing of innocent civilians and cops! We don’t need people with violence in their hearts (hateful rioters) “representing” the cause of racial equality (because these people are wildfires and not campfires or controlled burns. And some of them don’t even care about racial issues. They are just hiding in the crowds egging on their own evil selfish agendas while committing despicable, heartbreaking crimes)!

If you’re wondering about the man in the KKK robe, thank you for your patience in waiting so long. We stood there staring at each other briefly. After getting over the shock of actually seeing a KKK member, I used wisdom and slowly turned around before heading back upstairs into my families apartment. The next morning I went outside to go to school and saw that the hood of my white dodge neon was graffitied in black with “K’s.” Instead of getting bitter, I told my dad and he took the car someplace to get rid of the “K’s.” I chose to brush off the encounter like a duck’s feathers repel water.

This is just one named instance where I have been discriminated against (there are others). Members of family have received unjust treatment too: I haven’t told you of the time where my sister (when she was a child) heard at a mutual friend’s house, “we don’t play with black people.” I didn’t mention the time where my sister had her change (coins) thrown back at her in a gas station because she’s black. I never mentioned the numerous instances where my father was clearly profiled by officers (I don’t have anything against good cops, I’m very grateful for them), or the time where my mother was cheated out of being the Head of Science Department in her workplace by women (who happened to be white) who conspired against her. I didn’t say how my heart felt sick when I watched my mom cry tears from childhood trauma shortly after my daughter Eden was born as she remembered an instant growing up that terrified her. One of her favorite country songs brought that sad memory to mind. She was one of 8 black kids who went to an otherwise all white school in the south. She grew up to like country music from riding the bus with her white classmates. I could only imagine her daily fear and apprehension in going to school.

Racism is evil. And I’ve met racist in black skin, brown skin, white skin, and yellow skin. We are not to judge others by the sight of our eyes but by the heart (the inner man).

So outer garments don’t matter that much to me when beholding a man. I don’t find fault with people simply because they are robed differently: police uniform, fancy suit, apron, etc. “It’s not a matter of skin but sin. It’s not about race but grace.” -unknown. 

God clearly arrayed man in different shades because He likes diversity.

Let’s love each other.

~I just have to say, I love you no matter what shade God has adorned you in. I love you no matter what your past (it’s all about where you are now/ repentance). I love you because God has loved me and He clearly loves you. You are my brother. You are my sister. And even if you are currently an “enemy,” I will pray for you because we were all once enemies of God. And God displayed his love for us in giving us his Son.

Ashley xoxo

A Prayer for America

“America, my heart truly hurts seeing whats happening to you (both gross abuse from systematic judicial prejudice and misplaced rage from wounded people who have been oppressed for a long time). 🇺🇸

I pray great love over the hearts of the thousands of men and women who are angry and grieved (just like I am) over George Floyd’s murder. I pray for us to rightfully mourn over this tragedy and express our righteous anger (not just for his case but all the other painful and horrific cases that aren’t caught on camera) in a way that really effects change without hurting the innocent:

May God’s Holy Spirit open peoples eyes to seek his ways of governing above all else. May people have hearts for healing, understanding and wise minds to think of new reforms that will better insure the protection of innocent civilians and cops.

May the truly guilty and evil be found out and rightfully punished (let the innocent not be blamed). Let people with pure motives for good rise up and let those who are just using this tragedy to egg on their own selfish agendas be silenced. May our country move forward with new productivity, ingenuity, reconciliation and unity.

Let godly peace and justice reign across the land. Let wisdom rule in our courts and justice system, in Jesus name 

Let real justice rule, let the cry of the oppressed be heard, let true freedom reign.”

“United we stand, divided we fall.”

~For more of my writings, check out my books: Visions of Celestial Love & Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul.

~For information on my life coaching services, click here.

Be immensely blessed!

Scroll down to find a link to the worship song, A Better Way (about hearing the Father’s voice through Jesus). This song by Jason Upton has greatly blessed me in this season.

