And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. –Hosea 2:18 ESV
I wrote this story in my book, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul, as a type of allegory of the: book of Hosea, Mary Magdalene, Rahab, the prodigal son and a few other characters in the Bible who have caught my eye. I purposefully chose to have the main character try different kinds of sinful behaviors that are generally looked down upon in church to show that no sin is too dark to keep anyone away from the saving grace of God. All throughout the Bible we see the underlying faithfulness and devoted love of God for people who have deeply fallen. Scripture, from my eyes, is the greatest love story of all time. I hope as you read this short story that you saw a fresh perspective on the mercy and grace of God, His goodness, His love, and His endless devotion to transform sinners into saints, rebels into priests, and paupers into kings/queens:
Jesus, our story is somewhat of a fairy tale. Before my birth, even before I was in my mother’s womb You knew my name. You saw my birth and You said, “That one, I want that one, especially and just for myself. Look at her; she invokes holy hunger in me! I must have her. She must know my great love.”
Though my mother was a pauper, and I a peasant of the lowest rank, and You the richest and fairest of kings, your eyes were captivated by me. It is the sheer largeness of your heart that made You smitten by me.
When I was a little baby You rocked me to sleep with the sweetest lullabies, when I was a girl You romanced me with toys and flowers, and when I became a teenager lost in emotions and hormones You were my truest friend.
Now that I’m a woman, already pledged to You, being the gentlemen that You are, You still asked for my hand. Forever as I grew I saw no flaw in You, though You and I both saw my listless number of flaws.
Your beauty dazzled angels and shook the earth. Mountains melted before your stunning glory and every human heart longed for You and worshiped You.
Yet here You were, on one knee, with loving eyes, such gorgeous eyes, staring up at me!
“I love you,” You said, casing my hand in both of Your hands. “I want to make you mine officially, but I will not force you to. Please do me the honor of being my beloved bride.”
Your very soul poured through your perfect lips and your warm eyes motioned with tears until they appeared like new glass. I slipped my hand out of your hands and drew it to my side. I always knew You loved me, but it felt so real now…underserved and strangely unexpected. I knew You were requiring of me a choice now, and this choice would change my life forever. I was sure after You saw my childhood and adolescent years, that You would annul our marriage before the faithful day came of my maturity. Surely You loved me, but not that much!
“I’m not worthy,” I voiced.
You responded quickly, “I don’t care.”
“You know my sin nature. You know I’m prone to adultery. I cannot remain faithful.”
You shook Your head, “That does not matter. I’m willing to work with you for however long it takes. You can be born-again if you receive my Father’s grace and He will give you a new nature through my sacrifice on the cross. You don’t have to have a sin nature any longer.” Tears were in your words. Desperation coated your voice.
“I’m so common. Look at me. What man wants a wife that he’s more beautiful than?”
“My Father has made you most beautiful to me. Take my hand and you will see. I’ll take you to my palace and wash you clean and adorn you with jewels. Just take my name. I died to have you.”
I looked away; my head was spinning with thoughts. Could this be true? Could such a perfect love be mine?
You drew my attention back by calling my name.
“Ashley! I moved Heaven and earth just to be beside you. I shifted the cosmos that you might be My princess.”
Before I could respond You silenced me with your pursed lips that breathed out, “Shhh.” “Just listen,” Your eyes seemed to say.
Digging in your royal ruby red coat pocket You pulled out a golden wedding ring. The band twined like grape vines. Diamonds hung like ripe fruit from it and in the center was an aquamarine gem, brilliant like the sea of glass in Heaven. Such waters glowed like bioluminescent light.
I gasped.
Being a country girl never had my eyes ever beheld such rich jewelry.
Tears rolled down your cheeks and mine.
I now realized that You had set your love on me and I had done nothing to deserve it. But could I accept it? I didn’t know, but I wanted to.
I mumbled a weak, doubtful yes.
This felt too good to be true.
Your lips trembled into a bright smile revealing your beautiful white teeth.
You cried and slipped the ring on my finger. The feeling of your fingers sliding up my ring finger tingled my skin, and sent waves of holy joy rippling throughout my body. Raising to your feet You swept me up in your arms and spun me around laughing with exceeding joy like You did when I was a little girl. I felt a difference in your touch. When I was a little girl You held me like a Father, when I was a teenager You held me like a friend, now your touch felt like a Bridegroom’s touch. I noticed something familiar in all of your embraces though—your arms were always protecting.
