Month: May 2023

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Royal Righteousness to Replace Shame

This testimony is shared in the revised version of my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul. To read the original version, click here.

But YOU will be called the priests of the LORD; they will speak of you as ministers of our God; you will feed on the wealth of nations, and you will boast in their riches. In place of your shame, you will have a double portion; in place of disgrace, they will rejoice over their share. So they will possess double in their land, and eternal joy will be theirs. -Isaiah 61:6-7 (emphasis mine)

I have found that shame was the number one tool the devil used to keep me in bondage throughout my early Christian walk. During one of my first visits to Charis Bible College, the Father gave me a vision of myself. One of the worship leaders began keying what sounded like a spontaneous worship song on the stage piano. She created melodic and beautiful music on the keys.

Within seconds I saw a vision of myself kneeling on a still, watery floor. The water was so calm it appeared like glass. I was robed in a dark shirt and pants. Jesus began walking toward me to embrace me. Instead of receiving his love, I turned my face away and held out my hands as if pushing the air to discourage him from seeing me.

“No, no!” I cried. “Stay away from me.”

 I closed my eyes tightly until he “left.” I didn’t think of myself as worthy enough to look at him. Being a gentleman, he walked away (although he never truly left). When I opened my eyes again and didn’t see him. I began to feel lonely and I regretted pushing him away.

Before I could cry because of my poor decision, my black clothes began to transform into a beautiful pink dress with twinkling lights that moved. After I saw that I was more prettily donned, I felt worthier and my heart began to desire to see Jesus.

As if the water below me heard the silent language of my heart, it began to rise in large drops. It was like reverse rain. Large drops of water solidified and formed a spiral staircase that had the appearance of precious stone. The stairway led up to the heavens, beyond the starry dome ceiling. As I gazed up, I saw billions upon billions of stars. They twinkled and shimmered like silver, blue, green, gold and purple glitter refracting light. Star dust painted the sky like aurora lights and cosmic clouds.

Unconsciously, I knew the stairway would lead me to God. It was like Jacob’s ladder in a way. I began to ascend the stairs but before I could reach the top, Jesus reappeared. This time, I didn’t turn him away, because he had dealt with my shame by clothing me in a gown of royal righteousness.

I also believe he appeared before I could reach the top because he wanted to show me that I didn’t have to labor for intimacy. He didn’t want me to. He wanted to show me that he was always wanting connection with me.

And that he was the only way to the Father, who lived up the stairs…

In the same way, I pray Jesus shows you a picture of yourself clothed with royal righteousness. You are a child of God. Thus, you are royalty. You don’t ever have to earn your way to God because Jesus paid the ultimate price for the veil to be torn that separated you from God. The work is already finished. You are perfectly loved by God. Your body has been made into the temple of the Holy Spirit. Christ, the Lord lives in your heart by faith. All your sins have been washed away. You have no stains. You are a new creation in Christ and you have been given a righteous nature.

“Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.” -Colossians 1:22

Reflection Questions:

  1. Are you dealing with any level of shame in your life? If yes, why?
  2. Are you currently struggling with faith righteousness? In what ways have you personally allowed Jesus to show you that you are the righteousness of God through him (not by your works but his finished work)? “For it is by graceyou have been saved,through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works,so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8–9 NIV) “This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile.” (Romans 3:22 NIV) Look up 2 Corinthians 5:21.
  3. Would you describe yourself as more God-reliant or self-reliant?

