I found myself hopelessly
awake after my husband left our cottage around 4am for work. He would be gone
until about 5pm. I shut my eyes tightly at the thought of surviving another
lonely day of new motherhood. I shuffled under the covers before resting on my
back. Eden-Rain lay peacefully in a warm pool of sheets. Her small hand was
curled up in a loose fist next to her cupid arrow lips. She was like a rainbow
of light in my world.
Slowly the blessed weight
of being a new mother had sunk in my heart like an aromatic tub—washing me with
wonder and exhaustion. I felt no difference hardly between day and night. Every
day was like a blurred experience of something grand with someone so small. And
in my subconscious, I was unsettled by my lack of awareness with time. Taking
care of Eden had become my greatest reality. She consumed my thoughts, my mind,
my heart… and I was jovial to give myself away to her, even in the hardest of
moments when I felt drained of all energy.
My husband and I were living in my dream cottage—a bed and breakfast Elizabethan home, pressed between two majestic mountains beside a flowing soothing stream. We were in the high mountains of Divide Colorado, thousands of feet above sea level. Some of my favorite features in our cottage was the gold fireplace, the French doors with lacy white fabric and the large sauna bathtub with jets. I was living in the reality of God’s favor and goodness. Yet, I felt secluded. I was lonely and starving for the company of Christian brothers and sisters and close family members. Most days I was only able to speak to my husband for an hour or so before he fell asleep to rest before another 14-hour day. I had no one besides Bambi (the wood dwelling deer) to share the most precious and tender times of my life with. In my chest, I felt the tightness of apprehension building up with the thought of surviving another day’s worth of busy motherhood: feedings, diaper changes, and soothing a sometimes-fussy baby. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with Eden, rather it was the gnawing question of wondering if I had enough to give her that unnerved me. I dreaded the fatigue. I dreaded my own weakness and even the quiet solitude I had once ardently craved. In the undercurrent of my emotions I felt my heavenly Father invite me to let my cares go.
So, I started to talk to Jesus. I imagined myself sipping a hot chocolatey drink with Him by the kitchen table. The blinds would be drawn up so we could both sit under the winter sky streaked with thousands of silver stars. The glimmer of white gold. The moon’s light illuminated the snow patched mountains. And through the earth I could see a part of my heavenly Father’s nature…He is glorious, He is good.
As I sipped at my drink and sat mute beside Jesus, I realized I was like Eden-Rain to God. In my heart, I heard Him say, “you are my daughter. I will perfect that which concerns you. My joy is your strength.”
I exhaled slowly and was reminded that I will always be a child. Even in adulthood. To God, I am a daughter.
I giggled as I realized, this was a season of being nurtured.
To God, you are as precious and invaluable as a baby. He never wants you to worry. In the same way a loving parent, takes great measures to provide and nurture their child…so God does with you. He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully] -1 Peter 5:7 AMP. He gladly gives Himself away moment by moment in wave after wave of the deepest love. You are His suckling child and your need pulls on all His heart, all His mind, all His strength and all His soul. And unlike a human parent, God is never tired. Your need doesn’t drain Him. I pray you find yourself as carefree with God as Eden is with me…knowing that you are fully taken care of in the cottage of faith <3 xoxo
~A short allegoric story charting my journey back to grace. Like Jesus told parables to make heaven’s kingdom more relatable to his culture, I like to use short “fictional” stories to roadmap inner realities of my relationship with Jesus. I pray the Holy Spirit uses this story to minister healing grace to a deep place in your soul. Taken from my book Visions of Celestial Love
Shianne was having a hard time falling asleep. Gentle snow
sprinkled down outside like the dust of white gold. She shivered underneath her
fuzzy blue covers not from lack of physical warmth, but because of the cold
memories that enveloped her dreams…her thoughts, her every moment.
She listened to the symphony of snores that came from the other children. All lay peacefully in pools of silky sheets and puffy quilts. She cuddled her knees and her subconscious pushed through, revisiting scenes of the abuses she’d suffered.
Suddenly she wasn’t in the safety
of Jesus’s home; she was in the sweat shop scrabbling to mix mud together for
bricks. Her tormenting taskmasters wore the guise of foster parents. There was
the mistress, the headmistress and her fake father. Each exemplified cruelty in
their own unique way. The head mistress was never pleased with what she did.
She’d yell at her, look disdainfully upon her and reminded her that she wasn’t
good enough. She acted as condemnation.
Her fake father would approve of
her, but only when she served him without fault. He loved her performance, not
her heart—and that perhaps was the most damaging. He acted as law without mercy.
The other mistress would execute
judgment on her whenever the head mistress and her fake father were displeased.
She acted as the tormentor.
Shianne could remember cold beatings
in the night of winter. She remembered the small rations of food they gave her.
She remembered the bruises she bore, still unhealed. Her life was a cycle of
hopeless misery and endless work until a kind Man with deeply warm eyes came
upon her and paid for her. He’d caught sight of her on the street, knee deep in
snow and shivering. He’d brought her a warm bowl of soup and warm water.
“Here,” He said softly, His breath
was the tenderness of a thousand hearths. He placed the bowl in her hands and
untied His long scarf before draping it over her shivering shoulders. “Would
you like to come home with Me, My child?”
Slipping into a state of
unconsciousness, Shianne nodded her head before the gentle Man cupped her in His
arms and tugged His arms around her. Her head lay peacefully on His shoulder
and He whispered, “I’ll take care of you from now on. You’re Mine now. You’re
home.”
