.-This snippet is from the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. In this chapter, I lovingly engage the narrative behind the “sovereignty of God” teaching that once crippled my faith by incriminating the goodness of God when it came to healing. I hope this snippet helps build your faith, comforts the hurting places in your heart and helps you trust in your heavenly Father’s heart toward you. Jesus came to heal, and it is God’s will that we have abundant life.
Chapter 8: The Accuser
..Jesus smiled with pleasure at my decision to trust his word. He explained, “My love, the adversary has no grounds to accuse you before our Father, because my blood has purified the heavenly holy of holies. I forever sit as your High Priest in heaven. Your right standing with our Father is as secure as mine as long as you never reject me.
“Wow,” I breathed, feeling as if I were inhaling air fragrant with grace.
“As well, Father is not displeased with you. He is not angry with you in the slightest. He has promised never to be incensed against you. He has promised never to rebuke you.[i] This is the Gospel of Peace Isaiah prophesied about. Our Father delights in you and he rejoices over you. You are his well-beloved child.”
I smiled without knowing, “amen” I whispered, feeling at a loss of anything more to say. All I wanted to do was continue to listen to Jesus and be healed by his words.
“Even though the Accuser cannot slander you before our Father, he can still whisper lies to you about Him. He has falsely accused the Father to you for months now. He’s used almost every hardship that you’ve experienced as an opportunity to blaspheme God in your ears. The incorrect way that you see the Father now has not just been a result of your own conclusions.”
***
Without warning, my emotions were thrust back to eight months prior when one of my dearest childhood friends, Cassie, passed away forty-eight hours after a terrible car accident. I had rushed to the ECU to see her, praying hard the whole way in the car. I remember struggling to see through my tears as I drove and cried out for God to heal her.
I was let into the hospital room with her family and together we prayed, hugged, sobbed, and anxiously waited, hoping she would wake up. When the heart monitor flat lined, I felt like my own heart had stopped. We all watched with held breath as more doctors rushed in after a small emergency alarm rang. They tried and failed to revive her. When the head doctor finally dropped the defibrillator and turned toward us with sad eyes, I broke down. A flood of wails erupted in the room as Cassie’s family cried loudly.
In that moment of hopelessness and heartbreak, I remembered hearing an evil being whispering in my mind. It told me that God wanted my friend to die and that’s why my prayers hadn’t been answered. It told me, God needed another, “flower in his garden in heaven,” so he took her. It told me that perhaps if I was a better Christian, God would have reconsidered and healed Cassie. A chilly sensation had run through my heart that day. The words of the enemy successfully broke a tender place in my soul and formed a bleeding rift in the area of my trust in God’s goodness.
***
The memory opened up my hidden wound afresh and I bowed my head as heavy sorrow weighed on me.
Jesus read my thoughts and asked, “do you think it was God’s will that Cassie died by a drunk driver?”
I shut my eyes tightly as the fresh inner wound of Cassie’s tragic death opened. Fast tears formed before slipping down my cheeks, “I don’t know,” I said brokenly even though I knew I believed it had been God’s will.
“It wasn’t,” Jesus said, his eyes flooding with pained compassion.
“But how can that be? I thought God’s will was always done?” I said with a small frown of confusion.
“Sadly, not always. The Word of God says, God wills that none should perish but that all should come to repentance.[ii] Tragically, people perish every day even though God paid the ultimate price for everyone to be saved. When my disciples asked me to teach them how to pray, I told them to pray for God’s kingdom to come and for his will to be done on earth as it is in heaven.[iii] The fact that I told them to pray for God’s will to be done on earth implies that his will is not always done.”
Jesus continued, “My dear if our Father’s will was always done, earth would look just like Eden, and everyone would have a life-giving relationship with God. My earthly ministry alleviated human suffering by destroying the works of the devil through preaching the truth of the Gospel to the poor, through healing the sick, binding up the broken hearted, casting out devils, raising the dead, and ministering to the needs of people.[iv] God’s will came to earth from heaven in every miracle his Holy Spirit performed through me. For the Spirit of the Lord was upon me to do all those things.[v] With every blind eye opened, with every hungry belly filled, with every crippled man leaping for joy, with every truth spoken, and every disease healed, people saw God and often praised him afterward. I only did what I saw my Father doing.[vi]
“This is beautiful news,” I said as a cleansing flow of cool tears spilled from my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. Jesus smiled tenderly at me and softly held my chin with his thumb and pointer finger. For a moment, he watched my tears fall as if they were precious gemstones. I remembered the scripture that said God collected the tears of his children in a bottle and that he recorded each one in his book.[vii]
After a few seconds of only our eyes speaking, he gently released his hand from my chin and continued sharing the good news. “My ministry on earth is the clearest picture mankind has of the heart of God. His heart is good. He does not delight in human suffering. I always obeyed his command to love and to declare truth. If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.[viii] I and my Father are one.[ix] And no one who denies me truly knows God for I was with God in the beginning.[x] I am Truth, I am the Word made flesh.[xi] My dear, God is love.[xii] He so loved the world that he sent me.[xiii] All true goodness originates with him.”
