Recently, I began to understand the deep and sweet intimacy in comfortably communing with Jesus at the table of his sacrificial love. I have a human tendency to run from pain (and sacrifice)….but this time, I savored Jesus in the darkness.
During the weeks preceding Good Friday, I felt like my heart went on an inner pilgrimage with Jesus. Worship seemed to pour from my soul like perfumed waters. I would sing to the Lord when I woke up and drift to sleep singing to Him.
I began to taste something like sweet, rich wine in my spirit from Him. I felt a newfound connection with the Lord and it was almost as if my heart pined for Him. I felt swept up in a Song of Songs romance. I felt a mutual love between us that kept building and building throughout the weeks (this could also have been because a ladies group and I were studying Song of Songs. For the first time…I felt like my love for Jesus was as heady as those succulent, passionate, and dare I say it, intoxicating words. It was like a blend of holy wine mixed with sacred spiced herbs).
One night, after a Passover celebration, I found myself so physically tired that I laid on the floor in the living room after the guests had left. I had planned on going to bed but my mom started playing worship music. Immediately my heart desire for Jesus roused the rest of my body. It was as if someone had blew on internal embers inside my chest. Warmed by an inner fire, I stayed awake until almost 1am in worship… adoring Jesus.
During that time, I wrote this in my journal (I hope you enjoy it):
“I’m learning to be okay with the darkness of the night and the pitch deep blue of dawn before sunrise. Like Mary, I want to wait in the cold stillness of early morning while all else seems to sleep. In the quiet morning, the young hours of a new day, Mary was the first to see the resurrected Lord.
These past few days have been emotionally worshipful for me. The suffering of “Good Friday” awakened my soul in a new way. I didn’t want to skip straight ahead to resurrection Sunday. I wanted to linger at the most intimate table: The Last Supper.
This is where Jesus symbolically and spiritually ate the Passover meal with his closest friends. This is where Jesus offered them the deepest love before the greatest pain. This is where he served them by washing their feet, tearing bread, pouring wine and singing a worshipful hymn with them.
As he broke the bread, he knew his own flesh would be broken for them soon. Although, whether they realized it or not, he had already wholly given himself to loving them. His life among them was a daily sacrifice to feed them and others. As he poured the wine, he knew his lifeblood would spill to cleanse them. What sustained life for his body, would spill out of him, thus draining him of all strength, in order to cleanse them of all sin and give them life. As he washed their feet, it was as if he was anointing them.
I can almost see his eyes. luminous by the flickering of candles against the black, azure night. The soul of him shining through like starlight…like a taste of heaven. He never withheld anything from them. He gave himself completely to them, fearless, eternal, shameless, selfless, passionate love.
This is how he gives himself to everyone of us.
For now, l lay upon his breast like John at the Last Supper and listen to his beating heart…knowing the pain that will pierce it. May my life forever be like the expensive anointing oil Mary poured upon his feet in preparation for his suffering. My soul poured out in worship. His life laid down. It’s strange…but this Friday I take just as much delight in the darkest hour as I imagine I will in the brightest hour (Sunday resurrection). Because in it all…He’s there. And He’s the essence of all my life and devotion and eternal desire.”
“Ashley McClelland presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel
Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will do it.…Psalm 37:3-5 BSB
“The proof of desire is pursuit.” -Paul Milligan
What do you dream about?
I mean really dream about?
In your heart of hearts, what makes you come alive?
This evening I found my old business school bag from Bible college. Inside a folder I saw my business vision scribbled on a piece of paper. I remembered with fondness how my professors had ignited my dreams by encouraging me to prayerfully create a vision with practical steps.
I dug in my business bag more and discovered my old “desire” list. As I looked over it, I realized everything on it has either been complete or it is set in motion right now. I smiled as I thought about God’s faithfulness and my #1 exhorter, the Holy Spirit.
Recently I had a dear friend ask me, “how do you manage to do everything that you do?” I had a feeling she, like many other people, believe that successful stories are quick. I responded with, “I just did a little every day.”
Big stardom-like breakthroughs are rare. After all, “success is where preparation meets opportunity.” -Unknown. All of my successes have required meticulous excellence and an increase in responsibility.
