Breath of Life

~A short story written from the perspective of a young Messianic woman when Christians were under persecution in ancient Rome. In keeping with Jewish culture the name of God is not spelled out in this story. This excerpt was taken from my book Visions of Celestial Love.

Roselyn whispered over her lover’s limp body. Perspiration beaded on his forehead and trailed down his neck. His breaths came in broken, sharp gasps. Blood trailed down the side of his lips. His eyes were wide and empty. Shock gripped his conscious. He had received so many strikes to his head.

“Gabriel,” Roselyn wept silently, tears welling in her eyes, “Please…please don’t go.”

His face was ashen and scarred. The souls of his eyes bore into her and shifted over her face. Something of understanding flashed across emerald his green eyes like a shooting star.

“Roselyn…” He struggled gaining some understanding.

“No, no…shh,” she tried to soothe, and cupped his face underneath the night sky. She didn’t want him to use any of his energy to speak. Exposed to the cold of the elements, she prayed and buried her face in his chest.

Speaking in tongues, she beseeched Yahveh in words too deep for her. Finally her Hebraic tongue took control and she uttered words to the One who sat above the circle of the Earth, “לשמור על הנשימה של חיים שלך בו אב. Keep Your breath of life in him, Father. אל תיתן לזה לעבור, לא מאפשר לו לעבור. Don’t let it pass, don’t let it pass.”

Her thick Aramaic accent brought a familiar comfort to Gabriel’s Roman ears. He remembered the first time he’d heard her singing to her G-d, with the rest of the Jews in their sukkah, or tent of meeting. Her voice, he thought, was a pitch higher than the angels and it resounded like the music of bells in the still air, piercing his ears and his soul with delight…and pain. Delight because he had never heard anything so beautiful in his life; pain because her joy was foreign to him. Where she had known peace he had known chaos, where she had known rest he had known inward turmoil, where she had known joy he had known ache, and where she had known truth he was bogged down with unanswered questions.

After hearing her sing, he had gone every Shabbat by the local city Synagogue where they faithfully assembled to listen to her. She sung with such passion, such clarity. Joy beamed on her olive skin. The light that shone from her deeply warm brown eyes burned his heart like a thousand bowls of cinnamon set on fire. She seemed so sure of her G-d despite the enslavement of her peoples and their living conditions. It was her steadfast conviction in the face of persecution that brought him to Adonai. He remembered the initial pleasure he felt when he heard her make melody to the Lord, as she now prayed over him with tears spilling from her eyes and lining her cheeks.

 Her eyes lifted from his frame temporarily as she scanned her surroundings. It was dangerous to be here. She knew it. And she knew should try to drag Gabriel inside a hidden alcove. The riot was still hot in the city. Ruthless men, desperate thieves, and struggling soldiers crowded the street in a moving web of confusion and blood. The wounded laid unpitied where they were struck and their moans and wails buzzed the air like a hive of bees.

Despite the rush of panic she felt within, she stayed and continued to pray, “Oh L-rd hear, Oh L-rd have chesed,” Roselyn breathed, with tears drenching her voice. “Have mercy, mercy, mercy, oh G-d. Heal your servant. Heal Gabriel.”

A shrilly shriek sounded from a street or two down the road. It grew faint and then choky. A gurgling noise came before silence. Roselyn’s pulse quickened…a woman had been murdered.

“Go, Roselyn,” Gabriel rasped, a light in his emerald green eyes. The effect of shock had passed from the stab wound he had received a few moments ago in an attempt to save her from being raped by a band of legionaries, “Save yourself.”

Roselyn shook her head, her tears spilling on the flowing white folds of her gossamer dress. Her dark chestnut eyes sparkled from torchlight, “Never, I will never leave you.”

Gabriel’s eyes saddened from the joy and pain he felt at her confession. A knife gripped his heart at the same time soft comfort came from her steadfast love. Pushing aside his own selfishness for her presence he spoke, “I want you to be safe. I want you to live.”

Roselyn’s lips trembled uncontrollably as she spoke, “As long as I’m with you…I am safe. As long as G-d rules…I live.”

The shimmering of building tears gathered in Gabriel’s eyes. “You always were stubborn,” he smiled weakly.

A small laugh escaped Roselyn’s lips. She rubbed his cheek affectionately as he grasped for life, his breathing still shaky. Becoming serious she whispered, “Forgive me.”

Gabriel’s eyes lifted, “For what?”

“If I hadn’t…,” she began choking on her own tears, “If I had just…”

He silenced her, “I’d rather die Roselyn, than have anyone hurt you.”

He lifted his bronzed hand and trailed the side of her delicate face with a calloused finger, “I’d rather die defending you, than live knowing I didn’t protect you.”

A rush of hobbled boots sounded, trumping against the stone pavement.

“Soldiers,” Roselyn gasped looking up, fear causing her thin body to tremble.

“Hurry,” Gabriel warned gripping her arm, “you don’t have much time.”

“They are your friends. Perhaps you can reason with them.”

“I am a traitor to the crown. I killed my own kind to defend your people. I renounced the gods of the emperor to serve the One true God.”

