“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” – Proverbs 31:29 NLT
One of the greatest compliments my husband has ever given me was comparing me to the Proverbs 31 woman.
I used to hate that woman.
I thought she was an impossible standard. The far-fetched, wishful thinking of Solomon’s mother. Now, I realize that I only “hated” her because I secretly wanted to be her but felt hopelessly inadequate. She was pie in the sky, a pipe-dream.
I still remember the night Stephen and I swung out of dad’s truck. It was in winter and the wind whipped at our hair as we headed into the grocery store. He peered at me as I strode forward with determination to be in and out of there “as quickly as possible.”
“You’re like the Proverbs 31 woman.” He said.
I was startled and slowed my pace. At first, I wondered if it was a joke. But I knew Stephen. I knew he didn’t speak frivolously.
“Really?” I prodded unbelieving.
“Yes,” he answered directly. He then went on to tell me the reasons why.
Recently, this woman that I once “hated” has come up again almost a year later. This time not to haunt me, but to encourage and compliment me.
Listening to the voice of truth has often been like this for me. At first, the truth can come across as harsh and hateful but really the very core of truth is unconditional love.
When God’s truth meets your ears, do you hear love or hate?
The truth of God is meant to do one thing…set you forever free. Selfless love will always risk being persecuted or hated by the one it is trying to help. True love risks because love is more concerned about the person it is trying to reach. God’s love speaks to you, to give you wings above the storm. His truth is brighter than the sun. His truth is honey to the heart and strength to the soul.
I used to live in a perpetual state of victimhood. If anything in life seemed too hard, I would spiral into a rancid stew of self-pity. In our second year of marriage, Stephen came home from work to find me in such a stew.
I was sprawled out on our bed…my head muffled between my arm and pillow. A flow of tears trailed down my cheeks and spotted the pillow and my sleeves. I was in a dark cloud of “why me?”
Stephen unlopped his laptop bag and set it down in the corner. He sat at the edge of the bed and put a large comforting hand on my shoulder before rubbing.
I shuffled his touch away and turned my head. I secretly wanted his pity but didn’t want to make it so obvious.
He asked me what was wrong and I told him.
He was quiet for a moment and then said something that made me want to smack him across the face. He gave me the truth instead of sugar-coating me with a poisonous lie.
“Is that all?” he asked.
“What?!” I questioned, incredulously.
“Ashley, I love you but I don’t feel sorry for you and I won’t. I have compassion on you but not pity.”
I’m pretty sure I flipped around and glared at him.
His visage was calm, his body unmoving.
“You’re not a victim! And I won’t treat you like one. You’re the head and not the tail, above only and not beneath. God calls you a victor. He’s already given you victory in Jesus over this.”
He bent over to meet me at eye level. His cold blue eyes were serious and compassionate. After about a five-minute lecture, he left me in the room to go relax.
I thought he was the most insensitive, cruel creature that existed.
He doesn’t love me.
I was sure if he did, then he would meet my emotional needs by “loving on me.” Surely, he could have at least considered my excuses (I mean reasons) for being in the sorrowful state that I was. No, instead he knocked them all down with scripture of all things!
I hid in the room for almost an hour, trying to defuse my temper and come up with a reason why he was wrong. So wrong.
Looking back, I realize he did love on me! He loved me in the greatest possible way. He gave me the truth to light my path. He didn’t coddle the lies that I was believing, rather he exposed them. But because these lies felt like a part of me, I thought he was attacking me instead of what was hurting me.
I know it can be difficult sometimes when we hear the truth.
It may not come in the way we want it. It may not even seem true. But I encourage you that those who love you the deepest will speak the truth to you. They will risk your backlash, they will risk offending you, they will risk your misunderstanding because they want to see you free. They love you enough to not protect themselves from you.
God loves you so much that he will attack every lie that’s holding you in bondage. He will come after every self-sabotaging habit. He sent His Son (who was full of grace and truth) not to judge the world but to save the world. The truth always saves. At the risk of the greatest possible pain and public shame, Jesus spoke the truth.
He sits in Heaven with permanent marks on his wrists and a stab wound to the side, because he loves us. He loved us enough to point us back to God.
The book of Proverbs tells us repeatedly that the main distinction between the wise and foolish was their response to the truth. The foolish will attack or reject the voice of truth. The wise will thank the person who spoke truth over them and then begin to apply that truth to their life.
Because of God’s truth, I now have three businesses. I chose to cast off my victim mentality and believe that I could do all things through Christ. I chose to forgive those who hurt me. I chose to forgive myself. Because of God’s truth, I have been elevated in ways that would have never happened if I held unto those lies. I feel like I’m walking in the way of my destiny. I’m living in my dreams. I feel fulfilled and satisfied. My life is extremely blessed!
My hands are more busy now than they have ever been. Yet, my work is blessed. My work is gratifying because Jesus has shown me how to co-labor with Him. My work not only profits myself, but my family and even people around the world. I have received so many praise reports and “thank you’s” from people that I didn’t even think I touched. I can look back after a long day and wipe the sweat off my brow with a smile. I smile as the sun sets because I know the fruit of this labor will last into eternity. I smile because grace is pouring upon my head and shoulders like fragrant water from heaven. I smile because, I’m finally learning to lay down my life to find it.
~I pray God speaks the truth to you today that will set you free. I pray you live out all your God-dreams, not out of selfish gratification, but through an intimate connection with Jesus. I pray you discover that you are the cream of the crop, more than a conqueror and beloved of God. I pray you stretch your arms out wide and welcome the warm sunshine of truth. I pray all darkness flees from your soul as lies are dismantled and exposed. I pray you take off and soar like an eagle above every storm in life. I pray you know the incredible joy and peace that comes from being loved on by God, from loving yourself, and then loving Him enough to choose His ways above your own. You were made to fly. Your life has eternal weight. You are a treasure worth the blood of Jesus. You are a co-laborer with Christ. You are a queen and priest in Him. No bondage or darkness is greater than Christ in you. Nothing can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. God has a hope and a future just for you!
~For information on my Life Coaching services, click here. <3 We are better together!
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