He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands by and listens to him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this pleasure and joy of mine is now complete. -John 3:29 AMP
I hugged your neck as You sang the most precious love song over me.
I knew I’d have to leave everything behind upon saying yes, but I didn’t know how much pain it would cost. My destitution had become a part of my identity and so although I was now a princess of the most extreme wealth and love, my heart was still that of a pauper of the lowest proportions.
Jesus, over the years You managed to gently love me until You were finally able to fully enter the mind of my heart and crown me queen there. The eyes of my soul and spirit saw my wealth in You.
But it was a long journey, my Love, and the journey’s not over yet. As I recount our years it amazes me that I had to learn how to love You and You loved me from the first! It seems to me it should have been the opposite, for You were always good, and perfect in everyway. I on the other hand was most disagreeable.
I’d try to argue with You when You wouldn’t let me have my way. I’d fuss, complain, doubt and yell, and You’d simply say, “This is for your own good, trust me.”
Sometimes I’d refuse to share a room with You, and I’d stomp to the couch in the living room and grumble against You all night.
It always amazed me how You’d get up in the morning and greet me with a smile, and a loving, “Good morning.” You never once let my bad attitude lower Your dignity.
Indeed, like I said I would, I had several affairs, some of them daily. I ignored your romancing and pushed away your gifts. I’d swear and curse at You.
In my lowest hours, I’d run away from home and you would swiftly mount your lightning white steed and search every corner of the kingdoms of earth until You found me. Indeed, I always heard You first before I saw You, for your horse’s hooves sounded like rolling thunder.
“Have you seen my bride?” You’d ask everyone. Sometimes a warrant for my “arrest” was given out in Heaven and on earth, for man and angels. Whoever found me would receive riches from You, the King of all the heavens and earth.
In fear, I’d run to the dark forest and crouch behind a gnarled leafless tree and still my breaths so You wouldn’t find me, because I was ashamed.
I had the sores of poverty all over my skin.
I remember our darkest night, the night I refused to be rescued. The sky was starless and I had just slept with the enemy, who had half killed me with his hate that he had convinced me was love. I only remained alive because You had kissed my heart with eternity.
You shone Your lantern behind the tree. I shook from the power of Your majesty and my dimmed eyes almost went blind from the light that emitted and radiated from You.
“Darling!” You exclaimed in deep compassion at my wounds. Sorrow was in Your eyes, and I knew the lack of my presence pained You.
I had almost forgotten how beautiful You were! Glowing gold on Your shining pearly white steed. Your cloak gleamed like the sun on water!
You swung off of your horse and rushed to my side with open arms. I rejected your hug and hissed at You. Being a gentleman You relaxed your arms to by your sides, and kept an arms length away.
“Come home,” You said gently.
“No!” I yelled, as if I was being attacked, and surely, I was, for your grace fought for my whole heart and that included the place inside where the enemy’s pride of condemnation and self-righteousness resided.
Your eyes stared at me wistfully before You spoke, “Beloved…”
“Go away!” I spat angrily, “I told You not to marry me! I’m ugly.”
“Your pride makes you ugly.”
“Shut up!”
No angel would dare speak to You the way I did. The most powerful warrior of Heaven, who could kill hundreds of thousands of people with one breath, dared not even look at You (Isaiah 37:36)! And here I was, commanding You to be quiet.
You furrowed your brow and called me a “stubborn child.” With that comment, You sadly shook your head and mounted your horse.
“You will return to me, whether now or later…it’s just a matter of time. I chose you and you could run all you want but I’ll never let you go. My love won’t allow it. You’ve been touched by My love. Nothing will ever satisfy you but Me. Maybe you just need time to realize that.”
My eyes widened when You wrapped the reins around your hand. I realized You might actually leave me there, and that terrified me! My heart ached to go home with You. I wanted to be held, loved, protected, and taught by You. I desired to sit down and read books together over something warm to drink. Flashes of our winter honeymoon in the snow mountains of Heaven rushed across my mind and heart: the great banquet, the glass roof of the hall of merry children, the icicles dangling on the windows like curtains, the inner glow of every house, and the joy of fellowship with my brothers and sisters. Your voice stole me away from my sweet memories.
“So?” You asked me, extending Your hand for me to take it.