P.S: If you’re looking for where I stand on all the boiling issues currently facing America, I must say that I don’t have a particular group that I stand with. I am prayerfully asking Father for his opinion and wisdom regarding things. I do and will always stand with good cops. I do and will always stand with godly people who want to affect social change. I don’t belong to any specific group. Like Jesus, I’m willfully trying to not allow people with conflicting opinions and invested interests to pull on my arms and lead me away from my Father’s voice. Instead, I am humbling myself and prayerfully asking to be a controlled burn, a light in the darkness, a river in the desert and an unbiased judge. I pray we will all do the same . May God’s kingdom come to earth as it is in heaven!

Click here to listen to A Better Way (I own no rights whatsoever for this song).

Posted on

Thank You Holy Spirit

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. -Romans 14:17 ESV

Imagine having a best friend who loves you faithfully and unconditionally?

You’ve always been there for me.

Following me around wherever I may go.

Encouraging me when I’m down, reminding me of my immense self-worth and helping me walk wisely and lovingly in my relationships.

Thank you Holy Spirit for being the friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Thank you for healing me when I’ve been sick, thank you for delivering me from the hands of the enemy.

Thank you for singing songs over me and giving me the inheritance of Jesus Christ.

You are truly, Heaven on earth and I can feel you beside me.

You are the Comforter sent down from the Father

  xoxo

Posted on

The Holy Power of Pleasure

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. -Psalm 16:11 ESV

It has been said that we as people will naturally gravitate toward pleasure and avoid pain. Could this be because we were designed for Eden (a godly paradise full of pleasure and delights)?

I’ve come to realize that there is immense power in pleasure, strength in joy and captivating glee in His beauty. Over a phone conversation, I admitted to my best friend that when everything else has failed to keep me walking the straight and narrow with Jesus…the pleasure has never failed.

When rules couldn’t keep me, when holiness couldn’t convince me, when not even a sense of right and wrong could oblige me…the experiences that I’ve had with Him burned like embers in my heart with promises of flaming joy.

I’ve realized Father has done something irreversible in my soul. He’s reached down in the core of my spirit and touched me with eternal love. God is love. Love is what man was created for. Once the creation has been touched with intimacy by the Creator a sense of completeness, peace and wholeness comes with it. A sense that can never be forgotten.

Through the hardest seasons of my life (some of them where I cried consistently for months) He’s kept me with beauty, joy and pleasure. Not with religion or anything that I thought He would use…but with music, with merriment, with whispered kisses and blessings in abundance.

I’ve found He loves color, He loves spice, He loves to see me laugh and He holds me when I cry. He’s more wonderful than Niagara Falls, more majestic than any patterned constellation, more fun than children’s bubbling laughter, more fluid and wildly beautiful than all the oceans combined.

I’ve been touched with a pleasure that nothing in this world can offer…but yet all of creation reflects His glory…His art-ship. And through Him I’m enabled to fully enjoy everything in this world that’s good to take delight in and relish.

No church service can replace personal encounters with Him and yet there are few other joys than fellowshipping with other believers with Him in the room. He’s not stoic religiosity but joyful freedom that fills the heart with love for self and others. I thank God for His joy and pleasure. David was right when he quoted in Psalms, “your loving-kindness is better than life!” (Psalm 63:3).

I’ve recognized through fellowshipping with Him that godliness brings substantial blisses that cannot be compared to anything in this world and that sin brings pain. Through His brightness and holiness, I’ve glimpsed His radiant heart. It is like a sparkling pool of everlasting love and goodness. His nature is good, His heart is good, His mind is full of nobleness, kindness and life-giving wisdom. There isn’t a single part of Him that is bad. And because of this, I can trust Him. I can relish in His kindness. I can feast off His bounty and I can enjoy life to the fullest.