She asked me what motivated me (she hasn’t been the only lovely friend to ask me that). I paused for a second even though the answer was clear in my heart. I was hesitant to answer her frankly.
“Pain.” I said honestly.
I could tell my response surprised her because she didn’t speak. After a few voiceless seconds, I explained myself.
“Unmet desire will always bring pain. If I dream something and then do nothing about it, I will live in pain forever. Most people die with regrets and dreams locked up inside of them. I fear that kind of pain most of all. If I do the hard painful things needed to see the vision I have come to pass…then my pain is only temporary. I know my visions will become reality as long as I don’t give up. I know God created everyone with gifts, talents and a purpose. And I just can’t live not giving my all. I have too much hope and too much passion.”
My friend was silent before giving an airy response. She told me later, that she wasn’t ready to hear that “pain motivated” me. Only after her own long wilted dreams began to revive with hope did she call me on the phone and say that she “came to understand” and share in the same motivation.
I think she, like me in the past, had been afraid to hope, because hope deferred makes the heart sick. No one wants the pain of a sick heart. No one wants to be disappointed again and again. However pain/hunger is a sign of healthy, growing life. Only sick and dying things lack hunger. Revived dreams that haven’t become reality…will always bring some measure of hungry pain.
The goal is not to focus on the pain, but the sweet satiation of the dream coming true. After all: a longing fulfilled is a tree of life and is sweet to the soul (Proverbs 13:12, 19)
I used to feel selfish for dreaming so much. Every time one dream would get answered, it wouldn’t take long before I’d, “dream a new dream.”I used to think, I should be content to just stay put and relish in one dream coming true, but then I realized, God is a Creator and I’m made in His image. Nothing that’s alive stays put. Life moves and grows and flourishes. For me, creating a vision and seeing it come to pass is an exciting partnership with Him. It’s being a co-laborer (1 Corinthians 3:9).
I’m slowly finding out that being a co-laborer with Jesus requires a lot of intimacy with Him, hope and character. We cannot build anything that lasts without Him and we cannot be truly fulfilled apart from Him.:
Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain.
It is vain for you to rise early, To retire late, To eat the bread of anxious labors— For He gives [blessings] to His beloved even in his sleep. -Psalm 127:1-2 AMP
I’m grateful for a God who dreams BIG. The evidence of His imagination and heart fill the earth and universe. He is wonderfully extravagant, beautiful, and majestic.
As long as the heart is alive, dreaming never dies. 💗
God has made so many of my dreams come true. I don’t think there’s one dream that I’ve yet to have answered, or that isn’t in progress right now (granted some dreams got answered differently than I expected).
Today, I have seen God’s grace work within me in a way that has opened favorable doors: I now run an in-home daycare, I recently acquired a literary agent for my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, and after completing an intense training program, I have become a certified Christian Life Coach.
I would love to help coach you through:
-Clarifying your dream/vision.
-Identifying and removing any mental or emotional blockages.
-Praying with you that the power of the Holy Spirit and the love of God propel you with mighty grace and wisdom toward an abundant life!
For more information on my life-coaching, click here to fill out a small questionnaire. My desire as a life coach is to help you pursue your God sized dream. He has so much goodness in store for you!
Here is an old journal entry I wrote back in 2018:
Dr. Seuess wrote: “You know you’re in love when you can’t sleep at night…because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
I’m learning what it means to trust God with the desires of my heart because of His great love for me. In my 3rd year at Bible college I received two words from different people saying, “God says ask what you will and He will give it to you.” I had been going through a season of battling hopelessness and was giving up on my dreams. But God is like the warm spring wind blowing the snow of winter off the seeds of my dreams & I want to give a praise report of His immense goodness. These are the dreams He has answered:
1) I asked for a baby and now Stephen and I have Eden (she’s one of the greatest and most immense treasures in my heart..the apple of my eye)
2) I asked to publish my second book (the ebook is finished and now the printable version is on its way and looking so beautiful!)
3) I asked to not have to work so that I could stay home with Eden (God and my husband are such faithful providers).