A voice that was lodged in my throat burst forward, “Never!” I groaned deeply.
I was too proud to admit I had nothing without You…that I was nothing without your love. You were the only one who could revive my soul with hope and joy. You were the only one who could raise me from the dead.
Your gaze was like fire.
“I shall send My ministers to watch over you until you call on My name again. Your pride has to go. They, My servants shall keep you from death…and that alone until you humble yourself before our Heavenly Father.”
With that You pulled back on the reins and your powerful horse let out a thunderous neigh, like the crackling of a million forest fires. He reared back and spun around on his two rear hooves before storming off into the sky. I saw the heavens open up like gauzy curtains and receive You.
Suddenly I felt so terribly alone. An ache like death overwhelmed me and I collapsed in a crumbled mess of tears. At that moment I’d do anything to salvage the horrible pain of loneliness that engulfed me.
Two tall men glowing white with majestic robes and beautiful faces appeared before me. One had short, curly, blond hair and piercing blue eyes. The other had long, dark, wavy hair and honey eyes.
“Queen Ashley,” they said in union, greeting me politely.
“Go away!” I half shouted and half sobbed.
Just leave me alone to die, I thought bitterly.
“We can’t do that, princess,” the blond one stated, his voice was like a song. I knew he sung in the choir of Heaven. He gave hope to God’s children.
“Our King has commanded us to stay with you to preserve your life,” the one with honey eyes stated, finishing the blond one’s sentence. His presence was like a hearth in Heaven. It warmed my chilled bones.
For weeks they followed me around and watched me do the vilest, most disgusting, and wicked things. I indulged deeply in lust, hate of the heart; and in desperation to numb my pain, exercised the power of darkness in witchcraft. Nothing I tried even began to quench the sinking feeling that was in my heart as a result of my Lover’s absence.
How I missed him so terribly!
But instead of admitting that, I denied it stupidly and continued to do the most degrading things the world had to offer, like shooting narcotics up my arm. Men without number promised me fulfillment, and their bittersweet lies lulled me into bed with them. My body was violated in the lowest ways, and none of my lovers gave me the life Christ gave me. Some of the men I slept with were the sons of darkness!
My angels watched me do everything without uttering a word, but every time an evil spirit tried to assault me they would draw flaming swords from their waists and defend me ardently.
“Let me have her!” one demon screeched, “She’s slept with my host!”
I, drunk with wine, crawled out of bed where my sleeping lover slept. Half out of mind, I saw this dark figure fussing at my angels.
“You shall by no means touch her!” my blond angel warned angrily.
In furry the demon tried to jump on me anyway. His large form barely moved an inch before my light angel mercilessly plunged his sword in the demons’ gut.
I watched my angels tirelessly war on Christ’s behalf of me daily. Though my body, soul, and spirit were being protected physically, the inner pain of my heart nearly drove me mad with sorrow. The consequences of my sin were ruthlessly stabbing my heart that would not die, because of Christ’s kiss. How I wished I were just dead on the inside so the pain would end.
“What am I to do?” I cried looking at my angel with honey eyes. He knelt down and touched me on the shoulder.
“You have a husband who loves you most. Call upon His name.”
I collapsed on my knees and buried my head in my hands. Salvation at this point seemed impossible. How could God forgive me for all the treachery that I had done?
“But I am so ashamed.”
My blond angel spoke next, “He died to bury your sins and the stains of guilt that come with them.”
Their words were like a familiar song of Heaven, and finally with a crushed heart I cried out to God.
“Jesus, take me back!” I thrust my neck back and gazed up at the sky with arms flung open. “Forgive me, I’m so sorry,” I wailed.
“I never left you,” the peaceful voice of my bridegroom said in my heart.
When my guardian angels heard his voice, they fell upon their faces in reverential worship.
The heavens opened up and Jesus came storming to me, glistening in the night like moonlight. The tornado-like winds of His presence fanned the wings of His cloak and bent every tree in the forest in a wave of ripples. I felt naked and bare once again in Your sight. With no branches to protect my skin from Your radiance: You saw me clearly. The mountains bowed down and the noise they made sounded like a million volcanic eruptions.
You stood before me and all I could say was, “I’m sorry. I’ve played the harlot…a-again. I’ve lied, stole—,” I broke into tears, “Please f-forgive me.”