Roselyn’s eyes were desperate for hope. Gabriel saw that and shook his head, “They will have no pity. I’m as dead to them as your people are.”

The footsteps grew louder and behind them followed wails of terror.

“Hurry! Go! Go!”

“No!” Roselyn cried and gripped the collar of Gabriel’s tunic even as he tried to push her away.

Mustering her strength she rose and then began to pull on his body.

“It’s too late for me, Roselyn!”

Her only response was audible tears as she struggled to move his muscular body with her feeble one. She wished she weren’t so malnourished, at that moment more than ever.

Gabriel saw her fight, knew she wouldn’t quit, and so in penetrating agony he lifted his legs, gaping with the gnashing wounds of knives, and kicked with his heels at the pavement to aid her. The sword that hung on his belt scraped against the stone ground and shone sliver in the moonlight. Roselyn was able to pull him between two small Jewish homes underneath the shadow of connecting roofs just in time to see a young Palestinian thief running from a legionnaire.

He fled like a mouse before a lion. His clothes were ragged and his skin was blackened from the sun and the sweat of forced labor. The legionnaire made sport behind him and after enjoying a quick jest, threw a long framea spear that effortlessly slit him through the back. The young man fell silently with wide eyes and died before he hit the ground.

With a licentious smirk the legionnaire pressed the back of his heel into the dead man’s body and pulled his spear free. He cleared his throat and spit on the man he had just killed. “Palestinian dog,” he cursed and then checked to see if his spear incurred any damage.

Roselyn covered her mouth to keep from screaming. Fresh tears pricked at her eyes as she saw a man so coldly murdered before her. Gabriel firmly took hold of her arms and squeezed when she began to shake. “Shh, shh, shh,” he breathed lightly.

Shortly after his kill a group of soldiers followed behind him.

One whistled, “Clean cut, Sebastian.”

“Not exactly,” Sebastian said, his ice-blue eyes piercing. His pale face was marked by hardness and his legs and arms favored polished marble etched with sapphire blue veins. He wore a bronzed uniform gilded with gold that glimmered from torch and moonlight. His ash-brown hair was freshly cut and not a single hair seemed to be out of place.

“The pig’s blood is on my spear,” Sebastian stated, and without warning flung the spear at one of the men. It was caught effortlessly. A man with dark hair and eyes cleaned it off using the robe of a dead man lying beside him.

“Not anymore,” the dark haired man said and handed it back to Sebastian.

“So it seems,” Sebastian said with a satisfied smile.

“How’s the south quarter going, my lord?” another man asked. He had long blonde hair that was braided in the back and tied with black bands.

Sebastian laughed, “Fun.”

“Honestly, how long does it take to kill one revolt?” one grumbled.

“Tsk, tsk, Annalias. Have a little jest while we’re out making rounds, huh? By the time the night’s over we will have struck such terror in the Jewish and lower class scum that it will be talked about for generations. We shall not see another man so bold as to stir up a crowd in these parts again. Not after this blood bath anyhow,” Sebastian said confidently. He spread his arms out to comfort his friend and emphasize his words, “Listen lad! What do you hear?”

Shrieks, screams and groans filled the air like the whipping of a flag in a strong wind.

“Music,” his friend answered with a wicked smile, as if he were feeding off the fear in the air.

“Terror! The best kind of music. Let death rein in the hearts of these scums. Let it replace courage and hope. Long live the emperor!”

With a roar the crowd of legionaries shouted, “Long live the emperor! Long live the crown!”

Sebastian laughed, “Pax Romana!!!”

Roselyn trembled as the crowd of ruthless legionaries disappeared. They were like wolves hunting little lambs—out-powering and outnumbering the people of G-d.

The minute they disappeared Roselyn ran toward the slain Palestinian man. Gabriel tried to stay her but reached for her too late. Her gown glowed white in the moonlight and flowed like currents as she moved. Her long ebony hair swayed behind her like black silk echoing moonlight.

Kneeling, Roselyn turned the body around and recoiled when she saw his face. It was Periah—the young teen who had often come to the sukkah on Saturday to jeer at her and her kin as they worshiped. She had long prayed for him to be saved.

Gabriel called her back but she refused. Shaking her head at her concerned lover she turned her attention back to the boy. He could have not been past sixteen. A deep mourning filled her gut for him and a wail pressed at the back of her throat to escape. He died without hope. His was the death most to be pitied. Muffled sobs escaped her lips as she gazed down at him—her dark curly hair surrounded his face like a flow of silken waters from a waterfall. Where was his life now?

“Roselyn, come back!” Gabriel called as quietly and as urgently as he could. When she didn’t move he spoke the words he wished weren’t true, “He’s dead.”

Roselyn’s tears blurred and then finally blinded her vision for a moment. All she could see was Yahveh’s heart for this young lost man. She saw him scraping in trash bins for food and scaring off rats from soiled lunches. She saw him scratching sores from his peeling skin and she saw him falling asleep every night without hope. She remembered how she had pitied him from the moment she saw his emaciated frame and soulless eyes. A strong and penetrating sadness had gripped her soul for him, and she knew it was not from herself, G-d had given her His compassions for him.