4) I asked to finish up my Early Childhood Education classes before Eden so that I could just focus on being a mom (and they were completed about 2 weeks before her birth)
5) I asked for Stephen and I to have our own place before Eden was born so that I could have quiet time with the Lord and Stephen/Eden and I could live as a family (we live in a lovely cottage, next to a flowing stream in a bed and breakfast retreat! God is crazy good!)
6) I asked to move back to California because i missed my family and friends and we are headed back in a few weeks!
7) I asked for my hair to grow longer and stronger (and now it’s the longest and strongest its been in years).
8) I asked to be able to live my dream and run my own Christian preschool and my parents have just agreed that I could use part of the house to do that!!!
9) I asked for my midwives to be able to deliver Eden, and even though I had a hospital birth the doctors let the midwives lead me through delivery without my even asking.
10) I asked to be able to travel more and within a few short months I had visited like 4 different places around the country and even outside of the country.
~God is such a good and loving Father. I pray you recount the blessings in your hands that He has given you. I pray He rekindles any fading hope in you. I pray you, ask and receive so that your joy may be full.” -Jesus.
There is no God more kind and generous than this.
“I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me. … … I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.” -King David in Psalms.
p.s: if you have a praise report I’d love for you to share it below. Let us celebrate the Lord together and speak of His goodness!
~This snippet is taken from my upcoming book, At The Time For Love, a romance novella based off Ezekiel 16:6-14. This story is meant to introduce teenage girls to romantic purity and the Bridegroom love of Jesus.
My family’s truck, Old Faithful, weakly trodden through the thick, crunchy and pristine snow. I thought he was just having a hard time and patted the dashboard as if comforting a person, “Sorry old buddy, I know it’s hard. But you can make it.” Just then the engine coughed dryly and then Old Faithful stopped. My eyes widened in disbelief. “What?!” I turned the keys back before turning them forward again. The car tooted a few times but then it died. “No,” I said in denial and tried again. Each time I received the same result, “this can’t be happening!” I exclaimed and prayed before trying again. This time the engine didn’t even make a sound. Just then it came to me.
The gas!
Remind me to fill Old Faitfhful up when we get into town okay? David’s words came back like a flood. I hadn’t remembered, and neither had he.
Did he remember now?
The heater had only been off for a few seconds and already the inside of Old faithful was growing cold.
I was about ten miles from home and about fifteen from work. I had no cell phone and no means of communication. I was also on the long stretch of the road that was mostly abandoned. The bulk of Pomeberry was five miles or so back. The snow was heavy and falling steadily. Apart from my warm clothes I had nothing to keep me warm but a mug of hot chocolate. I pressed my back against the seat and thought about my options.
It was probably around 6:45, I needed to be at work by 7:10. If I went back to town I would have to find a payphone or ask somebody if I could use there’s and call in for Danielle or somebody to come pick me up. My family wouldn’t be able to get me because Old Faithful was the only vehicle we owned and I doubted anyone would ride our horse Embers to come get me. It would be foolish to do so. I could walk back home but then I’d be super late for work.
I exhaled slowly and said a prayer, “God…please help me. Send help somehow, someway.”
A spark of determination went off on the inside of me and I decided that I would walk to work.
I couldn’t tell if it was from God or from my own self-determination but I went for it. I knew the logical thing for me to do would be to stay in the truck and at least wait until daylight before attempting to walk but I was anxious to be on time. And for some reason I allowed my anxiety to override common sense.
“Help me get there,” I said and grabbed my keys before stuffing them in my coco colored purse. I slung my purse strap across my shoulders and opened the door. A wave of icy cold air slapped against my face and pushed my body. Shivering I closed the truck door.
It was dark and cold. Glinting stars could still be seen in the sky but I saw a royal blue line along the horizon which promised sunrise in forty minutes or so. The rest of the sky was black. After zipping up everything that could be zipped on my coat, I fastened the furry hood over my head, hugged myself and started off.
To keep from being scared from the dead silence around me, I hummed to myself.
I sang an old hymn I remember my grandmother singing on Sabbath mornings, “God is good, all the time. He put a song of praise in this heart of mine, God is good, all the time. Through the darkest night His light will shine. God is good, God is good, all the time.”