When she awoke, Shianne was in a
big four-story house filled with kids. They were all taken off the streets. Was
this an orphanage?
Jesus greeted her and kissed her on
the forehead. “Good morning, princess. Welcome to the House of Grace. This is
your home from now on.”
Grace? She wondered. Every day the
kids played freely in grace, they took piano lessons by the grand fireplace, read
books in the library hall, went to class, were fed delicious meals, and had
their cuddles with Jesus in the morning and before bed. Angels would attend the
children; they worked for Jesus. Everything in the grace house was perfect. It
seemed too good to be true.
One night when Shianne was
trembling in bed from another nightmare, Jesus scooted behind her in bed and
wrapped His arms around her chest. In the safety of His arms Shianne began to
cry audibly. He formed His body around her little one and the warmth from His
heart entered into her soul.
“I love you, I love you, I love
you,” He kept repeating.
Whenever she was behaved badly at
the school, had troubles, didn’t understand a question, or had an issue, Jesus
always said the same thing, “I love you…I love you…I love you.”
She wondered at Him all the time.
He was always so gracious, so kind, so sweet, so loving, so beautiful. He never
gave her what she deserved. Everything was a gift.
And the house she lived in—this Grace
House—seemed to accommodate everything she desired. It was almost as if the
house was alive. The carpet was softer than fur, the walls were perfectly
painted, and sometimes, when Shianne squinted, it almost looked like it was
made out of moving lights, so still yet so fast that it appeared solid. Jesus
told her that the Holy Spirit was the life force of the house. He was in the
air, the walls, the floor—everywhere.
The food was perfect, and her body
that had once been limp and sickly was now full and warm. Her apple cheeks
flushed with color and her hair, once thin, was now as thick as straw. She
hardly recognized herself.
Outside the drifting snow had
stilled, leaving the city glowing with a blanket of snow. Shianne’s eyes
blinked as she tried to organize her thoughts. Finally she slipped out of bed.
The carpet glowed blue wherever she stepped. It was like star dust, a perfect
opal.
Not wanting to wake up the other
kids, who slept peacefully, she softly rebuked, “No, not now!” The carpet
instinctively stopped. “Thank you,” she whispered and felt the soft furs of the
carpet tickle her bare feet as a way of saying “you’re welcome.”
Whereas once she would have been
afraid, Shianne smiled and headed out the door. Nimbly closing the door behind
her Shianne, wandered the halls. Everything in the house was still, yet living.
It was almost surreal. Each room held a different fragrance of love for her
young heart.
She could always tell when she was getting closer to Jesus. Her heart would begin glowing with warmth and then burning like she was in a hot spring of the soul. The scents of love in the house would increase…the walls would light up in polychromatic show and angelic voices would sing in jubilant and melodious tune, like an invisible choir. As if…all creation sang whenever He was around. A tangible peace would coat her like a mist; it was a feeling sweeter than honey.
Her heart wanted Jesus as she thought about Him, and she breathed into the air, “I want You.” “I want You more.” Shianne gasped and stopped. She felt her chest, patted different areas. It was almost like an audible voice spoke from her heart. It wasn’t her voice, but the voice that was gentler than a thousand hearths. “Jesus?” She wondered out loud. “I’m always with you loved one. Yet I wait for you to come to Me.” Still a little bit stunned Shianne voiced,“I want to see You tonight.” “I’m waiting in the library.” The voice sounded happy, pleased that she was opening up her heart, learning to trust in His love.
Quickening her step Shianne headed
to the library, but as she got closer she slowed down. Old memories of her days
of living in the House of Law tried to surface, fear knocked to be welcomed in
again. It tried to separate her from trusting Jesus, from drawing near to Him
in a heart relaxed with love.
It growled and sneered, “He’s just like me…just like the law without the spirit of mercy. Do you really think you can trust Him? That He’s safe? That He’ll protect you…love you unconditionally? He’s disappointed in you. You have to work to please Him. Go back.”
Just when her heart began to give
into panic, the scent of pumpkin bread spiced with nutmeg almost overwhelmed
her. The walls began to glow a translucent desert pink, honey-bee yellow,
sparkling lavender, and emerald green. The songs of angels filled the halls
like the wafts of air licked with the wine of an endless floral field. She felt
warm gentle waters inside her chest. Her eyes lit up as she saw the door to the
library. A joy unspeakable welled inside her soul as she thought about seeing
Jesus. Her steps quickened again.
Shianne arrived at the door and
peeked inside. The fireplace was burning inside; gentle crackling and popping
noises sounded. The pearl carpet glowed with hues of yellow from the flames.
Wooden book shelves tall as the ceiling were filled with books. Little desks
circled a big desk, where the Teacher taught. Paintings lined the walls,
pictures of heaven made with vibrant oil paint. Teddy bears, along with other
stuffed animals, decorated the circle carpet. Palm branches stood on the sides
of the hearth and vines climbed the walls with pink flowers. Shianne’s heart
began to burn when she saw Jesus. He was sitting and reading a book. He looked
so peaceful, so restful. He was the very image of love to her.
He leaned His head on an arm and
had one leg folded over the other in a chair. His elbow rested on his leg. He
wore a white-collar shirt with a maple brown sweater vest. He also had black
dress pants. His shoes were kicked off but He kept His socks on. He was nothing
grand to look at…but there was a river, a presence on the inside of Him that
flowed out, encompassing Him in beauty that was alive. He was Man, but also
Spirit. The Spirit inside of Him, His true self, flowed through the pores of
the skin He wore in unstoppable kindness, compassion, love, mercy, healing and
wisdom. Jesus seemed to sense her and smiled with His eyes as He looked up.