“Joy is the serious business of Heaven.” -C.S Lewis

“This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” .-Nehemiah 8:10 NIV

~For more devotions like this, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love:

“A delightful book that reflects the praises from a heart that desires to abide closely with our Heavenly Father. Written in a style that summons us to experience a journey of deeper intimacy with a loving God. Ashley covers the foundation of the Christian faith that brings encouragement and assurance of God’s promises when faced with life’s challenges. Embracing our uniqueness and the safety of transparency before our Maker who cares about the most intricate details of our life. Yes, an invitation indeed from the One and only who can fill what are heart’s ache for.” — Jocelyn Reyna, Entrepreneur

Posted on

Refreshing Wisdom

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers and overwhelms all transgressions [forgiving and overlooking another’s faults]. -Proverbs 10:12 AMP

~This morning, during my devotional hours, God comforted me with this verse. He reminded me…that He’s not like most people. He doesn’t focus on the bad in His children. It’s easy for Him to overlook our faults or areas where we need growth because of the overwhelming love in which He feels for us.

He calls us worthy and delights to be with us. He has put His very Spirit in us and He ministers to and through us. Because of His love, He is relaxed in our presence- Zephaniah 4.

I realized God is not nearly as tight chested around me as I am with Him. When Stephen and I were dating…he was much more relaxed around me than I was with him. I would sit up as stiff as starch and he’d have his arm loosely draped across my shoulders. It was only when I began to believe him when he told me that he loved me, that I felt peace around him. I noticed all the kind things he’d do for me and that opened up my heart.

A week or so ago, my husband suggested I read the book of Proverbs. I was having trouble receiving correction due to some hidden insecurities based on lies. As I thought about interactions that I’ve recently had with a dear family member…I realized Stephen was onto something. So I picked up the book of Proverbs the next day (in secret because I didn’t want my hubby to know he was right lol) and since then I’ve found such little treasures in them.

My choice to be humble has lead to blessings being added unto me. The funny thing about God’s kind of love is that once it’s received…it purifies the hidden man of the heart. Behavioral changes become grace-charged…as easy as breathing. As one of my favorite counselors says, “anyone who doesn’t feel loved is going to be mean.”

I hope you find a treasure from God today. He’s constantly wanting to enrich our souls with abundant life and bless us with everything Jesus died for us to have 🌈🌸👑⭐️

~If you are in need of someone to talk to and confide in, I am a certified Christian Life Coach. I would be happy to be a comforting hand on your journey of discovering the love of God and his good purposes for you!

Photo created from the You Version Bible app

“Whenever I talk to Ashley, I feel like I can finally be myself. I am free to be transparent without fear of judgment. I can share deep secrets without fear of betrayal. In doing so, I am able to let down my guard, which makes it so much easier to hear from the Lord. God has given Ashley great wisdom and insight into His character and nature, and often when I speak to her or read her writings, I learn something new about Him that changes my perspective on a grand scale. I’m so glad that she has become a certified Life Coach because this is definitely her calling. Just being friends with her, watching her live her life, inspires me to go forth and conquer!”  -Adelline Darsens, Freelance Editor, Ordained Minister, Worshipper, Former Middle School Teacher

Posted on

Created in Heaven, Born on Earth

…what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? -Psalm 8:4 NLT

God showed me a vision of Heaven and how He created me…

I wasn’t planned.

I was an “oops” baby. Even more so, I was born a girl when everyone expected me to be a boy. To make matters worse, my mother had really wanted a boy. She had suffered a previous miscarriage of her firstborn son and she already had two daughters. Needless to say, my parents were thrilled when they found out they were having another “son.” They even had my boy name picked out and everything.

I first heard the news that I wasn’t planned by my mother. I was in High School and we were driving through Gilroy to go pick up my dad from work. It was sunny outside and shafts of light reflected off of buildings and bounced inside the moving car. My mom was in the driver’s seat and I was sitting in the back, quietly admiring the railroad tracks, secretly wishing I could be on a fancy train that toured the country. The lush green mountains behind us looked like misty jade carpet. Flowers speckled the field between the two like colorful paint.

I don’t remember how the conversation started but in that car my mother confessed to me that I wasn’t a deliberate pregnancy.

“You were a ‘whoops I’m pregnant’ baby,” she half laughed nervously.

I didn’t believe her so I pressed, “that’s not true, is it?!”

“Yes, it’s true.” She answered, eyes fixed ahead at the road. She said something to the effect of, “your sister was still very little and I didn’t want to have another baby so soon. But we love you Ashley. I mean what are you going to do when you get pregnant?”