After about an hour of singing I began to realize just how foolish I had been to leave Old Faithful. My lips were parched dry and felt like they would peel at any moment. I licked them constantly to keep them warm but that only served to make the brisk hair harsher when my tongue retreated back in my mouth. My nose felt like it was freeze burnt and I was sure it shone like Rudolph’s. My legs had painful goose bumps on them that protruded so sharply that every brush of my jeans against them hurt. My muscles were achy from shivering and I was thirsty. I had finished off my hot coco after five minutes or so of walking. The sky was lighter and the horizon bled deep orange despite the puffy clouds that covered the hemisphere. Unfortunately, the wind was restless and it pressed against me as I walked.
I continued on for about ten more minutes before exhaustion took over. My face crinkled and I wanted to cry. Why did I leave Old Faithful? How far along was I to work? Should I go back? I looked up at the falling snow and my boots sunk a little into the crunchy snow.
“What am I going to do?” I cried looking up to heaven, “please help me God.”
Powdery snow rested gaily on my eyelashes blinding me temporarily.
My eyes moistened and hazed my vision. With aching muscles, I continued to walk.
About twenty more minutes passed by and the rose red sky was streaked gold along the horizon, a pretty blue lifted above it and an orange cream rested atop.
My lips trembled uncontrollably as I walked, my arms were stiff and hugged my chest tightly. Pain enveloped me like a heavy coat and my knees felt like they were about to crack. All my muscles felt like giving in but I gritted my teeth and told myself I could either collapse and potentially go into hyperthermia or I could press on and get help.
A faint rumbling noise caught my ears like a wisp of wind.
What was that?
I looked to the left and to the right and saw nothing. My eyes brows creased, oh great, I’m hallucinating!
Somewhat saddened by the thought I continued walking.
I glanced at the trees around me. Their branches were drooping down with snow and the sight reminded me of soft pillows piled atop each other or white shirts stacked atop one another in a laundry basket.
My ears perked up and I thought I heard a rumbling noise again…only it sounded louder.
I looked around me again and saw two yellow lights in the distance.
I squinted my eyes and realized it was headlights.
My heart leaped and I weakly turned around and began walking toward the vehicle.
“Help,” I mumbled queasy to my stomach.
My legs sloshed over layers of snow and fresh tears rolled down my eyes, “h-h…help…me.”
Pain kicked up my arm as I lifted it and waved.
The vehicle…which was going at a slow pace seemed to speed up. Within about two minutes I saw a gleam of cherry red.
James! It was his truck!
My lips cracked into a smile until I realized I must have looked like a horrid mess.
I pushed aside the thought quickly and couldn’t believe that even in a dire situation like this I would be concerned with such a feminine thing.
Typical woman, I thought dryly to myself.
The truck stopped a few paces in front of me and James leapt out. His eyes wide. He was wearing a winter beanie, a jacket, jeans and thick wool boots.
“Autumn!” He cried rushing toward me. My body gave in at that moment and I collapsed to the ground. Powdery snow lifted as I crashed into it and for a moment I thought I would go unconscious. My body shivered violently.
“James,” I sighed sheepishly as he leaned over me.
“Your lips are blue!” he exclaimed.
“You’re so beautiful…” I said my voice trailing into a drool.
Did I just say that?
James bent down and secured his arms under me before picking me up igniting, everywhere he touched with pain. A sharp cry escaped my lips.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured warmly, his voice coated with tears.
“I…it’s o-okay.” I told him, “my body hurts all over.”
As gently as he could he placed me in the passenger’s seat before closing the door behind me.
When he got into the driver’s seat and closed the door I whispered weakly, “I-I can’t buckle myself in.”
“I know you can’t. I wouldn’t expect you to.”
He turned down the heater and I wondered why. “You can’t take in too much heat at once. It could put your body in shock.”
His eyebrows wrinkled and I saw he fought tears.
He turned to me and saw how I shook. He seemed so serious, and yet so concerned about something.
“I have to get you out of some of your clothes,” he said calmly…though his eyes were not equally as relaxed.