He put down the book on the floor
by His chair. His eyes were like cinnamon gleaming with flecks of amber. The
firelight illuminated His frame. Love poured from His frame.
“Hello, my little love,” He said,
all the joy of heaven flowing from His lips and visage.
He smiled brightly and opened up
His arms. Shianne found herself running into those arms and being swept up into
His lap. He ducked His head down and nuzzled her shoulder with His chin. Cheek
brushed against cheek and Shianne felt the Holy Spirit in wave after wave of
peace and tender love wash over her.
The air became colorful and the
sound of music from angelic voices erupted.
“They’re singing over You,” Shianne
said.
“No, my little darling, I’m singing
over you,” Jesus whispered.
Shianne’s eyes widened. Jesus
explained still holding her close, “This is My love song to you. You make My
heart sing. I made creation and you are made in my image. I love you, and
creation responds to My love for you. Our bond makes the earth and heavens
sing.”
The words sunk in the bedrock of
Shianne’s heart. She felt them go deep into the soil of her being. Seeds of
life that Jesus’s love would nurture. He held unto her for a long time, and
kissed her forehead a few times.
“You’re a good little girl,” He
said before leaning back. His arms relaxed their hold on her, without letting
go. His hands were tied and laid on her legs.
“You’re perfect and holy in My
eyes. You are a reflection of all My affections; nothing can separate you from My
love.”
Shianne’s young eyes welled with
tears at His tender words. She wanted to believe Him…but she couldn’t reconcile
the voices of law she sometimes heard and His abundant healing grace. She bit
and chewed on her bottom lip, licking it a few times. Jesus felt her small body
begin to squirm in His arms, He assured her by gently rubbing her back. After
twittling with her fingers for a few seconds Shianne mustered up her strength,
“But what about the voices?”
Jesus leaned in closely until her
back pressed into His chest. He spoke softly, “Those are nightmares beloved,
dreams, shadows, only memories. They aren’t real. I have defeated them
outwardly. Now only the echoes of their memory remain in your head. Let My
loving truth drown them out.”
“They feel real,” she murmured
tears welling up.
“He will never hurt you or have you
again as long as you remain in this Grace House. The only real reason why it
feels real is because he’s affected your emotions. But it’s not real. The
longer you stay here the more your mind will be refreshed by the knowledge of My
grace and truth. As this happens your emotions will continually be healed until
the river of life that’s in you floods you and touches the world around you.
Once you’ve grown fully in grace, you’ll be an adult. It is good for the heart
to be established by grace.”
Shianne relaxed in Jesus’s arms and
smiled, “All I have to do is stay here?”
He nodded with an equally tender
smiled, “Yes, and continue to eat and drink of My goodness and loving-kindness.
That’s all you have to do. Enjoy Me, enjoy your brothers and sisters. Be filled
with love and love will fill your character. Your soul will be transformed by My
grace and truth. Shianne, everything is provided for you here. In Me, in My grace
you have everything. Stay here and abide in Me and you will not only be free
physically, but you will experience my salvation in your soul and walk in the
fullness of the freedom that I have already given you. My Shianne, I love you
more than you understand right now and I will never stop loving you, dear one.”
Feeling the assurance of His love
Shianne leaned her lips into His cheek and gave Jesus a short kiss. Jesus’s
eyes welled with tears of happiness and He cupped her face and kissed her on
the forehead. As she studied His face Shianne realized that her one little kiss
filled Him with such joy; she could see the gleam of it in His eyes. His love
was so pure and gentle and true and protective. She’d never known what it was
like to have a Big Brother, but He was the perfect One.
“Now, little lass, are you ready
for bed again?” Jesus asked her.
She nodded her head and wrapped her
arms around His neck as He rose. He began to walk down the hall and Shianne
could still hear the angels’ music. She couldn’t see them, but their whimsical
lullaby spoke to her of love everlasting and grace never ending. Jesus’s arms
spoke to her of safety and trust. Soon her open eyes began to flutter, until
she closed them and began to drift to sleep. She felt Jesus place her in bed
and then tuck her in.
He put His hands on her chest and
prayed, “Father, thank You that You have given me this little one. And what You
give me will never be lost. I pray for her heart. That it would continue to
grow in grace and be enlightened by Your love for her and who she truly is—a
princess destined to be a queen, the one that You love, the apple of Your eye
and Your precious creation. I speak peace to her.”
For a moment Shianne felt like she was floating on a cloud somewhere where the sun never set, in a land where the streets shone like gold. She glimpsed Heaven and felt the pleasure of her heavenly Father for her. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before.
“Come, all you are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat wha tis good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” – Isaiah 55:1-2 NIV
Are you ready to taste of the sweet delicacies of God in a deeply reviving and personal way? For those who want to drink, for those who want to eat and be refreshed and renewed, Visions of Celestial Love is a feast between you and the King of Heaven, who loves you more than anyone else. He invites you to dine on wholesome, good, savory food and delicious, zesty, fruitful drink. He awaits you with a sparkle in His eye. He is ready for your company. He delights to have you as a guest.
“Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” – Song of Songs 5:1 NIV
“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
~To purchase a copy of my book, click here. May you be greatly blessed and encouraged!
Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace and not by foods of no value to those devoted to them. -Hebrews 13:9 BSB
A bright sunny grassland stretches forth, with a merry sky and vibrant flowers. Jesus, You are sitting on a turf covered rock and I am sitting by Your feet, looking up with wonder at Your words. As You speak, Your words show up as changing colorful lights in the spiritual realm. They move like clouds thick with water. Like formless sparkling clouds radiating glimmering golden dust, they flow to me, forming a marble cup as beautiful as amber alabaster stone, yet softer than rose petals in April’s light rain.
Continue speaking dear Jesus, my heart begs. I reach for the cup and it drifts into my hands. Tell me of true love, I ask inside. Your words are never-endingly beautiful. As You continue, Your words become life-giving liquid in my cup: words that are spiritually healing and heart-strengthening. I gladly lift my cup to my lips and drink in the truth. Just one cup full of Your love lasts a lifetime.
Jesus’s words become sweet fruit
and warm bread that I eat until I am filled, cleansed, and healed spiritually,
mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Satisfied, content, and unashamed,
I freely lay my hands on His leg like a daughter would her father. I rest my
chin on my hands and smile at Him, looking up with peaceful hazel eyes. Jesus
rubs my back in circular motions. His hand feels like hot spa water on my back.
Like spa rocks, His touch relaxes my muscles and removes all pain.
“Beloved and child,” He calls me.
“Darling and beautiful.”
My heart melts with His endearing words. The wind picks up and blows on the fabric of His long lengthy robe. I am lost in His clothing as it blows over my face, like a child through her mother’s clothesline on a breezy day. Covered in the dust of my Rabbi, I am found in His pure love.
“A delightful book that reflects the praises from a heart that desires to abide closely with our Heavenly Father. Written in a style that summons us to experience a journey of deeper intimacy with a loving God. Ashley covers the foundation of the Christian faith that brings encouragement and assurance of God’s promises when faced with life’s challenges. Embracing our uniqueness and the safety of transparency before our Maker who cares about the most intricate details of our life. Yes, an invitation indeed from the One and only who can fill what are heart’s ache for.” — Jocelyn Reyna, Entrepreneur
For we who have believed (adhered to and trusted in and relied on God) do enter that rest in accordance with His declaration that those [who did not believe] should not enter when He said, As I swore in My wrath, They shall not enter My rest; and this He said although [His] works had been completed and prepared [and waiting for all who would believe] from the foundation of the world. —Hebrews 4:3 AMPC
Pause, and think calmly about those words.
Something about this scripture
jumped out at me, and I have not myself to thank, nor my own intelligence, but
the Holy Spirit. He’s the Life in the Word. The One who makes it living and
active. Without Him, reading God’s Word is like reading another book—and there
is hardly anything sadder than that. Do you see the word “works” in here?
Whose work, is it? It’s God’s.
Our only job, the one that we’ve
always had, even in the old covenant, is to believe.
The same is true today, underneath
the righteousness, blood, grace, and work of Christ.
Believing secures our rest. The
rest God ordained for us to have before the foundations of the world. The rest
of relationship.
Let’s continue reading about rest
in Hebrews:
Again He sets a definite day, [a new] Today, [and
gives another opportunity of securing that rest] saying through David after so
long a time in the words already quoted, Today if you would hear His voice and
when you hear it, do not harden your hearts. [This mention of a rest was not a
reference to their entering into Canaan.] For if Joshua had given them rest, He
[God] would not speak afterward about another day.
—Hebrews 4:7–8 AMPC
Think again for a moment. Before
you read on, ask the Holy Spirit to help you grasp what this means.
I believe that entering God’s rest
was more important than receiving the promised land. I believe it was more
important than the Israelites entering into Canaan or even crossing over the
Jordan to obtain the promise of land.
God was more interested in His
people having relationship with Him. God’s always been more about the internal
soul and the spiritual than He is about physical possessions.
Once again, ask the Holy Spirit to
reveal to you the meaning of these scriptures; He might give you more
information, more insight than He’s given me here.
Perhaps the purpose of them
entering the land was for them to enter into rest. The only way to that was
belief. Trusting faith. A heart that knows God, knows He’s good, and knows His
nature. A heart that knows His thoughts toward us, and more specifically you.
He’s a giver. Always has been,
always will be. His nature does not change. He’s the same yesterday, today, and
forevermore.
So then, there is still awaiting a full and complete
Sabbath-rest reserved for the [true] people of God; For he who has once entered
[God’s] rest also has eased from [the weariness and pain] of human labors, just
as God rested from those labors peculiarly His own.
—Hebrews 4:9–10 AMPC
There is such beautiful promise in
here.
Aren’t you tired of working? Of
striving?
There is a sanctified striving that
should exist in every believer of Jesus Christ, but it is often perverted.
We’re not striving to be accepted
by God, or acceptable to Him. Our works, our striving will never get us that.
Our striving should be out of rest, in a place of absolute peace. Done from
joy, and with joy. Done out of love, in love, and through love. This cannot be
done without belief. Our works shouldn’t even really feel like work.
Wanting to know our Jesus, wanting
to be like Him, should be a part of our nature, as getting food or water to
drink is when we’re hungry or thirsty. It should be a daily activity. It should
be a mental domain, an internal setting.
When I asked if you were tired of
working, I was talking about the working you see being done every day.
I mean look around you. Look at
your loved ones. Look at the strangers on the street. The college students. The
moms, the dads of our society just trying to pay the bills, fix ourselves and
squeeze whatever joy we can out of life as if we’ve got a dried lemon in our
hands that we keep trying to wring out.