You embraced me, and as You did my heart, soul, mind, body, and spirit were made whole again. I sunk into Your chest and was swallowed by Your heart for me.
I heard the rejoicing of Heaven. It was like the rushing of many waters.
I cried, and my torn, dark clothes evaporated into my lovely soft pink dress; it was my most favored royal piece of attire. The angels that had attended me were overjoyed with rejoicing and followed Yeshua and I into Heaven a few feet back. And here I find myself living with You again as Your beloved bride.
Today, I stand amazed that it is I who have learned to love You when You are so faithfully perfect and I…so not.
My heart is just now rejoicing over You with singing when yours has always rejoiced over me. Your love is too good for me, yet I accept it gladly as the free gift You have made it to be. Our story reminds me of a fairy tale, my King. Never could I have imagined myself being the beauty, the one pursued and fought for in any book…yet here I am, the heart’s gaze of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
And here you are reading this story.
You, most beloved and favored of men.
Yes, you are an irreplaceable gem in the King’s crown, a son or daughter worth the tireless search of the universe. Our King shifted the cosmos that He may have you. He had you read this for a reason, He orchestrated this moment.
Shhh, can you hear him singing over you…for you? Isn’t it the most beautiful song? The very rhythm of His heartbeat speaks your name in longing that you would see his great, glorious love for you, and respond by giving more of your life to Him.
Allow yourself to be swept away in the divine romance of a God who is more romantic than Solomon in Song of Songs, and more faithful to you than the sun’s rising every morning.
Trust in his saving grace. He can and will wash away every sin. You only need ask.
Don’t drown out his whispers of intimacy with any form of business, including excessive church attendance. Do not burn yourself out in ministry or with chasing the endless trifling of the world.
Sit and listen to the Bridegroom.
Pray, call upon His name. Stop hiding behind your myriad of masks and let Him see you in every area that you are naked, so that He can clothe you in holy array. Do not fear his eyes of love that see the core of your heart.
Let yourself be deeply loved with an unguarded heart.
Release every offense in your heart, surrender and be loved.
Be most tenderly loved.
You are most tenderly loved.
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. -Song of Solomon 4:7
Reflection Questions:
1) Do you believe Jesus/God loved you before you were even created? (This story opens up with the main character describing how much Jesus wanted her, even before she was born/conceived. “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” -Ephesians 1:4 NLT)
2) How has your relationship with Jesus matured/transitioned over the years you’ve known Him? Where are you now with Him? (“When I was a little baby, You rocked me to sleep with the sweetest lullabies, when I was a girl, You romanced me with toys and flowers, and when I was a teenager lost I emotions and hormones, You were my truest friend…”)
3) Have you ever experienced the goodness of God in such a way it was hard to receive? (The Gospel when translated in the Greek means “almost too good to be true.” God is good. His goodness was how He revealed his glory to Moses. “I now realized that You had set your love on me, and I had done nothing to deserve it. But could I accept it? I didn’t know…but I wanted to.”)
4) What do you believe is the realest thing about you? Do you believe that you are royalty (perfectly loved, completely made righteous, born-again/made in God’s image and a sharer of His nature)? (“I knew I’d have to leave everything behind upon saying yes, but I didn’t know how much pain it would cost. My destitution had become a part of my identity and so although I was now a princess of the most extreme wealth and love, my heart was still that of a pauper of the lowest proportions.”)
5) How have you learned to love Jesus as you have walked with Him? (“As I recount our years it amazes me that I had to learn to love You and You loved me from the first.”)
6) Something to ponder: Jesus will never treat you badly because you treat him badly (“You never once let my bad attitude lower your dignity.” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. – Hebrews 13:6 If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful because he cannot be untrue to himself. -2 Timothy 2:13.) One of the ways royals are trained, is to not act undignified even if everyone else around them is. They are trained that they are “above” common or base behavior. They literally have a royal sense of self.
7) Has shame ever kept you from receiving God’s love? (In this short allegorical story, the main character hides from Jesus because she is ashamed.)
8) Has self-righteousness (religious pride) ever kept you from receiving God’s mercy through Jesus? (“…I yelled as if I was being attacked, and surely, I was, for your grace fought for my whole heart and that included the place inside where the enemy’s pride of condemnation and self-righteousness resided.” God gives us righteousness by faith not by works)
9) Do you believe no matter how far anyone falls, if they ask, Jesus will take them back and treat them as if they never sinned?