I laughed it off with a wave of my hand, “I know that’s not true. And if it is, who cares?”

I knew my parents wanted me. Nothing in my childhood ever said anything otherwise. They loved me well and I was very happy to be a part of my family.

Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal. -Proverbs 12:18 GNT

Despite my brushing off what I thought were frivolous words…her confession entered into my subconscious and grew undetected like a weed in the garden of my mind…giving life to other insecurities within me. After that day, I began to recall other comments that I had previously heard about my birth.

I remembered one time my dad voiced words that shed more light on the disillusionment that surrounded my birth. We were sitting at the kitchen table across from each other and It was supposed to be a joking jab at my mother…but it certainly didn’t feel that way. Those words were like palpable ice in my ears, chilling a place in my heart.

“You know your mother was disappointed after you were born?” he told me, his eyes sparkling with jest.

“Oh Ricky!” Mom barked from the kitchen.

“No,” I responded unbelieving, “why would she be?” My eyes shifted over his face, secretly imploring him to tell me that it was all made up.

“Because she wanted a son and the doctor told her up until you were born that you were supposed to be male. Isn’t that right Tee?”

My mom denied it in between fixing herself something to eat.

“When I came into the hospital room where she was, you weren’t there with her. You were in the baby nursery room. I saw your mom first and then I went to go see you,” my dad told me. “After I held you I went back to her. She was still visibly upset and so I told her, ‘Tee be happy the baby is healthy. I know you wanted a boy, but we have a baby girl with ten fingers and ten toes. Be thankful.’”

“Mom?” I prodded, unsure if I believed my father.

My mom remained silent for a few seconds and then confessed that she was surprised that I came out female (I could tell she didn’t like where the conversation was going and so I refrained from asking her any more questions). I had known for a long time that she originally wanted two boys and one girl…instead she got three girls first and then four years later a boy. Growing up, I also heard comments from my older sisters that my grandpa (on my dad’s side) didn’t fully accept my mother until she produced a son. You’ll find he’s missing in all their wedding photos. This was for a number of reasons I presume…I only know that he didn’t want my dad marrying her.

This picture of me in my last trimester was taken by Ruthy Esquivel Photography

How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. -Psalm 139:17-18a AMPC

When I entered my teenage years, I began to eat without proper restraint. I stuffed my belly in an attempt to fill secret hurting places in my soul. As a result, I pushed the scale to 196 pounds when I was only fourteen years old. I felt bashful about my growing femininity and hid my maturing features behind frumpy long-sleeved flannel shirts (from the men’s department) and dark jeans. I hated wearing dresses and skirts and only did so when I went to church. I didn’t think I was very attractive as a girl and so when any boy would show me interest, I would shut it down immediately by just ignoring him. Even though I liked guys, I wouldn’t allow myself to even think about being pursued because I didn’t measure myself as beautiful. I found it much easier to play with my younger brother Alex, than to engage in pubescent talk with my sisters.

Then one faithful day, after a few years of obvious pursuit, God won me over. I had been ignoring his pursuit just like I had been shunning any boy who showed interest in me. I didn’t think I was beautiful enough for God either.

One morning, I woke up to an empty house (this wasn’t uncommon as I used to sleep until noon back then…a sure sign of depression). I moseyed my way to the household computer and began perusing YouTube to watch cartoons. In the side panel, was a video by a woman I had never seen before. Her name was Joyce Meyer and the title of the video was, Your Self Image and Your Future. Something about the video sparked my interest and I clicked on it. As Joyce began to talk, the power of the Holy Spirit became tangible in the room. Joyce quoted many scriptures about the love of God and how He created everyone special and beautiful on purpose. What baffled me and brought me to my knees in His presence in true repentance for the first time, was when she said that He thought better of me than I did myself. The thought of God placing that much value on my life astounded me. Tears welled my eyes and I threw my hands up in true surrender. “God, I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you for all these years,” I sobbed, “please forgive me! Jesus, please come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior.”

I finally threw my life on His shoulders that morning. Abandoning myself completely to Him.