“My clothes?” my eyebrows rose.
“Yes. They are cold as brick, we need to get…s-some off. Do you understand?”
I nodded slowly.
“Okay…t-thank you.”
He moved closer to me and before long he was right beside me.
“Can you rest your arm here? …uh huh…and the other one here. I’m going to try to do this as gently as I can.”
Unzipping my outer coat, he moved slowly to free my arms from the sleeves.
I cried as he did for the pain was almost unbearable. I saw how it hurt him to do it and to see me in so much torture. “God help me,” he prayed, “help her.” My jaw trembled so much it was sore. Tears trailed down my icy pale cheeks. James moved to take my boots off my feet, then he removed my socks and massaged my stiff toes which were like ice. When I screamed as he helped the blood to start flowing again he withdrew. He looked up at me…a pained expression on his face.
“I have to. I’m so sorry Autumn.” His voice broke.
I sucked my bottom lip and closed my eyes. As he worked I bit my lip and tongue…puncturing my skin and releasing a slim stream of blood.
When James sat up again he saw it trailing down my lip and reached to grab a napkin. Voicelessly he gently patted it against my lip and wiped the trail of blood from my skin.
I inquired about my feet and he said with a sigh of relief, “your feet are going to be fine.”
“They sting like needles.”
“That’s normal. It means your tissues are warming up…and blood is flowing.”
I nodded.
When he was done patting me he took a tube of chopstick from his pocket and applied some to my lips.
He looked down briefly as if embarrassed and then back up at me again.
“Do you have on an undershirt?”
I felt a flood of heat rise to my cheeks and I slowly nodded.
“How about tights?”
“Yes,” I breathed.
“…okay. Can I?”
He didn’t have to explain…I already knew.
I nodded and slightly hesitant at first, he began to raise my sweater dress over my head. He made sure to only keep his eyes on my face the whole time.
Tossing the cold garment aside he asked me if I could unbuckle my pants.
I tried but my hands were stiff and in terrible pain.
Tears pricked my eyes as I tried to loop the button out of the hole.
He saw my pain and put a large warm hand over my pale cold one. “It’s okay. I can…” He silently prayed as he unbuttoned me and then lifted one leg at a time as he pulled the jeans down and then off. It was a slow and tear-jerking process. I was so grateful I had put on tights and an undershirt…otherwise I would have been stripped down to my bra and hole-spotted panties.
When it was done he stripped himself of his outer coat and then his sweater. He gently draped the inside part of his jacket over my legs and then he rested his sweater in front of me…using the head of the seat behind me to tie the arms to. He then carefully buckled me in and handed me a cup of room temperature water. “Drink as much as you can.” He said gently.
He buckled himself in and then promptly started off, “I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“No…work?”
“Forget about work Autumn. I will contact Carol.”
I began to drift to sleep. Pain racked my body and suddenly I felt so heavy with sleep. James pulled out his cell as he drove. I heard him talking to my mom and then David.
The road, and his dashboard blended together and I fought to stay awake.
“Yes, I have her…. she’s dehydrated…cold….in pain…. praise God He helped me find her…. we’re off to the hospital…. yes…yes…see you there.”
I felt the truck speed up. And I began to hear James pray in tongues and English.
“God, please help her. Send your warmth throughout her body…give her body the strength she needs, speak peace and comfort into her soul…”
Finally, everything went black and I drifted to sleep.
I woke up momentarily when a shock of cold blew in the truck. My eyelids lifted and I saw we were at the hospital. James had opened up my door and was unbuckling me. The blistering wind howled outside. James took me in his arms and held me close to his chest like a baby before closing the door with his back.
I shivered and my teeth chattered.
“Hold on my sweet one,” he whispered warmly, and my heart melted at his endearing term for me.
Sweet one. It was the first time he used a pet name for me.
I nestled my head under his chin and closed my eyes.
Suddenly heat kissed my skin and bright lights beckoned me to open my eyes but I felt so weak I kept them closed. We must have entered in the hospital. My guess was soon affirmed as I heard James tell somebody, “please, my friend is suffering from hypothermia.”
“Right this way sir,” a feminine voice replied.