For months she had reached out in love to him, shared what little food she had, quoted scripture to him, and prayed relentlessly for him. And now here he was, on blood-stained sand and dead, without the eternal hope of HaMashiach she had prayed he would receive.

What were all her efforts for? He had died without the light of Yeshua in his heart. At that moment her sorrow became unbearable, overpowering her in fierce anguish. A dark and fleeting thought spoke to her as a door of weakness was open in her soul. It seethed, “Where are the miracles your fathers of old speak of? This God of yours is a fable.”

The second the thought came Roselyn recognized it as the deceiver’s voice, and she knew right then that she wasn’t fighting against flesh and blood. Her eyes widened and something holy within her quickened. Suddenly fear evaporated from her. There was a spiritual war going on for the souls of men; for the soul she held in her hands now.

“Get behind me HaSatan. You are a liar and the truth is not in you.”

At her rebuke she felt the dark force leave. It had been hovering over the young Palestinian man. A fire erupted in Roselyn’s soul. The enemy would not have him! He would not win!

Wounded and bleeding, Gabriel limped over to where Roselyn was. His hand clenched his lower abdomen where he had been stabbed.

“Roselyn,” he whispered softly, seeing the trails of tears on her neck and cheeks.

“Pray with me,” Roselyn beseeched quietly.

“He’s dead,” Gabriel said sadly.

“Do we not serve the Giver of life?” Roselyn questioned, glancing at Gabriel. He saw a new light in her eyes that exceeded any he had seen before. “He is not the G-d of the dead but the G-d of the living. He is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. If He can bring a dead man back to life in the past He can do it now. If He parted the Red Sea for Mosheh and my people in the time of Pharaoh then He can part this sea of blood that stains the ground we walk on. If He could be a pillar of light to His promised children then, He can bring light in fainting hearts now,” her voice became clear like a bell carrying the sound of Heaven across the four winds, “If He can bring Messiah into the world and save those dead in sin then He can save Periah.”

Against humanistic logic, Gabriel laid a hand on the boy’s stiff leg to pray but kept his eyes on his surroundings, “I will intercede with you,” he said relenting.

Roselyn closed her eyes and began praying to G-d, “אני מתחנן רוח החיים חזרה אל אב גופו. ייתכן שהנשימה שנתת לו ביצירה שלו תחזור אליו שוב. ייתכן שהוא לא יאבד אבל בוא שמים לשמוח בישועתו. אתה עלול להיות מהולל. I beg for Your breath of life to be put back into him, Father. The breath You breathed at his creation, I pray it would return. I pray that he would not be lost, but that Heaven would rejoice at His salvation and may You be glorified!”

Roselyn’s speech translated into a clear and pure tongue. Suddenly she felt it wasn’t she who was praying but the very Ruach of G-d. A language unknown to her gushed forth from her gut in endless waves. It felt like translucent aromatic waters were rushing from within her soul into the body of Periah. Her fingertips trembled as she felt a warm Presence go from them into the cold body of Periah.

She didn’t know what the words swimming from her lips meant, but she sensed in her spirit a calling back was happening. An ancient cry was going out and breaking through spiritually dark airwaves. A battle was being fought that she couldn’t see. A life was at stake.

“Bring him back G-d of chesed!” she called.

Then suddenly going after the dark force that had held Periah in spiritual blindness, Roselyn demanded under the influence and power of the Ruach HaKodesh, “I require the soul of Periah back! You cannot have him! I plead the blood of Yeshua. Be bound by the blood. You have no authority or legal right to Periah.”

A great darkness broke and Gabriel saw a light more pure and white than the stars flash across his eyes. Roselyn’s chestnut eyes rose heavenward and she began to sing glory to G-d, her song of worship climaxing over the high-pitched shrieks that penetrated the city.

Her hands began to burn as if she had placed them on hot coals, and for a moment she imagined she saw through the eyes of Yeshua. She imagined she wasn’t on earth, but seated with Him in heavenly places. Roselyn and Gabriel were so caught up in the electric manifestation of God’s power that they didn’t notice the silhouette of a man approaching them. Roselyn’s song lifted to Heaven as she poured forth thanksgiving to God.

Just then a menacing voice hissed behind her, “What are you doing?” A dark arm rose above her and was poised to strike. “Jewish SCUMM!!!”

Gabriel drew his sword from his belt and lifted it above Roselyn’s head, meeting the blow of the legionnaire midair. The clash of metal against metal sent sparks flying off. The physical force of the legionnaire’s blow sent stinging ripples of pain through Gabriel’s arms. His fresh wounds gaped open even more and a searing vibration throbbed through his body. Gabriel flinched back as the legionnaire moved to kick him. Gritting his teeth and ignoring his pain he caught the man’s foot midair, twisted it sharply and pulled.

“Roselyn run!” Gabriel yelled, using up what little energy he had left.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to kill this man, but only stall him long enough for Roselyn to escape. A sharp angry cry split the air as the legionnaire landed on his foot and jerked it free. With the same foot he kicked Gabriel in the mouth sending him flying backward. Blood streamed from his already cracked lips. Roselyn screamed as he landed on the pavement with a heavy thud.