What happened next is a little bit unbelievable to some. I saw what looked like white translucent rain falling through the ceiling into the room. It was as if I wasn’t alone. Then I felt a cloud expanding in my chest. As it expanded I felt peace. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was filled with the Holy Spirit that very second. From that day on, a voice started speaking from within me and leading me into an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I had new desires (proof that I was born again) and unspeakable joy. After that, I read through the entire Bible, I had several angelic encounters, visions, I experienced inner healing and was even delivered from a spirit of anger without any deliberate effort on my part. The Lord began to encourage me to buy bright colored skirts (purple was by far my new favorite color). Before, I had hated the idea of wearing skirts because somewhere deep inside I hated myself and didn’t think I deserved to be donned in anything lovely.

I listened to Jesus and soon my entire wardrobe changed. My mannerisms were transformed and eventually my brother started calling me a, “girly girl.” God filled with me such self-love that I began to exercise and eat healthy without anyone coaxing me to. My grades in school went up and for the first time, I was on the honor roll. Within a year I was at a balanced weight. I then became less self-centered and started helping others on purpose. I dove into ministries of all kinds and began a homeless ministry of my own. I began to live at church and soon my entire family was going with me.

Despite all these positive changes, God still wanted to heal the hidden place in my mind where I doubted my self-worth due to hearing that I was, “supposed to be a boy.” At this point, I didn’t think it mattered. I felt like I was cruising through life, but God knew that this place inside of me was still unhealed.

My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery]. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139: 15-16 AMPC

One morning I was sitting in my friend Alice’s house and reading a book by Dr. Charles H Kraft called, Deep Wounds, Deep Healing. As my eyes scanned over a few lines, a picture began to play before me. It was so real, it was as if I were watching a movie! I saw Heaven. Gorgeous clouds the color of burning diaphanous gold and peach were in the background. They reminded me of sparking marble pillars. The light from behind was bright and beautiful. In the forefront of the vision was God and in his hand was a ball of gossamer rainbow colored yarn. He began to knit something together. His eyes twinkled with pleasure as He worked. After He was done, He leaned over Heaven and I saw the earth, glowing with its diffuse aurora. God was so BIG in comparison with the world. His largeness stunned me. He scanned the earth until He found a certain woman and with beaming joy He shot his hands forth and put the yarn within her.

Instantly, I had a microscopic view of this woman’s womb. I saw God tenderly wrap the yarn in her amniotic fluid. He caressed the growing baby within her with a gentleness I didn’t think was possible. I was now in her womb and I could hear His voice speaking over me. His words were a little muffled due to the liquid but I remember hearing things like, “I love you forever.” “I made you on purpose.” “You are special to me.” “I value you.” “You are precious in my eyes.” His words coated me as I grew. Soon things began to get a little tight and I saw myself being squeezed through my mother’s birth canal. The light in the hospital affronted my eyes and I squinted them only to find large hands opened wide to receive me. They were God’s hands.

He took hold of me and immediately I was shot back up to Heaven. For some reason, I wasn’t the subject in the vision anymore but I was once again watching the vision like a person in a theater. I saw three Beings who looked exactly alike. I instinctively knew that one was God the Father, one was Christ the Son and the other was the Holy Spirit They all had an amazing smile on their faces. The One in the middle held me while the other two clapped their hands, danced with glee and rejoiced over me. The One who held me began to bounce me up and down, like a father would. I could hardly believe the celebration they were having. I was rocked and cradled and after a few seconds more, the vision ended.

I was so stunned afterward, that I just silently sat in my friend’s living room for a few minutes reflecting on what had just taken place. In those moments, God had covered and washed away the pained memory that was engraved in my self-conscious. It no longer mattered that my mother might have not wanted to coddle me close and long after my birth. Because I saw God’s hands were waiting for me the second I was delivered. He wanted me. He had made me a woman on purpose. And I knew He wasn’t responsible for any pain that I had experienced in life…yet despite his lack of fault, He wanted to heal the faults of others that had tore me, including my own.