I bet you hear the words “busy,”
or/and, “tired,” come out their mouths when you ask them how they’re doing.
If they don’t say it, you can see
it, or at least detect it. Can you detect it in yourself? It doesn’t belong
there if you can.
Once again, our only work is to
believe. Believe God can change us, believe God loves us as we are, and believe
we don’t even have to perfect our faith. That is Jesus’s job. He is after all called
“the pioneer and perfecter of faith”
(Hebrews 12:2 NIV, italics added).
The Amplified Bible even goes as far
as to describe Jesus’s perfecting of us—calling Him our faith’s finisher. The
word says He brings it to “maturity and perfection” (Hebrews 6:1 AMP, italics
added).
There is no room for guilt, shame,
or condemnation in rest. Let me tell you something about guilt, shame, and
condemnation (I’ve just struggled with it this morning, and the Holy Spirit
lifted it off of me), it only comes out of an attitude, a heart, of works. It
only comes when our own efforts fail, or are frustrated. It all comes out of
our works.
God called us to work, not to
works.
There is a natural work in the
human life. There’s cooking, cleaning, etc., that needs to be done. If you’re
on the prayer team at church, or have a God-ordained “job,” then yes,
physically you are working. But there should never be a lack of peace inside.
When there is, you have started works within.
God’s “jobs” for us are always a
delight, and always for our good, and the good of the body. And God is always
about balance, not burning yourself out, and not being sluggish or slothful
either. Furthermore, I want to point out that “feeling” guilt or shame or
condemnation is evil. I’m not calling you evil. I imagine that you’re in Jesus
Christ, especially if you’re reading this, thus you are imputed with His
righteousness.
I’m calling the act of holding onto
(not letting go of) guilt, shame, and condemnation evil. The act is evil—a sin.
And the Word of God declares it so. It is either done in an act of unbelief, or
pride disguised as holiness. Listen to this,
Let us all come forward and draw near with true
(honest and sincere) hearts in unqualified assurance and absolute conviction
engendered by faith (by that leaning of the entire human personality on God in
absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness), having our
hearts sprinkled and purified from a guilty (evil) conscience and our bodies
cleansed with pure water.
— Hebrews 10:22 AMPC
Do you know why guilt is evil?
Because it doubts the power of the blood of Jesus to free us from sin. It
doubts the overwhelming strength of the mercies and grace of God. It
disbelieves His very love.
This is so powerful. This is a
reverential truth that will set you free if you believe. The Holy Spirit
convicts us, He never condemns us. And God doesn’t condemn man. God condemns
man’s sin.
Those who choose to attach
themselves to sin, instead of God, through Christ Jesus, have chosen to attach
themselves to the thing that God condemns.
God’s heart is good. Jesus has paid
the price of sin, and the weight and power of it.
I like what Joyce Meyer says. She
says that she believes the power and the weight of sin is guilt, shame, and condemnation.
Hear the words of the Lord through
His faithful apostle,
Whereas this One [Christ], after He had offered a
single sacrifice for our sins [that shall avail] for all time, sat down at the
right hand of God. For by a single offering He has forever completely cleansed
and perfected those who are consecrated and made holy.
— Hebrews 10:12 AMPC
Jesus has done it.
I also want to point out to you the
word “made.” The Holy Spirit just pointed this out to me (how I love His
company and Presence). We can try to make ourselves holy, or we can be made holy.
We are made holy by grace through
faith. We are saved by grace through faith. The key word here is grace. Not
even faith is the key word. I’ll tell you why: Faith is graced to us.
Isn’t it God who appoints to us the
measure of faith (Romans 12:3)? And remember that everything God gives us is a
gift (James 1:17 AMPC). Gifts come free.
Isn’t it God who called us through
His Holy Spirit to come to Him to receive His grace that we may be saved (see
John 6:44)?
If we truly know that we are
forgiven completely, accepted fully, and made perfect by Jesus, then we will
have peace. And we’ll have something to get excited and stirred up for.
Entering God’s rest is not without the exertion, or perhaps better stated, the exercising of belief. The growing of belief only comes by grace.
Let us therefore be zealous and exert ourselves and
strive diligently to enter that rest [of God, to know and experience it for
ourselves], that no one may fall or perish by the same kind of unbelief and
disobedience [into which those in the wilderness fell].
— Hebrews 4:11 AMPC
Once again, the Holy Spirit opened
my eyes to something here. If we are trying to do God’s job in us or outside of
us by working, our faith will wither away and, as this verse implies, it will
“perish by…unbelief.”
Ultimately, working to “help God
out” is an act of unbelief and it shows a lack of confidence in Him. The more
we practice working, the more we feed unbelief. The more we stray from God. The
more hopeless we become that He will ever come through for us.
God works through faith. Indeed, if
we are working, thus acting out of unbelief and disobedience to His command to
believe, then the power and glory of God that we so desperately want to see in
our lives will never manifest. Or it is highly unlikely that it will manifest.
I say that because Saul didn’t
believe on Christ Jesus, but Jesus still met him on His way to Damascus. After
that encounter, I say, He fully believed on Jesus, or strived after it
ardently.