“Traitor,” the legionnaire spat with a deadly malice as he approached him. He drew a short knife from his sheath. Gabriel coughed violently as a flow of blood rose from his throat. His emerald eyes met Annalias’s hard face. “I’ll maim you and send your head to the emperor!”

Rushing to her feet, Roselyn fell atop Gabriel, shielding him with her own body. She closed her eyes and prepared for the worst. Instead of a knife piercing through her skin she felt a large clammy hand snatch her from Gabriel with a dark force she didn’t know was possible. A soft gasp of pain escaped her lips. The man looked down at her in utter disdain. Hatred burned in his deep blue eyes.

“Where is your God now, Jewish whore?”

His face wrinkled when she didn’t react. It angered him that she didn’t shake with fear. Everyone he had killed that night shook with fear before he killed them. Enraged he yanked her up by the collar of her dress.

“Answer me when I talk to you pig! Where is He?”

His eyes burned with a fury beyond human inspiration. Roselyn merely stared back at him with tearful eyes. He saw sadness in them, pity in them, pain in them…but no fear. His fingers climbed around her neck like the legs of a spider and he lifted her off the ground until her feet dangled. He closed the canal of her throat and she choked for air.

“You think your people are chosen? You think your God is stronger than the gods of Rome? We rule death. Tell me what is stronger than that?”

He flung her back and she fell to the ground. Gabriel lifted a hand above Roselyn. Gnashing his teeth, he raised his torso despite the strength he felt leaving him. Energy seeped from the pores of his skin and he had never known a deeper weakness in his life. Still he determined to defend her with his last breath.

The legionnaire laughed callously at Gabriel’s attempt to protect the little Jewess. He grabbed the front of his sword and used the back to whack Gabriel in the face. Blood gushed forth from Gabriel’s lips and a piercing sound filled his ears as his head swooned. He was dying.

The world began to spin round and round and nauseous dizziness threatened to leave him unconscious. He felt his body begin to blacken out in shock but fought against it. Please God, he begged, not like this. Give me strength to save her!

Something sinister shifted in the legionnaire’s eyes. “Why kill you right away when I can make you suffer?” he grimaced. His evil eyes blazed and focused on Roselyn.

Roselyn sat up and looked upon the man who held a long sword toward her neck.

“Any last words, Jewess?” he smirked.

Roselyn blinked back the pools of tears that gathered behind her eyes and spoke quietly. She uttered the dearest name to her heart. She uttered the only name she knew could save her.

Yeshua,” she said softly.

“What?!” the soldier railed, not hearing her.

“The One you call Jesus or Joshua. He is stronger than your gods of death.”

“Swine!” the legionnaire yelled, as if the very name of Messiah burned his ears. He struck Roselyn across the face with his hand and her face twisted so fiercely that he thought her neck would break. She grabbed at her bruised cheek sharply and quick gasps escaped her lips before she recovered her breath.

Though her voice was strained she spoke, “H-He gives life. Life is more powerful than death. Light will always be more powerful than darkness. Light has shone in the darkness and the darkness does not overcome it.”

Her hair hid her face until she turned toward him. An angry red handprint marked the side of her face where he had struck, yet warmth glowed in her eyes.

“He can make you alive again,” she said reaching toward the legionnaire’s heart. There was such peace and love in her words that he flinched back from her hand.

She didn’t curse him like so many did before he went to kill them, she didn’t beg for mercy like others did either, or cower with fear…his personal favorite. She was reaching out to him in love, offering him the best life her faith made her believe she could give. He stared at her in wonder until an outside shadow was cast over his face again.

Annalias sneered in a mocking tone, “The same way He brought back your little Palestinian friend over there?”

When silence met his ears he laughed heartily, “I heard you praying for your God to bring him back.”

Annalias wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes, “Honestly, I’ve never seen anything so pitiful or entertaining in my life. If your God is life, as you say, then let the dead man speak.”

Roselyn simply looked up at him with pleading eyes. A faint voice was heard from a distance away.

“Yes.”

Both Roselyn and the legionnaire turned toward the sound. A bony black hand lifted against the torch-lit sky. Slowly Periah stood up, amazement in his eyes.

Dread filled the legionnaire and he looked as if he had seen a ghost.

“You were dead! Sebastian ran you through!” he breathed, taking shaky steps backward.

“I was,” Periah admitted, knowing he could very well be run through again, “and he did…but Someone touched my body.”

Periah began to shake as he unconsciously patted himself to make sure he was really living.

“I’ve seen death…and I’ve seen Life.” Periah too, was amazed that he was alive again.

Gabriel laid on the ground unable to move. He couldn’t see, but his ears picked up the distinctive pitch in Periah’s voice. A sound he had grown accustomed to over the months he had spent with Roselyn. Could it be?! In his gut he knew Periah was alive again. Thank you God. Joy and peace swelled within his soul even as his eyes rolled back and he fell into a state of temporary unconsciousness.

 Despite her own shock at seeing a dead man raised to life again Roselyn closed her eyes and spoke the words that resounded in her, words that burned in her like fire and began to overwhelm her. God was making His plea to Annalias.