“Thank you,” James said and I felt his pace quicken.
I blacked out again.
Hours later I woke up feeling like I was floating on a cloud below a sunny waterfall of wind. I felt rejuvenated, replenished and peaceful.
My eyes fluttered and above me were concerned familiar faces. My entire family was in the hospital room.
“She’s awake,” Thomas said and I heard movement as everyone gathered around. Someone was holding my hand. I looked around and saw that it was Mama. David was holding my other hand.
“Thank God,” Kendell said relief flooding his voice. His dark chestnut eyes lit up and behind them I saw a gleam of glass…. had he been crying?
“Yes,” I said slowly, “I’m awake.”
“Oh Autumn,” Mama said reaching her hand to cup my cheek, “we were praying for you.”
“Worrying our heads off!” Kendell stated.
“How are you feeling?” David asked as Ginger went to sit beside me, her icy blue eyes fixed on my rosy face.
“…happy,” I said surprising them all.
I saw David’s eyebrows lift in amazement, then they relaxed and a small grin lifted his right cheek, “I’m glad to hear that.”
“What are you so happy about?” Paige asked, her silky light brown hair was tied to the side and dangled gracefully over her delicate shoulder. She was wearing her pretty pearl fur coat, and her lips were stained lavender.
“To be alive…” I said slowly, “I felt like God was talking to me while I was asleep…or rather…holding me.”
“Holding you?” Thomas inquired.
I nodded sheepishly, “uh huh…. some place…beautiful.” My body relaxed and I let out a long quiet sigh.
Paige walked forward and kissed my forehead. I smiled sweetly as her lips met my skin and I moved my arms to hug the nape of her neck. She smelled like a fresh bed of flowers spiced with cinnamon apples. Only when I went to do so did I realize IVs were in both of my hands. I hesitated and then slowly lowered my hands.
“How much longer do I have to wear these things?” I asked a little disgusted. I never liked needles.
“Not any longer,” an unfamiliar voice said. Everyone turned.
“Doctor Flores,” mama said greeting an olive face with ebony black hair and sparkling dark brown eyes.
Doctor Flores greeted me, “good to see you awake Autumn, you gave your family here quiet the scare.”
I nodded and thanked her for helping me.
“My pleasure hun,” she said and checked my vital signs, “perfect…” She then moved to take out the IVs and I closed my eyes tight. To my surprise it didn’t hurt at all. Dr. Flores applied some alcohol to the area and then taped some gauze on.
“How soon can I leave?” I asked.
“Right now, if you’d like…but I think you should eat something right away and we’ve already got a gentleman fetching you some soup.”
“What kind of soup?”
“He said creamy tomato was one of your favorites?”
I nodded.
“Great. Well he should be here soon,” Dr. Flores said before addressing mama, “may I have a word with you ma’am?”
Mama nodded and went off with the woman.
While they were away I asked, “Who went to get me soup?”
“Who do you think?” Paige said with a grin.
“James…” I breathed.
“I’m so happy you’re okay Autumn,” Ginger said and then spread her body next to mine. I giggled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“I’m glad I’m okay too.”
Ginger kissed my neck multiple times and before long everyone dispersed in the room and began to relax.
Paige picked up a book and began to read it out loud to me. David, Kendell and Thomas engaged in hushed conversation, and Ginger lay peacefully by my side fiddling with my hair between her fingers.
Eventually James walked in carrying a bowl of soup in one hand and a beautiful bouquet of wine red roses and a stuffed teddy bear in the other.
My heart leaped at the sight of him and I sat up without knowing.
“James,” I breathed as he neared me. He walked past everyone and leaned over me pressing a kiss on my head. I titled my head up and went to kiss him before stopping myself. My eyes widened when I realized how natural it felt to just reach to kiss him. My hand made its way atop his as he rested his on the bed. I smiled brightly and he withdrew his hand. It all happened so quickly, yet so slowly at the same time.
“It’s good to see you awake and well,” he said gently.
“Thank you so much,” I sang.
He breathed, “thank God.”