His healing words broke through a dam of religious lies and self-protection in my heart releasing a fresh pool of tears. My eyes welled before the assembling tears began dripping down my chin and wetting my sleeves.
Moved by great love, Jesus gently wiped them away even as his eyes misted with deep consoling compassion. He inched his face closer to mine until all I could see was his radiant face. His visage was pouring with beautiful love. “Noelani, God wanted to heal Cassie and comfort you and her family, like I did at Lazarus’s tomb when I came as the resurrection and raised him from the dead.[xiv] God wept with you as I wept with Mary and Martha. He felt your pain, as well as his own.”
I shut my eyes to flush them of the tears that began blinding my vision. When I began to turn to look away, Jesus softly cupped my face still and I allowed my face to rest in his hands. As I did, I felt peace behind the surface of his fingertips. Jesus tenderly stroked my eyelids with his thumbs and to my surprise, I didn’t flinch away. Normally, I had a natural reaction to protect my eyes from anything that would touch them because of how sensitive and crucial they were to body and well-being. But when Jesus touched my eyelids, I felt no need to self-protect. This soothing motion of his thumbs melted me. It was like he was blessing me with clearer spiritual vision. He spoke again and I felt his balmy breath on my nose. His words washed over me like a warm mineral pool.
“Healing is my Father’s will for his kids, it is part of the atonement. Healing is the children’s bread.”[xv]
I felt a stony weight lift from my chest and my breathing became more relaxed as the truth came in. A place in my mind felt disencumbered.
Jesus released his hands from my face, and I looked upon him like someone who woke up to see sunshine for the first time after hibernating through the winter.
For the first time in a year, I felt a sense of peace come into the pained place that ached for Cassie’s presence. I smiled without effort at Jesus.
-To delve more deeply, check out the unrevised version of Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, by clicking here.
“Ashley depicts such a level of intimacy with Jesus so poignantly that I believe it will arouse others’ hearts with passion to pursue a new depth and commitment in their relationship with Him. I pray with all my heart that through her insights seamlessly woven into the stories, the church (men and women) would recognize their one true identity as brides and not servants. The author helps us learn to allow ourselves be loved and healed and no longer driven to meet unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. I believe that Ashley’s book will facilitate cultivating a fulfilling relationship with Jesus and abandoning religion once and for all! Ashley gives hope to those of us who feel or have felt they have sunk too low in their depravity. She demonstrates and enables us to believe that, no matter how vile our pasts, we can be washed white as snow by the blood of the Lamb and made beautiful new creations. She conveys with a refreshing rawness that nothing is beyond His power and (most reassuringly) His desire to redeem and restore. She illustrates the amazing grace of God with its power to enable us to live holy lives by His spirit and not the letter of the law and religion.
Possibly the most pertinent lesson that Ashley wisely shares in some of her stories is the most painful yet wonderful journey we go through if we choose to face the surrender of our lives and desires to God. Through her writing she gently urges us to come to this place of trust with the Father who loves us beyond our comprehension. The stories are heartwarmingly honest. Ashley has a beautiful gift of using descriptive language which instantly creates pictures in your minds as she relates her stories and makes them so real and alive.
May it lead you into your own passionate journey deeper into the heart of Jesus and to experience wonderful encounters with Him, our eternally faithful and true love.” ~Celina Haywood, Licensed Minister, Former Missionary to Thailand, Beautiful Encourager 💗
Scripture references from this snippet:
[i] Isaiah 54:9
[ii] 2 Peter 3:9
[iii] Matthew 6:10
[iv] Acts 10:38
[v] Luke 4:18
[vi] John 5:19
[vii] Psalm 56:8
[viii] John 14:9
[ix] John 10:30
[x] 1 John 2:23, John 1:2
[xi] John 1:14, John 14:6
[xii] 1 John 4:8
[xiii] John 3:16
[xiv] John 11:25
[xv] Matthew 15:22-28, John 6:32-35
-For an amazing Biblical teaching on the Sovereignty of God by Andrew Wommack, click here.