“Please Annalias,” she cried, unable to control herself, “He loves you. Jesus loves you. He wants to make you whole again. He wants to give you life. He wants to take away from you the thing that has followed you and fed off your inner pain and the fears of others.”

Annalias turned to her as if she too were a phantom. His sword dropped from his hand.

Just then Roselyn’s tender maple eyes opened. A holy light of love filled them and she spoke what she heard, “He wants to give you the breath of life.”

Annalias saw a divine Presence within her, a Presence more powerful than the deadly presence that was familiar to him. He saw Life that was stronger than death stand before him and in fear he took off running. His hobbled footsteps were heard against the pavement.

“He loves you,” she whispered to his back, seeing his fate was worse than any he had killed or any Rome had tortured, “D-don’t flee.”

She was heartbroken as his figure disappeared. At that moment she knew what it meant to love your enemies and to pray for those who persecute you. All she wanted for him was salvation, for the love of God to ravish his heart and break off the spiritual darkness that used and abused him like pawn.

~This excerpt was taken from the chapter on Temptation & Spiritual Warfare: An allegory on loving your enemies and victory in Jesus.

Proposal in Blankets of Snow

~A short snippet following the romance of Noble and Trisha.

“Trish I’m not going to play games with you. Call me unromantic if you will.”

She stood still, stunned into silence.

Her deep brown eyes widened into ovals.

“I’ve called you father, I’ve asked his blessing. I’ve prayed about this to God, and felt His peace about it. You’re the one that I want.”

She glanced away and I cupped her face with my hand, gently turning her back to me.

“The only one,” I continued, “and you want me too,” I said with more confidence than I felt.

I shoved my doubts down and inwardly rebuked them.

I had prayed for a sign and God had given me the dream.

She wanted me.

She loved me.

And she had cried over me.

I had to believe that dream was from God.

I had made a choice to take God at His word and I wasn’t going to back down now…especially being in such hot water.

I was throwing my heart on the line here.

“I love you,” I rasped, looking clearly in her eyes.

My gaze flickered over to her lips before lifting again.

“Noble,” she breathed and moved to inch back.

“No,” I protested and gripped her shoulders.

She wouldn’t evade the subject again.

She would listen.

And she would give me a yes or no answer.

I don’t know what was keeping her away from me.

What was this inner mindset that she had that played in her head like a riddle?

Why did she insist on seeing herself as a single woman forever?

Was this born out of pride or poor self-evaluation?

My hands gentled on her shoulders as I felt her body relax.

“Say it,” I said moving my face near hers.

Her eyes became pools of tears.

“Say it,” I repeated pressing my forehead against hers.

I felt her stiffen and then tremble.

Her bottom lip quivered in the frosty air before she let out a choked, “I love you,”

It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

Tears streamed down her eyes and made trails on her cheeks.

“I love you too,” I said happily and backed away just enough so I could cup her face with both of my hands.

“Now finish it beloved,” my voice richened with emotion.

“Yes. I’ll marry you,” the words came out like tears and at the sight of her open mouth I bent my neck to take in her lips.

I felt her mouth before I touched it.

It was like an electric pull—and then softness—moist delicious softness.

My heart ached the more I kissed her.

Our breaths mingled in the air and were visible as their heat melted the cold around them before frosting.

Her hands slid up my arms and then around my neck.

I forced myself to pull away before passion could even have the chance of taking over.

In her eyes I saw a new sparkle.

Her brown nose was rosy from crying.

She sniffled and then smiled the brightest smile I had ever seen her give.

I smiled in admiration as something like adoration swelled within my chest.

Bending down I kissed her forehead like I would a little girls’ and tugged her winter cap on more securely.

“There,” I said with a world of meaning behind that one word.

There it was done.

There she was mine.

There, fear had been dispelled.

There God had proven Himself faithful.

There, God had proven Himself generous in yet another way.

There, her cap was fixed.

There all doubts had been broken.

There, we’d spend the rest of our lives together.

There…

~To read my book on divine love check out my book, Romantic Rendezvous for the Soul, click here 🙂

Like a Weaned Child

This was a season of great nurturing.

I found myself hopelessly awake after my husband left our cottage around 4am for work. He would be gone until about 5pm. I shut my eyes tightly at the thought of surviving another lonely day of new motherhood. I shuffled under the covers before resting on my back. Eden-Rain lay peacefully in a warm pool of sheets. Her small hand was curled up in a loose fist next to her cupid arrow lips. She was like a rainbow of light in my world.

Slowly the blessed weight of being a new mother had sunk in my heart like an aromatic tub—washing me with wonder and exhaustion. I felt no difference hardly between day and night. Every day was like a blurred experience of something grand with someone so small. And in my subconscious, I was unsettled by my lack of awareness with time. Taking care of Eden had become my greatest reality. She consumed my thoughts, my mind, my heart… and I was jovial to give myself away to her, even in the hardest of moments when I felt drained of all energy.  