Many Christians who strive, seem to
strive not to believe. Or at least they feed their unbelief by rehearsing their
doubts, either verbally to others or mentally to themselves. Instead of
striving to not believe, strive and fight to believe. Fight the good fight of
faith (1 Timothy 6:12 NASB). Lastly, I want to quote a wonderful passage from a
book that I’ve found very helpful on my faith journey. In The Book of Healing, John Reynolds writes:
They came
to Jesus and said, “What must we do that we might work the works of God?” Jesus
said to them, “This is the work of God that you might believe on Him Who He has
sent.” They didn’t ask Him what to do to get saved, they asked about doing the
works of God. Jesus said, “Believe on Me.”
Jesus has done all that is necessary for us to receive from God.
“Father, I have finished the works you gavest me to do.” How many of us are
trying to “work the works of God?” Jesus overcame every temptation. “He was
tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin, let us therefore come boldly
before the throne of grace that we [may] receive mercy and find grace to help.”
The throne of what? The throne of GRACE. Stop trying to “work the works.” Stop
trying to “work” for your healing, your present. Stop confessing the Scriptures
with the attitude of trying to “make” something happen. “For it is the Fathers
GOOD pleasure” to give it to you! The price has been paid by Jesus. Go and
freely receive from Him based upon His grace.
Yes, it is important to know and quote the scriptures but don’t do it from the “I’m going to make this happen” attitude but rather from a heart attitude of “Father, I thank you for what Jesus did for me at Calvary when he bore my sickness and carried my pain. Father, I ask you to heal my body based on your grace and I thank you for it now in Jesus’s name.” Then just give thanks that your prayers have been heard and answered and act your faith.[
Our fight in life is simply this:
to believe on the One God has sent. And belief, faith itself, grows best in
rest.
[i] John Reynolds, The Book of Healing: How to Receive Healing
from the Lord Jesus Christ (John Reynold Ministries, 2012), 44. Scripture
references from John 6:28–29; Luke 12:32, version unknown. PDF available at
http://www.thehealingministry.com/.
John 6:29 NET – “Jesus replied, ‘This is the deed God requires – to believe in the one whom he sent.’”
You’re probably familiar with the term “dangling a carrot in front of a horse.” This refers to the practice of a horse driver placing a carrot on a string and holding it in front of a horse’s head, just beyond its reach, to entice the animal to move forward to eat the carrot. Of course, as the horse moves forward, so does the carrot. Thus, the reward remains unattainable no matter how much effort the horse puts forth.
This is a great metaphor for religion. The blessings of God are the carrot, and the believer is the horse. Religion dangles the carrot in front of the believer with the promise that with just a little more effort, the prize can be attained. When a person thinks that he must do more in order to get more from God, he will find that, despite his best efforts, he always falls short, and the blessings of God remain unattainable. This leaves him in a chronic state of disappointment with God.
Fortunately, the carrot-stick model is NOT what Jesus gave us. Through Him, we have an actual relationship with a loving Father. God becomes our Good Shepherd, not a cold horse driver using gimmicks to get us to do what He wants (John 10:11, 14). Instead of using His blessings as bait, He richly gives us all things to freely enjoy. (I Timothy 6:17) The only condition is that we believe on Him.
So if you’re having trouble hearing from God, believe that you can hear Him because He said, “My sheep hear My voice.” (John 10:27) Are your needs seemingly going unmet? Believe that He will supply them because He said, “I will never forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) Faith without works is definitely dead. However, believe God first, and the appropriate works will become evident. He will lead you into them because He loves you and wants you to succeed.
Your relationship with God is designed to be a never-ending source of everything good. (John 10:10) If it’s not, then give up on being a horse and become a sheep, and let your Good Shepherd lead you back to the lush, green pastures where every provision and delight is waiting for you. (Psalm 23)
The biggest change for me happened when I started thinking relational and stopped thinking religiously about God.
I realized that God wanted to talk to me. I realized that He knew how to make it obvious that He was talking to me. I never worry about whether “my ears are in tune”, or whether my “receiver is in alignment”. Ever.
It would be rude if I asked someone a question and they only answered in riddles. Religion says that God probably won’t answer you clearly and there are plenty of reasons why. In relationship, if you said something the other person didn’t understand, you would try to help them get it.
Religion says that God keeps talking when He knows you aren’t listening. You should have been paying more attention! Relationship says God will get your attention and make sure that you hear Him.
Good relationships are never one sided, where religion usually is. Religion says that it’s your fault you can’t hear God. Relationship says that even if you are at fault, God can get to you anyway. That’s the gospel.
I don’t have ANYTHING that I need to do to be able to hear from God clearly. I hear Him when I’m doing good, and when I’m doing bad. When I’m spiritual, and when I’m in the flesh. It’s so contrary to the gospel to think that you need to get your life sorted out before you can hear from God. It’s even more important that I hear God when I’m struggling.
It’s so contrary to the gospel that God loved you enough to send His son to die for you but now you aren’t worth speaking to.
When you talk to Him, think relational. Nothing is stopping you from hearing God.
(A reflective story when God met me in the weariness and newness of marriage, ministry, and disappointment. Taken from my book: Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. You can read a portion of the book for free on my Free Inspiration page or purchase a copy on amazon by clicking here)
“What I want is for your soul to be fully alive.” The King spoke clearly to my heart. When He did my eyes shimmered like brimming pools of the deepest amber. Something in my mind resisted His invitation. I knew He was calling me away into the depths of my soul.