David stood to take the roses and put them in a vase. “They are beautiful,” I remarked taking a closer look at them. Delicate petals flowering open in layer after smooth layer of ruby hills. “Not as beautiful as you,” James said and I blushed.
If you’ve enjoyed this sneak peek of, At The Time For Love, you will likely enjoy my book, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul. To find out more about it, click here. To purchase a copy, click here.
“For centuries, the female heart has melted with desire for the lasting pleasure of unchanging love. In the course of time, civilizations have risen and fallen, yet the single longing for tangible intimacy has never faded. Millions of lyrics have been written to the passionate tune of this fluid yearning and more are being written every day. Unfortunately, few people find the lasting love that they longed for as children.
Life, education, and societal pressure transform what was once a tangible hope, into a mythical fairy tale. Industries have reaped unlimited monetary gain from the erosion of this waned hope. Billions of girls grow up into women who have long since tossed their dream of true love in the trash bin of responsibility and cynicism. Countless others, have buried their ache of unmet desire under the disappointment of failed relationships and hopelessness.
Despite most women’s’ best attempts, this starved craving remains alive, like a faint stimulating aroma.
This ethereal hope goes back to the first relationship…in a place of being so “seen” and “lovingly known” that “she” was naked and unashamed.
This novella was not written to add salt to the gaping wound of unsatisfied need. It was written to satisfy the need completely. Let Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul introduce you to a lasting relationship with Transcendent Love where reality becomes sweeter than your dreams.”
I fall to my knees from His radiant light…simultaneously I cry even as my heart explodes with joy; rejoicing resounds in my inner man at the sight of the greatest Lover in all creation.
He causes me to cry and laugh at the same time.
There are only two things that pierce the human soul: beauty and pain.
He is both.
He is the greatest beauty, the most radiant light, the highest joy, and yet those eyes of fluid love like liquid lava burns the one it meets.
In His eyes I see an all-consuming fire; I see a deeper knowledge of myself than I have, I see Heaven, I see grace offered at a great sacrifice.
I see His pain.
I see His joy.
I see His passion.
I see the One who created me from a desire to love every part of me.
I see a redeeming love.
I see His wrists, knowing blood dripped from them like a river.
I see the eyes of eternity loving my ethereal form and my spiritual inner person.
I see a Man who pursued me at the highest cost.
I weep, I sob, I am ruined and saved in His arms.
He tells me He loves me.
He tells me, “Everything I have is yours, and everything you are is Mine.”
I walk on a distant hill in the cool of the morning. The sky glows a deep blue and I realize I am married to the greatest King.
He is no ordinary King. He doesn’t own a nation; He doesn’t own a country; He doesn’t own seas of gold; He doesn’t own a thousand rolling mountains on miles and miles of land…no…
He owns it all.
He owns the oceans.
He owns the world.
He owns every speck of dirt on the ground.
He owns every tree, every seed, every beast, every insect.
He owns justice.
He owns time.
He owns all wisdom.
He owns all riches.
He owns all goodness.
He owns…everything.
I look up and see the stars, glistening above my head, and He tells me, “They are yours.”
I think of them like wedding rings gifted to me.
The galaxies, infinite.
My mind tries to wrap around eternity.
My heart understands His love when my mind doesn’t.
I know because over the years the greatest gift He’s ever given me wasn’t my initial salvation…no, it was loving me day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year faithfully, despite my brokenness, despite my unfaithfulness, despite the times I fussed angrily at Him, despite my weakness, despite my flight, despite my disobedience, despite my incapability to believe His love.
He loved me in my mess, in my dirt, in my blood, in my sin.
He’s seen the worst of me, and He proclaims the best anyway.
He calls me a princess.
He calls me beloved.
He shocks me time and time again when He says, “I commit myself to you. Receive my love.”
I look upon Him, all beautiful, so holy, so pure, so glorious, so powerful, so rich, so loving, and I weep.
His love drives out fear from my veins and floods me with living water.
He loves me so much He puts His Spirit in me.
He puts His very heart in me.
He says, “We are no longer two but one. I am inside of you.”
I cry.
How could He?
He, so pure and holy, put something so precious and eternal in my body?