My husband and I were living in my dream cottage—a bed and breakfast Elizabethan home, pressed between two majestic mountains beside a flowing soothing stream. We were in the high mountains of Divide Colorado, thousands of feet above sea level. Some of my favorite features in our cottage was the gold fireplace, the French doors with lacy white fabric and the large sauna bathtub with jets. I was living in the reality of God’s favor and goodness. Yet, I felt secluded. I was lonely and starving for the company of Christian brothers and sisters and close family members. Most days I was only able to speak to my husband for an hour or so before he fell asleep to rest before another 14-hour day. I had no one besides Bambi (the wood dwelling deer) to share the most precious and tender times of my life with. In my chest, I felt the tightness of apprehension building up with the thought of surviving another day’s worth of busy motherhood: feedings, diaper changes, and soothing a sometimes-fussy baby. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with Eden, rather it was the gnawing question of wondering if I had enough to give her that unnerved me. I dreaded the fatigue. I dreaded my own weakness and even the quiet solitude I had once ardently craved. In the undercurrent of my emotions I felt my heavenly Father invite me to let my cares go.

So, I started to talk to Jesus.  I imagined myself sipping a hot chocolatey drink with Him by the kitchen table. The blinds would be drawn up so we could both sit under the winter sky streaked with thousands of silver stars. The glimmer of white gold. The moon’s light illuminated the snow patched mountains. And through the earth I could see a part of my heavenly Father’s nature…He is glorious, He is good.  

As I sipped at my drink and sat mute beside Jesus, I realized I was like Eden-Rain to God. In my heart, I heard Him say, “you are my daughter. I will perfect that which concerns you. My joy is your strength.”

I exhaled slowly and was reminded that I will always be a child. Even in adulthood. To God, I am a daughter.

I giggled as I realized, this was a season of being nurtured.

To God, you are as precious and invaluable as a baby. He never wants you to worry. In the same way a loving parent, takes great measures to provide and nurture their child…so God does with you. He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully] -1 Peter 5:7 AMP. He gladly gives Himself away moment by moment in wave after wave of the deepest love. You are His suckling child and your need pulls on all His heart, all His mind, all His strength and all His soul. And unlike a human parent, God is never tired. Your need doesn’t drain Him. I pray you find yourself as carefree with God as Eden is with me…knowing that you are fully taken care of in the cottage of faith <3 xoxo

Grace House

~A short allegoric story charting my journey back to grace. Like Jesus told parables to make heaven’s kingdom more relatable to his culture, I like to use short “fictional” stories to roadmap inner realities of my relationship with Jesus. I pray the Holy Spirit uses this story to minister healing grace to a deep place in your soul. Taken from my book Visions of Celestial Love


Shianne was having a hard time falling asleep. Gentle snow sprinkled down outside like the dust of white gold. She shivered underneath her fuzzy blue covers not from lack of physical warmth, but because of the cold memories that enveloped her dreams…her thoughts, her every moment.

She listened to the symphony of snores that came from the other children. All lay peacefully in pools of silky sheets and puffy quilts. She cuddled her knees and her subconscious pushed through, revisiting scenes of the abuses she’d suffered.

Suddenly she wasn’t in the safety of Jesus’s home; she was in the sweat shop scrabbling to mix mud together for bricks. Her tormenting taskmasters wore the guise of foster parents. There was the mistress, the headmistress and her fake father. Each exemplified cruelty in their own unique way. The head mistress was never pleased with what she did. She’d yell at her, look disdainfully upon her and reminded her that she wasn’t good enough. She acted as condemnation.

Her fake father would approve of her, but only when she served him without fault. He loved her performance, not her heart—and that perhaps was the most damaging. He acted as law without mercy.

The other mistress would execute judgment on her whenever the head mistress and her fake father were displeased. She acted as the tormentor.

Shianne could remember cold beatings in the night of winter. She remembered the small rations of food they gave her. She remembered the bruises she bore, still unhealed. Her life was a cycle of hopeless misery and endless work until a kind Man with deeply warm eyes came upon her and paid for her. He’d caught sight of her on the street, knee deep in snow and shivering. He’d brought her a warm bowl of soup and warm water.

“Here,” He said softly, His breath was the tenderness of a thousand hearths. He placed the bowl in her hands and untied His long scarf before draping it over her shivering shoulders. “Would you like to come home with Me, My child?”

Slipping into a state of unconsciousness, Shianne nodded her head before the gentle Man cupped her in His arms and tugged His arms around her. Her head lay peacefully on His shoulder and He whispered, “I’ll take care of you from now on. You’re Mine now. You’re home.”

When she awoke, Shianne was in a big four-story house filled with kids. They were all taken off the streets. Was this an orphanage?

Jesus greeted her and kissed her on the forehead. “Good morning, princess. Welcome to the House of Grace. This is your home from now on.”

Grace? She wondered. Every day the kids played freely in grace, they took piano lessons by the grand fireplace, read books in the library hall, went to class, were fed delicious meals, and had their cuddles with Jesus in the morning and before bed. Angels would attend the children; they worked for Jesus. Everything in the grace house was perfect. It seemed too good to be true.