“This book is simply wonderful. Deliciously descriptive, it nourishes the soul with fresh revelation of God’s love for humanity. This collection of short stories may challenge your thinking about what true intimacy looks like, while making your heart yearn to daily experience the Perfect Love described within its pages. It invites you into a world created by Love Himself, where there’s no mistaking that His love is not only unconditional and never-failing, but also deeply personal and precious to Him. Get ready to experience the purpose, pleasure, and power of real love!” -Amazon Reviewer

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Deep Worship

“For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.” -Isaiah 54:5

This allegorical love sonnet of worship/adoration, may be uncomfortable for some as it messes with limiting beliefs about nearness in relationship with Jesus. I wrote this poem, when I was unmarried and living out my single years in purity, faith and growing connection with Jesus. This sonnet is a shadow of the mystery Paul wrote about when he symbolically described the relationship between husband and wife with the relationship between Christ and the church. During my single years, Jesus showed me what it was like to be naked and unashamed and to enter into the “dark” holy of holies (in the deepest part of the temple) where no outside light was able to pierce through the thick veil. Only the light from the ark of the covenant (which represented his presence) illuminated the private chambers where man could touch God and God could touch man. In my imagination, the sound of the wings of the seraphim flying is terrifying wind music to my ears as they circle the glorious throne where the worthy One sits as King of kings and Lord of lords (Isaiah 6:3). Jesus is coming back for a bride without spot or wrinkle. (Ephesians 5:27) He is thrilled and excited to see his bride at the altar of Revelation, clothed in holiness with fiery singlehearted devotion for Him.

He Took Me Away

He took me away.

And I drank from the deep waters.

My heart’s desires equate to him. Every longing that pulses through my blood cries for him.

My heart is a bottomless well, a creation that was made for the rivers of life to flow through by his Holy Spirit.

He took me away.

And I worshipped!

I worshiped in his deep Presence!

Clouds of dark purple and blue surrounded me. I was in a place in his Spirit. And He was alive! He was in the air. He was within the floor, He was in the landscape.

My entire soul attached herself to him and I gave him everything. All of me was attached to him, and strings from Heaven bound my soul to his heart, and I drank from the deep waters. I gave him everything fiercely and with holy devotion.

I married this Man, this God of all gods, this King of all kings, the ruler of all the universes, the Maker of the heavens and earth.

The place where I walked dripped water as I took my first few steps. I reached out and felt the fog, and crystal clear water gushed out, flowing down and then disappearing into the bioluminescent mist.

White banners, like glinting snow were put in my hands and I flowed with them like liquid. I waved, spun, jumped, jerked, fell prostrate, rose up again, and became entranced by his Presence.

The energy from his throne was incredible, overwhelming, and heavy with holiness and power. I felt like a battery being overcharged, being shocked by waves of electric spiritual energy.

My body could do nothing but submit and move to flow of the bioelectric-spiritual signals in his Presence. My soul could do nothing but weep and rejoice at the same time. My spirit came alive, and she returned his love song.

He pulled me with his music. He called to me in his fierce and holy love. He whispered my name in longing affection. And He declared, breaking every idol, breaking all claims anyone had over me (including mother, father, and friend), “I Am her God!”

I exploded, and my flags were turned into swords that I wielded like an expert swordsman. They gleamed like silver in firelight and the sheen of them, like ember flames, were seen in the smoke of his Shekinah cloud where I praised, and gloried in his presence.

The swords became an extension of my arms, an instrument of worship. For love is as strong as death, this jealousy as consuming as the grave (Song of Songs 8:6) . And love is both tenderness and toughness. Love is both supple and hard. Love is both embracing and ferocious.

Love is a Lion, love is a Lamb.

I pictured Jesus/Yeshua. He took me to the mountaintops. I held his hand, completely romanced by his great love. I joined myself with him. And his blood became my own. His heartbeat became the rhythm in my body. His breath became my oxygen and wind.

Once atop the mountain, He showed me a beautiful part of his kingdom. Waterfalls poured forth water so clear, they burned with the gold of the sunset, and became light.

Rainforests sent forth sweet incense as dewy fog into the sky that glittered with billions upon billions of stars. Space dust colored the sky, painting it with hues of royalty and mystery. Flaming stars with streaks behind them moved like sea creatures. The sky was alive, the cosmos were living, and I could see them more clearly than I ever have. Yet, at the same time the sun shone, streaking part of the horizon with aureate light, like spilled golden paint.