In that vision, I saw God sew me together…intricately, tenderly and beautifully. That’s what He wants to do with every fraying edge of your life. That’s what He wants to do with every torn or shredded place within your soul. He wants you to realize that you are a masterful tapestry. That you are specially made. That your life is unique and designed by the most loving hands. You were fashioned on purpose. And He is pursuing you for your good because of His deep love for you.

Dear one, no matter what wounds you may have on the inside, He is your everlasting cure. He will never withhold good from you. He delights in your wholeness and in your well-being. He is never the source of your pain, but He is your ever-present promise of healing. I share this story in hopes that God will minister to the hearts of people who doubt the preciousness of their creation. You were not born the wrong the gender or color. You are incredibly wonderful to Him and you have measureless worth in His eyes:

~For a healing video titled the Father’s Love Letter, click here.

~If you’d like to hear me share this testimony through a radio interview on KKMC 880AM, click here. (It will be the first audio)

Dear reader, I know some of you may be experiencing more uncertainty in this time than ever before. I pray your hearts have been encouraged through reading this! I read a few weeks ago, that abortions are spiking up during this time of crisis and that come October there will be thousands of potential late term abortions. If you have the means to, I want to encourage you to help the pregnant women who are fearful right now. I ask you to reach out to them in any way that you can (no matter how small). I know some women are afraid of financial ruin if they have their baby, I know some women are suffering from lack of employment, poverty, domestic abuse, self-rejection, anxiety and other factors that are tied to this national crisis. Please pray for them and if you can support ministries that help women facing an unwanted pregnancy. I truly believe that the love of God is strong enough to not only care for babies but their mothers as well. No one is invaluable to Him. No life is without extreme beauty to Him. We are worth more than the gold in heaven to Him. Together, we can be examples of his love and save lives. Below is a list of a few ministries you can partner with:

https://www.care-net.org/

https://alphaphc.com/

www.savethestorks.com

~Also, if you are a woman who has had an abortion, please know, I am not, nor will I ever be anything but loving toward you. I’ve prayed with several post-abortive women. Jesus loves us all just the same…no matter where we’ve been. He died for everyone. If you need healing, counseling or someone to talk to, please seek care from a trusted source. xoxo

~At the time of this post, I am currently in my third trimester and having another girl. I’m so grateful to God to be able to nourish and cherish my daughters. Even though I have received a few innocent comments (made with no harm intended) that people were hoping I would have a boy…I am thankful. As long as my daughters (and future children) are healthy and know how much God loves them, then I’m happy. All lives are a blessing.

One Last Note: It was very hard for me to write this. I confess, I never wanted to share this story because I don’t want anyone thinking ill of my parents or my family. They have truly never done anything to make me feel unloved or unwanted. Their actions were always that of love and acceptance. In fact, they set me up for my Christian heritage. When we were all babies, my dad held all of us up in his arms and dedicated us to God. Before we were born, my mother prayed as a young woman that all of her children would know God and love Him. God answered my parents’ prayers. My siblings and I have all had an encounter with God and we all love Him now. If it weren’t for my parents I fear where my siblings and I would be. They taught us that Jesus was real and they spent their lives giving us the best life! I am so grateful for their prayers and the way they continue to pray today. My grandpa, who at first rejected my mother, saved us from financial ruin for over a year when my parents were struggling. He paid our rent and he has done many things like this. I don’t come from a perfect family but I come from a family who loves God and that is the greatest gift. I only pray these words will save lives by testifying about God’s super abounding grace.

For more testimonials on God’s love, check out my book, Visions of Celestial Love:

~ “Visions of Celestial Love is a book of inspiring quotes and beautiful prose about God’s unconditional love for mankind. The insights of this book help us to understand that it was the Father’s great love for us that made a way for us to have life together with His Son, Jesus Christ. Through it we get a glimpse into the true meaning of Christ’s sacrifice of love expressed through His death, burial and resurrection as God’s magnificent gift of grace to us. His blood made it possible for all those who put their faith in Him to have fellowship with His Father again. 

I am confident that at the completion of this book, you will also seek after God with your whole heart and want to be in His presence forever.” —Alice Paige, True-Heart friend of author