One night when Shianne was trembling in bed from another nightmare, Jesus scooted behind her in bed and wrapped His arms around her chest. In the safety of His arms Shianne began to cry audibly. He formed His body around her little one and the warmth from His heart entered into her soul.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” He kept repeating.

Whenever she was behaved badly at the school, had troubles, didn’t understand a question, or had an issue, Jesus always said the same thing, “I love you…I love you…I love you.”

She wondered at Him all the time. He was always so gracious, so kind, so sweet, so loving, so beautiful. He never gave her what she deserved. Everything was a gift.

And the house she lived in—this Grace House—seemed to accommodate everything she desired. It was almost as if the house was alive. The carpet was softer than fur, the walls were perfectly painted, and sometimes, when Shianne squinted, it almost looked like it was made out of moving lights, so still yet so fast that it appeared solid. Jesus told her that the Holy Spirit was the life force of the house. He was in the air, the walls, the floor—everywhere.

The food was perfect, and her body that had once been limp and sickly was now full and warm. Her apple cheeks flushed with color and her hair, once thin, was now as thick as straw. She hardly recognized herself.

Outside the drifting snow had stilled, leaving the city glowing with a blanket of snow. Shianne’s eyes blinked as she tried to organize her thoughts. Finally she slipped out of bed. The carpet glowed blue wherever she stepped. It was like star dust, a perfect opal.

Not wanting to wake up the other kids, who slept peacefully, she softly rebuked, “No, not now!” The carpet instinctively stopped. “Thank you,” she whispered and felt the soft furs of the carpet tickle her bare feet as a way of saying “you’re welcome.”

Whereas once she would have been afraid, Shianne smiled and headed out the door. Nimbly closing the door behind her Shianne, wandered the halls. Everything in the house was still, yet living. It was almost surreal. Each room held a different fragrance of love for her young heart.

She could always tell when she was getting closer to Jesus. Her heart would begin glowing with warmth and then burning like she was in a hot spring of the soul. The scents of love in the house would increase…the walls would light up in polychromatic show and angelic voices would sing in jubilant and melodious tune, like an invisible choir. As if…all creation sang whenever He was around. A tangible peace would coat her like a mist; it was a feeling sweeter than honey.



Her heart wanted Jesus as she thought about Him, and she breathed into the air, “I want You.” “I want You more.” Shianne gasped and stopped. She felt her chest, patted different areas. It was almost like an audible voice spoke from her heart. It wasn’t her voice, but the voice that was gentler than a thousand hearths. “Jesus?” She wondered out loud. “I’m always with you loved one. Yet I wait for you to come to Me.” Still a little bit stunned Shianne voiced,“I want to see You tonight.” “I’m waiting in the library.” The voice sounded happy, pleased that she was opening up her heart, learning to trust in His love.

Quickening her step Shianne headed to the library, but as she got closer she slowed down. Old memories of her days of living in the House of Law tried to surface, fear knocked to be welcomed in again. It tried to separate her from trusting Jesus, from drawing near to Him in a heart relaxed with love.

It growled and sneered, “He’s just like me…just like the law without the spirit of mercy. Do you really think you can trust Him? That He’s safe? That He’ll protect you…love you unconditionally? He’s disappointed in you. You have to work to please Him. Go back.”

Just when her heart began to give into panic, the scent of pumpkin bread spiced with nutmeg almost overwhelmed her. The walls began to glow a translucent desert pink, honey-bee yellow, sparkling lavender, and emerald green. The songs of angels filled the halls like the wafts of air licked with the wine of an endless floral field. She felt warm gentle waters inside her chest. Her eyes lit up as she saw the door to the library. A joy unspeakable welled inside her soul as she thought about seeing Jesus. Her steps quickened again.

Shianne arrived at the door and peeked inside. The fireplace was burning inside; gentle crackling and popping noises sounded. The pearl carpet glowed with hues of yellow from the flames. Wooden book shelves tall as the ceiling were filled with books. Little desks circled a big desk, where the Teacher taught. Paintings lined the walls, pictures of heaven made with vibrant oil paint. Teddy bears, along with other stuffed animals, decorated the circle carpet. Palm branches stood on the sides of the hearth and vines climbed the walls with pink flowers. Shianne’s heart began to burn when she saw Jesus. He was sitting and reading a book. He looked so peaceful, so restful. He was the very image of love to her.

He leaned His head on an arm and had one leg folded over the other in a chair. His elbow rested on his leg. He wore a white-collar shirt with a maple brown sweater vest. He also had black dress pants. His shoes were kicked off but He kept His socks on. He was nothing grand to look at…but there was a river, a presence on the inside of Him that flowed out, encompassing Him in beauty that was alive. He was Man, but also Spirit. The Spirit inside of Him, His true self, flowed through the pores of the skin He wore in unstoppable kindness, compassion, love, mercy, healing and wisdom. Jesus seemed to sense her and smiled with His eyes as He looked up.

He put down the book on the floor by His chair. His eyes were like cinnamon gleaming with flecks of amber. The firelight illuminated His frame. Love poured from His frame.

“Hello, my little love,” He said, all the joy of heaven flowing from His lips and visage.