“Forget about religion, darling, forget about everything you’ve learned…and let me show you.” He extended his hand, his eyes beckoning me. “I’ve been told You wanted my service. I’ve been told You wanted my works.” “What natural father only wants that out of his daughter?” I paused and looked down remembering my own father. Even when he made me do things…he only did it with my best interest at heart. He wanted me to succeed at life. He wanted me to do well and be secure. “Ashley, your earthly father wants you to prosper in the ways that he knows is best for you to prosper. He can’t cause your soul to prosper…to be fully alive. But this is the thing that I want as your Heavenly Daddy, as your Papa…nobody knows what your soul needs better than I.” I met His eyes once again and they beckoned me to come with Him. “Let me show you…let me love you.”
I took His extended hand and was surprised by its warmth and tenderness. Immediately my whole body went warm and I felt like my heart was turned into a hearth softly humming with a burning fire. What was it inside of me that He touched? I knew not…only that healing was already taking place. “Now close your eyes beloved one.” I closed my eyes without hesitating. Immediately we were in the Colorado mountains. “What do you see beloved?” He inquired. I sighed with disappointment. “I see snow…typical.” “What’s wrong with snow?” He asked. “Nothing is wrong with it. It’s beautiful…but …,” my voice trailed off until it disappeared. Unmet desire shuttered like a seed underneath frosted soil threatened. “You miss California, don’t you?” My eyes pricked with tears. I felt an unwanted pain in my heart, “More than words can say. I didn’t expect this…I know it’s not my home but it still feels that way within.” A surprising anger rose within, “And every time I want to go it’s like my plans are thwarted. I just don’t understand! Is this really what adulthood is like?! You can’t go where you want? You must be on someone else’s clock ALL the time?! Is ministry just service? Is being a wife letting go of your vision for a man’s? I feel so used in a way. I feel so lost, and yet I’m expected to pray and minister to others. I’m supposed to take care of the house, I’m supposed to support my husband, I’m supposed to cook and clean and be a good wife, a good mentor to the young women You bring me. And I FEEL like I’m failing ALL the time!” My anger turned to sorrow and I forced myself not to cry in front of Abba.
God took me on a walk along a park path. Trees dripping with white snow powdered the pavement. We turned a corner and I felt disappointment of the bareness of it all. The mountains made waves of white and emerald green along the horizon. I sighed at the scene. I missed the lush carpet green of the hills of California. I missed the jade grass, the polychromatic flowers of Spring. I missed the sparkling waves of the beach. I missed the way the water shimmered like opal marble under the sun. Only it was moving marble. It was living art—like stepping into a painting only to find it real.
Jesus took me to a section of the park where there was dirt. He knelt down on His knees and dug up some dirt before cupping it in his hands. “Beloved wife, what do you see?” He asked. His voice was like the most welcoming fire. I wondered where Abba went but I knew He was here still…in Jesus. Somehow, they were One. Why He would switch on me I knew not. But I didn’t mind at all. “I see frozen earth.” I let out a heavy sigh. “Is this dead to you?” “Much more dead than other places I’ve been,” I said noticing it was lacking nutrition and covered with snow. “Do you know what’s underneath here?” “No.” “Seeds.” I frowned slightly. “These seeds never die…they wait.” “I don’t understand what You’re trying to say.” “What do seeds do?” “They grow…into things.” “They grow into who they are. Nobody knows what a seed is with the naked eye until it begins to grow…at least not most,” He grinned brightly. I took an unexpected comfort from His smile. He made me feel so at home…so comfortable. “Do you remember when Papa asked you if you missed California and you had a pain in your heart?” I nodded. “Well,” He continued, “let’s say that pain is like a desire coming from a seed inside your soul. What would cause that seed or desire pain? When it is stifled. You want to grow. You want to become. But you can’t seem to in your eyes. There are places within in you that are like seeds underneath frozen earth. There are seeds of joy in you that seem to be stifled underneath circumstances, beliefs, disappointments, depression, and sadness…those things could represent a layer of ice on your soil…on your heart.”
I felt a brokenness in my heart. It was, I realized, like earth so solid in some places it could have been ice. Yet it was ice with rifts of tears in it. “You need not worry, my darling,” Jesus reassured me, “I will tell you the answer.” “What is it?” I asked eagerly. Jesus blew on the dirt in his hands revealing some seeds. “Hope.” I stared at the seeds in His hands. These white seeds hadn’t even begun to sprout. “Hope…” I repeated, thinking. “It’s the only thing warm enough to melt the snow into water that the seed needs to grow.” “I think it will be hard to hope.” “Why loved one?” “Because my hopes…were…,” my voice faded. “Disappointed?” Jesus asked with a knowing look in His eyes. “Yes,” I said silently, “for years.” “My dear, put your hope in a place where it will never be let down. Your heart is too precious for anything else.” He rose, a great compassion in His eyes. Tears began to trail His cheeks and I was surprised by His empathy. “I created your heart,” He breathed warmly, “I put an eternal hope in there. There is a sun within you that can melt any snow outside of you.” “I don’t feel that strong,” I choked up and began to sob. “Let me be strong for you…just hope.” He embraced me and relief swelled throughout my body like an ocean wave. I sighed as I breathed in the scents of Him…the aroma of His soul. “Only imagine, beloved…only dream, and hope will emerge like a bird with beautiful wings and take flight in your soul.”