Animals moved upon the land, from the great elephant to the small perched bird. Everything was alive! A river flowed through the land, a great heartbeat was in the soil echoing into the heart of eternity, kissing the air with love worship. Creation groaned no more but sang the song it had waited centuries to sing! (Romans 8:22)

Then I tasted in my understanding a piece of John the Baptist’s joy. He, who was friend to the Bridegroom, rejoiced in the Bridegroom’s joy at the sight of his Beloved (John 3:29). I felt in my heart this was the celebratory song of creation.

Yeshua extended his hand showing me this. As fascinating and breathtaking as it was, my eyes fell and stayed upon his scared wrists. Wrists that bled holy, princely, royal blood for me. These were the scars that healed me, yet my heart was torn from seeing them, from knowing He suffered great pain, and cried anguished tears from his pain.

He saw me. Eyes that knew everything about me, my every thought and attitude both past, present, and future saw me.

He pulled me to Himself. His arms wrapped around me and I pressed my head against his chest. I was so close, but it wasn’t enough, it didn’t satisfy.

“Let me enter You,” I silently pleaded. “Let me into your heart. I want to taste from the deep, deep water. The water without price. Simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing. I want to eat of the bread, and bind myself to You forever (Isaiah 55:1-2). I want to become yours forever. And I want to be connected to your church, Your bride forever. Connect my soul with Your Spirit. For You said in your Word, ‘unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood you have no life in you.” (John 6:54)

He let me in and I sunk into his eternal heart. I dissolved into his being, and it was there that I worshiped.

Above me I caught a glimpse of the living creatures, covering their eyes and feet, and flying at the same time as they cried, “Holy, holy, holy.” (Revelation 4:8)

Worthy are You King! Worthy are You to be praised! There is no other like You! No one worthy of worship!

I want to live in Your romance. I was made for no other atmosphere, made to enjoy sweet intimacy with my King in the bedchamber of worship.

I feel the woman’s heart when she says, “Take me away with You—let us hurry! Let the King take me into His chambers! We rejoice and delight in you; we will savor your loving more than wine. How right they are to adore You!” (Song of Songs 1:4 NIV).

Her desire is my own. Rightly do I love You!

He took me away with him. I took from the well of His Spirit and prayed, “Let this water cause everything in me to long for and desire You.”

When I dipped my cupped hands in the diamond water and drank, a deep place in me desired to go down into the well. To find the beginning of this great love, to partake of the first note in the eternal love song. I dove in, knowing there was no end.

There are no words to describe the thirst.

This is what man was made for.

This is the reason a man should leave his father and mother and be joined together with his wife…and the two shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

This is worship.

Union with I Am.

Marriage, in all its beauty, is only a foreshadow of how He created us to know (be in relationship) Him.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about Christ and the church. – the apostle Paul in his Ephesian epistle 5:31-32 (emphasis mine)

For more exploration of the Bridegroom love of Jesus, check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul by clicking here.

“As I read, I quickly became enthralled with this book, so beautifully written in the language of love. Each of these short stories so accurately reflects the romantic and wooing heart of the Bridegroom which draws you to Himself into a deeper place of love and intimacy. If you have not yet experienced romantic intimacy with God, I’m confident that this book will set you on course. It’s bound to warm your soul and whet your desire for your own heart-to-heart conversations and experiences with God. The author creatively ministers to the soul, bringing truth to light in the most tangible ways; you will feel that God is speaking directly to you, and He most certainly is! Some stories caused me to be drawn away into remembrance of my own experiences and conversations with God that have freed my soul; others caused me to reevaluate my heart’s commitment to my first Husband and cry out for forgiveness; and yet others simply took me on a delightful and exciting adventure of what the beginning of a holy, unadulterated love looks like – so refreshing to the soul! I commend the author for using her creative gifting to share personal reflections and heart intimacies which I know could only come from the deep well of Father’s heart. I highly recommend this book as a must read!” -Marina Garcia

For a breathtaking worship song on intimacy with Christ, listen below (I don’t own any rights to this beautiful, holy song):

Copyright 2011 Catherine Mullins Music