No human lover, no matter how much passion, no matter how pure or fiery their love for a spouse, mother, father, or friend was, could ever give them their own life on a spiritual level.
It’s so much more than going to die for a person.
It’s permanently putting yourself in another no matter what the cost.
It’s sharing breath, sharing thoughts, and sharing emotion at the deepest conscious and subconscious level.
Only He is powerful enough to do that, only His love is that beautiful.
He tells me “I love you” daily and His whispers of passion erode the wall round my heart like the waves of an ocean against rock.
You love me, and all I want to do is worship You.
“His voice and speech are exceedingly sweet; yes, he is altogether lovely [the whole of him delights and is precious]. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!”
—Song of Solomon 5:16 AMPC
~This worshipful sonnet is taken from my book about Jesus’ bridegroom love, Romantic Rendezvous for The Soul. To purchase a copy click here. Thank you for your support! <3
“As I read, I quickly became enthralled with this book, so beautifully written in the language of love. Each of these short stories so accurately reflects the romantic and wooing heart of the Bridegroom which draws you to Himself into a deeper place of love and intimacy. If you have not yet experienced romantic intimacy with God, I’m confident that this book will set you on course. It’s bound to warm your soul and whet your desire for your own heart-to-heart conversations and experiences with God. The author creatively ministers to the soul, bringing truth to light in the most tangible ways; you will feel that God is speaking directly to you, and He most certainly is! Some stories caused me to be drawn away into remembrance of my own experiences and conversations with God that have freed my soul; others caused me to reevaluate my heart’s commitment to my first Husband and cry out for forgiveness; and yet others simply took me on a delightful and exciting adventure of what the beginning of a holy, unadulterated love looks like – so refreshing to the soul! I commend the author for using her creative gifting to share personal reflections and heart intimacies which I know could only come from the deep well of Father’s heart. I highly recommend this book as a must read!” -Marina Garcia, worshipper.
Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. [2] And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred. [3] And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.
Why did Jesus fast 40 days and nights?
To show Himself to be greater than Moses and to usher in the new covenant of His blood.
Moses fasted 40 days and nights in service to God when he was given the ten commandments as a covenant to Israel.
Exodus 34:27-29,33 KJVS
And the Lord said unto Moses, Write thou these words: for after the tenor of these words I have made a covenant with thee and with Israel. [28] And he was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments. [29] And it came to pass, when Moses came down from mount Sinai with the two tables of testimony in Moses’ hand, when he came down from the mount, that Moses wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him. [33] And till Moses had done speaking with them, he put a vail on his face.
Moses fasted, gave the covenant on stone, and put on the veil. Jesus fasted, gave the covenant through His blood, and the veil was torn.
Why was the first temptation about food?
As Moses fasted he was in the presence of God. Jesus on the other hand fasted and was in the presence of Satan. He was not supernaturally sustained like Moses, and it was to show Himself greater than Moses and to fulfill all righteousness so that He could be the sacrifice for our sins. He had to prove Himself by serving the Father through fasting, even unto death. In the weakest physical state He still overcame all temptation.
The first temptation was to use the power of God to serve His own needs, contrary to fasting and serving the Father before serving Himself. Moses fasted until the work was done. Jesus fasted until the temptation (the work) was done.
In the same way my last post showed fasting is not about you, your flesh, or your needs, I want to change how you think about the question of “how long do I fast?”
If you look at it as serving, then you don’t have to use arbitrary amounts of time. Fast and praise God until you feel a change in the Spirit. This is sometimes called “praying through ” or receiving your breakthrough.
If you’re fasting and serving others, you’re done when the need is met. It doesn’t have to be for a set amount of days or even a full day. It doesn’t have to be every time you serve: In the case of Moses and Jesus, they didn’t fast during every period of service otherwise they wouldn’t have eaten for the rest of their lives.
View it through the lens of relationship and remember that it’s symbolic. Fast until the work is done.
Stephen McClelland is a licensed minister and a church consultant . A graduate of Charis Bible College. He hosted a radio show in California called Encounter, where he retold amazing personal stories of people experiencing Jesus. He has served God as a preacher and pastor, with a strong emphasis on relationship with God and hearing His voice.