~Dear Reader, Since writing this story Father has lead me deeper into a daily hope. Almost all of my dreams have come true, and the rest are in process. Stephen and I have a baby girl, Eden-Rain. We have moved to California for ministry, and I live close to family. My Christian Daycare has been approved by the state of California and my author website is up and running. I have lost all of my baby weight, and I am now a licensed Christian Life Coach. God promised me He would provide for all the money in order for me to take go through the certification courses and He did! More recently my book Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul has caught the eye of a literary agent, and she would like to present it to publishers for marketing and distribution.
I encourage you to give your precious heart dreams to God. He is so tender and faithful to breathe life and promise on the gifts and talents that He’s placed within you. He has no favorites. What He will do for one, He will do for another. We are all His children and He loves each of us unconditionally. Your walk with God is sacred and beautiful ground to Him. He longs to be intimate with you and invited into the deep places of your heart. He wants to revive every place within you and make your soul into a lush garden where dreams blossom like wide petal flowers and faith becomes like sweet, juicy fruit dripping from trees.
“Now I know that I am filled with my beloved and all his desires are fulfilled in me. Come away, my lover. Come with me to the faraway fields. We will run away together to the forgotten places and show them redeeming love. Let us arise and run to the vineyards of your people and see if the budding vines of love are now in full bloom. We will discover if their passion is awakened. There I will display my love for you. The love apples are in bloom, sending forth their fragrance of spring. The rarest of fruits are found at our doors— the new as well as the old. I have stored them for you, my lover-friend!”
-Song of Solomon 7:10-13, taken from Biblegateway.com
Pictures from my date with Jesus at a beach in California, after He granted me the desire of my heart to be close to the ocean again <3 :
I sit on what seems like the softest cushioned couch. The Holy Spirit breaths on me and my body relaxes to the touch. I can feel His arms wrap around my heart and spirit. Now it is my soul in the depths of me that is being called to a sacred place where she can go and talk with Jesus. For a moment to be healed, to be replenished in that sacred land. My head leans in a lazy peaceful way resting, and relaxing. A white cloth is draped over me long enough to reach Heaven.
I am here no longer. I am with Jesus. I can feel Him and I am found in God’s warm love. I imagine myself where the grass is thin and softly moving as if the wind blows, yet it is calm. Rays of sunlight dance on the earth here in ripples like the sand below water. The sky is a clear steely blue. My eyes are glassy with gladness, but my spirit is calm and peaceful, because the Counselor, the Comforter holds her hand.
My spirit sits, and before longJesus is there sitting with me. I have yet to see any sight like the limitless love of God sitting before me and talking with us. My spirit is healed and strengthened. Then it looks as if Jesus turns to me, for in His voice I know He is talking to my soul, to my heart…the seat of my emotional well-being.
“You have My love,” He says in the calmest, richest, most soothing, and deepest of tones, “all of it. You breath it in, live in it, eat it…drink it. My love surrounds you and stretches forth yonder on your path before you walk it. My love is inside you, all around you.Rest in My love; do not let your heart be troubled for I am with you. Otherwise you could not live. Rest easy beloved, your spirit is saved.”
His mellow and powerful words became glowing fruit that I ate, and it shone in my heart that now felt so light. My spirit flew inside of me.
“I love you,” I told Him.
“I love you as well, enough to give My life so you could know Me.”
He began to rise to Heaven. Again my soul asked, “Where?” though my spirit well knew.
“To My Father’s Kingdom. To your home where you will live forever when your journey here on earth ends. Rest easy soul for the Comforter stays with you. The Holy Spirit sent from God.”
I return to where my body is and always has been. But I am newly replenished.
“Visions of Celestial Love is just that; a visionary work of epic proportions. It is glimpses into a loving and remarkable relationship with the creator of the universe.
You are invited to Dive into stories of love and compassion, healing and provision, loss and recovery, profound grace and faith. Ashley draws us in with her descriptive prose and unique style of writing.
There are so many stories to relate to in this book and I’m sure you will find your own story among the many that are told here. So, find your favorite spot, your favorite beverage, and curl up with “Visions of Celestial Love!” -Amazon Reviewer
“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Licensed Minister, Founder of Servant King Apparel, Active U.S Navy
~This devotional began with my heart longing to go on a date with Jesus:
Jesus said to the thief on the cross, “amen I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23:43
There is a secret place in my heart called Paradise. It is a lush garden, bedded with polychromatic flowers. Everything is full of pure life here. A fountain with sweet living water is at the center. It is perfumed with the scents of heaven. Every time I enter this placeI find immeasurable strength, life-giving joy, rejuvenating peace, rest fueled by trust and incredible love.
The truth is…I can’t lead anyone here. I don’t know how to lead others to paradise…I can’t even lead myself. I am ushered in by the Holy Spirit. He leads me into the depths of me. And there…in paradise…I see Jesus. I am with Jesus.
Just as the thief on the cross had nothing to show for himself but faith after beholding Grace and Truth…so I come here with empty hands but child like trust.
You see, the truth is, I haven’t traveled to most countries in the world. I haven’t seen the seven wonders of the world. I haven’t even seen most of our national monuments. But, I never need to.
I’ve seen something…no Someone…in this secret paradise that gives life meaning. In His face, I experience all of my desires are met. I have been lead to heaven on earth. And this secret place, this sacred space, is worth more than all the gold and diamonds in the world. Grace glitters on every blade of grass like translucent pearls.
I write because Jesus has marked me with intimacy. Because God has given me a gift from his Holy Spirit to invite others into the one true thing that matters most in life…relationship with the Trinity. <3 xoxoxo
Just like the thief on the cross, we who have believed, have also died with Christ on the cross. Today, He is with us in paradise.