He smiled brightly and opened up His arms. Shianne found herself running into those arms and being swept up into His lap. He ducked His head down and nuzzled her shoulder with His chin. Cheek brushed against cheek and Shianne felt the Holy Spirit in wave after wave of peace and tender love wash over her.

The air became colorful and the sound of music from angelic voices erupted.

“They’re singing over You,” Shianne said.

“No, my little darling, I’m singing over you,” Jesus whispered.

Shianne’s eyes widened. Jesus explained still holding her close, “This is My love song to you. You make My heart sing. I made creation and you are made in my image. I love you, and creation responds to My love for you. Our bond makes the earth and heavens sing.”

The words sunk in the bedrock of Shianne’s heart. She felt them go deep into the soil of her being. Seeds of life that Jesus’s love would nurture. He held unto her for a long time, and kissed her forehead a few times.

“You’re a good little girl,” He said before leaning back. His arms relaxed their hold on her, without letting go. His hands were tied and laid on her legs.

“You’re perfect and holy in My eyes. You are a reflection of all My affections; nothing can separate you from My love.”

Shianne’s young eyes welled with tears at His tender words. She wanted to believe Him…but she couldn’t reconcile the voices of law she sometimes heard and His abundant healing grace. She bit and chewed on her bottom lip, licking it a few times. Jesus felt her small body begin to squirm in His arms, He assured her by gently rubbing her back. After twittling with her fingers for a few seconds Shianne mustered up her strength, “But what about the voices?”

Jesus leaned in closely until her back pressed into His chest. He spoke softly, “Those are nightmares beloved, dreams, shadows, only memories. They aren’t real. I have defeated them outwardly. Now only the echoes of their memory remain in your head. Let My loving truth drown them out.”

“They feel real,” she murmured tears welling up.

“He will never hurt you or have you again as long as you remain in this Grace House. The only real reason why it feels real is because he’s affected your emotions. But it’s not real. The longer you stay here the more your mind will be refreshed by the knowledge of My grace and truth. As this happens your emotions will continually be healed until the river of life that’s in you floods you and touches the world around you. Once you’ve grown fully in grace, you’ll be an adult. It is good for the heart to be established by grace.”

Shianne relaxed in Jesus’s arms and smiled, “All I have to do is stay here?”

He nodded with an equally tender smiled, “Yes, and continue to eat and drink of My goodness and loving-kindness. That’s all you have to do. Enjoy Me, enjoy your brothers and sisters. Be filled with love and love will fill your character. Your soul will be transformed by My grace and truth. Shianne, everything is provided for you here. In Me, in My grace you have everything. Stay here and abide in Me and you will not only be free physically, but you will experience my salvation in your soul and walk in the fullness of the freedom that I have already given you. My Shianne, I love you more than you understand right now and I will never stop loving you, dear one.”

Feeling the assurance of His love Shianne leaned her lips into His cheek and gave Jesus a short kiss. Jesus’s eyes welled with tears of happiness and He cupped her face and kissed her on the forehead. As she studied His face Shianne realized that her one little kiss filled Him with such joy; she could see the gleam of it in His eyes. His love was so pure and gentle and true and protective. She’d never known what it was like to have a Big Brother, but He was the perfect One.

“Now, little lass, are you ready for bed again?” Jesus asked her.

She nodded her head and wrapped her arms around His neck as He rose. He began to walk down the hall and Shianne could still hear the angels’ music. She couldn’t see them, but their whimsical lullaby spoke to her of love everlasting and grace never ending. Jesus’s arms spoke to her of safety and trust. Soon her open eyes began to flutter, until she closed them and began to drift to sleep. She felt Jesus place her in bed and then tuck her in.

He put His hands on her chest and prayed, “Father, thank You that You have given me this little one. And what You give me will never be lost. I pray for her heart. That it would continue to grow in grace and be enlightened by Your love for her and who she truly is—a princess destined to be a queen, the one that You love, the apple of Your eye and Your precious creation. I speak peace to her.”

For a moment Shianne felt like she was floating on a cloud somewhere where the sun never set, in a land where the streets shone like gold. She glimpsed Heaven and felt the pleasure of her heavenly Father for her. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before.


“Come, all you are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me and eat wha tis good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” – Isaiah 55:1-2 NIV

Are you ready to taste of the sweet delicacies of God in a deeply reviving and personal way? For those who want to drink, for those who want to eat and be refreshed and renewed, Visions of Celestial Love is a feast between you and the King of Heaven, who loves you more than anyone else. He invites you to dine on wholesome, good, savory food and delicious, zesty, fruitful drink. He awaits you with a sparkle in His eye. He is ready for your company. He delights to have you as a guest.

“Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” – Song of Songs 5:1 NIV

“Ashley presents us with a true cornucopia of modern psalms, personal testimonies, and short stories. She has set out to reveal and unravel some of the most complex heart issues mankind faces in our quest of understanding what true intimacy with God really looks like. Prepare to have your soul massaged and worked on as you read Visions of Celestial Love.” — Jeremy Minard, Servant King Apparel

~To purchase a copy of my book, click here. May you be greatly blessed and encouraged!

Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace and not by foods of no value to those devoted to them. -Hebrews 13:9 BSB